Eat the Press - Do Not Read It! The content is worthless!
"Spewing SHAT" is where it is at , according to my other nom de plume, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored".
Donnie does it! Why can't we? Screw everything up?
If you don't think I am not "doctored," just take a gander at me, Medicine Cabinet. I take one, two, maybe three hundred pills a day. If I ain't "doctored", who in HADES is?
The MONSTER below is doctored, or nuts, perhaps both, and a Trump licker!
CAUTION:
This disgusting Epistle is not yet rated!
(Read first, Masturbate later!)
My Fellow NEWS TALKERS.COMMIES, here at the BIRD DROPPING INSTITUTE - a Think/Stink Tank for Morons, no Idiot, we believe in MAGIC...Magic Johnson, that is, until he retired; then, Hell NO!
Our Manifesto states that "The PUBLIC'S right to know every damn thing, right this damn minute, SUPERSEDES our right to tell the truth".
"So, we don't!"
But you can, you can by simply sending truckloads of MONEY, Honey!
Giving a helping hand is desirable, so that we might save AMERICA from "Dirty, Filthy, Racist, Child Rapist, Diaper Donnie"!
That man is "full on NUTS" and should immediately be sent to Alcatraz for the rest of his rotting life. Wouldn't that be LOVELY?
Here, at "EAT THE PRESS-DO NOT READ IT" , we, too, make "SHAT UP", just like "Fox TV Fake News" and "Dirty Diaper Donnie" .
Why can't we?
By gum it, if MAGA LOONS can support a loony bin like Trump, we should be able to support our loony bins.
We'll be located in Mildew, Oh-ho-ho, where there are no jobs, NOT EVEN BLOW JOBS!
That is why we are asking every one of you on "The NewsTalkers.communist" to send your hard-earned money to support our fellow Red Neck Commies, Nut Crackers.
Do you, too?
Here, at "Eat The Press-Do Not Read It", our content is worthless.
However, I am known as "The Wizard of Mildew, Ohio" because everyone in Mildew is really SUPER STUPID and covered with mildew!
That's why we solicit MONEY, Honey!
Thanks to your generous donation of "ONLY $19,000 per month for the rest of your life, we will target America's most corrupt politicians, such as "Dirty Diaper Donnie", Kash Patel, Attorney General Pondi, and V.P. "Couch Humper" (J. D. Vance), who never wears pants.
JD thinks he is a "BABE MAGNET" and a guy magnet. He's not. He is a flip-flopper!
It is, however, our sturdy opinion that Republicans in high places must be smoking dope, drinking too much, and are so corrupted that they are willing to lick Trump's Orange Butt-Tac-cos!
Why in Hades don't you write a check? What are you waiting for?
$19,000 per month is not asking for a lot.
Agh, excuse me, my handler, er...cell mate, Pete Hegseth just informed me that we do not take CHECKS.
Only "Sisies" write checks! Real American He-Man, like ICE Killers, demands cash and trash!
While we be waiting for your generous donation, KASH PATEL will be wrapped tightly in cellophane and sent straight to HELL, per "Dirty Diaper Donnie's" request.
Let's all Y E L L! "HELL YEAH"! KASH PATEL is going to HELL!"
Wasn't that rewarding?
You see, folks, my "SAUCES", Ghouliani & Stephan Miller, stated in one of my "dream hallucinations", that they have it on "pretty shaky grounds", that all of the still living "Re-Puritans" are, to this very day, claiming that they no longer believe in the White, Blue-Eyed JESUS!
Instead, they are sending all of their money to their SUPSUPER-Duper, Right-Wing Republican PREACHER, "Dirty Diaper Donnie", because they want a WHITE AMERICA, just like it says in the BIBLE...the original bible written by Walter Concrete, former TV News Broadcaster!
That makes sense! Don't it? Now, keep that a SUPER, DUPER SECRET!
I say, "Agh, Shucks, Fiddle Sticks", that is nice of y'all to say,
YOU WILL BE SENDING $19,000 per month, for the rest of your life, to cleanse America from Trump's SHAT storm, straight from the Homo Straits to me, Johnnie Dump Fuc!
HEADS UP, NOT HEADS DOWN. (That is what Miss Linseed Oil did, and look what it did to him):
We, here at "Eat The Press - Do Not Read It," are the only known publication that gives its readers the "Hot, Sweaty, Sexy Details" that keep you up all night, then encourages you to sleep all day.
Why work when Donald J. Trump is taking care of all of us?
Now, my Fellow Facebook Fiends, let out a loud orange, arse gas explosion to celebrate our new KING, "Dirty Diaper Donnie"!
Donnie wants to be your KING!
King of the United States of America, if we would only let him!
Yep, Brothers & Sistas of the "CORN HOLE DEGENERATION" , we be trying to upchuck everything before "Dirty Diaper Donnie" done FUGAZI it up.
Do you get my drift?
That's why, as a Vietnam Vet, I am asking you to send me only $19,000 per month to the prestigious "BIRD DROPPING INSTITUTE , a Think Tank For Morons, No Idiots, please".
We are located in Mildew, Ohio, where there are NO JOBS , not even BLOW JOBS!
Come on down and join us!
We don't bite! Yet?
CHAPTER TWO
00
Here, at the esteemed "Eat the Press - Do Not Read It" (Don't Read Anything), we adhere to a strict code of ethics, and we expect you to follow suit, or you will go straight to HELL for reading this epistle.
You see, we be Jesus's Freaks, too. Jesus doesn't LOVE "Dirty Diaper Donnie"; SATAN does.
Hallelujah! Sing it loud & queer, er...I mean CLEAR. Be advised, Wise Guy! Do what we do, or no moonshine fer you!
Below are the very low-down things that you, and everyone else, need to know about EAT THE PRESS-DO NOT READ IT!
We like big font!
1. We DO NOT hire highfalutin' j ournalists, with their nose in the air.
We hire Urinalists .
They are cheaper, needier, plus, you DON'T HAVE TO PAY 'em!
They, like Donnie J. Trump, are addicted to urinating on the News , and, of course, Horse, so do we, but not in the way you might be thinking!
If it is good enough for "Donnie", it is good enough for us, Gus.
So, don't cuss, DAMIT! That interferes with our broadcast, and our broads.
Urinalists, you see, have their nose in places most journalists "fear to tread" - politicians' restrooms, homes, and their "Twisted Sisters Gay Bars".
They are the Fried Head miscreants, who formulate the real political shenanigans.
AKA, Stephen Miller, a Registered Red-Light, Dim-Witted
Re-Puritan with a bald head, always head first into "Dirty Diaper Donnie", orange ARSE!
Now, that ain't no place fer any human to be, is it?
2. Our Mission is S imple , as we are, too.
We bear the title of "simpleton" (MAGA loons with an I.Q. of six) as if it were a FOX TV's "FAKE NEWS story, about to explode!"
It is a GIFT from our chief competitors, Winky, Sneaky, and Nod Off!
We don't deny who we are. We just hide it! Like Donnie's Private ARMY ICE, the new "NEO-NAZI KILLERS".
We, too, wear masks. (Cowboy Masks 'cause we need to rob a bank now and then).
Our MISSION, in case you are a "slow reader", is crystal clear, not queer; we believe that everyone has an inalienable excuse to do what the "freakin' frack" they want to do, if it isn't nasty.
Donnie, on the other hand, is "Freaking' Nasty"!
He poops his pants!
A lot of people call us Queer, 'cause we Cheer queers, but we ain't . We just be weird. We like it like that.
And, that brothers and sisters of 'dis here News Talkers. Communist is the Tooth, "The Whole Tooth & Nutin' but da TOOTH, so help me Garfungel".
Our staff, of brilliant misfits, was purloined from the New Jersey State Hospital for "Mental Marginals," and should be treated with kindness, like sending money to The Bird Dropping Institute for Moron, No Idiots, please.
Our primary mission is to hurl "Rotten Tomatoes" at Fox TV Network News!
Man is da' fun. And ketchup bottles, too!
Come on, now, join us for only $125.00 per week. So, you, too, will be billionaires like we are.
So, your tithe in 'cause we be a Tax-Free Church, too, fer financial reasons only.
Like Trump, we know how to cheat on our taxes, just like Donnie does. Write that down, Folk-Laureates! It will no doubt become handy in your defamation hearings .
Send Money, Honey, and we will send it back to you a thousandfold. WE, like "Dirty Diaper Donnie," are CONS, too!
If you like our commentary, take your clothes off and whistle!
Thank you for your SERVICE!
Trump wants to be KING. Do you want him to be King, also?
Why are you even here?
I be, here to express my feelings about "Dirty Diaper Donnie"!
If he is going to HELL, I feel good about that.
Thank you for your compliment!
Hey, Muther Fugasis,
I needs me some love, some communication, so tongue-lapping to get my engine revved up. I needs it "Revved Up Red Hot"! So you can stick a Hot Poker in me Arse I ain't gonna scream like a winney, or tell anyone.
I be's discrete, like me idol, "DIRTY DIAPER DONNIE".
I think dis guy, if he is a guy, is a "Gene-Arse". You would, too, if you got a gander at him.
I like this guy!
I was once like you, but now I am SNOT!
ICE should raid the WHITEHOUSE, that is where the real crooks are.
If T-Rump Diddy committed SUICIDE, would Donnie be eligible for the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE?
Hey, this guy is fantastic. Don't you think
? I think he would make a better POTUS than that POS in the White House, now!
Donald Trump is an IMPOSTOR, a "spoiled RICH BRAT" who has convinced himself that he is superior to all others.
He is not!
"Dirty Diaper Donnie" cannot control his bowels. He has no right to control our country. Send him to a psychiatric ward, then to hell.
This guy is a GENIUS. Send you MONEY TO HIM,
Not to Donnie "Screw Loose!"
A VOTE for Trump is a vite for self destruction.
Yes, it is wrong.
Take off your clothes and run around NAKE for Seven Days, then wash off with an industrial size bottle of bleach.
That should cleanse you of your sins.
To understand my tomes, it might serve your well, as Buzz of The Orient, explained to me, that to better understand these heart felt pieces of literary smut, it may serve you well, if you read our FRONT PAGE.
Richard Pryor told me me, after reading a monologue I wrote for him, "Man, you one funny white dude, but you is a SICK FUC"!
I took it as a compliment. To this day, I am still waiting patiently for that $500 he promised me.
MOMMAS:
"Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Trump Thumb Suckers.
Donnie Suck enough for all of us."
Donnie has a new SCAM. The most corrupt sinner in 'Mur-Ree-KKK-Ah is now peddling BIBLES!
Is there no bottom to low for Donald to Go?
A lot of peoples, don't know dis, but eighter do eye. So that is why I ain't gonna tell you nothing. Jesus is Donnie, Donnie is Jesus, God is their Father, and HE needs MONEY, TOO.
As many of you LEFT LEANING LIBERALS, too lazy to get a job, 'cause you spend all day day & night playing that damn Demon's Game, "CORN HOLING", when you ought to be out looking fer a JOB, that don't exist in the Biden Administration of "Do Nothing" policy.
-Mur-Ree-KKK-Ah is going to HELL in a handbag, what different does it make if it is a DESINGER'S handbag, it was probably made in CHINESE LAND by Communists, and sold on the Streets of New York Cities by "Illegals takin' good jobs from our recently released felons.
That ain't right.
What's Right is "Dirty Diaper Donnie's" had, fart...er...fought battle to get back in the White House, where the first thing he is gonna do is to paint the White House ORANGE!
Don-Don, "The Con" stinks ahead and intents to make brown eyes, blue.
In order to accomplish Donnie's Agenda, Don The Con, needs your MONEY, Honey.
So if you want to save 'MUR-REE-KKK-AH, then did dig. We cannot have BOOK MOBILES driving all over creation, shoving Scientology down the throats of tinny-tiny, innocent Christian child's throats filled with non-Jesus messages.
We, America's White Saviors, must be the guardrail, front tires, and back door to protecting our country from East Coast Liberals who attended upscale colleges with in-door plumbing.
How in Hades can one teach our killdren if'n we don't stag a-head of the game.
So, send MONEY, Honey, that is what it is all about...shake it out and turn you spouse, the louse around, and till he is so confused, he doesn't know he got pick-pocketed. That is how the money drops.
Remember, Jesus and Donnie are one in da same. Hallelujah, and pass the ammunition.
It's time to WAKE UP, MAGA LOONS, this time you won't be shooting at children in a CLASS ROOM.
A Well Armed Military is going to teach you a lesson you. Drop you Weapon, Pull Your Pants Up, make a decision:
Do I want to die for "Dirty Diaper Donnie" and the "CLUSTER FUGAZIS" that suck as his trough? Or, do I want to LIVE to see another day?
And you want to re-elected the BEAST? To do WHAT? Tear our democracy because this ORANGE MONSTER has a bur up his ARSE.
It's time to grow up. It ain't happening.
A VOTE FOR DUMP is proof positive that you are a MAGA LOONEY TUNE, pissed off because your life is a broken promise, divorce, stuck in a job you hate, and others, possibly, your former friends are succeeding, so you, an ARSE WHIP want to grab your weapons and start shooting unarmed Americans!
STAY THE F&^% HOME.
There will be an Army present and you will be shredded.
Pull your head out of "Dirty Diaper Donnie's" ARSE, and smell the roses, not his soiled DEPENDS.
And, this is who you want LEADING our country?
DONALD TRUMP orchestrated this attack on our country. Why isn't he in PRISON?
At 82.3.14 years, I can't keep tell you how to run your LIFE. AVOID "Dirty Diaper Donnie" at all cost!
At 82.3.14 years, I can't keep tell you how to run your LIFE. AVOID "Dirty Diaper Donnie" at all cost!
So few realize the time and energy it takes to produce an
EPISTLE as complicated as this, and as depressing...
Send MONEY, Honey!
Wasn't this enlightening? It was so enlightening that the curtains caught.
I thought for a moment that I was being RAPTURED.
Then I realized it was smoke, not clouds and I had to act quickly or the house might go up in flames.
And, I certainly want to explain that to my wife.
Do you know how much I had to pay for those two posters?
It is getting worse, CB. I am now 80.11 years, rapidly approaching my EXPIRATION DATE, and no one, not even you are sending me the "$8.00 per month, to read by
FREE Blog. (What the HELL is a "Blog.", anyway!
Where have I gone wrong?
Excuse me for the length, I had to get this poison out of my system. I feel cleanse. I bet you don't after reading a few sentences.
If I seem brief, I apologize, but I only had 25 minutes between my shock therapy sessions, so I had to race thorough as fast as me little fingers would allowed me to do so.
Otherwise, Nurse Rachet would cut them off.
Someday, someone will read this tome, and, say, "This is hilarious," or, not!
WTF is this piece about? I have no idea. Do you?
This is the Introductory page to Eat The Press - Do Not Read It! Do Not Read Anything, Ignorance is Bliss. Ask any Trump Supporter!
It seems that very few, here, on the NewsTalker.com appreciate the unsung songs of a Liberal tossed into a Sea of Conservative Chips. Lonely, literate and unabashed, I remain, respectfully yours, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, aka, Wintrope Merridethe, the Turd, Reverend Oral Fleece, Little Johnnie Jump Up and Doctors Ding-Dong & Ding-A-Ling, conjoined Siamese Twins.
Send Money. I am drowing here, and can't get up.
The Noose around the Fake POTUS, real POS, is tightening. Two of Trump's cabinet picks, and Rudy Giuliani, are photographed partying with Jeffrey Epstein, the accused Child Sex Traifficer and BF of "Don, the Con".
Sometimes, like now, I wish I could SHUT UP, don't you?
I keep editing and re-editing this introductory article. I believe it is improving, do you?
No!
And, still it sucks.
Help Me, Help. I am still here. Someone, anyone toss me a rope!
The reality of our life that we see, like light, can be distorted through the prism of one's mind, beliefs, even, under an aluminum foil hat.
This is a "Work In Progress". I am using it as an opportunity to jump around through the ages of me life without restraint. One day I hope to sell it for a new used TV.
Be patient, my love. I did not go cracker all at once. It took time.
A Point of Inquiry:
Is there a method to save one's work, without posting/publishing it, in order, to edit it when the medications wear off?
I like to write as rapidly as possible exposing all the demons at once, then. go back later and disguise them with corrections.
But, how does one SAVE a work in progress, here, on The News Talker, when composing a "Block Buster Article", I ask?
Read it and Weep, Muther - Fuckars! The icing is in the cake, not on it.
CB: Here, I hope, is the link to one of me FB pages:
Not much action, Jackson! What is up with all these pro-Trump, neophytes?
Now, 77.5 years ripe, and "befuddled" as ever. How do I find the page where I might "illuminate" my Fellow News Talkers with my "twisted, Unemployed Philosopher's Wisdom"?
I cannot find the correct button to hit. So, I smack my favorite photo of Trump.
That was an excellent improvisation. Do it again. It will make you swoon!
Hey BadFish, "Peaking", are you? Right back at you. I throw it all up there, then, from time to time go back and edit.
A lot of the time, I wonder "What the Freakin' Frack is WRONG WITH ME?"
Have I heal, ye, Badfish?
No, offense, BAD FISH, but, I was under the impression that a BAD FISH, was not a good thing.
Is there a CODED MESSAGE in there somewhere. That is the rage now. People write in CODED MESSAGE.
I think I do, do you. (Get It? I don't)
HEY BADFISH! Now here's a real 'Joker!'
Close to 76 years are ye, Eat The Press? Or shall I appropriately state, "Ye are close to 76 years old?" Well buddy, it took me a while to locate you on Newstalkers! This story is priceless! A bit exotic and uncultured, but thou are a great comedian, aren't ye? I was having a discussion with my family physician, and guess what?! I was told to decompress, to crack up more often, to stop 'grinding rocks,' and *poof* your article lands in my lap! So hop out of there and up on the platform you go!
NewTalkers needs a staff comedian (and they don't even know it yet!) Don't forget: keep your paystubs! You're going to need. . . maybe not. It's the age of Trump after all! Old topic: New subject: Got "pampered" Manafort?!
Thanks, CB, that Joker Crack was a joke, right. 'Cause I am a "congenital cracker".
Now, 82.3.16 year, wow how times flies buy when one is having fun. You, CB, are a good person, friend and a lot of F U N!
CB: I've revised this some. Give me some feedback.
I don't see these things (over here); is this a blind spot? I came here on another mission (looking for an article where an insurrectionist ID himself!)
Is this place still active and under production? Or has it seen the light of day yet?
Hey you!
You have to publish you know, before we can know it, mi amigo!!!
Currently, as you forecasted, I am under seize by a cabal of Right Wing "Agitators" who swarm to my site like a beetle to dung, whipping themselves into a froth.
This place is riddled with arrogant right-wing zealots that abuse their combined role as "moderators" and Trump Apologist like Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Their objective for some time, now, is to get me suspended. Several of my articles have been "LOCKED" for spurious reasons, and some "Metalized", whatever the Hell that is.
I have perused the CofC and do not find my posts or articles in violation. I do, however, find the same angry Trump posters, a cluster fu*k of 4-5 five hardball "Trumpers" to be "screwball" pitchers.
Any advice?
Yes, CB. I love to but the Harpies are out in force with their ticket books. Takes the fun away when they shut down half of the respondents and me for expressing my view.
WTF is up with "Sweeping Generalizations?"
Big BLIND SPOT in me head.
I think my Mania is accelerating since I stopped taking my meds.
What say you!
Haven't heard from you in a while. What's up?
I am now 80.6 years, and, you are the only friend I have, here, on thenewstalkers.communist.
What is wrong with you?
I resemble that accusation. I am NOT a "Joker", I am a "Stroker", a "Choker" and, on the week-ends, to earn extra money, a "Hooker". Is that wrong?
In today market, it is the wise owl that is multi-tasked.
CB: I stumbled on your post after all these years. I was 78, and now I am going on 84 in two months and 18 days.
I had a mini-stroke (TIA), and it was super weird. I was watching TV with my spouse when I felt water flow into my left ear. Then boom, there was nothing. I couldn't hear, think, communicate, or understand.
I could see, but I just stared at the wall. I didn't panic, move, or grasp what happened.
Then, another fluid movement, and I was aware. My wife asked me, when I jumped up, if I was alright. I nodded, shot out the door, heading for the doctor's office.
The strangest thing was when I tried to say some words, it was as if an elevator door opened, and there was the word, but it wouldn't jump off the elevator.
The doctor issued me pills for Dementia and Alzheimer's. It helped some, but I have these long pauses, sometimes, when I am trying to answer a question, or wanting to run me jawbone.
I'm back in the Saddle Again, but not with Roy Rogers; it's more like Peter, Paul & Mary.
I miss seeing your posts. I am getting back in the game, writing "POLITICAL PORNOGRAPHY", as my combatants refer to my Epistles.
It's really weird, I can't spell many a word, at times. But I am getting in the groove.
In reference to your Mother's similar condition, identical to my mother's bout with dementia, I experienced a telepathic communication when she passed. It opened my mind to other possibilities.
Oddly, I just accepted it. It was a warm, delightful, brief experience, which led to others over time. We have the ability to do this, if we let it happen, without being fearful.
If someone had asked me a millisecond before it did, I would have said: "Are you out of your FREAKEN' MIND!
It is nice to have a friend. Thanks!
It's been a long drive, now I am 84.6 years old and still writing POLITICAL HUMOR, or as my descendant likes to say, "Political Smut". That hurts so much.
Is there a way I can write to Perrie Halpern R A, to let her know that I have edited a piece that she thought should be moved to another site?
I often write in a HEAT, and get so excited I post it, which some find offensive.
Do you know how I might send her a note that I have clipped out the dirt and improved my angry retorts.
84.8 yrs, now!
And now the jokes have disappeared as "Dirty Diaper Donnie, Elongated Muskrat, Putin, Kim Jung Un, and others work collectively to D E S T R O Y the Free World.
There is no humor in that!