Confession of a MEMBER


Category:  News & Politics

By:  eat-the-press-do-not-read-it  •  3 months ago  •  10 comments

Confession of a MEMBER
"You are a Girlie Man!" - Arnold Stautzenberger

( CAUTION :  This Treatise is Not Yet Rated. Proceed at your own peril. Please, wear apparel when reading. This ain't no smut channel. (But it could be) So dig right in, if you dare to hear da Tooth. The Whole Tooth and Nut-ing, butt da Tooth. It ain't no Dental office, either.)

Yes, the rumors are TRUE.

I am a former, disabused KGB operative assigned to infiltrate under direct order from my handler, PUTIN, whose explicit orders were to pressure everyone on this site, members, readers, moderators, even, P. Halpren (whoever, he is) to change the name of this organization by guile or force to:

"Thenewstalkers. Communists "  

Which in my subtle way, I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, I did.

Therefore, fellow left leaning liberals, we, now can all come out of the weeds, put down the pipe, and suck it up...we are socialist/commies because you say we are! Now, was that hard?

Say it loud and clear..."I ain't queer, I am a commie, not a deer. Now, that's queer. All Cheers. We are now healed. We are now Brothers & Sistas, one and all of the Corn Hole De-Generation, so da' be no more brawling, hatin', stormin' the Capital Building's Wall, unless da Jesus say so.

Amen, Brothers & Sistas, pass the ammunition! Not the Mustard Gas. (It's only good on Hot Dogs, you dogs. Take up your arm, and down your senses, cause CHAOS is coming down the road.  And don't you dare, square get me started on comin'!

Or I'll knock up your ten-year-old kin, Amen, Ben. Second Amendment all the way.

We's never know when the Gate Keepers on the Religious Right, or the Left-Wing East Coast Ed-u-mated Radicals in Support of Ladies Rights are gonna contest their rites, wit a knife fight!

And war, to end all wars, the Holy War, will breaks out once again, like pimples on a teen's face, profiting none but dermatologists. Ain't that right?

Can I get an "Amen" fer dat? Or is I gonna hav' to pull out my Second Amendment Rites and shove 'em up urine arse?


"Ring! Ring!"

What's that sound?  

Google hangin' around, or another, damn ticket, courtesy of Moscow Red?

Damn tootin', Futon. It's interference. You're out of here, Gunba!

( End of aside ...feel the pain.)

In 'Murica, we have the freedom of speech do to our Constitutional, to say whatever the F*&^% we damn well, please to say. Thank you, James Madison. (Wimp, Girlie Man, Sissy in Pantalones)

No tickets, no clickin', no "nos" on free speech. No speech on no's, too.

'Cause we got First Amendment Rights, too, but does it beat a First Amendment Rite, I ass you? Da Second Amendment is Second and no one is on Third. You'r Out!

Don't believe be? I show you my Second Amendment Right. Right?

Well, all right, ain't you uptight?

You see, "former", we, lefties, are not "righties," and never will be, so stick your Second Amendment Rights where the sun don't shine and stop acting like you are the soldiers of ain't, that, SHAT.

You and we is a bunch of "Commie," undermining 'Merica by having the gall to the type the "---ing" to the end of words, like "work" to form working. Disgraceful, commie faggy sounding.

And, having the balls to pronounce 'em correctly. If that ain't evidence of a commie infiltration, Take-Out Order, gone wild. I don't know what is, Liz!

Even pronouncing correctly, when, for ex-apples, we said "working", instead of the much-preferred word, "workin...workin' on da railroad" is enough to stat a CIVIL WAR. 

and you say, work-in ' that puts undue stress on us "stressed out" MAGA cap...ers. Forcing our hand until the tinder box explode wit' the bombs nearly did at the DNC, 'cause we may be dumb, but we ain't stupid. You is!

(Protected by my First Amendment Right..."Free-Dumb of Speech!

Are we, Brothers & Sistas of the Wicked CORN HOLE DEGENERATION comin' any closer to God's All Mighty Right to ignite an all-out revolution, a brawal between the Second Amendment and the First?

Those dedicated readers of this site know that I, constantly refer to it as thenewstalkers.communists , and after all of these years, it is sinking in with our Right-Wing Patriots-KKK Dropouts, as it has always been known to our Liberal, well mannered, members, who to many, still remain Chop-Liver, Chicken Shatters to scared to come out of the Commie closet, like Miss Lindseed Oils Graham Crackers, from South Dakota.    

You see, folks, I am special, Putin comes to me in my dreams to give me instructions and to tell me things ever true Russian supporter must know.

For example, did you know that Trump has a thing for Putin? Putin doesn't have a thing for Trump. Putin is using "The Donald" to collapse America from within by sowing discontent.

Trump substandard supporters, all 69 million of 'dem, are so naive, so under-educated, so narrow-minded, and so easily bilked, that they are convinced that LIBERALS, who advocate for "Wiping Out Student Loan Debt," are pushing a Communist Agenda because only Commie get a free education that is dictated to them by state government.

There are not free choices in Russia. The state (the Oligarchs) makes the
decisions, get a cut of the profits, but Putin gets the biggest cut. Ask this guy how it works. He gets $1.6 million from Putin every year and received $27 million from China.


Yet, farmers, coal miners, low paying factory workers support McConnel year after year while their schools rank among the lowest in the country.

Is it the Moonshine, hate for northerners, or the indoctrination by their millionaire backwood, preachers who came to the Jesus after an all-night drunk, face up on a barroom floor that controls Kentuckians mind set?

In KY as in W.Va., Arizonia, a hand full of Conservatives control their state and federal politicians with MONEY, Honey.

Are the citizens in these states so "freak'in" dumb, so tired out from their long ours of worked, so polarized by the Civil War, so brow beaten by FOX FAKE NEWS that they can no longer think for themselves.

Their Multi-Millionaires Preacher tell them what to believe. 

Their Billionaire Conservative Republicans tell them who to Vote for and FOX TV NETWORK FAKE NEWS, owned by a billionaire and the Saudis tell them who to HATE.

Can the circle of dependence on others be broken, or is it easier to blame other for their economic/education/religious disparity?

Who is coming to their aide in any state? Rich Republican millionaire politicians like the Multi-Millionaire McConnell, the Multi-Millionaire Rand Paul, or, in West Virginia, the Multi-near billionaire, coal mine own, Joe Manchin.

Many naive, innocents, to busy working, taking after their kids, helping others have time to waste on politics, so they rely on grifters, scam artist, debunker to tell them how to live, who to vote for, what to believe, and do anything within in the controller's power to keep them under their thumb.

Well, it ain't Socialists, nor Left-Leaning College educated Liberals that are holding them back; nor is it Democrats. These are the people who are trying to help them. But they have allowed themselves to be brainwashed by Fox Fake New, controlled by a mult-billionaires family, and lied to by their politicians at every level of government to enrich themselves.

Are they naive, too scared to face the truth, or mentally out maneuvered by their city, county, state, and federal politicians who are all in it for the money.

not understand that it has always been a rich man's scheme to get average American whose parent were working class folks and could not send their kids to college, would be able to trick the better educated, enterprising students who knew the value of a college education, and the door that it potentially opens for them, want to be college student to which has been its purpose since the Russian Revolution began.

Trump is the perfect stooge.

Putin has been pouring millions into "Dirty Diaper Donnie's failing business for year in order to have better control over him.

Right-wing, Conservative, Evangelical Christian Republicans are as dumb as a box of rocks. They are so stupid that they believe socialists are communists, 

Don't believe me? Ask my mother.

She crossed over in 1995. Posing as a Red Cross Worker. Her handsome looks are exactly like Donald J. Trump!

Who knows, in this Twisted Sister's world, perhaps she is.  Nevertheless, that is to say, none-the-least, let us move on.

I don't have all day, you know. Surrounded as I am by doctors, psychologists, psychiatric aide (which I was in the summer of 1963 during my sophomore year in college. I think it was a college. It looked like a college. I wanted it to be a college.

Anyway, I digress.  But I still wear my dress.

That is to say, I am not "Gay", I just look that way.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by one of my 12 personalities, we were discussing Russian influence on every damn thing in 'Murica by Putin's Red Sparrows, of which I am not one. I would like to be one, but Putin says I am too short.

Any who, as I was saying my father/Mother's real name is Boris Smeltshitz. That is what they have called "them, her/him" (because one of them was gay. I never knew which one.)

Everyone in our hometown of Slovenia called "them" by their legal name, under penalty of getting the shat knocked out of 'em.

Besides, that is what is stamped on their passports, and thankfully, on their foreheads, which is helpful if one has a short-term memory loss, and long-term anger issues.

So, it must be true. Like DJT says, "It's true, becomes true, if you say it."

I just love everything DJT says, don't you, too. Toot, Toot, Hoot, Hoot?

(Someone fetch my meds. I feel a spell coming on!)


As I was saying before another one of my multiple personalities stuck its nose into our private conversation. STFU!

Now, if you will allow me to continue to "ed-u-ma-cate" ya'll, I shall continue:

At the age of six, my father, a brute of a boy/man staged a coup and made himself "Communist Commander" of our village. Although, to this day, once he started living in the Whitehouse with Donald Trump, he stopped being a communist to become a Born-Again Con Man making billions bilking rubes.

I, on the other hand/foot was the equivalent to what Americans of little minds might mistakenly call "the Majority Whip", but not as ruthless.

I (Mother of Melanoma) turned my daughter into a Porno Superstar, with a little help from my friend, Putin, who wants desperately to be your friend, especially the women in 'Murica with big "ta-tas", as we say, and squeeze them in Russia.

So, if you are looking for an exciting life, filled with danger, sex, betrayal, money, film screen rights, and assassinations sign...up to become a RUSSIAN RED SPARROW.

"Da bigger da tatas, da better for spyin', Comrades, until da fall. Din its bye, bye... vacation time in Siberia till death do you part. No farting, please.

I no longer live with my parents in the White House, since that tragic day, January 20th, 2020, when DJT's election was confirmed to be DOA!

It was due, my espionage sauces say, "...primary to large groups of unruly Dykes, Marching Female Baby Killer Militants, Armed Women's Rights Goofs, who threaten to punch out every Republican in Congress, except for Liz Cheney, and, oh, that white guy, Republican turncoat, now serve on the January 6th committee, and is too wimpy force witnesses to "Tell the Truth, nothing but the truth, or get slapped in the face on national TV until they do.

That is how Russian get info. out of witnesses, the old-fashioned way.

However, Socialists led by Bernie Sanders, an Octogenarian Senator, who has never held a job in his life, did nothing to craft the win for Biden, due to an intense, bitter sense of sour grapes.

Other, Pinko-Commie-Socialists like Liz Cheney, etc. found 7 million Socialists Mail-in-Ballots in the trunk of Al Fran-ken's mini-van, which, put Biden over the top, and pissed off Trump for the rest of his filthy, dirty diaper Depends' life.


Despite the heroic efforts of the "Proud Boys", "Gate Keepers", "Kill Roy" gangs Putin, and the homo-phobic billionaire owner, of Chic-a-Fleas our efforts to overturn the election even using the aides of "the best of the best Russian tactics, Voter Suppression strategies, and threats"...came up short.

Putin thinks it has a lot to do with Martin Short. (Be ever vigilant, Martin! America cannot endure another "Will Smith Smack Down on Live TV" without total collapse.

Never-The-Lease, that is say, Bum 'da Lesson , (Code) many in our Motherland blame the 5'5" autocratic, Dic-Tatter Ruler for this disaster. Potatoe Head, Putin is not hunted by readers.

To compensate, "Val the Butcher," continues to invade Ukraine to bolster his shrinking popularity with the few Literate Russians still living in Russia, while wishing that they didn't.

To sell this con-job, Putin enlisted the aid of the Russian Orthodox Church, the one owned by that Bearded guy, who wear that Astrology Hat on his head.

The truck loads of stolen Russian money, converted into gold coins, helped, also, or so I am told by my Arse Wind.

Melanoma, now an impoverished, second-rate porn star, stated in her weekly telepathic interview with Doctored Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, CEO & FLOUNDER of the less than prestigious, EAT THE PRESS DO NOT READ  IT, that  they, ("the commies") could have one on January 6th, if Trump wasn't such a wimp.

Melonoma opined, "Putin, my lover since grade school, would have thrown that "white-hair mouse, Pence, in prison and declared victory."

"Tens of millions of ill-informed Conservatives, Right-Wing Gun Nuts would have swarmed the Capital and took matters in their hands," wept Melanoma. "I can't live off of my ta-tas forever. The Botox is already leaking! Even the 'My Pilliows' guy's foam stuffing doesn't work!

Melanoma cried, "Now I am alone and nearly naked. Who will pluck my Red Feathers?"

She ripped her blouse off to prove the plight of her "Ta Tas," not that her Sugar Daddy was up to his eyebrows in legal trouble. She left in a huff, still riding that same old, hand me down, straw broom!

Want to hear the Rest of the Story?  Send $100,000 in cash to Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Flew, and he will send you daily update.

"Night All", I take it every chance I get!


jrDiscussion - desc
Freshman Principal
1  magicschoolbusdropout    3 months ago

[jrEmbed module="jrYouTube" youtube_id="HHHAdkL_rBM"]

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
1.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  magicschoolbusdropout @1    3 months ago

That's the guy I was referring to, not DJT. Thanks for the correction.

Professor Principal
2  JohnRussell    3 months ago

I think you nailed it. 

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
2.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  JohnRussell @2    3 months ago

Do you think Trump felt it, too?

Freshman Guide
3  Revillug    3 months ago
Yes, the rumors are TRUE.

I am a former, disabused KGB operative assigned to site by my estranged handler, PUTIN, with explicit orders to convert everyone on this site, members, readers, moderators, even, P. Halpren (whoever he is) to change the name of this organization to:


No - Disinformation Nation!

Newsvine was certainly crawling with Russian trolls.

Back when Newsvine was using Google Ads a strange thing happened to one of the blog posts I put up on Newsvine. The Google ads were reporting that my content was receiving ad hits from XANDY (a Russian website). The content I posted was some derivative boilerplate drivel against Hillary Clinton and her warmongering foreign policy agenda. I don't even remember what it was. We got rewarded with dollars for posting content that drew attention and I have never liked the Clintons that much. I thought I was getting facts and deep research from I now I have to admit was I a completely useful idiot.

But the fact that a blog post I put up got copied over to XANDY with its ad-links intact to the point that it generated revenue for me was shocking.

Thank you for being honest with us about your status as a paid Russian troll on TheNewStalkers. I will be careful around you.

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
3.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Revillug @3    2 months ago

Well, my campaign to change the name of this site has slogged down.  Do you think my request of $100,000 in 20s is holding some folks back?

After all, in a Commie state who needs a house?

Freshman Guide
3.1.1  Revillug  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @3.1    2 months ago

I feel your pain, being a Russian online troll and not having heard from Putin in years. But are you sure he even cares about Communism anymore? I think all Russian disinformation cares about anymore is undermining the political center.

The fringes of both parties serve that end. Where I used to think it was a good idea to criticize the Democrats from the left and put a fire under their butts to pass Medicare for All, dismantle the military, cancel all student debt, and a zillion other things, now I think it perhaps better to keep one's eye on the political center. Sometimes I think the best criticism for the Democrats comes from the center right and the best outreach to the GOP comes from Democratic moderates.

So, in the interest of moderation and incrementalism, I propose we merely rename TheNewsTalkers to TheNewStalkers.

I just plugged that into my web browser and it seems to work.

Thanks, Perrie!

(Whoever he is.)

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
4  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    2 months ago

The solution is to VOTE every Republican out of public office.

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
5  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    2 months ago

I updated this Intelligence Report that I found on the flood or Trump messy bedroom, lying on the floor, when I was making his bed. He had the same problem that Johnny Depp did. SHAT ON THE SHEETS!

So, Brothers & Sistas of the Corn Hole De-Generation, you can update your donations. Quip Pro Quo!

Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Senior Guide
6  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    2 months ago

You know, Google is Watching you! Every move you make. Every Step you take, they are watching you.

Here, at Eat The Press-Do Not Read It, we have Google-ers, too!


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