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Trump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  8 months ago  •  4 comments

By:    Ian MacIntyre - The Beaverton

Trump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”
“Obviously it makes no sense for me to send American troops to secure the Strait, because I already won the war two weeks ago,”

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


WASHINGTON D.C. – With the Strait of Hormuz shut down by Iranian forces following the U.S.- Israel -led invasion, President Donald  Trump  has publicly invited his “pathetic  baby  NATO allies” to send warships and secure the vital shipping lane.

“Obviously it makes no sense for me to send American troops to secure the Strait, because I already won the war two weeks ago,” Trump insisted to reporters. “So the only question is which of   America ’s weak, freeloading, dickless chode allies gets the great honour of putting their boots on the ground to defeat the Iranian military.”

“ Canada ? I’m looking in your direction,” Trump added, before spitting on a maple leaf flag.

Over the next hour, Trump invited various traditional U.S. ally nations to “compete for the great honour, you pussies” of launching a full-frontal assault against   Iran ’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps on their home turf.

“C’mon, Britain, you chinless deadbeats used to love joining our American wars of choice in the Middle East,” Trump continued, snapping his fingers. “Or China, who I maintain are raping our country, why don’t you dirty commies want to come fight this war for me?”

Trump offered to “sweeten the deal” by lowering the tariff rates of any countries who deploy military aid to the Strait of Hormuz “from 15% to 15%. What an amazing deal, you gutless foreign idiots!”

In response, every world leader around the globe has reportedly changed their number and announced that they are busy from now until whenever the heart attack finally happens.


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Hallux
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    8 months ago

Those aren't drones falling from the sky, that's convefe ... !

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
2  JohnRussell    8 months ago

I would call this half satire. Trump was whining about our European allies earlier this morning

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
Professor Guide
3  Bob Nelson    8 months ago

This is probably how he actually does "think". He raises "oblivious" to heights never before seen.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
4  shona1    8 months ago

Arvo..

Does the US government supply Vegemite??

Just asking for our Navy...

You know how it goes..

What no Vegemite spread?..

We ain't supplying you lead..

Royal Navy Commodore James Parkin, commander of the International Maritime Security Construct (IMSC), receives a gift of Vegemite from Royal Australian Navy Cmdr. Mitchell Livingstone, commanding officer of HMAS Toowoomba (FFH 156), a coalition ship participating in IMSC operations. The IMSC maintains the freedom of navigation, international law, and free flow of commerce to support regional stability and security of the maritime commons. 

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