I WOULDN'T READ THIS IF I HAD A CHOICE! -The Author

WARNING: Not for sensible people, the civil, or, those addled headed, warped brain individuals interested in a higher levelof political DISCOURSE.

We, here, are the spurned, the ejected life formswho have descended to the bottom and like it . . .reveling inthe political muck-rucking of old fashioned barroom brawling politics and good old fashioned constitutionally protected name calling.

So, if you are a "twisted sister", an easily offended right wing nut job with your right-hand permanently attached to the Code of Honor's Violators Button and the other gripping your firearm, you maybe so inclinedto use your tongue to click on a more meaningful and less stupid site.

This is for the deeply disturbed aficionados of "Political Pornography"! -The Management

My wife, the former nudist, novelist,turned door to door sales person, the lovely, but, lame, Salamander Spittle, and, I, the late, great Win-trope Meredithe, The Trey,decided to take a little vacationonly secondsbefore authoritiesplanned an all expenses paid vacation for us,courtesy of thecounty.

In our haste to "skedaddle", and, possiblyout of desperation, we chosethe super secret community ofLady's Crevice, an uppity,uptight, "all right-all white", hysterical little village just"a hop, skip and jump", (if one is inclined that way), from our own, lovely, but, nearly all torn down, downtownof Mildew, Ohio, where we sleep in separate alleys.

Lady's Crevice, (my favorite place to sequester),is a lotmore cosmopolitanthan Crotch Rot, Commonsense, or, Down and Out, our other choices to hide, er, vacation.All, however,fall wellshort of, and, by far, arenot asstimulating as "Big 'Em", the Larry Flint owned new residential development know in police blotters as, "The Double Breasted-Double D Cup of Delight by the Sea". ("Hi, ambivalent!". I'm not, are you?).

Now, readers and Sistas and Sons of Bitches of the Corn Hole De-generation, if one is so uninformed as to be unfamiliar withany of these civil, wickedly decadenttowns -allow me to enlighten.

MILDEW, Ohio, is the mostrenowned burg.Is considered by,its not, yet, jailed residents as a"desirable place for undesirables".

So, you all are welcomed, except Tyler - Tippecanoe & Tyler, too. He's a Whig, some say. Some say he's gay, Others, say not.

Fox TV Network News recently featured Mildew on a segment and instantly was picketed by the Westboro Baptist Church for promoting homosexuality, because Fox TV, or someone at some time and in some place, referred toMildew, Ohio,asa"special place for Pin Heads, Left Leaning Liberals, Hazy-Lazy Worthless SocialisticIngrates, Obama Supporters and otherlower life forms,i.e., Democrats".

Bill O'Reiley, Fox's Nutwork TV'slead loudmouthpiece,recentlyquoted an outdated ad from theMildew's Convention and Visitors Bureau's Guide entitled, "Above All Else - Don't Ever Come Here!"

The brochure, which I helped to write, on coarse paper went further to explain Mildew admonition to visitors by adding this historic truism: "We ain't got enough toeat any-who, tootle-loo.We are often forced, during famineto eat ourselves, each other and an occasional visitor or two."

Oh Easily Riled up Bill O'Reileyslammed our little run down town by the waste treatment plant and referred to it as the "worlds worse place" for Conservative, Bible Thumping, Backwoods, Family Valuestypes, hopeful of hooking up with gay men in public restrooms, because,Mildew "ain't got no airport to do that kind of Republican research in!"

Well, Ye SonsandBitches of the Corn Hole De-generation, as President emeritusof Nuts and Sluts, a Think Tank For Morons - No, Idiot Please,I cancategorically say that Mildew, Ohio, unlike, Lady's Crevice,is not all thatbleak. It's worse!

To tourists accidentally stopping here, its known asthe "Rock Licking Capital of the World", for it popular sports, Rock Licking and Rock Sucking. Bothare potential disgusting Olympic Sports and there is no where else on the planet earth, or, in the entire galaxy that has as many rock lickers as Mildew.

In anticipation, Mildew's wise community elders passed a resolution"prohibiting rock climbing, rock tossing, and/or getting ones "rock off"; evenoutlawing rocking chairs, which I strongly supported!

It's the law, Paw, so don't come . . . figurativelyor literally. You filthy human being!

Mildew's claim to fame isa little known, undisputed factoid:This community of bumsis located"right smack dab" in the middle of Crying Johnnie Boehner 8Th Congressional District, where there are no jobs because the "Weeper of the House", and his teateeth-stained,Tea Republican Conservative, pursed lipped Llooney Tunes"sent them all oversea to Communist China, the mother country to help out the Job Creators, poor, little rich billionaires.

(Thank God fer that, fellow leaches!)

Now, we not only can't work, won't work, but, we have tolearn Chinese and head over to the country that bought Amerika from Congress, China.

Mildew-vi-ans, to a trans-gender bender,are "OK" with the fact that there are no jobs herebecause we "be's" just a worthless bunch of left leaning liberals, too lazy to work and to decadent to get out of bed to steal bread from our neighbors.

It hasbeen largely researched, validated by the 700 Club, and, supported by the recently received Family Values Stomp of Approval from both Rush Lim-blow-howler, and the thrice married, twice divorced, Family Values Presidential candidate and darling of the hollering right wing,Newt Grinch, that if itweren't fer collectingour huge Welfare checks, most Mildew-vi-ans would never gettheir lazy arses out of bed, shower or changetheir soiledDepends.

However, due primarily toournewly re-elected,token black,semi-god, President Obama, and,tothe President'sfirst classshell-lacking of"Roman Noodles" Mitt, in the 2012 Presidential election, the inhabitants of Mildew, Ohio,may never, ever have to work again. Hallelujah!

Speaking, as a lethargic, non-patriot, listless, lyingdrudgeI can categorically say that weowe a debt of gratitude, (which we will never pay),to our Socialist-dictator-Muslims-Non American-born president, as well as, to thewell-scrubbed, burr-hair cut,intellectually channelled Tea Republicans Dim Wits that claim toshed their "blood, sweat and tears"working their manicured fingers to the bone, while"Lazy Left Leaning Liberals", college graduates and social workersgleefully sponge off their labors in a symbiotic relationship that serves both parties. One gets free food; the other gets toberate everyoneon Fox TV Network News, the Fair and Unbalancedpoliticaltoilet party of the"Always Right, All White, Right Righteous, Religious Right"!

And, then, too, Mildew-vi-ans don't work because wejust love that "free" government cheese.

Brothers and Sisters of the Corn Hole generation, before you reach uncontrollablyfor the CofH violation button, I would like to remind you that "political pornography," as proudly practiced, here, in the privacy of our own homes, behind closed doors and with our minds closed, isa much needednational outlet and helpful to thedisenfrancised, the "sick", the huddled masses of unwashed asseswith their heads shoved up there by Republican bullies like John Boehner, Dick Cheney, Mitch MC Conn-elland ignoramuses, such as, thelugubrious Herman ("I didn't know I was committing adultery when I wasshell-lacking my mistress") Cain.

It is wellknown in our circles, (crop circles),aka,the inner circles of thecrude, the vain, the profane, theuncivil; aka, democrats),that, ifone seeksto live off the "hard work" ofother god-fearingChristian Conservatives, then,Mildew, Ohiois the place to do it.

In Mildew, it is always dark and dank. Thesunrarelyshine, which explains why somany residents have mushroomssprouting from ever crevice of their misshaped bodies.

You see,Sons and Bitches of the Corn Hole generation,Conservative Republicans living, er, lording, here,are so busy cleaning and re-loading their weapons, making money by anymeans, "prepping for dooms day", or, worshipingthe Bottom Line Jesus that they ain't got time to take notice of us, parasites.

That's why "it is always paradise somewhere", here, in Mildew,making it theideal locale for the idle, the shiftless, the shoeless Joe Jackson's of the world andfer firstclass Welfare cheats. But, then, even Paradise requires a vacation or two, every now and again.

CHAPTER TWO (YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER AND GO TO THE QUIZ AT THE END). At, least get some coffee, wash your mind out with a strong anti-bacterial soap and go for a long walk. China is nice this time of year!

LADY'S CREVICE - A Town For All Seasons, All Diseases!

For theMisses and I, and,if truth be known,due to that court order, Lady's Crevice, is our first, last and only choice when we need a change or when the authorities are breathing down our necks. Luckily for us, it is just a sharp right turn from Commonsense, (where I threw up, er, grew up.And,only a "hop, skip and jump", (ifonesis a "screaming fairy" like my wife, Sal is),from our currentramshackled domicile in the basement of an abandoned, formerRomney For President HQ building "repo-ed" by Bain, Inc.

LADY'S CREVICE - The Tale of a city that crosses and uncrosses it legs for strangers - jes fer the fun of it. Not because it is the law!

I'll tell yo what, good buddies, if'n youis looking fer a memorial crab cake, grab your fiddle, your old ladyand "waddle" on over toLady's Crevice, that warm,moist zone where even the walls moan in Ecstasy.This burrowis well know to the health departments the world-over fortheirgiganticcrabs -the size on a baby midget's fist.These crab cakesare renown for theirdigestibility.They areas indigestible as Rand Paul's platform for a segregated All White, All Right, Right Wing OnlyAmerika, which we, of course,all are enthusiastically in support of, as enthusiastically, as lazy left leaning liberals can, that is.

Some folks, from Lady's Crevicesuggest that we should, "Send them there Conservatives, End of Timers, Religious Nuts, Toothless, Bath-less, Gun Toting, NRA, Jesus freakingmaniacsback to theirtrailer parks in the Bayous ofLouisiana, "in exchange for convicts, drug dealers, and dope fiends".I agree that that would be a step up, but, others half-wits shout out in Churches, public restrooms and at the multiple "sanity hearings" that we havethat old, tired, well-wornsaw:"Let them swim with the gators. It'stheir idea oftheideal life, any-who!" Which is a powerful argument.

But, the senseless, like myself, caution"don't rock the boat, ye, descendents of monkeys and neutered goats! We ain't got to work while these mindlessTea Republicansbust their gonads slaving away, paying taxes and complaining.After all,we's beliving off their ejaculated cream, so to speak. Now, Brothers and Sisters,how delicious it that, I ax you?"

Calmer minds, such as my owned adeled one, arguea morerespectful view, primarily because what we really want to do is unlawful and, because, above all else,we subscribe tothe Videophones Code of Honor and its dictate to "respect each other" as our first rule.

So, naturally,Salomanderhumanely and truthfully asks: "Does anyone know what the freaking bleephe am talking about?" I certainly don't! Please, someone, anyonestop him. Where is Tyler when you need him?

In summary, fellow political pornographers, dead beat dads and rainbow trash, let me say this about that: "I want out of my head"!

But, if that can not be, then, let it be know, far and near, that,"Conservative Bible Chompers,in addition, toadvocating thekilling of fags,(Westboro Baptist Church); getting sexually arousedby lacerating liberals, (Pat Robertson);denigrating blacks the Mormon Prophet,(Joseph Smith),or,castigatingall lLatinos as "illegals", (Evangelical Born Again Christians),Republicans, as a whole,are fundamentally eschewed;mostly deep down good people, just miss guided by centuries ofunadulturated Hate inculcated in their genome.(That is in my, humbled by time, unbiased, well researched, balanced opinion).

Uncannily, perhaps,subliminally, (then, perhaps not),they, ( the Conservatives-mess-makers), problem is that they long to eat their own gators andmake gator aid and durable furniture from gator skeletons for their challenged kin folks.

Or, so, I am misinformed by my elder, the wise octogenarian, "Turned To Dust",who occasionally speaks to me(whether I want him or no) about keypolitical issues of our time, String Theory, Black Ho's,and how to cheat atcheckers.

Well, I have done just about as much damage as I can do for a left handed, left leaning Liberal, still breast feeding.It's time for my much needed nap, folks, so, I have go to go, and beside, I see the warden heading my way. "Hey, has anyone seen my wooden mallet?"

I require a bottle ofJack Danielsbefore a mandatory nap,and agood, solidwhack from a wooden mallet - that's the real mansleep aid, not any sissified sleep drugs fer me, honky.How do you get to sleep? By reading this crap? My cousin sits his hair on fire then cramshis headinto the toilet, the shock of the"Hot and Cold" therapy, instantly knocks him out.

This is not Meredithe, The III, (never was and never will be), and I, heartily, disavowal any knowledge of this degrading, but, pointedly civil, yet, well crafterEpistle! - Respectfully, disagreeing with reality.