13 Microaggressions Black People Deal With All The Time
By: Kelsey Borresen
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Racism comes in many forms — and that includes the insidious microaggression.
Columbia University professor Derald Wing Sue, who studies the psychology of racism and anti-racism, summed up racial microaggressions as the "everyday insults, indignities and demeaning messages sent to people of color" by individuals who are often oblivious to the offensive nature of their words or actions. Microaggressions can be directed at members of any marginalized group, including the LGBTQIA+ community, women and people with disabilities. Here, we'll focus on those geared toward the Black community.
Microaggressions are broken down into three categories: microassaults, microinsults and microinvalidations.
Microassaults are the more obvious and deliberate discriminatory behaviors, such a cashier purposely skipping over a Black customer in line, telling a racist joke or wearing a T-shirt with a Confederate flag on it.
Microinsults and microinvalidations, on the other hand, tend to be unconscious, unintentional and less obvious. In fact, well-intentioned perpetrators of microinsults often believe they're being complimentary when they tell a Black colleague that they're "so articulate." An example of a microinvalidation is when a white person says they're "colorblind" to racial differences (thus minimizing the struggles that non-white people have dealt with because of their skin color) or tries to claim that racism doesn't exist anymore.
"It's a monumental task to get white people to realize that they are delivering microaggressions because it's scary to them," Sue told the American Psychological Association. "It assails their self-image of being good, moral, decent human beings to realize that maybe at an unconscious level they have biased thoughts, attitudes and feelings that harm people of color."
The perpetrator and even the recipient of the microaggression may try to brush off these comments as if they're no big deal, but the cumulative effect of these interactions can be damaging to Black, Indigenous and people of color's mental and physical health. The stress of being exposed to these incidents over time is linked to depression, psychological trauma, anxiety and high blood pressure, among other negative health outcomes.
Below, Black people share the microaggressions they've personally had to deal with and why they're offensive:
1. When an airport gate agent questions why you're in line for business class.
"I travel a lot as a wedding photographer and because of my airline frequent flyer status, I'm upgraded most of the time and get to fly in business class. Ticketing and gate agents always ask me if I'm in the correct line. They want to make me aware that I'm in a line of privilege. I'm usually singled out and asked if I'm flying business. At first, I used to say yes, but I started noticing that I was the only one asked most times, especially if I was the only Black person in the business line. Now, I audibly question why they single me out." — Joshua Dwain, wedding photographer
2. When someone tells you you're so pretty that they 'don't even think of you as Black.'
"Although the insult here should be obvious, the several well-intentioned people that paid me this 'compliment' seemed to have no idea how insulting and hurtful this is. The idea that one cannot be both Black and pretty runs deep in this country. While growing up, every single example of beauty in the media and in my beloved books were white girls or women. Black people, particularly with hair like mine, were often relegated to the role of the dowdy best friend — if they appeared in the show, film or book at all. Nothing I read or saw growing up told me that Black was pretty." —Laura Cathcart Robbins, writer and host of "The Only One In The Room" podcast
3. When people assume you got into a college because of an athletic scholarship.
"As an alumni of a private university, when someone asks if I played basketball in college, it implies that I was accepted on a sports-related scholarship instead of an academic basis. This is an assumption that all African Americans are athletic and mainly attend college through sports scholarships. I have never been a part of a sports team and I attended my university on a partial academic scholarship." ― C.D., nurse
4. When a retail employee follows you around the store because they assume you're going to shoplift.
"When I'm shopping in a store, like at the mall, and the store clerk follows me around the store constantly asking, 'Do you need help finding anything?' Asking once is fine, as I understand the need for good customer service. However, being constantly watched with the intent of criminality is another microaggression experienced by Black people. It assumes that we are stealing or don't have the money to buy the clothes in the store. Anytime I notice this behavior, I decide not to spend my money there. " ―Erlanger Turner, psychology professor
5. Or when a retail worker immediately directs you to the sales rack.
"A few years ago, I went to Macy's on 34th St. I walked into the Louis Vuitton section to find a gift for my mother. As soon as I walked in, the sales associate greeted me and, without any prompt, proceeded to direct me to the sales rack. I was dumbfounded. I didn't understand, only to realize I was the only Black customer who had walked into the store and the only one who wasn't dressed in designer brands. I left the store right then and there. I didn't even want to get a gift for my mother after that. I just looked around window shopping then eventually went home. I spoke to my husband and some friends about it but never truly addressed how it bothered me." ― Jan-Kristof Louis-Mansano, school counselor
6. When people ask to touch your hair — or just do it without your permission.
"I was at a party where a white woman, who I had met several times before, asked if she could touch my hair (even though she had never asked before). Then, before I could respond, she had both hands on my Afro.
It was done to draw attention to me and embarrass me. This woman grew up in the 70s and has probably seen more Afros than me, but she acted like Afros were a brand new concept. Secondly, she violated my personal space and touched me without my permission because she felt she had the right. That entitlement and violation is racism." ― Valencia Morton, blogger at Millionairess Mama
7. When they make you feel invisible.
"White people have the amazing ability to ignore what is different than their norm. My presence has been ignored in plenty of white spaces for no other reason than the color of my skin. In work settings, this is demoralizing and causes racial trauma." — Renee Cherez, travel writer
8. When they say you have good hair because it's 'not nappy.'
"This statement implies that to have good hair is to have hair resembling Eurocentric features. 'Kinky' or 'nappy' hair isn't seen as beautiful in the eyes of society and wouldn't be referred to as 'good hair.'" — C.D.
9. Or when they tell you your hair isn't 'professional.'
"Years ago, when I was working in a very corporate banking environment, I decided to chop off all my hair. I wanted to start over and embrace my natural texture instead of beating it into submission every month with relaxers. I remember when my supervisor caught wind of my plan to chop my hair off that weekend, she made a point to stop by my desk and lean in before saying, 'I know you want to be an individual and everyone loves your energy. But I don't think cutting off all your hair is going to fly here. It's not very professional.' She was telling me that showing up as my authentic self — and my most healthy self — would not be accepted and possibly not even tolerated. I chopped my hair off that weekend and quit a few months later."— Ashley Simpo, writer and content strategist
10. When people marvel at how 'well-spoken' you are.
"This statement implies that it's shocking that a person of color is able to not only articulate their thoughts but hold an intellectual conversation. This is an assumption that people of color are less educated than their counterparts." — C.D.
11. When a white person tells you they 'don't see color.'
"If you can look at me and not see color, then you are denying my racial experiences and my existence. As a Black woman, my race and my womanhood are interwoven. I am both at the same time, all the time. To be colorblind is to disregard my or any Black person's humanity." — Cherez
12. When they expect you to be a spokesperson for your entire race.
"The Black Lives Matter movement was being discussed in a space of mostly white people and I was the only Black man. I was essentially tokenized by another member of the group, equating all of my personal experiences to those of all Black people. The crazy part is that I didn't even realize it until two other group members pointed it out post-meeting. This is a problem where we have become used to being 'the other' that we don't realize when we are being targeted anymore." ― Kellan Mansano, social worker
13. When they address your white partner instead of you.
"'Let me show you around, sir.' I can't tell you how many times this statement was directed only to my white boyfriend while the two of us were house hunting a little over three years ago. Never mind that the down payment was coming from me — those realtors never failed to shake his hand first and look to him for answers during the showing. Even when he would say, 'Actually, you better talk to her about the length of escrow or inspections etc.,' they would still end up addressing him instead of me.
Sure, there was definitely some sexism in play, but many of my white, straight couple-friend-homeowners were also shocked to hear how far it went. These realtors were clearly not ready for a Black female decision-maker." ― Cathcart Robbins
Should You Respond To A Microaggression?
If you're on the receiving end of a microaggression, the choice to respond to or ignore the offense is ultimately up to you. Educating a "fragile" white person about the error of their ways requires a certain amount of emotional labor, which BIPOC simply may not have the energy for. To help you decide if you should bring it up or let it slide, consider the following factors from Kevin Nadal, a professor of psychology at John Jay College who developed a guide to responding to microaggressions:
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Will your physical safety be in jeopardy if you bring it up?
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Will the offender be defensive and/or will this lead to an argument?
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How will bringing it up affect your relationship with this person?
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If you ignore it, will you regret doing so?
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If you let them off the hook, does that convey that you're OK with what they did or said?
There's no one "right" way to respond. Some people might choose to make a joke or a sarcastic remark or gesture, such as roll their eyes, Nadal wrote. Some may share how the comment made them feel and explain to the perpetrator why it's insulting. And others may need to release pent-up frustration by yelling. You're well within your right to feel agitated or hurt by a microaggression, just know that labeling the offender a racist is likely to trigger defensiveness and escalate the conversation into an argument, he added. For that reason, it may be helpful to focus on and call out the racist behavior instead of calling the perpetrator a racist.
Others may choose to turn the microaggression back on the offender as a way to shine a light on the absurdity and rudeness of their comment. Implicit bias trainer and educator Denise Evans, a Black woman, told Yes! magazine writer Ruth Terry that when a white person tells her she's "articulate," she says, "Thank you very much, so are you." She then asks the person why they called her "articulate" and suggests potential reasons, like if it's because she's a woman, she's Black, or she's a New Yorker.
"And I literally wait for [an] answer," she told Yes! magazine. "I give people their microaggression and their implicit biases back in a pretty box with a nice bow on it. I hand it to you, and I wait for you to open it and tell me what you see."
If you'd prefer to avoid confrontation, that's OK, too.
"If someone chooses not to address the perpetrator, talking to your support system can help you cope and process what happened," Lois Kirk, a licensed professional counselor, said.
As a white person or other non-Black ally, if you get called out for a microaggression, it's your duty to apologize, listen to the criticism and be open to learning. It doesn't matter if you meant well: Your intentions are irrelevant. And if you witness a microaggression occurring, you can step in to help lighten the burden placed on Black people.
"Our colleagues of color are constantly being taxed by microaggressions and the stress that goes with that," Rev. Carolyn Helsel told CNN. "So it's important that white people who are not operating under the same stressful conditionsto be able to be bold and speak out, so that we can all be as productive and as fruitful in our work as we can be."
Responses were lightly edited for length and clarity.
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"To be colorblind is to disregard my or any Black person's humanity."
- Renee Cherez, travel writer
1. When an airport gate agent questions why you're in line for business class.
Probably not in the way it is portrayed here. In most cases, gate workers look at EVERYBODY'S boarding passes to ensure they are in the right place. Makes for easier boarding if everyone knew which line they are supposed to be in.
2. When someone tells you you're so pretty that they 'don't even think of you as Black.'
Honestly I've never heard that before.
3. When people assume you got into a college because of an athletic scholarship.
That question has probably been asked alot, but not in the way of being racist or triggering someone. If you are 7'2, the natural curiosity is if you played basketball in school. Hell, black people ask this of other blacks all the time.
4. When a retail employee follows you around the store because they assume you're going to shoplift.
I explained my view on this before
5. Or when a retail worker immediately directs you to the sales rack.
I have never seen this happen before, however, the scenario listed took place in a Macy's in NYC. Normally, those that work in such a high end store in NY are white liberals, so...
6. When people ask to touch your hair — or just do it without your permission.
Happens to all races, not just black. It especially happens to Asian women with very straight long hair.
7. When they make you feel invisible.
Again, happens with all races. Maybe you have an attitude, or a reputation.
8. When they say you have good hair because it's 'not nappy.'
I have heard black people say this of black women.
9. Or when they tell you your hair isn't 'professional.'
Again, happens to every race. Corporations have grooming standards, so blue or purple hair on a white person, male or female, would be looked at as unprofessional in many settings.
10. When people marvel at how 'well-spoken' you are.
Like the white liberal Joe Biden who referred to a particular black gut as clean, articulate, etc? Yea, I can see where that is racist.
11. When a white person tells you they 'don't see color.'
Well, because most white people don't see color. That, truly, only happens in the white liberal circle where they differentiate by race and tell you what you should be offended or microaggressed by.
12. When they expect you to be a spokesperson for your entire race.
Only natural if you are the only black person discussing black issues to ask for your opinion. If I were the only white guy or Asian guy in a group of blacks, I would probably be asked my opinion on something that affects my race.
13. When they address your white partner instead of you.
If you are a white guy married to or dating any woman, normally the host will acknowledge the man. It's only human behavior.
Same thing if the races were reversed.
"Micro aggressions" are only in the eyes of those who want to be offended by something. The rest live in the real world.
It's amazing that you felt compelled to rebut every one of the 13 statements. You must keep a fricking log book or something.
No log book. Very easy to rebut.
Much like your seeds and posts.
Because you think they are going to steal something. That says more about you than the person in your store
What's interesting is that white and black Americans shoplift at the same rates, the only category that was substantially different were that the vast majority of shoplifters are women. So perhaps a shopkeeper should follow female shoppers instead of following black shoppers, and when that happens and they feel the backlash from women perhaps they'll just monitor all customers the same instead of trying to profile the shoplifters.
Honestly I've never heard that before.
Well if you have never heard of something...that absolute proof it doesn't exist!
like democrat policies that assume black people...
I agree, we should probably stop that bs.
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This is not about Democrats. Talk about the seed and do not derail.
But it's true. Funny how the truth offends some.
I did talk about the seed
democrat policies and attitudes are microaggressions.
I can understand why the left would want to keep this under wraps but facts are facts,
like it or not, the black community is catching on to the white leftist bs at record speed.
but you could always attempt to prove me wrong.
tell me why the statement: "your not black if you don't vote for joe biden" is not a microaggression?
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Not all these things are necessarily or automatically racial. And some things, well, frankly, if they bother you, you kinda need to get over yourself. You don't have a right to be protected from other people's opinions or beliefs that you disagree with.
Maybe you're just athletic-looking, in which case, consider being flattered. Maybe you're talking to someone who is into sports. Unless it's clear this is asked because of race, it's racist to assume it is.
I worked retail a long time ago, and people who work retail are trained to do this with everybody. It's not race-specific. There are several anti-shoplifting practices that retail workers employ. They follow you around, ask if they can help you find something, offer to take what you're holding to the counter, etc. You'll get extra scrutiny if you walked in with a bag or backpack, or if you seem to linger in quieter corners of the store. They're probably not trying to fuck with black people. After all, they want paying customers. They're just trying to not get robbed.
When People Ask To Touch Your Hair — Or Just Do It Without Your Permission.
I know white people with red hair who get this kind of attention all the time. People are fascinated by things outside their everyday experience. While there is no justification for touching someone without permission, I think if you are offended that someone likes your hair, you might be be looking for a problem.
Or When They Tell You Your Hair Isn't 'Professional.'
A lot of places have annoying ideas about what looks professional. This hits us all at some point. Sucks, but it's not unique to black people. In fact, look at the example:
What does that have to do with being black? Nothing, that I can see.
Yeah, that's rude. See: Joe Biden
Ah, bullshit. You're living the dream, but you don't appreciate it. The person who says this wants to interact with who you are on the inside. That is as it should be. If you want to define yourself by race and insist everyone else do it, too, then I'd say you are the one with the problem.
See: Every race-obsessed, race-baiting leftist who thinks Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, or any other successful black person has some kind of duty to crusade on behalf of black people, or thinks that any black conservative is a traitor to his people.
Tacos, are white people the true victims of racism in this society?
Nope. But not everybody who thinks they are being mistreated actually is.
Most blacks are not victims of racism either.
Correct !
Saul Alinsky’s 12 Rules for Radicals…
RULE 6: “A good tactic is one your people enjoy.”
RULE 8: “Keep the pressure on. Never let up.”
RULE 9: “The threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself.”
RULE 10: “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.”
RULE 12: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.”
Not EVERYONE...… has a "Police Issue" !
Here is a basic problem with this approach:
Notice that not one of the options is "consider that maybe you have misread things" or "consider that there might be another reason for the behavior" or even "get over yourself."
It is simply improbable that every time you are offended, you are always in the right and everyone else is always in the wrong.
In my life, I have been congratulated on being articulate several times. It had nothing to do with race. I am articulate. More articulate than the average person. I am not, by any means, the ultimate public speaker or anything, but verbal expression legitimately is something I have had more than average success with. Sometimes a compliment is simply well-earned. Say "thank you" and don't assume the worst in people.
On the other hand, they likely have some negative impression of you that you will never hear about. It's pretty arrogant to assume that you know everything that everyone else is thinking at all times.
I always thought this one funny. The dumbest thing I had somebody tell me is that I should treat people according to their skin color. What the fuck does that even mean?
Growing up I was taught that you don't treat people differently based on skin color. When I say "I don't see skin color" it's because peoples skin color is irrelevant. I treat people based on how they act. Act like an ass, I'll treat you like an ass.
Yep. Assholes come in every color, religion, size, shape, sex, sexual orientation, job title... you get the point. I was taught to not be friends or in a relationship with an asshole. It's quite simple really.
Okay, I'm asking all of you to advise me if I did a microwhatever when I was in university in the late 1950s. I was voted president of the Sociology Club and was required to choose a VP from the membership. There was only one black member - he was a mature student from Jamaica, in his early 30s. I still remember his name - Ken Smith. I chose him as my VP, a reason being he must have had many more life experiences than any member, and experiences none of the rest of us would ever have encountered. Nobody disagreed. He told me afterwards that he was so honoured by my doing that that he almost cried - he had never been chosen for any kind of position in his life. But I ask you, was my favouring him over so many others considered to be some sort of reverse discrimination?
No, I don't think so. You chose him for his life experiences and he was from another country. This is a Sociology Club, is it not? Sounds like you made a good choice
I don't think so.
Sounds like you chose him for experience that no on else had.
In my opinion, which may not mean much, you were trying to do what was best for the members of the club by choosing someone who could advice them on many topics and circumstances in real life that perhaps others could not. I would consider your choice to be both reasonable and logical.
And I thought that kinda stuff only happened to me.
No need to feel bad about it..it does not mean there's something "wrong" with you...
Nobody's perfect... we all make mistakes!
Honestly I've never heard that before.
Well if you have never heard of something...that absolute proof it doesn't exist!
That was meant as sarcasm...my bad, I "inadvertently" forgot the /sarc label.
Before I read any other comments, I want to leave mine. What I just read, the majority of those comments or actions are quite obvious to me [a white girl]. I was guilty of only one of those things and only once because my friend explained the issue immediately. He knew I meant nothing harmful by it. I asked him if I could touch his hair because it looked so soft; his was natural. No one else was around and it was out of simple curiosity. He wasn't offended, but explained why someone might be. I understood and never did anything like that again.
People ask me if they can touch my hair all the time... it's long [now], salt [actually more like a silver] and pepper, naturally wavy, and shiny. I stopped coloring my hair a long time ago and I get more compliments on my silver streaks than I ever did when I colored it, but people [yes, strangers too] frequently ask to touch or play with my hair. My sophomore year of high school, the girl behind me used to play with my hair and braid it because she wanted to; I think it somehow helped her concentrate and comforted her in some way. Maybe it's just the way my family functions... we all play with each other's hair.