PUNS - Come on, let's see a smile at least
PUNS - Come on, let's see a smile at least
John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus 2 days ago. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself “ That's the last thing I need."
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100%--unless you're donating blood.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
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Sent to me in an email by my big brother.
Don’t ever believe an atom, they make up everything.
Who invented King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!
LOL
Thanks for the laughs
Really funny.
Ha, good ones Buzz.
They are hilarious Buzz... thanks for the laughs...if we ever lose our sense of humour we are all stuffed...
What makes me smile is that you know how to spell "humour" in English.
Colonials gotta stick together...
Americans aren't colonials? The only ones who AREN'T colonials are the Native Americans.
Myth-busters!
Evening Bob...and we do it so well..😀😀🇦🇺🇨🇦
I'm smiling!
Thanks, Buzz.
Smiling's okay. The only one that made me laugh out loud was the Snow White one, but then I'm into photography.
Very good, but it took me about two seconds to get the Electric Company one.
The judge was having an affair with the bailiff...
Apparently there was ardor in the court!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
It's ok if your phone autocorrects 'fuck' to 'duck".
You're still using fowl language.
How do trees watch TV?
Paper-view.
I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra when the guy on triangle disappeared.
OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an alter made of antlers.
DETECTIVE: dear god
OFFICER: most likely yes
A clown once held a door open for me.
I thought it was a really nice jester.
When John Wilkes Booth arrived in Hell, the devil decided that someone who’d been so personable should serve a useful purpose. So he stationed John’s ghost perpetually on the wharf to collect the boatman’s fare from those bound across the Styx.
Which made him the phantom toll booth.
How to cook crack and clean a crab.
Step one: use commas
Holy smoke - that image of the beaters just rekindked an early memory.
A Biologist, a Chemist and a Statistician Are Out Hunting -
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Schrodinger Gets Pulled Over by a Cop -
The cop searches the trunk and says, "Do you know there's a dead cat in here?"
Schrodinger says, "Well I do now!"
I'm Reading a Book on Anti-Gravity -
I can't put it down.
I Have a New Theory on Inertia -
But it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
A Wife Sends Her Software Engineer Husband to the Store -
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six!"
Later, the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him why he bought six cartons of milk and he replied, "They had eggs."
LOL. I had to look up Schrodinger.
Thanks to all for keeping the laughter going.
"Toilet stolen, police have nothing to go on."
"A horse is a very stable animal."
"A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath."
"Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery."
That's great.