Admit it: You People Want To See How Far This Goes, Don't You? Donald Trump op ed The Onion
Admit It: You People Want To See How Far This Goes, Dont You?
The latest polls are out, and just as I predicted, Im leading the Republican presidential race by a wide margin. You might be wondering how that could be. After all, its hardly been a month since I entered the field and Ive already alienated Americas largest immigrant population, seen dozens of my high-profile business deals implode one after the other, and publicly insulted a national heros military service, all while not offering a single viable policy idea. But none of that matters at all, and my candidacy continues to surge forward, because none of younot a single one of youcan look away. Not even for a second.
Admit it: You people want to see just how far this goes, dont you?
My campaigns just barely begun and Ive already got you begging for more. Sure, you can say you oppose me or that you dont even take me seriously. But let me ask you: How many articles have you read about Ted Cruz lately? How many news segments have you watched on Bobby Jindal? Or Rand Paul? But if those stories have the name Donald Trump in them, well, look who suddenly cant get enough.
The thing is, Ive got all of you eating out of my hand and I havent even released a single campaign commercial yet. Dont look me in the eye and tell me you dont want to stick around and see what that looks like, because you and I both know these ads are going to be absolutely incredible. Ill be standing there projecting my best presidential air, saying Im Donald Trump, and I approve this message, and you wont be able to take your eyes off it.
You keep obsessing over every little thing I do and say, and I promise youll get your commercials real soon.
I can tell youre practically salivating right now. And Im going to keep riding this fascination, this little fixation you have with me as far as youll take me. You know I will.
And the TV spots are just the beginning. I know you, and I know what you like. Youll absolutely eat it up when you see the Trump 16 T-shirts, the lawn signs, the bumper stickers; in fact, youll probably get a real kick out of pointing them out to your friends. Now, just imagine me shaking hands with senior citizens at a nursing home in Iowa. Wouldnt you love to watch that? Or hear what comes out of my mouth when I speak to blue-collar workers at a struggling auto factory?
You say that doesnt interest you? Oh, right, because youre dying to see how Scott Walker behaves in those situations, right? Give me a break.
Just take a moment and imagine the primary debates: Jeb Bush; Chris Christie; me. Of course, theyll put me in the middle because Im ahead in the pollsfar ahead at the moment. You already know how I answer even the most basic inquiries, so just picture me staring down the barrel of a question about foreign affairs or agriculture policy or something like that. You think you wont sit there with bated breath while I try to tackle a question about using military force, or about food stamps, or about how my faith influences my decision-making? I guarantee you that my answers will be worth watching. And we both know you wouldnt miss them for the world. Itd be the biggest, most-watched primary debate in history, courtesy of all of you.
And might I remind you that the longer this goes on, the closer I get to selecting a running mate. That realization kind of delighted you in a way, didnt it? You absolutely want to know who Id pick. A defeated GOP challenger who hates my guts? Another lunatic billionaire? Maybe my own son, Donald Trump Jr.? Whatever your wildest expectation is, I promise you I will surpass it. Youre not going to pass up an opportunity to see that, are you?
I can tell youre practically salivating right now. And Im going to keep riding this fascination, this little fixation you have with me as far as youll take me. You know I will.
So dont try to tell me youd be just as happy to watch one of these other bozos go toe-to-toe with Hillary Clinton or give a soaring speech at the national convention. And dont delude yourself into thinking its everyone else who wants to watch me do this and youre somehow above it. You want to see it. You want more. You hear Trump and your attention snaps to the TV screen right away.
Dont think its true? Fine. You know what you have to do to make me go away. Just quit paying attention. Stop reading this right now.
Thats right, I didnt think so. I have the power to make the next 16 months one of the most incredible times in our nations history, and not a single one of you can say youre not at least a little bit curious to see how this wild ride shakes out. So just keep clicking every link that mentions my name and hitting play on every clip of my public appearances, and I promise you will not be disappointed.
Now, excuse me, but I have to go appear at a New Hampshire town hall and make a statement that every last one of you will be eagerly reading about and discussing in just a few hours time.
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Pretty much right on the money.
Who embalmed him? In all honesty, he looks "orange"...
''Who embalmed him?''...LOL, I'm not sure Dowser, but they didn't do a very good job of it.
There is 4 months until the first primaries. He may very well run out of gas long before then. He's a one trick pony, which repetition will only reinforce.
When my niece by marriage was killed in a car accident, she looked just like that. It was a miracle they could have an open casket, and in our grief, we didn't notice it much, but she was so made up, to hide the mess, that she looked like orange plastic. Just like he does...
It's one thing for someone to chuckle and say they support Trump when asked by a pollster. But when they're looking at their voting card, they start to think, do I really want a ignorant version of Side Show Bob as President? Or even be the nominee from my state (if you're a republican)?
I think that he will run out of gas by than, LGL.
It's damn entertaining at the moment though.
I think after awhile the people who are supporting him will want some real answers as to HOW he plans on doing all of things he is promising. He has no answers because he can't do what he is promising. He is promising the impossible. He is hollow. Like a Macy's day balloon.
That's true, Randy.
What he forgets is that no one has cast a single vote for him.
LOL, the ''Tremendous Trio''...
I don't believe I had ever seen anyone as orange as Boehner, but that woman changes that!