Cat watching you scoop litter box with quiet authority of tiny feudal lord
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
TIMMINS , ON — Upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a scoop dig into a wet clump of litter, three-year-old Muffins Fitzwilliam has climbed atop his cat tree to look down upon you with the quiet, menacing authority of a tiny feudal lord.
What began as an innocuous maintenance scoop has quickly turned into the performance of a lifetime as Muffins is now pacing and casting a harsh, judgemental stare as you, a mere serf, dispose of his waste.
“This is a power trip,” reported your roommate who just overheard you refer to the cat as ‘my liege’. “Look at you – your hand is shaking and you’re breaking a sweat. All this for a cat who licks his own ass.”
In response, Muffins gave a curt, unimpressed look and began pantomiming cleaning up the mess himself by just sort of brushing the floor with his paw, presumably mocking your inability to do it correctly.
“You can’t keep living like this,” pleaded your boyfriend. “Muffins won’t actually draw and quarter you in the public square if you miss a few clumps. Please, you can’t keep letting him get away with this absolute monarchy. He doesn’t even have thumbs!”
Reports indicate that this is the latest instance in a long-established pattern of the feline monarch treating you like a lowly peasant forever toiling in servitude beneath him.
According to sources, the diminutive sultan rules the 1000 sq foot apartment in which you live and pay rent with an iron paw, requiring a royal banquet of Fancy Feast each morning and forcing you to go on harrowing crusades to retrieve the toys he so callously banished to behind the couch.
Witnesses also report that Muffins has also recently used his power to enact Prima Nocta with Waffles, the orange tabby cat down the lane.
At press time, Muffins has climbed on top of you and begun using you as a human throne in an effort to degrade you like the lackey you are.
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And the moral of the story? If you want to feel like Napoleon, get a dog.
dogs have owners, cats have staff...
So very true, dev. My Mother had cats all her life, as have I. And that is a very true statement. While some may not have been demanding, they have never failed to let it be known that they are the decision makers on many levels. And nothing is right until they say it's right. A lesson I learned even as a toddler.
Morning Devan...nope not even staff.
Slave is more appropriate..
And they never let us forget it, too.
that's probably more accurate...
A big dog so you can feel like you can have the full complex.
This doesn't sound like satire...
It never occurred to me that it was.
To add injury to insult, as soon as I've cleaned the litter box, my chubbier cat has to squeeze out at least a few drops of pee into it, just to keep me in my place.
I use to wake up with my (late) big cat sitting on my chest staring at me...
We used to have one that would wake us up by biting our ears and licking our eyelids. There is no ignoring that.
I suppose that's better than the opposite....
I would be afraid that would be the first thing the cat ate off of me if I dropped dead...
That would wake you up...Haha
Mine also like to lay on a chair, looking all nice and relaxed. As soon as I walked by he would stick out a paw and claw me.
Ha! True.
Ah, the stealth murderer. Lull you into complacency, then strike.
Cats are the ultimate predators.
I had a cat, "Squirt, the Bigger,Pigger,Tigger,Chicken Monster " who would crawl onto my chest and then reach out a paw to gently tap my lips. If I was sleeping after that, he would extend his claws ever so slightly.... He never had to go any farther than that. I got up and made him breakfast
Todd wasn't necessarily hungry. We left his food and water dishes full all the time, because he was a nibbler and didn't overeat.
He wanted to play. Right then, and he wasn't taking no for an answer.
Well, even though there have been theories about it lately, at least they're not aliens......I think.
I am running a retirement home for my red tabby, Seamus.
He is on a limited ingredient rabbit meat based cat food, with blood pressure medicine, low dose aspirin, a stool softener and potassium supplements. He is half blind and probably completely deaf.
But he still lords over me first thing in the morning every single day. We both know what I need to do for him and in what order and he keeps me on task. If I waiver off task he meows at me.