330 Million Phones Go Off After Biden Hits Wrong Button Reaching For Life Alert
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
U.S. — An emergency alert message was errantly sent to over 330 million phones today after President Biden accidentally hit the wrong button reaching for his Life Alert.
President Biden reportedly tripped while excitedly scurrying to the dining room for his mid-morning oatmeal, and found himself unable to get up. In a vain attempt to activate Life Alert, Mr. Biden initiated the National Emergency Alert System, triggering a message to 330 million phones. Sadly, none of those included 9-1-1 operators or Life Alert itself.
Despite physical therapy and forcing him to only wear sneakers, Mr. Biden's persistent falls necessitated the addition of a Life Alert necklace. "We had to do it, but it's dicey with all the buttons he has now," said White House aide Dylan Rogers. "There's the nuke button, the Life Alert button, the diaper button. It's a scary time to be an American."
At publishing time, sources say Biden was still in the White House shouting, "Help, help! I've fallen and, you know, the thing!"
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At least it wasn't a false missile alert like what happened in Hawaii back in 2018.
Or a non-alert....
I didn't get the alert today, maybe because I have a non-published number.
They gave him a necklace? Next time he falls it better not be near anything it can catch on or he'll be strangled to death.
Perhaps it's a breakaway like they have for pets?...
Well, yes, that would probably prevent him from being strangled, but if he hits his head maybe it would renew his lucidity, like in the movie Random Harvest.