Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November | The New Yorker

  

Category:  News & Politics

Via:  jbb  •  5 days ago  •  51 comments

By:   Andy Borowitz (The New Yorker)

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November | The New Yorker
The President said that eliminating November from the calendar was "long overdue," calling it "a rigged month."

What's next? January? 


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



By Andy Borowitz

July 31, 2020 Photograph by Cooper Neill / Bloomberg / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.

While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that "the Constitution doesn't say anything about how many months you have to have."

"All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn't think of," he said. "I got them on the months."

Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was "long overdue," calling it "a rigged month."

"November is a hoax," he said. "Some people say it may not even be a real month."

Responding to a reporter's question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that "nobody will miss it."

"Just ask anyone in this country," he said. "Nobody has anything to be thankful for."


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JBB
1  seeder  JBB    5 days ago

Who doesn't love Borowitz's straight take on things? 

 
 
 
Adam_Selene
2  Adam_Selene    5 days ago

Let's be serious - he can't ban November...

But he could - perhaps -  introduce a new calendar like Caesar did; and in so doing rename November.

Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember -  there is no election - ever. No violation of the Constitution.

Yep - that's the way to do it.

What will we call the remaining  months?

 
 
 
pat wilson
2.1  pat wilson  replied to  Adam_Selene @2    5 days ago
Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember -  there is no election

From what I hear there's not much of a trumpmember to begin with much less an erection, er, I mean election.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
2.1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    5 days ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
2.1.2  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    5 days ago

Ha!!!!

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
2.1.3  sandy-2021492  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    5 days ago

I am so glad I was between drinks of beer right then.  You could have ruined my keyboard!

 
 
 
Adam_Selene
2.1.4  Adam_Selene  replied to  pat wilson @2.1    5 days ago

The Mayans had a month called "Wayeb" with only 5 days - still too long for you?

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
2.3  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Adam_Selene @2    5 days ago
Then if  November is changed to Trumpmember

...then it would only be 3 days long.

Stormy Daniels confirmed how short Trumpmember is...

 
 
 
cjcold
2.3.1  cjcold  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @2.3    5 days ago

Funny how tiny dicked dictators tend to overcompensate for their shortcomings.

 
 
 
bbl-1
3  bbl-1    5 days ago

November will be month of difficulty.  There is much on the line.  It may be more chaotic than Sept. 11, 2001.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
4  Paula Bartholomew    5 days ago

As much as I am glad this thing is almost over, I will dread it when it is.  There is a whole lot of people out there that are going to flat out lose their collective minds and a lot of them are armed.

 
 
 
Kavika
5  Kavika     5 days ago

Oh boy, we could lose November. This is serious stuff, what if you were born in November, are you no longer a born person? 

This is really serious stuff. 

Gotta love Borowitz.

 
 
 
Freefaller
5.1  Freefaller  replied to  Kavika @5    5 days ago
are you no longer a born person?

Yes but on the positive side you cease aging because your birthday will no longer exist.

 
 
 
JaneDoe
5.1.1  JaneDoe  replied to  Freefaller @5.1    5 days ago

I have a November birthday. I would be ok with ceasing to age. jrSmiley_9_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
5.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @5    3 days ago

My wedding anniversary is in November...does that mean my children are illegitimate?

 
 
 
Kathleen
6  Kathleen    5 days ago

Oh no!

No Thanksgiving...

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
6.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kathleen @6    5 days ago

Don't fret.  If and when Canada reopens its borders to Americans, you could join Canadian families and celebrate Thanksgiving in October. 

 
 
 
cjcold
6.2  cjcold  replied to  Kathleen @6    5 days ago
No Thanksgiving
It will now be named Trumpstaking. 

 
 
 
MUVA
7  MUVA    5 days ago

This is fake news.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
7.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  MUVA @7    5 days ago

I didn't realize it was Fox News. 

 
 
 
MUVA
7.1.1  MUVA  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1    5 days ago

Buzz I will forgive you for not knowing what actually is going on here in the USA.

 
 
 
Krishna
7.1.2  Krishna  replied to  MUVA @7.1.1    5 days ago

[deleted]

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
7.1.3  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  MUVA @7.1.1    5 days ago
Buzz I will forgive you for not knowing what actually is going on here in the USA.

Buzz is fully aware of what a total scum bag dishonest Donald is, no need to be in the States to know that.

 
 
 
MUVA
7.1.4  MUVA  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @7.1.3    5 days ago

[deleted]

 
 
 
cjcold
7.1.5  cjcold  replied to  MUVA @7.1.4    5 days ago

There are plenty of other very valid news agencies around the world that see Trump for the ignorant ,destructive, corrupt fool that he is. 

Seems only Fox news and far right wing blogs disagree with the rest of the world. 

 
 
 
MAGA
7.2  MAGA  replied to  MUVA @7    5 days ago
 
 
 
JBB
7.2.1  seeder  JBB  replied to  MAGA @7.2    5 days ago

Trump at 50%? Who says you don't get satire?

That was funny. Maybe he wins. That's satire.. 

 
 
 
sixpick
7.2.2  sixpick  replied to  JBB @7.2.1    5 days ago

50% isn't that great.  Still, it's much better than it was the night before the 2016 election.

 
 
 
JBB
7.2.3  seeder  JBB  replied to  sixpick @7.2.2    5 days ago

Trump's approval wasn't even 50% in 2016...

His average in the polls is stuck at under 40.

 
 
 
cjcold
7.2.4  cjcold  replied to  sixpick @7.2.2    5 days ago

But every democrat, liberal and independent will show up to vote this time.

There are many more liberals than conservatives in the USA.

I'm actually an independent but will be voting for Biden .

Only traitors to the USA will be voting for the Putin owned Trump. 

 
 
 
MAGA
7.2.5  MAGA  replied to  cjcold @7.2.4    5 days ago

No.  The traitors to the United States will be voting for the Winnie thePooh Zi backed Biden.

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
7.3  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  MUVA @7    5 days ago
This is fake news.

It's worse than that.  It's satire.  

 
 
 
MUVA
7.3.1  MUVA  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @7.3    5 days ago

No it's more of a partisan trope it really isn't humor it is red meat for fucking idiots. 

 
 
 
JBB
7.3.2  seeder  JBB  replied to  MUVA @7.3.1    5 days ago

Well then, you obviously took to the bait...

 
 
 
Gsquared
7.3.3  Gsquared  replied to  MUVA @7.3.1    5 days ago

Take a chill pill, dude.  It's funny.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
7.3.4  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  MUVA @7.3.1    5 days ago

Then why are you eating it?

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
7.3.5  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  MUVA @7.3.1    5 days ago
it really isn't humor it is red meat for fucking idiots.

Then I suggest that you learn to like red meat.

 
 
 
cjcold
7.3.6  cjcold  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @7.3.5    5 days ago

[removed]

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
7.3.7  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  cjcold @7.3.6    5 days ago

Taunting?  Nonsense.  

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
7.3.8  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Gsquared @7.3.3    3 days ago

MEMO TO MUVA -  Andy Borowitz = SATIRE.

 
 
 
MUVA
7.3.9  MUVA  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @7.3.8    3 days ago

Maybe my post was satire maybe maybe not.

 
 
 
Adam_Selene
7.4  Adam_Selene  replied to  MUVA @7    5 days ago

Satire is not "fake news". "Obama was born in Kenya" that's fake news.

"Putin is Trump's BFF" is satire ... humm maybe that's actually true news.

 
 
 
JBB
7.4.1  seeder  JBB  replied to  Adam_Selene @7.4    5 days ago

No, because Donald Trump has no friends...

 
 
 
cjcold
7.4.2  cjcold  replied to  JBB @7.4.1    5 days ago

At least Trump is an equal opportunity thief and conman. He scams everybody. 

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
7.4.3  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  JBB @7.4.1    5 days ago
Donald Trump has no friends...

True, Putin doesn't consider dirty Donald a friend, just a convenient cock holster.

 
 
 
MAGA
7.4.4  MAGA  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @7.4.3    5 days ago

No, that’s what Biden is to Chairman Zi’s tool. 

 
 
 
Gsquared
7.4.5  Gsquared  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @7.4.3    5 days ago

Putin sees Trump as an asset, and he is getting full use out of him.

 
 
 
igknorantzrulz
7.4.6  igknorantzrulz  replied to  Gsquared @7.4.5    5 days ago

Trump setting, is set on ASS SET

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
7.4.7  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  MAGA @7.4.4    5 days ago
No, that’s what Biden is to Chairman Zi’s tool.

Please provide a verifiable link.  And no, I don't want to see an instagram link, your recent twitter contributions, the link to your Tinder home page, or the link to your grandma's 'Cooking to the Oldies While Buck-ass Naked!' website.  I would like to see a reputable mainstream news link that gives credence to your assertion.  Thank you.  I'll wait.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
7.4.8  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @7.4.7    3 days ago

Cooking to the Oldies While Buck-ass Naked!

I hope that does not include frying bacon.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
7.4.9  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @7.4.7    3 days ago

It will be a long wait.

 
 
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