21 Unwritten Rules That People Of Color Follow Every Day
By: Morgan Sloss (BuzzFeed)
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
by Morgan Sloss
It's no secret that people of color are forced to walk through life differently than white people.
Bee32 / Getty Images/iStockphoto
So we recently asked the BIPOC [ Black, Indigenous, (and) People of Color ] folks in the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the rules they follow that most white people don't know about. Here's what they had to say :
1. "I am a Mexican American woman. I ALWAYS make sure to have my receipt in my hand when leaving a store. The number of times I've been stopped and asked for a receipt..."
2. "I'm from Louisiana where they still have 'sundown towns.' Avoid them at all costs, but if you have to pass through at night, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A FULL TANK OF GAS so that you don't have to stop."
3. "As a Black person, no matter how cold or windy it is, my hood stays off, and my earbuds/headphones stay off my ears."
4. "As a Middle Eastern man, I make sure to always shave and dress professionally when I go to the airport. I also try to arrive an extra hour earlier because nine times out of ten, I am the randomly chosen passenger to get searched by the TSA agents."
5. "As a Black woman, I usually keep my college jacket in the car. If I have to go to the emergency room, I'll receive better treatment if doctors see that I have a higher education."
6. "Make sure your hands are visible to the cameras when handling money at work. If money were to go missing, you would be the first one they suspected."
7. "I'm Mexican. I ALWAYS carry ID in case I'm stopped and asked to prove my legal status in the country."
8. "In predominantly white places, I don't speak loudly in another language. I fear someone will tell me the cliche, 'This is America; speak English.' Or someone might go off on my family for speaking another language."
9. "No matter how angry you get, you try and remain calm. If you raise your voice even a little - regardless of what you say or how you say it - you are instantly labeled an 'angry Black woman' and judged wrongly, even when you're right."
10. "As Asian people, we have to try our best to pronounce every syllable correctly. Instead of compassion and understanding if we mispronounce something, we get laughed at and called names. People who can only speak one language will question our intelligence when we are multilingual."
11. "As a Mexican American, you don't drive slowly through nice neighborhoods to admire the beautiful homes because people might think you're 'casing the place.'
12. "I want to buy a house in the next couple of years, and I actively avoid looking for properties in a primarily white location. It's just much more likely to be unwelcoming."
13. "As an Indian who lived in Texas, I'd avoid wearing traditional clothing in public at all costs. Certain parts are better than others, but better to be safe."
14. "As a Latino, I always try to keep my distance when walking near white folks because they start guarding their pockets and purses when they notice me near them. It's pretty sad honestly. They criminalize me without even knowing me."
15. "As a Black woman in a predominantly white area, I make a point of approaching staff first in stores when I walk in. I ask an innocuous question in a friendly, high-pitched voice, even if I don't need anything. They seem to feel safer around me and do not follow me around when I do that first."
16. "I scan the room wherever I go to see if I am the only person of color. I'm looking for allies who are going to have my back if something goes wrong."
17. "As a Black man who loves hip-hop, I often have to censor the music that I listen to so I won't be judged as a 'thug.'"
18. "I need to have photos of both my girls on hand in case someone thinks I'm kidnapping them. One looks like her dad, who is white, and the other looks like me, Samoan and brown."
19. "As an Asian American born in the US, I add my English middle name on my resume to help minimize false assumptions from hiring managers that I'm a recent immigrant from Asia who would not fit into the 'culture' of an American company. I believe that if I had a common last name like Smith, I would have experienced more career opportunities in my life."
20. "As a Black person, I don't wear backpacks to the store or mall. It's acceptable for certain individuals, but I know I would automatically look suspicious if they see me carrying a backpack."
21. And finally, "Never speak Arabic at any security checkpoint. The more gentrified you sound when you speak, the better."
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Interesting. Let's add a 'flip to the script' upfront: As a white person can you add the unwritten rules you follow every day around people of color? And then everybody share in. Are we tip-toeing around too much? Let's see!
I need to give this some thought before I form a cogent reply. However, I'm saddened that people have to go out of their way to avoid suspicion
Okay, we're wait. It will be worth it!
CB, my radar goes up around anyone tip-toeing around to the extent that it looks a little dodgy.
Driving while NA, walking while NA, shopping while NA trying to buy a house in a white neighborhood while NA. It all registers as do a lot of the comments in the article.
Why is there a mystery surrounding Native Americans in this country? When I 'encounter,' because I do not get introduced to NAs in the real world, it never goes into anything resembling an at-length conversation. And, you may recall, CB is short for "Calbab," aka: Babs. Aka: Gabby! As in "gift for the aforementioned!
First off there are only around 10 million NA in the US and some states have many more than others. We are called the invisible people since the media doesn't have much coverage of anything NA. There is also this nonsense about whether we have disappeared as a people or are some caricature of us that dates to the 1800s.
Actually, we are in every profession from common labor to astronauts and can and do contribute a lot to the US.
And why can't I get a good, energetic, discussion going with NA? May I inquire as to why NA stand so 'far' off from engagement? Although, there is a real bru-ha-ha brewing between NA casinos in California and on-line gambling making a big push to "break-into" the state with an upcoming proposition vote. It is designed to dilute the brick and mortar locations. It's the most coverage from NAs I have been able to witness as they push back against this outside 'onslaught.'
Kavika, can you help me understand how Native people (NA) really see all of us being here for so long? Also, you're nice enough to me, us, around here on NT.
Let's get down to the 'nitty gritty,' nevertheless! Can we handle it?!
A very interesting question, CB. I think that some NAs would be happy to have discussions with you and other will not and that is, that as a people we do tend to be protective of our persons and culture. US history has not been kind to us. For hundreds of years, the government policy was to eliminate us as a people and subjugate us in every way. The saying ''Kill the Indian save the man'' has been a part of America for generations and many NAs simply don't trust anyone that is not Indian. The attacks cover every part of our lives from our religion to our languages and culture all of which have been outlawed at one time or another.
The gaming issue in CA is a big deal for us and gaming has helped pull many tribes out of abject poverty to have an existence that allowed us to better our tribes and venture into other types of business not gaming-related.
We are always battling for our rights and sovereignty against either the state or feds. In fact, there is a major case being heard currently by SCOTUS. So for us to trust anyone outside of our culture can be difficult at best since history has taught us a very different lesson than most Americans.
I hope in some way that helps you understand where we are as a people.
Being open, "approachable," and most importantly responsive goes a long way with me. I am pretty sure its the same way with many of us. We want the best for NA. I am really, really, really, thrilled to hear some positive feedback on NA gaming in CA. I remember when the proposition was proposed years back. It, the proposition at that time, read like a solemn "ask" from our NA tribes to be given the chance at self-reliant in a manner of their request. I rushed to vote in the assent. Because I understood that in my lifetime, NA had never asked me for anything in public. This meant something to NA.
Therefore, as then so now. I will be standing with NA tribes to vote down online gaming for the host of problems that will arrive with it to the state and for its interference with NA self-reliance. Oh, I get what is being asked for from outside 'vendors,' CA is a big, lucrative, gaming community and outside sources want to bring in "high-stakes" competition. But therein lies a problem: NA have not yet gotten a generation of successes and wealth-making in their ventures, and set-backs from competing with wealthier outsiders can destroy all forward progress if NA gaming is out-flanked.
I see the potential harm that can be done and quickly.
Be that as it may, African Americans have much more to fear from their own than Caucasians.
Virtually all crime statistics bear this out.
And yet overall, blacks: have not managed to massacre themselves. Or, red-line themselves. Or, lynch themselves. Or "inject" or communities with *crack* cocaine infestation - that being our government's fault. Or, trap others below a wage floor. Or, perform medical 'inquiry' on themselves. Or, outright steal their lands, properties, and wealth from themselves. I can go on and on.
Sure, blacks can behave badly and criminally, but there is a criminal element in each one of our communities-why expect good behavior from 'them'?
Furthermore, you must know that blacks and other minorities are not dealing with a criminal mindset or element when they go into these setting, scenes, and scenarios with 'regular folks.' So why go there?
Statistics don’t lie. At least not when they are reported honestly.
Get your affairs in order in your own house and much of “your problem” goes away. That’s why.
Can't get our AFFAIRS together, when conservatives throughout the history of this country won't stop 'BIG-FOOTING" and trouncing through our lives and literally uprooting our interests on a consistent basis. Statistics can be skewed and focused in many directions, or not mentioned at all. But, then we know this: Some conservatives won't talk about their underhanded dealings across the board, but instead will simply begin "silent running" to pop up later with the same old tired bs! Know any conservatives like that?
Always blaming everyone but yourselves.
Pretty sad.
That's laughable. And coming from conservatives actively engaged in depending on "UNELECTED JUDGES -SCOTUS" to back them up as they strip girls and women of their just rights to personal privacy and abortion practices, I can blame you and be right all the day long!
Unelected judges was a pejorative use of two words smashed together on right-wing 'talking points' radio and television—UNTIL IT WAS NOT! Now bring on the red-state 'push' to present and rely on UNELECTED JUDGES to get. 'er. done !
Phoney. Plastic. Cheaters.
Yeah, y'all don't have a defense, it's just pure emotion loaded up and pumped into the 'system' of the United States.
Karen: "I want it. Daddy, get it for me!"
Keep laughing but the truth hurts CB and crime statistics are that inconvenient truth that some love to ignore.
Too bad to because blaming others, giving away free shit and affirmative action ain’t gonna fix that problem. The past has proven that.
The American Conservative past, you mean? Just take shit? And what you can't take or just be happy for other—'blow up'? I will never understand what it is independents see in conservatives right now! Because one day, independents,. . . these conservatives are coming after you!
Exactly, you don’t see any signs of racism in our progressive urban centers of the Northeast, Upper Midwest or West Coast.
Drinker, what signs of racism do you have to list? Go ahead I'll waiting. And, I hope its not some tedious distraction.
Crime statistics? You mean that thing conservatives are pretending does not exist in the case of lying wonder-kin, Donald ("my hands are clean") Trump and the "posse" that rode in to the Capitol on January 6, 2021? Won't find any INSURRECTION stats on your printout, will we?
That is quite a chip you have on your shoulder CB. And yet many people of color in this country seem to have managed their way to success. And I think you need to be more intellectually honest.
Republicans/conservatives in the past, in general, were not slave owners or supportive of slavery. Democrats in the south however were a different story.
You never talk about that.
Why is that?
That’s a joke. Thousands of people of color are victims of violent crime each year at the hands of people of color.
Your Trump deflection is a fail. A big old fat fail.
You're mistaken. I certainly am one of the writers here who calls out "Southern democrats" for their past dealings in race and social policies.
And, more to the point, where are those "southern democrats" today?
It makes little to no sense for you to say there are masses of bigots, racists, and misogynists in the democratic party (since 1942 and 1964 decline and end) breaking bread with all these people of color, LGBTQ, and women! Commonsense should tell you that would be fighting against the policies bigots, racist, and misogynists would like to see put back into place!
If you don't know how we got to where we are today, how are you ever going to understand Critical Race Theory? Or is that the whole point, just fight against it blind?
You were talking about the past, not the present.
Are we shifting gears now that you have lost that one?
What is that?
Are you for real? Get serious.
And you're wasting our time. Being 'inflexible' won't help you in this discussion. Be nimble, life has always been more or less 'fluid.'
After most of the Democrats supported The Civil Rights Bill of 1964 Southern Democrats split from the party and supported Strom Thurmond's Dixiecratic Party. But, in 1968 they migrated to George Wallace's openly racist American Party. Nixon's famous Southern Strategy of 1972 was to lure that faction into the gop's "Big Tent" where they remain as a dominant faction within the gop 50 years later!
Very
I am. Sorry you having trouble with it.
Lol, [[deleted]] you have a nice evening CB ....
Part of FDR’s Southern Strategy?
The list that you asked me for.
Mostly dead.
And those racists "fools" started to pull up stakes in 1948 (correction) when President Truman integrated the armed forces. Can you imagine what those late meetings at the '48 white house must have sounded like for months, weeks, and days up to and touching the signing of Executive Order 9981: Integration of the Armed Forces?! The pressure tactics must have been something! So many southern democrats took a walk.
Nobody is denying Democratic history prior to 1964 but the gop denies all reality ever since!
Hell, Dick Nixon in 1972 is now fifty years ago.
Riiiight. You keep telling yourself that 'one.' It's makes for a 'calming effect' doesn't it? But when you get serious, racists and bigots and misogynists exist and they do vote. Now, be clever: Tell me it makes sense to you that these bigots, racists, and misogynists are voting for democrats. Remember, be clever.
It wasn't quick but the migration of Southern Democrats into the gop was completed by the end of Reagan's two terms. It is just history...
History the gop doesn't want taught anymore!
It's just names without any context. But you know that already. So its worth little or nothing.
Nobody is denying Democratic history prior to 1964 but the gop denies all reality ever since!
Exactly, and the Democratic, urban centers of the Northeast, Upper Midwest and West Coast have been remarkably free of racism since 1964.
We are talking about the truth and following it to wherever it leads. Get with that!
Supply what ever context you like to the racism of the urban Northeast, Upper Midwest and West Coast.
It is just history...
Not the history of Southern Governors or control of Southern State Senate’s or Houses. You need a political history lesson JBB.
Yes, cities and states have been "wonderfully" and complexly mixed with the poisoned actions and reactions coming from both sides. So much so that some get to 'sit and point without ever lifting a finger to make life better for all. Or, developing a deeper understanding of where the 'roots' of our troubles are buried.
How many Southern Governors and State Houses were controlled by Repubs after Truman?
Tell us about those deeper roots that you previously skipped over.
How many controlled by Democrats today?
Today isn’t the end of the Reagan administration that you inaccurately identified.
No, do your own heavy-lifting. Explain it yourself!
Have you gotten your fill of badgering this discussion?
Read a book about it and share your results.
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Why do you feel badgered?
I gave you the list that you asked for. Are you refuting the racism that I listed?
Enough. Move on in discussion or just move on from me.
I’m surprised, I thought that you would welcome a serious discussion of racism.
Why, do you know of one? It sounds like you are trying harder to badger people than make "serious" points about racism.
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Are you ready for a serious discussion of racism?
Seeing as how I was on an internet race relations forum for 7 years, probably.
Let's have at it then.
Tell me something I dont know.
How should I know all the things that you don't know?
There is no real discussion here. I am locking this thread before it devolves.
It’s only Buzzfeed, I figure, so I’ll try not to take it all too seriously. My initial comment is about the foundation:
I can appreciate that different people have different experiences, but I think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that because I’m white, I either don’t know about any of these things or can’t understand them. POC are no more qualified to speak to the white experience than whites are about the POC experience. Having said that, I think we all should seek to be open minded and hear other people when they speak about their experiences. Still, a lot of this stuff happens to white people, too. It also happens to people for reasons not connected to race.
1. I make sure to get a receipt for the exact same reason.
2. I think any time you enter a small town, anywhere in the country, you might want to be a little bit reserved and respectful in case they don’t trust outsiders. Consider on this forum how much one of our members who lives in a more rural area has contempt for people from the big city - even the white ones.
3. I wear a hoodie and earbuds, but I will often take them off when I see people. Then I will smile, and say “hello.” There’s nothing wrong with taking small steps to make other people comfortable, i.e. be friendly.
4. I’ve been searched in airports for no apparent reason, but I have to say that after 9/11, I would not want to be traveling by air as someone who looked remotely middle eastern.
5. I also get treated differently based on how I’m dressed.
6. Anybody who handles money at work needs to be careful.
7. I almost always carry ID, but if you’re any color and cops try to bully you for ID in a state that doesn’t allow them to demand it without cause, you should file the appropriate complaints and 4th amendment lawsuits. And yes, cops ask white people for their ID without sufficient reason. Every day.
8. Yeah, people are insecure and bigoted. They either think you’re talking about them, or just generally are up to no good. I do wonder if German, French, or Russian tourists worry about this one as much.
9. Angry Black Woman? How about “Karen?” I know actual Karens (i.e. it’s their real name) who are afraid to ever speak up for themselves now.
10. Anybody with language issues has these problems, unfortunately. Try having a stutter or being on the autism spectrum.
11. Anybody can be hassled by someone who doesn’t recognize them. I know of white people who have been stopped by cops for driving slow. Maybe they were sight seeing. Maybe they were lost. It’s often about the car more than the people inside. It can be pretty hard to identify a person’s race if they’re in a car - especially from behind.
12. I would hope that one day anyone would feel comfortable living anywhere. But if a white family moves into a black neighborhood, they are accused of gentrification. Suddenly black people are on the news complaining about how their neighborhood is being destroyed.
13. This is a shame. I love seeing the clothing of different cultures out in the world. My town has a significant Indian (i.e. Asian) population and when they walk around in their traditional clothing, I think they are just the most beautiful people.
14. Again, not unique to Latinos. Lots of women fear all strange men. Older people fear younger people.
15. Just say hello and be friendly. You’re a guest in the store, after all. Anyone who has worked in retail has been trained to keep a close eye on the person who walks in with a big bag, doesn’t make eye contact, or keeps to the corners of a store. Theft is a real thing.
16. Interesting. I’m not that paranoid, but I also would never assume that someone would come to my aid just because they’re the same color as me.
17. It’s not your race and it’s not the style of music. The fact is that right at this moment in time, hip hop is the most popular music style. No one wants to hear your music blasting, no matter what it is.
18. I honestly want to know if this has happened a lot to people. That one is a little hard to believe. Not that it could never happen. Anything is possible. But that seems extreme. People aren’t generally that nosey.
19. This is a thing, for sure. Multiple studies have been done revealing the prejudice in résumés and job applications. Obvious non-white names lose out all the time. On average, John or Michael will get an interview before Demarcus or Jamal will. Of course, other prejudices filter out people in the interviews. People who are considered less attractive, overweight, or too old are excluded for those reasons.
20. See #15.
21. See #4.
One thing not mentioned is the need to be careful when pulled over by police. We hear a lot about black parents having “the talk” with their kids about how to act when the cops pull you over. It’s a good idea, but it’s not a uniquely black experience. If you’re a smart white parent, you have this conversation with your white kids, too.
If I get pulled over, I always have my hands on the steering wheel where they can be seen. I have my driver license, registration, and proof of insurance within easy reach and not in some hidden compartment. Nevertheless, I have had cops approach me with hostile demeanor. I have had guns pointed at my head multiple times - for speeding. We have a policing problem at least as much as we have a race problem.
These kinds of 'talks' bear fruit! Thank you for opening up. (Toothy grin showing wide and proud!)
Here's one: Black people, we are dark-skinned and it certainly appears darker at night. For the love of. . .life, when talking or interacting with police officers put down the (black) cellphone! Even let it fall to the floor, ground, concrete, or pavement if need be.
But that's true for all people too, not just Black people.
Your skin contrasts with a black-hued cellphone, Snuffy in low-lighting, of course. Police adjusting to the lighting see: 'black on black' and can't always wait to proper decipher the movement.
As most guns are black, a black-hued cellphone in low-lighting is always going to be suspect. That's why it's good advice for all people when confronted by the police to remain calm, not do stupid things, keep their hands out in sight, put down their phone (as in low-lighting it can be confused with a gun, especially in a tension fraught moment where adrenaline is high) and follow instructions. If you feel the policeman is overstepping their authority, that is NOT the time to push your rights as the policeman has a gun. You will have time later.
Can bad things happen, yes absolutely. So why should a person go out of their way to make things worse and increase the possibility of a bad thing happening?
The above advice does not take away from the simple fact that bigotry and racism exist in this world. I admit that in some areas Blacks do have a harder time as not only are they suspect by actions but they can also be suspect simply because the cop is racist. But for the life of me I do not understand why anybody when confronted by policemen (usually more than one) who are there with gun drawn would not do their best to follow orders.
Light-skin reflects light back at the observer, thus aiding in outlining "identifiable" shapes. Black-hued skin holding black-hued objects can be confusing when a snap-judgement is being made. That's my opinion anyway. That said, I do see your point about the characteristic coloring of guns and cellphones.
I agree on all parts of your comment. In some of the footage, it is clear some of these youths and adults are only making a bad situation worse or a good situation bad. To that end, behave with model behavior and rein it in! Because. . . once an officer tells you he is going to arrest you. . . without a shadow of a doubt -come hell or high water-you will be so! Do not provide a gray-area rationale for why the officer is compelled to shoot or pin you down. You are going to be arrested, barring some unique change of scenario.
I agree with you, but we have to understand that this is a hard one. Cops harass so many people without justification. And while I think this can happen to any race, I do suspect that they come at brown and black people more aggressively than they do with white people.
And because of this, people want to document their interactions with police on video or maybe they call a friend to listen in. Who can blame them? It’s a hard thing to balance because you want to protect your rights, but it also sucks to get shot. And while we can agree that a shooting isn’t justified, that won’t matter to you if you’re dead.
One of the hardest things to do is to avoid arguing with cops who are clearly violating your rights, or just being jerks. People have self respect and pride, which is fine, but they need to understand that they are never going to win an argument with a cop. They aren’t interested in being reasonable. Do your arguing in court; file complaints; and sue to protect your rights.
I’ve been stopped close to 3 dozen times, I would guess, and I think I managed to coerce one apology out of a cop.
If you can, try to record what happens. Tell cops immediately that you are recording them and you have a phone in your hand recording them. Don’t make them spot the object in your hand on their own, and don’t make them wonder what it is or could be. If you leave it up to them, they can shoot you and claim later that they “thought” they saw a weapon.
This is one study done in Washington State that shows that NAs are profiled and stopped at a much higher rate than whites as are blacks and brown people.
A follow-up study two years later showed nothing had changed.
I really don't need a report to tell me sadly this isn't unusual or rare.
I agree. Dark brown or black skin, plus dark clothing, the 'dark' of night and shadows, plus a dark device that elongates a moving hand? Asking for trouble. People, young people especially, have to, need to be, told do not approach a police officer with something easily 'misunderstood' in your hands. You can be shot, tazed, or at the least, put face-down in the dirt, cement, or pavement!
It's commonsense, in a way. Because of real life dramas, experiences, and even 'here say' ("Hey, did you hear what happened to "Pete" on patrol yesterday - this [insert race/ethnicity here] guy. . . . ") . Also, it has been reported that some 'crooked' cops actually provoke the "manhood" of a young person to rise up with taunts that can be felt through a grip, a word or phrase, or gesture and if the officer is really no good - just pretend disobeying of an order or resisting arrest and the situation deescalates poorly from there on out.
A police stop is tense from start to finish, actions and reactions are never certain and signals are flashing all over the place!
That said, I admit I don't understand how Whites were searched more times than NA, but the "search rate "is lower than for Whites?
What am I not understanding in the data point on searches and search rate for Whites? I do connect the "hit rate," nevertheless!
Almost 5 million white stops versus 44 thousand NA stops.
4,811,174 stops. 14,987 searches will give you the % search rate.
Here is a link to a study done in the city of Seattle and it shows much the same as the first study by state troopers.
Got it! I overlooked the percentage factor and the division involved! Duh.
What unwritten rules do you follow everyday when dealing with people of color? Inquiring minds want to know. (This could get really interesting!)
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