What the programming list for Fox’s new weather channel will look like

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  5 months ago  •  10 comments

By:   Alexandra Petrie - WAPO

What the programming list for Fox’s new weather channel will look like

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T






Wow! Little did I know that Rupert Murdoch   hung on my every word   and that Fox was in the process of   starting a weather channel   where people will get the best, most correct weather news out there — fair and balanced in a way no weather news has been yet!





I got an advance glimpse of the programming list, and it’s going to be a thrilling, action-packed 24-hour cycle:



2—4 a.m.:   Dangerous Hurricane Now Making Its Way from Foreign Waters to Your Home Because Joe Biden Isn’t Strong Enough





4—6 a.m.:   Cloud Caravan Shaped Like All Your Worst Nightmares Is Almost to Your Neighborhood





6—8 a.m.:   Worst Weather Moments of the Obama Administration





8—9:30 a.m.:   Tucker Carlson Asks Whether Anyone (Dr. Fauci?) Can Explain Why Clouds Look So Much Like Sheep If We Aren’t Being Programmed to Obey




9:30—11 a.m.:  Static Shots of Trump Golf Courses Where the Weather Is Very Nice




11 a.m. — noon:   Sinkhole Given Free Hour to Defend Itself





Noon — 1 p.m.:   Paid Programming — MyPillow Also Serves as a Personal Flotation Device Not That You’ll Ever Need It





1—2 p.m.:   It’s Not Raining Anywhere We Have Sent Correspondents! America Is Doing Much Better Than Other Stations Would Have You Believe!





2—3 p.m.:   You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About These Wildfires





3—4 p.m.:   We Just Broke a 100-Year Heat Record in Five States, But They Wouldn’t Call It “Permafrost” If It Were Not Permanent Frost





4—5 p.m.:   Sixteen Hurricanes the Mainstream Media Is Trying to Keep From You and Refuses to Name Yet




5—5:30 p.m.:  Rainbows: Fine in The Privacy of Their Own Homes But I Don’t Need One Over My Workplace



5:30—6 p.m.:   Paid Programming — These Sunglasses Are Stronger Than the Sun Itself! They Have the Properties of Copper!



6—7 p.m.:   Things Used to Be Better When I Was Younger, But the Weather Wasn’t One of Them, The Weather Has Always Been Like This and It’s Fine





7—8 p.m.:   Lightning: Why Is God Upset? Our Panel Weighs In.





*Primetime lineup*





8—9 p.m.:   It’s Raining! Counterpoint: No, It’s Not!





9—10 p.m.:   I Personally Have Never Experienced a Derecho and Don’t Think They’re a Problem





10—11 p.m.:   Could the Flood Be Because of Something Your Child’s Public School Teacher Is Doing Wrong?




11 p.m. — midnight:  Greg Laughs About the Weather



Midnight — 2 a.m.:   Two Hours of People Saying “Merry Christmas” in July








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Hallux
Sophomore Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    5 months ago

Midnight - 2 a.m. is a must watch.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
2  JohnRussell    5 months ago

Funny stuff. 

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3  Kavika     5 months ago

Good stuff. 

Trump has applied as Chief Weatherman, this enormous experience with a sharpie is his stock in trade. 

512

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3.1  devangelical  replied to  Kavika @3    5 months ago

partly cloudy with a high chance of fascism later on...

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4  Ender    5 months ago

On a weather note, we have had 60 inches of rain so far this year.

It is when the ground gets so saturated like this that strong storms start knocking over the ancient oaks.

 
 
 
freepress
Freshman Silent
5  freepress    5 months ago

This satire is so off the charts funny that it will probably all come true. 

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
6  Trout Giggles    5 months ago

Good stuff!

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
7  Ender    5 months ago

A prime time special, how snow disproves global warming...

 
 
 
igknorantzrulz
Masters Participates
7.1  igknorantzrulz  replied to  Ender @7    5 months ago

what, you mean just because we've experienced the warmest temperatures ever recorded since we've been recording them in the last few years, because it was cold somewhere in West Dakota, it should obviously be giving pause as to that hippie climate change bull ship theory. Cause just because the polar ice cap[s are disappearing where once were mountains with ice and snow covering their tops, there is now barren brown earth and rock, you know it's just a giant conspiracy concocted by 98% of the worlds scientists, who've conspired against us all, because that's what science is all about and based upon. I could see Trumpullthinskin doing special appearances covering hurricanes with his sharpie, and then naming them playmate and pornstar names, and other neetoe rain deer games and lying claims cause weather you believe or knot, outside it's fckn hot...but Trump said it's not, so carry on believers, and deceived receivers, cause i need cold BEEERERS ! to warm up my heart, B fore it attacks.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
8  Kavika     5 months ago
Could the Flood Be Because of Something Your Child’s Public School Teacher Is Doing Wrong?

How perfect is that.

 
 
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