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You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

  

Category:  The Lighter Side/ Humor

By:  buzz-of-the-orient  •  last year  •  18 comments

You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

.

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
.
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
.
You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
.
Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’
.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
.
Your junior prom offered day care.
.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’
.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
.
The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
.
You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

And in closing.....

.

Two good ol’ boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.
.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin’ and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”
.
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
.
Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about kin, but it would make us even!"


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Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
1  author  Buzz of the Orient    last year

Don't blame me.  This was emailed to me by my brother.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
1.1  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @1    last year

Pretty funny!

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
1.1.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Texan1211 @1.1    last year

Yep.

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Silent
2  charger 383    last year

We can laugh at those jokes and don't gat mad 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
2.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  charger 383 @2    last year

But the good ol' boys might get mad....

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @2.1    last year

No actually, unlike other "groups", the good ol' boys can laugh at themselves.

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Silent
2.1.2  charger 383  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @2.1    last year

Most of those jokes came from good ol boys

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2.1.3  Trout Giggles  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @2.1.1    last year

You're absolutely right. I identify as a redneck because I've lived in the country nearly all my life. Even my spouse thinks I'm too redneck at times (he's a city boy and I make fun of that)

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Professor Principal
3  Just Jim NC TttH    last year

Great way to start the day! Thanks Buzz.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Just Jim NC TttH @3    last year

Always glad to be of service...

 
 
 
George
Junior Expert
4  George    last year

Those are funny Buzz, I do have to make 1 correction tho.

No self respecting redneck would say, 

Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.

The proper term would be, "Hold my beer".

 
 
 
Jack_TX
Professor Quiet
4.1  Jack_TX  replied to  George @4    last year
The proper term would be, "Hold my beer".

Fair point.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
5  Trout Giggles    last year
.
You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’

It's "Play Ball!" in my house

 
 
 
George
Junior Expert
6  George    last year

2 of my favorites

You might be a redneck if, 

"Your mother doesn't take the Marlboro out of the corner of her mouth before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

Or,

You have to spend the weekend helping your richest relative take the wheels off his new house.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  George @6    last year

Good ones to add to the list.  

 
 
 
TTGA
Professor Silent
7  TTGA    last year
Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’

This one has a flaw.  To be complete, it should read "Hey guys, hold my beer and watch this".  In fact, I think that phrase should be a sub title on the Darwin Awards list.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  TTGA @7    last year

It isn't always a redneck who does that one.  A lawyer in Toronto at a party at his high floor office, after what had to be more than a drink or two, wanted to prove how strong the windows were by pushing on one, and fell about 24 floors.  True story.  

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1    last year

Snopes says it's a true story.  He became a prime recipient of the Darwin Awardl

LINK ->

 
 

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