Zelenskyy Asks Trump to Give Ukraine Same Protection He Gives Pedophiles
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Mandel Ngan/AFP via Getty Images
KYIV ( The Borowitz Report )—Seeking robust security guarantees for his nation, on Wednesday Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy asked Donald J. Trump to “give Ukraine the same protection you have given pedophiles.”
Hoping to flatter Trump, Zelenskyy said, “Mr. President, the Ukrainian people ask you to stand strong with them, just as you have stood strong in your refusal to release the Epstein files.”
“We are not, of course, a nation of pedophiles,” he continued. “But imagine that we were, and protect us accordingly.”
Specifying the sort of protection he sought for Ukraine, Zelenskyy ended his charm offensive by beseeching Trump, “Please give us whatever deal you gave Ghislaine.”
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It was either yesterday or the night before that Russian foreign minister Lavrov announced there would be no meeting between Putin and Zelensky, calling the idea a fantasy of Trump. I wonder if our MAGA still consider the Alaska "summit" the success Trump claimed it was. I think he gave it a 10 out of 10.