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UCP under fire for running UCP candidate with UCP policies

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  10 months ago  •  3 comments

By:   MARK HILL - The Beaverton

UCP under fire for running UCP candidate with UCP policies

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


Lacombe, AB – After   United Conservative Party   candidate Jennifer Johnson compared transgender students to feces baked into a cookie, the   UCP   is facing criticism for selecting a candidate who endorses the views the party has supported since its conception.

“I’m shocked that the party who made weakening Gay Straight Alliances a top priority upon taking power would use this kind of rhetoric,” an anonymous voter said. “What happened to the good old UCP of   Jason Kenney ? He bragged about campaigning to deny gay men hospital visitation rights without using a single rude word.”

Johnson has apologised for her comments, promising to seek advice on how to better communicate her viewpoints so that her analogies comparing vulnerable minorities to literal shit are harder to decipher going forward.

“For the record, I   love   everyone equally, even the [redacted] poisoning our schools,” said Johnson. “And to be fair, I only compared trans students to a teaspoon of feces. That’s hardly any feces at all, but our biased liberal media doesn’t want you to stop and visualise it.”

“Ultimately, those comments don’t represent me or the UCP,” she added. “We are a party that doesn’t get caught saying these things.”

Meanwhile,   Danielle Smith   has called for the matter to be depoliticised.

“Now that a politician in my political party has finished politicising the political issue of LGBT rights, it’s time to put this distraction aside and focus on real   politics ,” the premier said. “Frankly, I fail to see what’s so ‘political’ about saying the schools you send your   children   to are plotting to chemically castrate teenagers.”

Smith has also promised that Johnson will be forced to sit as an independent MLA if elected as the UCP candidate who benefits from the party’s name recognition and financial resources.

At press time, Johnson was suggesting that it would be much easier for her to apologise to all of   Alberta ’s trans students at once if they were concentrated into some sort of camp.


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Hallux
Masters Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    10 months ago

Currently the UCP (all conservative bones) is running neck and neck with the NDP (all but not all socialist bones). It's an odd race considering Alberta, which makes Wyoming look like a purple state, put the red in Canada's flag.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Hallux @1    10 months ago
"It's an odd race considering Alberta, which makes Wyoming look like a purple state, put the red in Canada's flag."

Did you know that the public had been asked to submit suggestions for the current flag?  I had submitted one that I thought was much more meaningful - it was the same as the present one except that the borders on each side were blue, not red, in order to illustrate Canada's motto: "a mari uisque ad mare" which translates to "from sea to sea"  (i.e. from the Atlantic to the Pacific).  I still think my idea was better than they used. 

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2  Kavika     10 months ago
Meanwhile, Danielle Smith has called for the matter to be depoliticised.

LOL, don't hold your breath.

 
 

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