Colin Kaepernick Transitions In Order To Make Carolina Panthers Cheer Squad

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  3 weeks ago  •  30 comments

Colin Kaepernick Transitions In Order To Make Carolina Panthers Cheer Squad
CHARLOTTE, NC - Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.'I'm excited to be on the team!' said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injecti ...

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



CHARLOTTE, NC—Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.

"I'm excited to be on the team!" said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injections. "After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me."

"It's a dream come true!"

Panthers coach Matt Rhule was not part of the decision-making process that brought Kaepernick into the cheerleading fold, but he is reportedly enthusiastic about the former quarterback's role on the squad.

"I think he'll be a great distraction when we lose games," he said, sighing wistfully. "And believe me, we're going to lose some games."

ESPN commentator Jaina Winterwoman asked Kaepernick about the audition process. The interview, which will appear on a future episode of NFL Primetime, revealed that Kaepernick doesn't know how to dance.

"Girl, with an identity like this you don't have to do a thing," Kaepernick told the sports journalist. "I don't think anyone's going to be watching me for my dance moves."

The 2022 NFL season is scheduled to begin on September 8th. Ratings for Panthers games are expected to spike early on and then plummet, destroying the franchise.

To celebrate Pride Month, Mattel has released its first-ever pregnant man doll: Pregnant Ken! You can have all sorts of fun with the clearly MALE Ken doll and his pregnant belly! Available wherever non-gender-specific toys are sold.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    3 weeks ago

jrSmiley_85_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
2  JohnRussell    3 weeks ago

When does the comedy start? 

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 weeks ago

Haven’t you heard? Comedy isn’t allowed anymore, it’s offensive…

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 weeks ago

Oh that’s right, you prefer The Onion. How bout this?

 
 
 
MonsterMash
Sophomore Participates
2.3  MonsterMash  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 weeks ago
When does the comedy start? 

Thursday night at 8pm EST on MSNBC, CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and PBS.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
2.4  JBB  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 weeks ago

Classless, tasteless and crude defines RW humor...

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.4.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @2.4    3 weeks ago

As opposed to your humor huh JBB?

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
2.5  Right Down the Center  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 weeks ago

When do you plan to get a sense of humor?

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3  JBB    3 weeks ago

Wow, a Trifecta of Racist, Sexist and Homophobic!

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @3    3 weeks ago
Wow, a Trifecta of Racist, Sexist and Homophobic!

Looks like humor isn't your bag.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.1.1  JBB  replied to  Texan1211 @3.1    3 weeks ago

You probably think Eddie Haskell was hilarious!

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1.2  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @3.1.1    3 weeks ago
You probably think Eddie Haskell was hilarious!

In retrospect, he was hilarious.

He reminds me now of many of today's liberals, always trying to snow someone and desperately trying to suck up to someone.

 
 
 
Gulliver
Freshman Guide
4  Gulliver    3 weeks ago

I guess there are some racists out there that think this is funny?

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.1  Texan1211  replied to  Gulliver @4    3 weeks ago
I guess there are some racists out there that think this is funny?

Oh, there probably are.

Along with millions of non-racists who find it humorous.

 
 
 
Gulliver
Freshman Guide
4.1.1  Gulliver  replied to  Texan1211 @4.1    2 weeks ago
Along with millions of non-racists who find it humorous.

I think that we might disagree on what goes into being a racist.

"I'm not a racist but I do like a good racist joke now and then" is a contradiction.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Gulliver @4    3 weeks ago

I’m not sure, though it seems there are some racists out there that don’t think it’s funny.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
4.3  JBB  replied to  Gulliver @4    3 weeks ago

Cue the whining how liberals don't get their "Satire".

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.3.1  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @4.3    3 weeks ago
Cue the whining how liberals don't get their "Satire".

I suppose you have already received your cues to start whining how "It isn't funny--wah!"

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.3.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @4.3    3 weeks ago

Nah, it’s expected…

 
 
 
MonsterMash
Sophomore Participates
4.4  MonsterMash  replied to  Gulliver @4    3 weeks ago
I guess there are some racists out there that think this is funny?

You and JBB think a person has to be a racist to laugh at a guy wearing a girls cheerleader uniform?

Both of you would be ROFL while posting some homophobic comments if it was a picture of Clarence Thomas dressed like that.

 
 
 
Gulliver
Freshman Guide
4.4.1  Gulliver  replied to  MonsterMash @4.4    one week ago
Both of you would be ROFL while posting some homophobic comments if it was a picture of Clarence Thomas dressed like that.

Probably not.

Why spend one's credibility making up stupid pictures of the guy when there are legitimate problems with his financial self dealing on the court to talk about?

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.4.2  Texan1211  replied to  Gulliver @4.4.1    one week ago
when there are legitimate problems with his financial self dealing on the court to talk about?

Let's look at the evidence.

 
 
 
Gulliver
Freshman Guide
4.4.3  Gulliver  replied to  Texan1211 @4.4.2    one week ago
Let's look at the evidence.

I'm not going to hold my breath.

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
5  Sparty On    3 weeks ago

Funny ...... all delicate sensibilities aside that is .....

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Quiet
6  charger 383    3 weeks ago

He still would scare the dark out of  a corner

 
 
 
Hallux
Sophomore Principal
7  Hallux    3 weeks ago

There are far more sites for satire than the Babylon bee guys 'n gals, spread your flippers.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
7.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Hallux @7    3 weeks ago

I enjoy BB. Flippers? You miss him don’t you?  🙁

 
 
 
Lucifer Morningstar
Professor Guide
8  Lucifer Morningstar    one week ago

That ought to put a stake through CK's NFL career.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
8.1  Ronin2  replied to  Lucifer Morningstar @8    one week ago

I think his horrendous play that last season with SF and his attitude put a stake through it long ago.

Still remembering him turning down a contract with Seattle because they wouldn't give him starter money. Like he could beat out Russell Wilson. 

Just thankful that the Steelers were always so cap crunched; and would never bench Ben; that Tomlin never got a chance for a reclamation project. He tried with Vick and failed. I am sure he would have loved a shot a Collin.  

 
 
 
Lucifer Morningstar
Professor Guide
8.1.1  Lucifer Morningstar  replied to  Ronin2 @8.1    6 days ago
I think his horrendous play that last season with SF and his attitude put a stake through it long ago.

Yep  I was trying to be facetious but as you pointed out he almost pulled off the comeback until he pulled that stunt at the NFL's last chance tryout then went on to imply, well maybe more than imply, the owners were slave masters.

 
 

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