Oh No! Scientists Determine We're Actually Headed For An Ice Age And We Have To Pump As Much CO2 As Possible Into The Atmosphere Or We're All Gonna Die

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  one month ago  •  6 comments

Oh No! Scientists Determine We're Actually Headed For An Ice Age And We Have To Pump As Much CO2 As Possible Into The Atmosphere Or We're All Gonna Die
WORLD — In a stunning reversal from decades of scientific consensus, scientists have now revealed that the planet is hurtling toward a devastating ice age and that we need to pump as much CO2 into the atmosphere as possible or we're all going to die.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



WORLD — In a stunning reversal from decades of scientific consensus, scientists have now revealed that the planet is hurtling toward a devastating ice age and that we need to pump as much CO2 into the atmosphere as possible or we're all going to die.

"Welp, it looks like we may have made a few minor miscalculations," said Dr. Bjrn Jarlnjrd of the Norwegian Center for Studying Apocalyptic Science (NCSAS). "I think we may have forgotten to carry the '1' somewhere or something, I'm not really sure. But the long story short is that the planet is actually cooling and we're all going to freeze to death if we don't all start our SUVs and rev them around the clock immediately."

Already, news outlets around the world have announced that "the science has changed" and that every coal plant, monster truck, private jet, fracking drill, and gas-powered leaf blower must be turned on immediately to save humanity from a frozen tundra of death. "We were wrong! God help us, we were so wrong!" said a shivering Neil deGrasse Tyson as he fired up his gas-powered generator. "Why were we afraid of the very chemical we breathe out? It's food for plants! It's natural! What have we done?!"

Governments are responding too, already having acted quickly to ban all solar and wind power, and have promised thousands of new taxes and regulations which they promise will solve the problem somehow.

At publishing time, Elon Musk had offered his help with the announcement of a new gas-powered Tesla.


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GregTx
Senior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    one month ago

jrSmiley_86_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Masters Silent
2  SteevieGee    one month ago

Satire is supposed to be funny.  This is just plain stupid.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
2.1  JBB  replied to  SteevieGee @2    one month ago

The Cons think telling lies about Libs is satire!

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Sophomore Principal
2.1.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  JBB @2.1    one month ago

Maybe a hard nuclear winter will reverse this global warming.  How hot is it in the Bronx tonight?

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
2.2  Sparty On  replied to  SteevieGee @2    one month ago
Satire is supposed to be funny.

Not necessarily but it can be.

It’s tough to truly appreciate good satire if it triggers you.

This article is classic satire.    Especially since I remember this Ice Age horseshit being seriously spouted 50-60 years ago

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3  Buzz of the Orient    one month ago

It's The Day After Tomorrow.

 
 

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