Epic Kitchen Fails
Ever have an kitchen disaster that it was epic? I have. I make stuffed flounder quite a bit and I used canned crab. Well, I read a recipe about making crab cakes with mayonnaise. I usually add some flavored bread crumbs, celery flakes, and egg to my crab stuffing, but I thought this might hold it together better. But instead of using mayonnaise I used Miracle Whip. Who knew they were that different?
I was told....not asked...told....never do that again.
Regale us with your epic kitchen fails.
RED BOX RULES:
ABSOLUTELY NO POLITICS
I also forgot to check the cavity before I roasted a chicken....and it was not the first chicken I ever roasted
I did that on purpose years ago when the kids were still young. Was roasting a turkey for Christmas and I put a cornish game hen in the cavity. Great fun!! I paid for that for about a month, no New Years nookie from the wife for me... she took their side. oh well...
I cooked a Turducken one year for Thanksgiving. It was great. Everyone thought "weird" until they tried all three "fowl".
I would imagine that at first some of them might have "Cried fowl!"
How big was that turkey? And did you ever get to eat that day...or that week?
I've cooked game hens, and they don't take all that long, but still.....
We routinely searched for the largest turkeys we could find in the grocery stores so 20 - 22 lb's. We would have the wife's family over (mine was all in other states so not convient) so it would be a big dinner. Normal for the 18 would be a turkey and a large ham, and all the sides and finger foods one would expect on a day of gluttony.
Still have laugh.. we would always put out snacks before hand, cheese & crackers, olives & pickles, deviled eggs and let people graze for a few hours and the main course would be late afternoon. My sister in law was making the deviled eggs that year , had them all laid out & filled, and reached into the spice cabinet for the paprika to shake on top of the eggs. But she wasn't looking and grabbed the cayenne pepper instead, and sprinkled it rather heavily I might add. Now I liked it as I do like hot things, but a daughter was just drooling for deviled eggs. She loved them and just could not get enough... well she grabbed one off the plate before it could even be set down on the table and popped it in her mouth.. and all the sudden her eyes got really big... she ate the egg but for some reason was hesitent to come back for more.
Now cayenne pepper is a family trademark on deviled eggs and there will always be one plate with paprika and another with cayenne.
That actually sounds better on deviled eggs than paprika. I would use sparingly tho
I use cayenne pepper on almost everything I eat. Wife doesn't like hot but I do. Occasionally she gets pissed because she takes it as sort of an insult.
wait until you try it on fresh home made french fries, along with the salt of course...
Mr G does home made fries, I'll try to remember that
the salt takes the edge off the hot. a light dusting of cayenne though, not a burial service.
I also switched from ketchup to picante sauce decades ago.
I didn't think you were supposed to dump half a jar on the fries.
I like my fries with Heinz 57 sauce, I like the zing
Ditto.....................
Cajun seasoning is fab on fries, too. Most folks are happy with a sprinkle. I prefer a bitch-slap.
Yes it is. I love Cajun food. There was at one time a small hole in the wall cafe off of Canal street in that served Cajun food. The owner was the Granddaughter of the man who first opened it back in the early 1900's. The small cafe only sat 12 people at a time. When I lived in Metairie with my Great Aunt we would go to New Orleans and eat there once a month. My Aunt loved the food, but, had never been able to master cooking it herself. So it was our treat.
When I was older I went to New Orleans and wanted to go back to the cafe and have some of their Cajun food again. But, the cafe had been turned to an oyster bar and the little cafe had been moved to a new location, which no one in the area seemed to know where that was.
I have never tasted Cajun food as good as that served in the little cafe. I have enjoyed other Cajun food, but, not near as much.
Another way Cajun seasoning is good is in draft beer.
"Slap Ya Mama" Cajun seasoning is always in my house now! After my husband and I returned from NOLA last year, I went nuts with the cajun and creole seasonings and learned how to make blackened chicken and salmon and learned how to make red beans and rice with Andouille sausage... MMMM!
I still can't do traditional "spicy" stuff that most people do here in Michigan; it gives me horrible acid reflux, but for some reason, nothing in NOLA gave me "the burn." It was SO good!
Even my kids love the blackened chicken and salmon.
Okay Raven Wing...
Can I just say that there was this little "sh*thole" bar type place that had the BEST food that we had while we were down there? I wonder if it's the same family that owns the place you're talking about. I know the place on Canal... the oyster bar. Don't get me wrong, they have great burgers at that oyster bar place [can't do oysters... I just can't], but that little bar had DELICIOUS food. If I hadn't been from the Detroit area, I might have been too scared to go into this place. Seriously. There was an armed door man. The paint was dark, the wood floors were warped, and the stairs were narrow and treacherous... but the food!!! OMG! So good!
Red beans and rice is like a comfort food down here.
Now I am in the mood for some good gumbo.
I love red beans and rice!
Me too. Add a splash of hotsauce.
been there, done that, didn't tell the dinner guests...
took a 5 year break from KFC decades ago because I found a set of lungs in a breast once...
Deep fried lung. Think I would have to pass as well.
My father use to like fried chicken livers.
My mom did too. Never tried one, never will
My mom and my auntie were/are huge fried chicken gizzard/liver lovers. Maybe it's a Texas thing.
My mom never ventured further south than the southernmost border of VA...lived in PA all her life and she still liked those icky things. Some folks think it's a southern thing.
Love them. And Gizzards as well.
So did my family. My Father was born and raised in Winnsboro TX, so he was big on those kinds of things. But, living in Ft Worth TX for several years growing up I learned to cook a lot of Southern style dishes from my Paternal Grandmother.
I cannot gag that shit down. it's like eating dirt clods. same thing with sheep meat. too gritty, yuk.
My mom does, too. If she orders them when we eat out, I try to sit at the other end of the table because of the smell.
Yeah....No...I would not go there either. Nor the heart.
I think I tried a heart once and it was really chewy so I spit it out.
When I was first married I got out my new Betty Crocker cook book. Decided to roast a chicken and use rice as stuffing. The damned recipe didn't say to cook the rice first !
The result was a disaster. I was all upset and called my mom and told her I tried to make a chicken and everything that happened. After my rant she calmly said "Patti, only God can "make" a chicken !
Two days before I got married was Thanksgiving. We were in Alaska and already living in our apartment. So Mr G decides to invite all his buddies over for dinner. Trout has never cooked a turkey in her entire 27 years of living. So....I make several phone calls that day all the way to PA to bother my mom. Finally she told me "Did you get the Butterball like I told you? You did? Good. The directions are on the package. Now go cook!"
It was a 25 pound turkey that barely fit in our oven. But I got it in there, got it cooked, and even managed to make stuffing, mashed potatoes and all the other fixings (I had done that before) and nobody ended up in the ER
That's always a good sign of a successful dinner.
Especially if it's your first real dinner party
That was always my worry when learning to cook from my Sicilian Father-in-Law, who was the family cook of Sicilian style cooking. My MIL was from Naples Italy and she only knew how to cook a few things in the Northern Italian styles, which is a good deal different from Sicilian style cooking.
So after learning to cook from my FIL, I had to learn how to cook from my MIL. Being as they were very different, it was often hard to keep the styles separate and I did mess up at times. And I did hear about it for several years. But, I did finally get the styles down pat.
Sicilian and Neopolitan....very different indeed
Does Northern Italian use more butter and cream than Sicilians? I would imagine Sicilian is pretty much tomato and olive oil based
Excellent !
Northern Italians use more sugar. The tomatoes grown in the North are very acidic so they tend to be bitter tasting. They told me that is because there is a lot of acid in the soil sue to the volcano eruptions over time. So are the other vegetables used in their dishes. So in order to subdue the bitterness they use a good deal of sugar in their sauces and other food. Breads too. They use more Rosemary and Basil to sort of counter the sugar. They use more Thyme and not so much Oregano.
One of my SIL was married to a Northern Italian and so all the food she cooked was Northern style. When we had dinner with them one night I was surprised at the difference, as I had not eaten Northern style Italian food before.
Sicilian style is more tart, lots of garlic and little sugar. They use Oregano than Thyme. It is really the Thyme that gives it that real Italian flavor, not the Oregano. I only use Thyme in my Sicilian cooking, as I don't like Oregano, and I have never had anyone complain about the taste of my cooking. And I don't use sugar in my sauce.
That's a lot of information that I had not known before. I like it.
Managed to actually burn water once on the side of a mountain with my Jet Boil. Melting snow to drink is not quite as easy as it might seem.
Oh yeah... Just last weekend some over easy eggs turned into scrambled because I forgot to use cooking spray. I put those on a plate and went to put the next two eggs in the pan and nearly did the same thing again.
Years back, I was bit under the weather (read stoned) and decided I wanted some boiled eggs. Put them on to cook and fell asleep on the couch. Woke up to the smoke filled apartment and alarm as they exploded when the water evaporated and they kept "cooking". THAT was the grossest smell this side of sulfur and took DAYS to get out...........
Ha. I have done that before. One night was a little drunk and decide to try some of those ramen noodles. Fell asleep (passed out) and woke up to a burning smell.
I didn't know one could actually burn a hole in a sauce pan.
been there, done that with a boiling bag entree in the 80's. completely melted the bottom of the pot away. unhappy wife next day.
Thinking back now to my story, I DO remember some of the bottom of the pan melted and stuck to the burner (electric stove). Took a while to scrape it off of the element.
manual labor? fuck that. new element, new burner dish, new pot, next day. ezpz
I soon graduated to falling asleep with a frozen pizza in the oven and being wakened by the fire department at 2am, because it was summer and I left the kitchen window open. thank god for 24 hour drive up windows.
Lol did the same thing while drunk except it was with hotdogs. Had to wash every surface multiple times to get rid of the horrible smell, didn't burn a hole in the pot though just melted it down to about half its former height.
Good times
The tenant who lives in the apartment above my office did the same thing a few months ago, but he left to run a quick errand that turned out to be not so quick. Fortunately, he left his door unlocked, so when the smoke alarm went off, I was able to turn his stove off.
He's a cook by profession.
Stuffed flounder sounds really good.
Sad note, on that one sentence of five words, I looked up after I typed it and three of the words were spelled wrong. I think I start typing in the wrong spot, one letter over.
I do that as well sometimes. Shift one key over. Luckily I look at what I am typing off and on and catch it.
Stuffed flounder is good. And easy. Except I don't try and stuff the actual fish. I make a "sandwich" with fish as the bread and the crab stuffing as the filling.
One thing I have noticed. Years ago everyone was using a propane grill.
Now it seems like most people are back to using charcoal and/or wood chips.
It may be a regional thing, we're still mostly propane in my neighborhood
I have a gas grill, a old weber charcoal grill, a charcoal/wood smoker grill and a electric smoker...I use them all.
My Bil still uses propane for the big easy. Uses it for mostly wings. Then a big drum with charcoal and wood chips. Kind of like a smoker.
I still have a big propane stainless steel gas grill. Never use it though. I don't cook much at a time so use a small charcoal one.
While we have a huge gas grill, we used to have a charcoal. Our neighbors have a smoker. Our neighborhood likes variety I suppose. We actually found our gas grill at a garage sale. Stainless with a searing burner, a side pot "gas stove" type burner [lit separately], a rotisserie, and a very large grilling surface. I found out that grill was about 3 - 5 years old and original price was $1400 [roughly]. We paid $10 for it. My husband cleaned it up, we used it a few times and one of the burners on the main part of the grill needed replacing, but the entire kit was $70 on ebay. So, we have a $1400 grill that we put $80 into. Not bad if you ask me.
And KDM, are you from MI or live there now? I'm in southeast MI.
yes
Propane here. I used to use charcoal, but getting it going was such a pain, and occasionally dangerous.
The metal cans you put your briquets in and start them with newspaper work nice. I haven't bought charcoal fluid in years.
Not really a cooking disaster but definitely an epic kitchen fail.
When the babies were little I used to sterilize the bottle nipples by boiling them for about a minute. I had a special Vision Ware "sauce" pan that was perfect for boiling water and nothing else. Well, Mr G got busy, tired, or something and forgot about the boiling nipples.
The water all boiled off and the nipples were melted to the bottom of the pot. Needless to say, I was not happy and sent him to the store for new bottles and nipples
As some of you may know, I run a cupcake/cake business. I was baking a cake for an Indian bachelorette party. They wanted a hot Bollywood star on a bed. I try to bake cakes fresh, and the day of the baking was 99 degrees outside and my kitchen between the baking and the temp, even with the airconditioning on, kept melting the part of the cake was icing (not the fondant). I finally thought I had enough stabilizer in the cake and I then had to deliver it. Well the cake started to melt in the car. I have never had this happen to me and I was having a stroke. I had to repair the cake in the house, using a ziplock as pipping bag and scrape up all the frosting that had come off (with some cake crumbs) and repipe them onto the cake. I don't know what happened after that. I have to say, that was the worst disaster I ever had. Here is the cake before it started to melt:
It's pretty cute. Is the blanket made of fondant?
Yes it was as was the top of the bed. Now knowing what I know, I would have done most of the cake in fondant.
carry a can of compressed air with you, like those that people use to clean computer keyboards. a couple shots of that freezes the surface of anything. make sure you get the chemical free stuff.
And here I was gonna suggest a cooler. Your idea is much simpler
Never heard of the chemical free stuff.
straight co2 fire extinguishers work too.
Thanks for the info.
Wow! That is a great looking cake! And looks like a lot of work!
Very creative !
Is he naked under there?
Years ago, my best friend had a boob-job. As flight attendants, we celebrated everything, and new boobs were an excellent reason to get together and drink. I made a boob cake. The guest list got away from me, and what should have been about 25 or 30 people turned into 75 people...all pilots and flight attendants. We were all based in Houston, so it was hot and humid. We were singing 'Happy boob-job to you, happy boob-job to you, happy boob-job dear Janet, happy boob-job to you!', when I set the cake down, one jiggly jello boob slid off one side of the case, and the other slid off the opposite side of the cake. I never heard the end of it. Either I flew with someone who was there, or I passed someone in the airport who was there, or I saw someone out who was there. Never made another jiggly boob cake. The whole thing was pretty funny, though.
That is a hysterical story, Sister. I can picture the slipping boobage in my mind, LOL!
Same here. My SIL had a boob job in Tijuana. Not the implants, the fill type (don't remember what it was called). She had to have 3 injections over three months. After the last one she was glad it was all over. As she was originally very small busted after having all that stuff injected it was pretty painful as her boobs got bigger over the 3 months period.
She was supposed to wear her special bra for the first 6 months to keep the boobs in place, but, she had always wanted to go braless, so she wore the special bra after the first two injections, but, decided to enjoy going braless after the third one. Needless to say, one of her boobs slipped down a bit the difference was pretty noticeable. So she started wearing the special bra again in hopes that it would force the one droopy boob to go back where it should be.
It did return to its normal position, but, she stopped wearing the special bra again thinking the boob would stay in place. However, the other one started to droop and shift to one side. As the stuff was starting to set and harden, starting to wear the special bra again didn't correct either one. So she wound up with 2 droopy boobs and one that listed to one side. And that made it difficult to wear any kind of bra, as the one that listed to one side would not fit well into the bra cup and always looked like it was trying to escape.
Sadly the problem only got worse over time as they continued to sag and the one listed even more to the one side. For my SIL, her dream boobs turned into her worst nightmare.
you know that every male there was hoping she was proud enough to reveal them. hopefully she didn't disappoint.
Just my opinion but that's not a mistake rather it's a prediction of what would happen to them later in life.
I didn't think slipping and sliding happened to breast implants
Lol I have no idea really, was just being a smart ass
You're a funny smartass.
From personal experience, they will drop a little, but as long as they're under the muscle, they don't sag like "original equipment."
Years ago, my mother bought one of the first microwaves. It was about half the size of the stove. All I had used it for was to heat soup, but I heard it would defrost things. Parents were gone and a friend and me thought we could cook steak in this new thing. Put them in frozen and turn it on high because it was big, expecting something magic to happen. Half burned and half still froze and tasted awful and made a mess.
And then you learned where the defrost button was, didn't you?
There's a defrost button?
I got told to read the instructions and have never tried to do a steak in a microwave again. I am fairly good at reheating leftover steak in a microwave now.
LOL! Mr Giggles reheated french fries in the microwave last night. I could have told him it was a bad idea before he tried it.
That didn't work when I tried it, I don't think there is much hope for leftover French fries
Totally sacrilegious - who has left over french fries??????
Yes there is if you have an air fryer
Mr G bought fries from David's Burgers Monday evening and put them in the oven to heat them back up. Bad idea....they were limp.
So Tuesday night he nukes them...even bigger mistake.
Tonite We Fry!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want one of those
Of course I will eat nothing but David's Burgers fries....
21 y.o. daughter thinks all meals come with fries. So she ALWAYS goes to Sams and buys the huge bag of Arby's Curley Fries, a large jar of mayo and large jar of ketchup. Mixes the mayo and ketchup while the fries are in the oven at 425 bake for 20 minutes. Gotta hand it to her - 5'5", 96 lbs and just luvs sugary stuff. Keep on telling her that she's gonna look like her Ggrandma and Grandma - both 5'2" - 160+ lbs - and she just laughs. Ah well - been there, done that.
I keep telling my 17 y.o. daughter the same thing. I show her my 4'11" 165 lb. midsection and tell her, "This is your future." I didn't eat as terribly as she does and it's a matter of genetics and metabolism as you age. I tend to have a new plateau every decade or so... I'm hoping that I don't have another new plateau that's higher. Since I've been working from home, I've actually lost a few lbs. Lack of stressful commutes gives me a little more energy in the evenings to do things around the house outside.
Yes. And round is a shape.
I lovelovelove a thick, rare and seared steak; the rarer the better. Haven't tried burnt and still frozen, yet.
Sounds like my dad, when he pulls his steak off the bbq the inside is still purple (if you look closely you can still read the tattoo on the edge)
Dad and I would ask the waiter/wait staff to walk the cow by and we would hold our lighter next to it - done to perfection.
When clams fly. Once upon a time, We were grilling and a little drinking, an appetizer of deviled clams was on the grill. Neighbor went to serve them and put them on a Styrofoam plate. The hot clam shells melted the plate, burnt his hand, he threw the melting plate and suddenly we were hit with many hot clams while he jumped around and yelled.
Saturday he tried for a repeat performance, this time crabcakes right off the grill. Put them on Styrofoam plates again. I thought, Oh No Not Again, but maybe without shells it won't melt the plate. The Styrofoam held up until the plate got to the table, then it melted away. The crabcakes were saved and the story of flying clams was laughed about. The head cook claimed this was because he had not been drinking very much.
You know how older gas ranges had a pilot light that was always burning? I lost a few Tupperware lids to that pilot light. Took the lid off of a container of soup, scooped some out to reheat on the stove, and when I was ready to put the soup back in the fridge, the lid had a hole in it.
I've burned my share of steaks, chicken, cookies, etc. because I'm a distracted cook. I can't be trusted without an oven timer.
The worst cooking mistake I ever made was to put too much black pepper into a stew. I wanted to make it really spicy and decided to try black pepper for the purpose. Since I thought black pepper was kind of benign I put a shitload into the stew.
That sucker was on fire after that, and was inedible. Put enough black pepper into a dish and it will burn your tongue off.
I know how to fix something if it's oversalted but not if it's overpeppered
A DEFINITE epic kitchen/marriage fail -
This is not a fail, well may be to some, but I thought it was cool.
Hmmm- interesting.
Check out this silverware.
Definitely hate the fork. I like forks with fairly long handles.
About that yellow cube thingy you posted. How does that thing work?
Yeah, those utensils would get on my nerves. Believe it or not they want 330 USD for the four pieces.
This is the cube. Don't know how practical it would be.
The cube and I would not get along. When I put a liquid in it, pour it out, I will forget to wipe it out and when I turn it over to measure something else....I make a mess. I would rather used 4 or 5 measuring cups and spoons
What I think is a big spoon (3rd item from the left) would kill me, I'd spill everything out before it could reach my mouth
Are you sure that's a spoon?
Personally, I like little spoons. Believe it or not I actually have a small mouth, an oral surgeon even told me so.
Funny how we all pick different things. The knife would drive me nuts.
Lol not at all
I'll believe you. For me the mouth is not the problem, my hands are a little shaky so spoons and me are not friends
We are all different and that's cool
Don't heat up grape seed oil; it likes to burst into flame.
OK - this is nothing special - just an assumption gone wrong.
Remember "Wacky Cake"? You know the one with no eggs or milk?
So, I figured I didn't need the icing.
Not bad.
I was on a roll.
So, I figured I didn't need the cocoa either ...
Sigh.