Prez Sez He's 110%: "I kicked COVID's Ass, I am Superman" - The Lint Screen
Category: The Lighter Side/ Humor
Via: jbb • 4 years ago • 18 commentsBy: PD Scullin (The Lint Screen)
More like 110% bad for America. Vote Democratic!
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Uber-human cannot be stopped by disease!
FDR was dead wrong. According to President Donald J. Trump, it's not fear we have to fear, but fear of coronavirus. The most powerful man in the world tells The Lint Screen, "We have nothing to fear but COVID-19 itself."
Trump discharged himself from Walter Reed National Military Medical Center after he showed a global pandemic who's tougher.
"I kicked COVID's ass," the president gasps. He raises his right arm, huffs, and puffs, catching his breath. "Don't let it dominate you." The president doubles over, winded. After two minutes, he rises back up and declares, " I am Superman."
Trump announced to the world be was tussling with COVID-19 in an early morning Tweet on Friday after he had spent the day spreading his coronavirus at a fundraiser (complete with buffet line!) in New Jersey.
"I want to spread COVID," the prez says in short breaths. "And make people immune." He doubles over again.
White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows orders a team of doctors to wheel in an oxygen tank. Trump grabs the oxygen tank's plastic face mask and slaps it over his sweaty kisser. He waves the doctors away as he sucks deeply on oxygen for a few minutes catching his breath.
"I need more 'roids," the patient-in-chief barks to his medical team. "Give me roids, now, dammit!" Trump is on a steady diet of powerful steroids to battle COVID-19. The doctors scurry to attend to the president.
"I haven't felt this good in 20 years," Trump wheezes. "I'm 110%." His face is red, his eyes bulge, and he commands, "More oxygen!" The docs help him put his face mask back on. He takes deep breaths, catches some wind, removes the mask, and blurts, "I've done a great job on COVID."
Trump collapses to the floor as his medical team scrambles to help him. Mark Meadows orders reporters out of the office.
"The president needs to get back to presidenting," Meadows says. "Nothing to see here, folks. President Trump is doing great."
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Enjoy PD Scullin's debut novel "SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus," a dark humor romp across America in the early '80s. You're a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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Is Trump Uber Man? Can he leap tall buildings? No...
He was never 100% to begin with.
Get back to presidenting. . . what a joke. . . he wasn't presidenting before . . . . just looting and raping and pillaging the treasury as fast as his fat little fingers allowed . . . . .
Those roids he's taking will make him feel 20 years younger but meanwhile inside his fat, bloaty body, his immune system is being suppressed so that the roids*** can do its magik
*** so the Remidisvir can do its magic and whatever other cocktail they're pumping into his flabby arm
I notice Trump isn't taking hydroxychloroquine.
Gee...the miracle drug didn't work????
Or Clorox...
Trump: "You have nothing to fear, there's still lots of burial space in America."
Funeral Service Options
These prices are effective Jaunary 27, 2014 and are subject to change without notice.
TRADITIONAL FUNERAL | $3,715.00
This option includes coordinating with church and cemetery officials; staff for directing basic services at funeral home as well as a committal service at the cemetery; transfer of the deceased to the funeral home; necessary automotive equipment to transfer casketed remains to place of service and cemetery; 100 service folders, memorial/register book, 25 acknowledgement cards; embalming, cosmetics, dressing and placement of deceased into casket. This option includes a two hour visitation at funeral home the day before the service.
TRADITIONAL CREMATION SERVICE | $3,165.00
This option includes coordinating with church and cemetery officials; staff for directing basic services at funeral home as well as a committal service at the cemetery; transfer of the deceased to the funeral home; necessary automotive equipment to transfer Cremated remains to place of service and cemetery; 100 service folders, memorial/ register book, 25 acknowledgement cards; This option includes a two hour memorial visitation with urn present at funeral home the day before the service.
GRAVESIDE SERVICE | $2,865.00
This option includes coordinating services with officiates and cemetery; transfer of the deceased to the funeral home; directing the graveside services; necessary automotive equipment and staff for transporting the casketed remains to the cemetery; dressing and placement of the deceased into casket.
* This option does not include any visitation or embalming.
IMMEDIATE BURIAL | $1,650.00
This option includes removal and shelter of the remains, necessary authorizations, casketing, basic services of staff and transportation to the cemetery.
* This charge is in addition to any merchandise and does not include any visitation, rites or ceremonies.
DIRECT CREMATION | $1,250.00
This option includes removal and shelter of remains, necessary authorizations, and basic services of staff and cremation charges.
* This does not include any merchandise necessary.
Trump Memorials & Funeral Services
Lincoln, NE 68528
Hours
Saturday: 9am to 1pm
NO WONDER he doesn't give a shit about 210,000 dead and more every day - it's good business.
Have you never heard of The Trump Mortuary and Casino? Crematorium services are also available...
Republican senator Kelly Loeffler has been mocked for posting a video of president Donald Trump beating up what appears to be coronavirus superimposed onto the head of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) CEO Vince McMahon.
Loeffler is the richest Senator.
That is to say... very fucking rich!