Puns. Don't say you haven't been warned
Puns. Don't say you haven't been warned
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19 When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure? The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Anyone got some good ones?
what's a pun...?
"Pun" (noun) - formally defined by Merriam-Webster:
M-W goes on to explain its origin:
And then provides a more common, easily understandable meaning:
I think the examples in the article indicate that quite clearly.
I don't usually care for puns but sometimes a really clever one tickles my funny bone
A bunch of crows sitting on a wire.
One looked at another and said, it's murder up here.
Maybe I'm dense, but I don't get it.
A group of crows are called a murder.
LOL. I didn't know.
I have always thought it was an odd term when birds are usually referred to as flocks.
you don't have to keep crowing about it.
Maybe crows are criminal birds, and should be jailbirds.
I can't construct one at this moment, but I can share a famous one from "Alice in Wonderland":
“‘Mine is a long and a sad tale! said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. ‘It is a long tail, certainly,’ said Alice, looking down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; ‘but why do you call it sad?’”
Old parochial school joke:
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
One more:
I once farted on an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels
i once commented on an article.
It was wrong on so many levels, as my mausseus of words
rubbed about all the wrong weigh, as they could knot tie a not ambiguous mean meaning two my meandering Ms. you'se of N E & all, forwards comprised of letters muddied, but watered down
sediment of watt i said I meant, off X leeds to lead collars on stray dawgs to unhappy beginnings of the endings when straying inn,
Chinese rest ore wants Inn the parlors of words massaged,
wear a Happy Ending was Warned buy all
that could/wood
on that they wood/could
Face it, i'm
Wong, awn in/sew many stitched together words,
it's like the weigh, we abandoned the Kurds,
butt, my $hit naught meant to Bee a stinging kill
Buzz, ore ,
oddly enough, a Buzz kill
me , cause you can tell me, F U want,
asz, i am,
and tell me,
cuz, not related too any taunt, just my being an
Un Wonton need, on a Buzz of the Orient Seed
.
If it takes a toll or oh fence me off and delete, asz Inn every either way,
know defence fore giving me an E Z passed out root for barking up the wrong treason,
asz that's not what it was meant to be about,
just working on playing
with fumbled words, but if not all having a ball, bearing on wons perspective eye see i might have lost
sew tear it up, if found too be not worth the cost.
Just want to Sparty on, and never be a Buzz kill,
but wear there is way, i usually Will (it fits )
PS {everybody punny, now i'm not punny too}
Okay, okay, YOU'RE the PUN KING!!!
i don't get it,,,
Oh, come on, your comment is full of puns, so you're the (pumpkin - pun king) king of puns.
R U calling ME a PUNK !?
cause i am,
As you wish.