Uncle Bruce

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Uncle Santa Bruce's Twisted Christmas Roundup!

By:  Uncle Bruce  •  NT  •  one month ago  •  33 comments

Uncle Santa Bruce's Twisted Christmas Roundup!

Naughty Girls to the bedroom for your gifts!

Gather round chillrens.  Get you a cup of hot chocolate, or some egg nog.  Uncle Santa Bruce has his mug of Jack Daniels Egg Nog, and I'm gonna share some of my favorite Christmas songs with ya.  So take a seat on the floor here.  Except you Sister Mary Agnes.  And you Perrie.  I heard you two girls have been naughty this year.  You two come sit on Uncle Santa Bruce's lap.  I got a special gift for naughty girls like you.

Now, before we begin, I have to say something:

WARNING!  WARNING!  Some of these vids are of a very ADULT nature.  If you are easily offended by sexual humor, scroll on by.  WARNING! WARNING!

Uncle Santa Bruce, being a completely uncouth Submarine Sailor, who's favorite past times are drinking at the titty bar and banging snatch (clean shaven or well trimmed, Uncle Bruce doesn't like to floss while he eats) my sense of humor can be rather dark and dirty.  You may not find things as funny as I do.  And that's fine.  I wont judge you if you don't, and I don't give a shit if you judge me.  So you've been warned.

I'll start out with what I like to refer to as the Uncle Santa Bruce Family Christmas Anthem:

Man, That Kim is HOT!!!

Okay, now a twist on the Rodents of Christmas.

Okay, so if that was just too much for ya, let's deal with these rodents:

Youtube has a lot of vids attributed to the Bob Rivers Radio show.  Many are not his, but this one is.  A word from the Angel on top of the tree.

Okay, enough of the PG-13 stuff.  Let's get on with the R and X rated stuff.  Another Bob River's song.

And now, an adult twist to the Sleigh Ride:

I found a new one I really like.  Since I'm now Santa at my house:

And my favorite.  Santa knows all the naughty girls so...

Okay chillrens, That's some funny shit right there.  I hope you got a good laugh out of them.  Now run along, me and Sister Mary Agnes and Perrie are going to the bedroom so they can tell me how naughty they've been.  Come along Cupcakes!

Go ahead and post your favorite Funny, or Dirty Christmas tunes.

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Perrie Halpern R.A.
1  Perrie Halpern R.A.    one month ago

It's true. I have been a very naughty girl, Uncle Bruce.. 

But be gentle. 

Hey, what do you have there? Oh no.. not that.. I told you no more with the whips and chains, Great Danes and a quart of Valvoline. 

 
 
 
Uncle Bruce
1.1  author  Uncle Bruce  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @1    one month ago

Hey, when your panties have "Spank this" printed on the back, what do you expect?

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
1.1.1  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  Uncle Bruce @1.1    one month ago
Hey, when your panties have "Spank this" printed on the back, what do you expect?

Which is why I have 'Spank this' tattooed right across both butt cheeks.  I never want there to be any question as to personal preference.

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
1.1.2  Nowhere Man  replied to  Uncle Bruce @1.1    one month ago
Hey, when your panties have "Spank this" printed on the back, what do you expect?

Nothing like knowing which end goes "up"

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
1.1.3  Nowhere Man  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @1.1.1    one month ago
I never want there to be any question as to personal preference.

Really! In Cursive or Block letters? I would suspect cursive, for the discerning lady....

 
 
 
Uncle Bruce
1.1.4  author  Uncle Bruce  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @1.1.1    one month ago
Which is why I have 'Spank this' tattooed right across both butt cheeks.

I think I'm gonna need more Egg Nog.

 
 
 
badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη
1.1.5  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @1.1.1    one month ago

I have "Your Name" tattooed on my ass.

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
1.2  Nowhere Man  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @1    one month ago
I told you no more with the whips and chains, Great Danes and a quart of Valvoline. 

I can understand the trepidation with whips, chains and Great Danes, but Valvoline?  don't you know that keeps your motor running girl?

 
 
 
JohnRussell
2  JohnRussell    one month ago

Just out of curiosity, how do you reconcile your x rated Christmas humor with the "real" meaning of Christmas as directed by your born again religious beliefs? 

 
 
 
Uncle Bruce
2.2  author  Uncle Bruce  replied to  JohnRussell @2    one month ago

John!  My Broham!  I thought you quit!  Good to see you!

Hey buddy, maybe you missed the part in the article where I said "and I don't give a shit if you judge me".  

But you know, I truly am glad you showed up.  My Christmas wish for you this year John is that you get that blowjob you so desperately need!  Being hetero, I would prefer you get it from a woman.  But hey, in this society now, if you find a guy that wants to do it, go for it.  What ever it takes for you to get rid of some of that pent up stress over the Holidays.

And don't worry John, your Idol Billy Clinton declared a blow job was not sexual relations.  IN fact, if you listen to the whole "Little Hummer Girl" song above, you'll find out it's about Monica.  Ol' Slick Willy knew what to do about pent up stress.

Merry Christmas my Broham!

 
 
 
JohnRussell
2.2.1  JohnRussell  replied to  Uncle Bruce @2.2    one month ago

You're more Christian than your boy Trump is, I'll give you that much.

 
 
 
WallyW
3  WallyW    one month ago

Sounds judgmental!

You need to come around more often Uncle Bruce, and keep these stiffs in line. jrSmiley_82_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Kathleen
3.1  Kathleen  replied to  WallyW @3    one month ago

Life's too short...you gotta have some fun. jrSmiley_2_smiley_image.png

 

 
 
 
Tessylo
4  Tessylo    one month ago

Banging snatch.  How classy.  

 
 
 
badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη
4.1  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη  replied to  Tessylo @4    one month ago

It's almost like you two are related or maybe you just read the same books.

 
 
 
Tessylo
4.1.1  Tessylo  replied to  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη @4.1    one month ago

What the fuck are you talking about?  Makes no sense.  

 
 
 
badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη
4.1.2  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη  replied to  Tessylo @4.1.1    one month ago

Similar vocabulary. Kind of strange you are calling Bruce out isn't it?

 
 
 
Tessylo
4.1.3  Tessylo  replied to  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη @4.1.2    one month ago

Whatever

 
 
 
It Is ME
4.1.5  It Is ME  replied to  Tessylo @4.1.3    one month ago
Whatever

Is that the new spelling for ……… ?

 
 
 
It Is ME
4.2  It Is ME  replied to  Tessylo @4    one month ago
How classy.  

"People gossip. People are insecure, so they talk about other people so that they won't be talked about. They point out flaws in other people to make them feel good about themselves. I think at any age or any social class, that's present. "

Blake Lively

 
 
 
Uncle Bruce
4.3  author  Uncle Bruce  replied to  Tessylo @4    one month ago

Don't be shy sweetcheeks!  I got a special gift for you too!

 
 
 
badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη
4.3.1  badfish hαηd ⊕ƒ †hε Ωuεεη  replied to  Uncle Bruce @4.3    one month ago

Does that come with a reach around?

 
 
 
Ender
5  Ender    one month ago

Hahaha

Some people are having better holidays than I am.

 
 
 
nightwalker
5.1  nightwalker  replied to  Ender @5    4 weeks ago

The secret is in uncle Bruce's eggnog. I heard the Chemical Warfare Department made him submit a sample this year.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
6  Paula Bartholomew    one month ago

Does anyone know why Santa has no children?  The winner gets a 3 balled billy goat, a frozen pizza, and a lifetime supply of Prep H.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
6.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @6    one month ago

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

I googled the answer so you can keep the billy goat and the prep H. I'll take the pizza
 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
6.1.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Trout Giggles @6.1    one month ago

Ding ding ding....we have a winner!

 
 
 
It Is ME
6.2  It Is ME  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @6    one month ago
Does anyone know why Santa has no children? 

He's very good at keeping secrets !

The Media, or anyone else outside the family for that matter,  isn't allowed anywhere near him. jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
6.2.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  It Is ME @6.2    one month ago

Good answer also but TG had the one I was going for.  You can however claim the goat and Prep H for coming in second.

 
 
 
It Is ME
6.2.2  It Is ME  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @6.2.1    one month ago
You can however claim the goat and Prep H for coming in second.

An Award that Feeds and relieves...….THANKS !

I'll take it ! jrSmiley_13_smiley_image.gif

Now what does TG get ? Only one "Frozen Pizza" ! I got two things for 2nd.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
6.2.3  Trout Giggles  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @6.2.1    one month ago

I cheated

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
6.2.4  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  It Is ME @6.2.2    one month ago

Well you can always share the two.  

 
 
 
It Is ME
6.2.5  It Is ME  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @6.2.4    one month ago

Okay.... I will ! Share the luv. jrSmiley_93_smiley_image.jpg