Taco Donny shits the bed in Iran
bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!
There's something cathartic about Tiedrich's articles. I could't ever be so simply vulgar - my upbringing is a handicap, here. So Jeff's rambunctious vulgarity pleases me no end!
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
can we talk about what a five-alarm clusterfuck-factory King Fuckface the First is?
acting first and thinking never, he blundered into an unnecessary, unprovoked and illegal war on Iran — all because his piss-drunk Secretary of Whiskey convinced him all America had to do was rain down bombs on Tehran for a few hours, and the war would be over and won in a single afternoon.
here we are, ten days later, and shit has gone completely sideways. thousands of people are dead, billions of dollars have been wasted, the price of crude oil is in the stratosphere, not a single objective has been met, and the Middle East is arguably a much less stable place than before the bombs started falling.
and now that it’s all blown right the fuck up into his big, dumb pumpkin face, Donny is doing the most Donny thing ever: he’s TACOing — chickening out, pretending he won, and declaring victory.
bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!
basically, Donny flipped the Big Skateboard of Foreign Policy™ up into his own nuts, and now has to pretend that he meant to do that.
Donny had to eat shit because it never occurred to any of these trigger-happy dumbfucks that going to war right next to the Strait of Hormuz would send the price of crude through the roof.
Republican approval numbers are in the shitter right now, and super-high gas prices are only making things worse. something had to be done, and done now . so yesterday afternoon, a panicked Donny phoned CBS News reporter Weijia Jiang and made this stunning announcement: ‘ hey, guess what. I won .’
“NEW—In a phone interview, President Trump told me the war could be over soon: ‘I think the war is very complete, pretty much. They have no navy, no communications, they’ve got no Air Force.’ He added that the U.S. is ‘very far’ ahead of his initial 4-5 week estimated time frame.”
oh, really?
let’s be perfectly clear about Donny’s boast: America isn’t winning shit.
not a single goal of this fucked-up war has been met. Iran hasn’t ‘unconditionally surrendered,’ as Donny demanded they do .
there’s been no regime change. Iran’s repressive theocracy still stands. the Iranian people didn’t rise up and overthrow their government, as Donny had hallucinated they would . the Strait of Hormuz is, at this moment, still shut down.
but sure enough, after Donny’s announcement, the price of crude went from Way Too Fucking High all the way down to Still Too Fucking High .
mission accomplished! that was all Donny needed to hold a press conference and grant himself an unearned victory lap .
“we took a little excursion because we felt we had to do that to get rid of some evil. I think you’ll see it’s going to be a short-term excursion. short term. short term!”
a ‘little excursion’? fuck you, you callous piece of shit. you flushed billions of dollars down the toilet. you damned near depleted America’s stock of tomahawk missiles. you dropped a fucking bomb on a school and killed over a hundred children. that’s a war crime. you destabilized an entire region of the planet. that’s not a ‘little excursion,’ you fucking fuck.
so, is there a war or isn’t there a war? don’t ask Donny — because as always, you’re not going to get a coherent answer out of him. we’re dealing with Schrödinger’s Moron .
reporter: “you said the war is ‘very complete.’ but your defense secretary says ‘this is just the beginning.’ so which is it?”
Donny: “you could say both.”
it’s true, you could say both. especially if you’re an incoherent imbecile who just blithers whatever he imagines that people want hear.
hours after that presser, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants apparently had some second thoughts about peacemaking and TACO’d his TACO, threatening to hit Iran ‘ TWENTY TIMES HARDER ’ if they ‘do anything to stop the flow of oil through the Strait of Hormuz.’
Christ on a corroded catamaran, he’s such a fucking embarrassment. he’s a high-on-his-own-supply maniac. remember when presidents didn’t conduct foreign policy via crazypants posts on social media?
thank you for your attention to this matter.
here’s your zero of the day: Fox News fuckface Brian Kilmeade, who can’t understand why oil tanker captains aren’t willingly signing up for suicide missions through the Strait of Hormuz .
“if you want to diminish the Iranian threat, if you want to make sure this ends with complete Iran capitulation, show some guts and go through that Strait.”
show some guts? you first, bro.
that’s some pretty tough talk, from some dipshit in a television studio thousands of miles away from the situation. hey, Brian — during the next commercial break, how about you go pour yourself a nice cup of shut the fuck up .
and now, here’s your hero of the day: reporter Shawn McCreesh of The New York Times, who committed an Apex Journalism when he asked Dear Leader a very uncomfortable question about all those blown-to-bits Iranian schoolgirls .
McCreesh: “you just suggested that Iran somehow got its hands on a tomahawk and bombed its own elementary school on the first day of the war. but you’re the only person in your government saying this. even your defense secretary wouldn’t say that, when he was asked, standing over your shoulder, on your plane on Saturday. why are you the only person saying this?”
Donny: “ because I just don’t know enough about it. I think it’s something that I was told is under investigation. but tomahawks are— are used by others, as you know. numerous other nations have tomahawks. they buy ’em from us.”
“I’m insisting something is true even though I don’t know enough about it” just might be the most honest thing Donny’s ever said, even if he’s far too demented to realize that’s what he’s saying.
but let’s do a quick fact check of Donny’s claim that ‘ numerous other nations have tomahawks. they buy ’em from us.’
The only operators of Tomahawk missiles are the United States Navy, Royal Australian Navy, Royal Netherlands Navy and Royal Navy. Iran has zero Tomahawk missiles .
of course, the perfect followup question for McCreesh to have asked would have been ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
but hey, you can’t have everything.
Whatever
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What happened was that someone had the guts to do the right thing
Is Starmer still afraid?
How about the puppeteers who controlled Biden?
Here is the goal that has been met: justice has never been better served!
What, precisely, did Trump accomplish?
He claims to have obliterated Iran's nuclear capabilities and now claims that he had to engage in this war because they were going to have a nuclear weapon in 2 weeks.
See, Vic, we cannot trust anything coming from this corrupt administration. We do not know if this actually did some necessary good or if it was nothing more than political theater to distract from the Epstein cover-up or to try to win political capital for the midterms.
In general, taking out Iran's nuclear capabilities is good. How that is done, if that is done are important factors.
the US military just destroyed all of the evidence proving that trump was correct about iran's nuclear intentions. gee, what a coincidence ...
The right thing for whom and why? Iran was not an imminent threat to the US. It was not "weeks away" from a nuke. But if you're a rightwing conservative Christian imagining you're in the middle of an existential religious war against Islam I suppose it would seem to be the "right" thing to do. The flaw in your logic is that WE'RE NOT ALL FUCKING RIGHTWING CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS WHO BELIEVE THAT CRAP!
Stop fucking using our SECULAR nation for your own stupid moronic religious wars.
funny how thumpers feel the need to help their perfect and omnipotent god by clarifying ambiguous scripture and adding missing commandments, all while helping him kickstart armageddon when it's most politically convenient for them ...
Three huge groups of humans, Christians, Muslims and Jews, all believe in the same God but each one believing they are Gods "true" chosen people and that God will eventually wipe out their enemies. And they consider each other enemies because each one is claiming to be Gods chosen people to the exclusion of all others. Instead of a 'love triangle' we have a 'murder triangle' and these fuck wads are trying to drag everyone else around them into their stupid war. None of them can even prove their God even exists and yet they've been killing hundreds of thousands of people in its name. Shouldn't that be the definition of insanity? Why the fuck are any of these crazy religious conservative fuckers near any weapons let alone nuclear ones.
Because someone can sell them weapons at a profit.
Which isn't always the best thing to do.
That probably depends on how many Brits are trapped in Iran or the rest of the ME. Brits and Yanks and others trapped without warning while on vacation.
Nice deflection.
Which justice? Exactly whose life was it worth? Pennington's? One hundred plus elementary school girls?
Your "justice" just added another Trillion to the national debt and triggered another global gas crisis.
Or the "justice" that just displaced 700,000 in Lebanon?
Strange isn't it
Indeed. We should be putting these idiots in straitjackets, not handing them the nuclear football.
I say send all those religious fucks back to the caves, catacombs, and coliseums where they belong. at least the romans had the good economic sense to monetize sectarian warfare instead of picking up the tab for it ...
trump really needs to add DC or florida stops to his shit the bed tour ...
I love Jeff Tiedrich. He tells it like it is without holding back and giving me a few giggles.
I really want to write a sentence with the words dumbfucks twatwaffles, and imbecilic pieces of shit but some here might think I was talking to them
"I'm an unamerican maga dipshit unable to think for myself so I depend upon trump's stable genius to do it for me"
"I can't find my ass with my own hands"
"I'm too stupid to realize the things I'm complaining about now were caused by the same people I vote for."
I saw McKeesh deliver that line and winced at how Trump was going to reply, but he had a relatively calm reaction. Can you image the rage if McKeesh had been a woman? That would have enraged fire and fury from the senile old fuck. She’d be a terrible person with low ratings … why would you ask that?! … you’re a horrible person.