He Forgot He Had A Fool For A Client
FBI Raid on Michael Cohen Is the Most Dangerous Day of Donald Trump’s Life
The president’s low-rent Ray Donovan can bully porn stars, but not Robert Mueller. The shtick is up.
Monday’s FBI raids on Michael Cohen’s Trump Tower office, his hotel room, and his home all provided a proper dose of comeuppance to a man more accustomed to screaming threats , shit-tier legal theorizing, and putting his strip-mall law degree to work in service of Donald Trump.
Cohen, far from being the superlawyer to a billionaire real-estate tycoon, really only has one important job: covering up Trump’s alleged dalliances . It was Cohen batting cleanup, dealing with an army of models, escorts, Mistresses (large “M” and small “m”), actresses, porn stars, models, Real Dolls, fangirls, groupies, and random topiary at Mar-a-Delicto with a wall of nondisclosure agreements . Master of the NDA, Cohen thought attorney-client privilege would protect him.
He forgot he had a fool for a client. Trump couldn’t shut his mouth on Air Force One last week .
Even before Trump opened his mouth on that fateful day, Cohen had managed to repeatedly hoist himself on his own petard in his dumb legal fight with adult-film actress Stormy Daniels, hoping she would, like so many of Trump’s endless bimbo eruptions, go away after one of his spittle-flecked, apoplectic tantrums. If you ever wanted to see a proof of the Steve Jobs “As hire Bs and Bs hire Cs” rule, it was Trump hiring Cohen, and then Cohen hiring an attorney who was an even lower-rent knockoff version of himself. Hilarity ensued.
The image of Michael Cohen as a superlawyer was always laughable, and even the Trump fan club recognized that Cohen was a particular flavor of attorney: The Fixer. His desire to cast himself as a real-life Ray Donovan made him a kind of overwrought, grunting thug character destined for the cutting-room floor in even the most lurid soap-opera script.
Cohen, though, should be understood as an almost perfect metaphor for the Trump era, the Trump White House, and everything else orbiting this president like the hot chunks of waste spinning around the central oscillator at a sewage-treatment plant. He truly brings it all: the shoddy, hair-trigger temperament, the indifferent education and understanding of the world outside of dalliance-cleanup duty and real-estate branding deals, the malfeasance, the petty corruption, general shitheel behavior, the impulsivity, the tantrum-as-negotiation style, and the overall sketchiness of the Trump administration.
Like Trump, his enablers, and supporters, Cohen thought his position as a Trump inner-circle member would protect him indefinitely. He believed, after so many years of getting away with every kind of shenanigan at Trump’s behest, that the facts would never matter, the music would never stop, and the party would never end. Again, he’s a perfect metaphor for this administration.
Then the FBI came knocking. Imagine that moment, when he realized that they were going to raid his office, home, and hotel room. It was one thing for Cohen to pay Stormy’s $135,000 hush-money payment from his home-equity loan. “Happens all the time!” “Common practice!” “Trump never even met her, I’m just really generous!” (For you Trump readers, that’s called sarcasm.)
It’s quite another when the most experienced and determined federal prosecutors are giving you an investigative colonoscopy. If you think for one moment there’s nothing dodgy and damaging against Trump in the files of Cohen, think again.
Suddenly, Michael Cohen, the bag-walking, dick-swinging swagger-monkey wannabe thug attorney and consigliere for Donald Trump’s far-flung penile enterprises is scared. If Cohen had a lump of coal in his ass the moment those search warrants arrived, he could have popped out a diamond. He realizes how deep this hole can become if he doesn’t roll over. He doesn’t have the resources to defend himself, and Trump isn’t exactly known for paying his bills in the first place. Cohen is scared, and he’s not alone.
What has to strike absolute terror into Trump at this moment is the fact that the Southern District of New York, acting on a referral from Robert Mueller, was able to obtain extraordinarily broad authority and was granted search warrants that may even penetrate attorney-client privilege.
Trump must know this may be one of the most dangerous moments in his entire life, not just his presidency. The likelihood is that Mueller and the FBI are now in possession of the Black Books of Trump, NDAs from enough of Trump’s various affairs that you can staff a 12-pole strip club with plenty of girls left for the Champagne rooms. It’s only speculation at this point, but it’s quite likely that Cohen was the keeper of many of Trump’s lending documents, contracts, business arrangements, and the Kryptonite of Trump’s fragile self-worth: the long-sought tax returns.
It’s an open secret and has been for quite a while, but Trump isn’t worth $10 billion. As one of my hedge-fund friends (an actual billionaire) said of Trump in 2015, “He’s a clown living on credit.” For Trump to have the public learn that he may not be as wealthy as he has continued to claim as the central element of his branding would hurt him more than if Mueller then proved he took sacks of cash and a foot massage from Vladimir Putin. Collusion with the Russians is nothing compared to having his baroque finances revealed. Trump would rather be known as a traitor than as someone who isn’t one of the Masters of the Universe.
This is, of course, another one of those moments where Trump may listen to the devil perched on his shoulder and simply burn the entire Department of Justice to the ground. He is obviously unable to retain counsel skilled enough to control his constant verbal dysentery, even when his yammering puts him in enormous legal peril.
Cohen was one of Trump’s most vulnerable and dangerous keepers of secrets . If Trump had a brain, he would have been terrified this moment would come. Cohen simply lived in a state of idiot hubris that it wouldn’t.
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I love that the judge who issued the warrants was appointed by Trump. Karma is a bitch.
Geoffrey Berman, the acting U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York was recused from the investigation into President Trump's personal lawyer Michael Cohen, CBS News' Pat Milton confirmed Tuesday. Berman played no role in the FBI raid of Cohen's residence and offices .
Obviously he didn't want to play any part in the 'Police State', Soviet style Justice.
Obviously you got it wrong again, with this statement you have shown you don't know the whole story, Berman recused himself because he was a Trump appointee and, didn't feel he should be in charge or, involved in the warrant.
I'm not acting when I say ... hey, I missed you! We may be on opposite sides of a fence or two, but that doesn't stop me from wantin' to jump over a couple just to give you a big ol' hug!
T'was lovely, that.
Since Trumplethinskin threw Cohen under the bus, I'm curious to see how quickly Cohen turns. It's good to know either way that bullyish little man will be disbarred.
And-- Mueller had been head of the FBI- appointed by a Republican (George W Bush).
I know how you love interesting tidbits of note. Try this on:
I'm pretty certain that Cohen has his hands pull of his own ass trying to fight off criminal conspiracy charges.
See my link. Cohen is in very deep shit. In fact, it's unlikely he'll be able to stay out of the fray much longer.
He should get used to it. His career is in the crapper. Disbarment's in his future. And it'll only get worse from there. If he thinks Trump's gonna back him up, he's got another think comin' ... Trump is loyal to NO ONE. Especially his constituents.
A fool for a lawyer and a fool for a client. Two criminals relying on each other. Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Two blustering idiots about to get their comeuppance. Couldn't happen to two more deserving assholes.
They sure have given the "taint team" a lot of work...
Unless things have changed since I last read about it, the FBI did not conduct the raid on Cohen's houses and work. The raid was by the US Attorney’s Office in New York, of which the person in charge is a Trump appointee (Geoffrey Berman). Although it was stated that the raid was supported (but not initiated) by information gathered and relayed by Mueller's team.
Yup, appears to be an episode of Michaels Very Bad Day. Will be interesting to see if Mr. Trump gives him any cover, stay tuned for episode II.
I'm just glad this is starting to wreak havoc on the Drumpf.
There's my sister from another mister! Good to see you ... and glad to see your superior intellect, well-developed sense of humor and gracious responses have made it to NT. I love interacting with rational people.
I have missed you and your stellar comments. When I found out you were active and SP is here, I thought I'd dip my toes in.
Hello luvy!! How's Texas' most lovely vixen?
OMgosh!!!!! I have almost all of my homegirls here in one spot!!!!!
Last I saw him he was over at Minds.com. I miss him so much
And lovely toes, they are!!
Not near as hot as you are in your part of the country! I was thrilled to see you here. I've got to get to minds every once in a while, but I find it hard to navigate. I believe TiG has been instrumental in making this site a functional for wimmen like us here. It's now a site for sore thighs.
Wait. What?
Where you go we are bound to follow, my clever little chica.
It is nice to see!
He bobs up in the think tank at minds now and again. I don't hang there often, but last time I was there, homey and I had a chat. He's still a very cool cat.
Ah... There it is... All the beauty of innuendo and brutal sexuality we've come to love and adore. How I've missed punning and pining for you, my dear.
Next thing: Learn how to track (although I see a "tracking" up there) ... I miss you more than Trump misses the truth bullseye.
Omigawd, John Russell. What a fabulous avatar you have!
New episode "Requiem For A Fool"
"Picture if you will.... a dunce...."
"...who is unaware that he is a dunce...."
New episode
Thank you Ivanka.
I am very proud of you.
I would date you so hard.
there you go.
lol. The possibilities are endless.
Came for the Haiku
Restless dithering at work
the lines are blurry
Time to eat some food
drink a cup of coffee too
or head gets heavy
Like a casserole,
Trump is layers of garbage
baked into a man
From: Donald Trump's Haiku @HaikuTrump
I found this haiku to be perfect for a foodie like you. And head ... well ... you know.
Another Trump haiku:
Lie lie lie lie lie
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
Lie lie lie lie lie
that is perfect
It will be a wonderful display to see if Cohen or Trump is the bigger fool, how much incriminating information was retained in Cohens possession. We already know the fool trump is as he is so prone to give us examples on a daily basis, now did cohen think he was bulletproof?
Well, whaddya know ... Cohen's secret client is ... Hannity .
Cohen has a total of three clients and he is known to have paid off women on behalf of two of them . One can imagine Hannity's wife's ears perking up at this news.
I want to see Hannity in prison....and waterboarded
Didn't Fox News recently predict the world will end in April? I guess they were just talking about Hannity's world.
If I were Hannity's wife, I'd be P.O.'d as hell. Here she's been faking it all along, and now she might find out he's PAYING others to fake it ...
I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that Laura Ingraham is breathing a sigh of relief. There might be someone even MORE ignorant than she is on Fox News.
Nice set of family values he has there, eh?
Jaysus! The brouhaha they made over the Clinton/Monica fiasco (although Monica has written a few articles about it being totally consensual) made them seem as if they wouldn't DARE have a president that gave in to carnal influences. Good gosh. Such hippo critters. Total and complete hippo critters.
So far my favorite is the person who said "He said he wanted to DATE her, not sleep with her!!" when referring to his incestuous remarks about his oldest daughter. Too danged funny. Although that's still one step down from the two who said in response to an Enquirer article that Obama was gay that Obama had the ball in his court and had to prove he wasn't gay. Friggin' HILARIOUS!!! I know you remember, but I responded to them that according to their thinking, I could say they killed kittens and made them into soup and they had to prove they didn't kill kittens and make them into soup. What a bunch of maroons.
I want to be donutboarded. Or Tacoboarded.
"Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
Or Whattaburgerboarded. [Word on the street is they're fabulous; I've not tried them yet but I'm dyin' to try that taco that's made out of a fried egg taco shell!]
I recently made my newish honey a fried egg IN toast. He thinks two eggs are a lot. I made five ... count 'em - five ... of them because he loved them so much. I'd say "want another one?" and he'd little-boy nod. It was so sweet, I did him right in the kitchen. That's how cute it was.
Didn't you hear? Trump has ordered all Carmex rounded up and sent back to south of the border. Trump: "The infiltration of Carmex PROVES we need a wall! And Mexico will pay for it. Cross my heart! I mean it this time."
Omigawd. That's what Cohen said about Trump's ... uhhhh ... 'friendliness.'
Meanwhile, the judge ruled against Cohen and Trump on the merits of the matter.
Do you have the info. I'd like to review it
Yep, no TRO today boys and girls. Wonder how long it'll take the taint team to process the haul.
Cite .