Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November | The New Yorker
What's next? January?
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
By Andy Borowitz
July 31, 2020 Photograph by Cooper Neill / Bloomberg / Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.
While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that "the Constitution doesn't say anything about how many months you have to have."
"All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn't think of," he said. "I got them on the months."
Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was "long overdue," calling it "a rigged month."
"November is a hoax," he said. "Some people say it may not even be a real month."
Responding to a reporter's question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that "nobody will miss it."
"Just ask anyone in this country," he said. "Nobody has anything to be thankful for."
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Who doesn't love Borowitz's straight take on things?
Let's be serious - he can't ban November...
But he could - perhaps - introduce a new calendar like Caesar did; and in so doing rename November.
Then if November is changed to Trumpmember - there is no election - ever. No violation of the Constitution.
Yep - that's the way to do it.
What will we call the remaining months?
From what I hear there's not much of a trumpmember to begin with much less an erection, er, I mean election.
Ha!!!!
I am so glad I was between drinks of beer right then. You could have ruined my keyboard!
The Mayans had a month called "Wayeb" with only 5 days - still too long for you?
...then it would only be 3 days long.
Stormy Daniels confirmed how short Trumpmember is...
Funny how tiny dicked dictators tend to overcompensate for their shortcomings.
November will be month of difficulty. There is much on the line. It may be more chaotic than Sept. 11, 2001.
As much as I am glad this thing is almost over, I will dread it when it is. There is a whole lot of people out there that are going to flat out lose their collective minds and a lot of them are armed.
Oh boy, we could lose November. This is serious stuff, what if you were born in November, are you no longer a born person?
This is really serious stuff.
Gotta love Borowitz.
Yes but on the positive side you cease aging because your birthday will no longer exist.
I have a November birthday. I would be ok with ceasing to age.
My wedding anniversary is in November...does that mean my children are illegitimate?