Old Guy Jokes
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Nah, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
'Because she can still drive!'
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A man was telling his neighbor,
'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
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Moe, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
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One more........
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
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Oh Lordy, to think that I'm not so far from there myself....
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
Yep, that fits the category.
I got an email a couple of days ago from a friend with some of the same jokes as the email your brother sent. That was one of the jokes in his email. My friend is 86, too.
I'm sure these joke articles have a wide distribution.
Arvo...some poor guy over there just a few days ago thought he had booked his dream trip to Sydney, Australia...the acronym is SYD for here..
Unfortunately he used the wrong one and input SDY...jumps on the plane thinking at the time the air ticket was cheap and the plane looked small...
Took off and wondered why the scenery was all wrong...he landed in Sidney in Montana...
I killed myself laughing and just about chocked on my tea while watching the news...🤣🤣🤣🤣
It really happened? You don't have to be an old guy to screw up like that.
Yes it did happen just the other day..took the news readers all their time to try and keep a straight face.. but in the end they cracked up too...
You could hear the laughs from one end of the country to the other... certainly made my evening...
I am laughing now just thinking about it..but I sort of feel sorry for the poor guy...at least he owned up to the mistake.
The people at the airport in Montana said it's not the first time it has happened...
So if you are coming to the Land Down Under you mob, just make sure you have the right country..🦘🐨
I wouldn't make a mistake with "Sydney" - It just happens to be my real name. Buzz is a nickname my mother gave me when I was 4 years old, running around with my arms stretched out and making buzzing sounds to imitate a Spitfire - it was during WW2. The nickname stuck, and most everyone called me by it instead of my real name ever since.
He was from New York and decided to escape the winter there..said he realised something was wrong when the plane started to land...
There was no Harbour Bridge or Opera house, instead snow capped mountains...and he knew he was cactus (stuffed) then...
There is Sydney in Canada as well..
Good name you can be an honourary Aussie now..
I would certainly accept that honour.
Some days happiness for an old person can be something as simple as a good bowel movement.
You're not just kidding, Greg.
My reaction as well. But then when I sober up from laughing, I realize that I'm not so far from that myself.
By the way, I forgot to indicate that this was another one emailed to me by my brother.
Jack Nicholson, from The Bucket List: "Never trust a fart....".
Definitely the BEST thread on the FB today - thanks Buzz.
Thank you 1st. I try my best to contribute non-political, educational, heartwarming and fun articles to balance the political ranting, but unfortunately what I post is heavily outweighed.