White House Clarifies That Biden Only Claimed To Have Cancer Due To His Dementia

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  2 months ago  •  65 comments

White House Clarifies That Biden Only Claimed To Have Cancer Due To His Dementia
SOMERSET, MA — After Biden seemed to announce he has cancer during a speech today, the White House quickly issued a retraction, clarifying that Biden only said that because of his dementia.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



SOMERSET, MA — After Biden seemed to announce he has cancer during a speech today, the White House quickly issued a retraction, clarifying that Biden only said that because of his dementia.

"No, Biden does not have cancer of any kind," said gay black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "He was just confused due to his dementia. We assure you the President is in perfect health. We're even having trouble keeping up with him!"

The White House doctor confirmed the statement, saying Biden is in perfect shape. "I just examined Biden this morning, and except for a fungal infection in his left armpit and some dementia, there's nothing wrong with him at all," he said.

The White House said Biden will give his own statement as soon as they have a chance to adjust his medications.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    2 months ago

384

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
1.1  Tessylo  replied to  GregTx @1    2 months ago

More not funny satire.  Give it up.

 
 
 
Diablo Imperius
Professor Guide
1.2  Diablo Imperius  replied to  GregTx @1    2 months ago

Kamala stepped to make a statement after she finished cackling in the closet.

"The President is sick, and when you're sick, you can't be President, but you have to be President, even though your sick...but being sick can't MAKE you President. Only a sick President will know if the President can be sick, but not if the President is sick."

 
 
 
Gazoo
Sophomore Silent
2  Gazoo    2 months ago

If he does have cancer we know it can’t be brain cancer.

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1  afrayedknot  replied to  Gazoo @2    2 months ago

“…it can’t be brain cancer.”

Ha. Cancer jokes. Ha, fucking hah!

You are either one of the lucky few not to have been devastated by the disease, or if you have and still insist on making sophomoric comments, you are one callous son-of-a-bitch. 

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Texan1211  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1    2 months ago

Lighten up, Francis!

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1    2 months ago

You seem a little twisted, brother or sister as it may be. Would you like to pull out your soapbox?

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1.3  afrayedknot  replied to  Texan1211 @2.1.1    2 months ago

Buried my two sons mother 6 months ago after she succumbed to cancer. So with all due respect, where there actually is none, go piss up a rope, asshole.  

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1.4  afrayedknot  replied to  GregTx @2.1.2    2 months ago

See above. 

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1.5  seeder  GregTx  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.4    2 months ago

I’m sorry for you and your sons loss.

 
 
 
mocowgirl
Professor Quiet
2.1.6  mocowgirl  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.3    2 months ago

My sincerest condolences to you and your sons.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.1.7  Texan1211  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.3    2 months ago

I am sorry for your loss, [deleted.]

 
 
 
Gazoo
Sophomore Silent
2.1.8  Gazoo  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1    2 months ago

This isn’t about you, or anybody that has cancer or died from cancer. this is about a mentally defective dumbfuck saying he has cancer when he doesn’t. If you think i would joke about real cancer patients then you are one dumb “son-of-a-bitch.”

 
 
 
igknorantzrulz
PhD Quiet
2.1.9  igknorantzrulz  replied to  Gazoo @2.1.8    2 months ago

Well Hell, Tex just did, what, are you waiting for ? Some people just don't get it

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.10  Tessylo  replied to  Gazoo @2.1.8    2 months ago

We know who the dumb son of a bitches are here.  It's not afrayednot

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1.11  afrayedknot  replied to  mocowgirl @2.1.6    2 months ago

Thank you, girl. 

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1.12  afrayedknot  replied to  Texan1211 @2.1.7    2 months ago

Go to hell. 

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2.1.13  Trout Giggles  replied to  Gazoo @2.1.8    2 months ago

This is unfunny satire. Joe Biden isn't telling people he has cancer. Wake the fuck up

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2.1.14  Trout Giggles  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.3    2 months ago

My sincerest condolences

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
2.1.15  afrayedknot  replied to  Trout Giggles @2.1.14    2 months ago

Thank you, too, friend. 

Always a compassionate voice you are. 

Peace to you and yours. Cherish every moment you share.

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
2.1.16  Tessylo  replied to  Trout Giggles @2.1.13    2 months ago

And he's calling President Biden a mentally defective dumbfuck.

jrSmiley_78_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2.1.17  Trout Giggles  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.15    2 months ago

Thanks. I will. I lost my own father to lymphoma 12 years ago. I miss him very much. I don't cancer is a laughing mater

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
2.1.18  Texan1211  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.12    2 months ago
Go to hell. 

Not a chance I'll be moving to California or New York!

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.1.19  Ronin2  replied to  Tessylo @2.1.16    2 months ago

That is correct.

Aka Brandon. Aka the Human Fuck Up Machine.

 
 
 
Mark in Wyoming
Professor Silent
2.1.21  Mark in Wyoming   replied to  Texan1211 @2.1.18    2 months ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
3  Sean Treacy    2 months ago

It's very sad to see him in public. He always ends up demeaning himself.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
3.1  cjcold  replied to  Sean Treacy @3    2 months ago

Far right wing fascists continually demean themselves.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.1.1  JBB  replied to  cjcold @3.1    2 months ago

That too...

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3.1.2  Vic Eldred  replied to  cjcold @3.1    2 months ago

As opposed to left wing fascists who openly make death wishes.

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
3.1.3  Sean Treacy  replied to  cjcold @3.1    2 months ago

Don't be so hard on yourself. 

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.2  JBB  replied to  Sean Treacy @3    2 months ago

In reality no matter what President Biden says or does the gop is determined to demean him...

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @3.2    2 months ago

They don’t really have to.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.2.2  JBB  replied to  GregTx @3.2.1    2 months ago

Then why? Is it a compulsion? Mental disorder?

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.3  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @3.2.2    2 months ago

No, he does it to himself.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3.2.4  JBB  replied to  GregTx @3.2.3    2 months ago

MAGA consider honor and dignity a disgrace?

I guess it explains the gop loving Trump's ass...

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.5  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @3.2.4    2 months ago

Hilarious…

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3.2.6  Vic Eldred  replied to  JBB @3.2    2 months ago

It matters greatly what he does!

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.2.7  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @3.2    2 months ago
In reality no matter what President Biden says or does the gop is determined to demean him...

Playing the victim card in this case is extremely misguided.

Some might even say silly.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
3.2.8  Ronin2  replied to  JBB @3.2    2 months ago

After the last 6 plus years of Democrat BS; you have the nerve to talk about Biden being demeaned?

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
3.2.9  Ronin2  replied to  JBB @3.2.4    2 months ago
honor and dignity a disgrace?

What fucking universe are leftists living in. Honor and dignity and the Human Fuck Up Machine currently in the Oval Office have nothing to do with each other. If he had an ounce of honor; or even a smidgen of dignity; he would resign because he is unfit for the job both mentally and physically. Instead he still puts himself out in public and fucks everything up. Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea have taken full notice of his weakness. 

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
3.2.10  Sean Treacy  replied to  JBB @3.2    2 months ago
sident Biden says or does the gop is determined to demean him...

Biden does it to himself.  Anyone paying attention sees it. 

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3.3  Vic Eldred  replied to  Sean Treacy @3    2 months ago

Especially at a vacant lot, next to a strip club. I suppose the idea was to focus on the old coal fired Brayton Point Power Plant, which is supposedly going to start making offshore wind cables, sometime in the next decade. His radical handlers sent him here to tell the world there was a climate emergency, don't ya know!  He was greeted by a few people who, once they recognized him, proceeded to flip him the finger. Then at about 4:30 he was back on his fuel burning Air Force One back to DC.

What it all proves is that the nation & the world still needs fossil fuels.

 
 
 
Mark in Wyoming
Professor Silent
3.3.1  Mark in Wyoming   replied to  Vic Eldred @3.3    2 months ago

question is , was he aware it was a strip club? 

its not like going up 95 at the Ma/ NH border when you passed the golden banana .....you KNEW what that was ......

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
3.3.2  Vic Eldred  replied to  Mark in Wyoming @3.3.1    2 months ago
was he aware it was a strip club?

I doubt he was even aware of being in MA.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
4  JBB    2 months ago

MAGA has become a Malignant Personally Disorder!

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @4    2 months ago

Exactly, just like progressivism.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
4.1.1  JBB  replied to  GregTx @4.1    2 months ago

So, you admit MAGA is a personality disorder?

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.1.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @4.1.1    2 months ago

Sure, just like I admit progressives have a personality disorder.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
4.1.3  cjcold  replied to  GregTx @4.1    2 months ago

Proud to be a progressive. 

Proud to have earned a few college degrees. 

Proud to not be an ignorant redneck.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.1.4  seeder  GregTx  replied to  cjcold @4.1.3    2 months ago

Mmmmkay

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
4.1.5  JBB  replied to  GregTx @4.1.2    2 months ago

That is a very mature response. Like this one!

original

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.1.6  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @4.1.5    2 months ago

Aren't you the expert on dumbass memes and immature responses?

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
4.1.7  seeder  GregTx  replied to  JBB @4.1.5    2 months ago

Is that the face you make when you’re banging on your keyboard?

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4.1.8  Tessylo  replied to  cjcold @4.1.3    2 months ago

jrSmiley_81_smiley_image.gifjrSmiley_93_smiley_image.jpg

 
 
 
Mark in Wyoming
Professor Silent
5  Mark in Wyoming     2 months ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
6  seeder  GregTx    2 months ago

Whatever, if you can’t see it, it's not my fault.

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
7  Vic Eldred    2 months ago

Back in April, Biden said  "I have asthma and 80% of the people who, in fact, we grew up with have asthma."

Was he putting us on?

Where are the people who are going to say it's disrespectful to those suffering from asthma?

Let's make it dramatic then and hang it on Biden.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
8  Revillug    2 months ago

It's amazing what unfunny stuff passes for funny with these hateful MAGA types.

It's kind of like how those lynching postcards really got a guffaw back in the good old days.

Namaste, motherfuckers!

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
8.1  Tessylo  replied to  Revillug @8    2 months ago

Truly - it's mean, stupid, vicious, hateful, moronic, hateful, not funny, stupid, hateful, ignorant, did I mention not funny?  hateful?

 
 
 
Diablo Imperius
Professor Guide
8.2  Diablo Imperius  replied to  Revillug @8    2 months ago

Some words of wisdom and food for thought.

  • What goes around comes around. 
  • You reap what you sow.
  • You made your bed now you get to sleep in it.
  • Karma is a bitch.
  • Do unto others as they have done unto you.
  • Make sure to accuse others of doing what you are already doing wrong.

 
 
 
Mark in Wyoming
Professor Silent
8.3  Mark in Wyoming   replied to  Revillug @8    2 months ago
Namaste, motherfuckers!

Be happy.

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Sophomore Guide
9  Right Down the Center    2 months ago

Watching the liberal heads explode can sometimes be more entertaining than the satire that is making them explode.

 
 
 
Mark in Wyoming
Professor Silent
9.1  Mark in Wyoming   replied to  Right Down the Center @9    2 months ago

very true , but then again i grew up watching archie bunker in all in the family , george jefferson in the jeffersons , redd foxx in sanford in son  many mel brooks movies , and listening to george carlin . maybe thats why im not so easily offended with crass humor .some of what offends people today would be considered 3rd string piker stuff.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
9.1.1  Texan1211  replied to  Mark in Wyoming @9.1    2 months ago

Yeah, back in the day when everyone wasn't constantly 'offended' by something or other.

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Sophomore Guide
9.1.2  Right Down the Center  replied to  Mark in Wyoming @9.1    2 months ago

Some great shows and names.  The one missing is Don Rickles.  Looking at some of his shows now you see many of the people he insults laughing along with the jokes and insults.

There is a big difference between what is said and the intent behind it.  Seems we have forgotten that in todays world.

 
 

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