How to talk constructively about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
By: Laura E. Adkins (The Forward)
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
During a recent concert of Latin American music in Los Angeles, one featured singer walked on stage wearing a kaffiyeh, the Palestinian headscarf, and gave an impassioned speech in Spanish ending with "Palestina libra!"
This wasn't some undergraduate rally in the quad. This was an event where people paid good money and dressed up to see conductor Gustavo Dudamel, the Los Angeles Philharmonic and world famous Latina singers. Still, after the French-Chilean singer Ana Tijoux demanded a cease-fire now and solidarity with the Palestinians, most of the audience applauded, and many leapt to their feet and cheered.
I sat there with four Jewish friends and stayed quiet. I've covered enough anti-Israel rallies and interviewed enough Israel critics to know that yelling back or walking out wasn't going to change anyone's mind. In my experience, there's only one effective way to begin to do that. So I stayed and tried to enjoy the rest of the concert.
But let's face it. From Disney Hall to college campuses to the streets of London, where 300,000 people rallied last Saturday to chant "Free Palestine," Israel is losing hearts and minds. And after the excitement of Tuesday's "March for Israel" dissipates, it's worth asking the question: Will a march change anyone's mind?
Some of the vitriol is coming from people who were never going to be sympathetic to Israel. Even if Hamas had killed 10 times as many people on Oct. 7, there would still be protesters marching blaming Israel. And even if Israel's subsequent military operation killed zero civilians, these same people would still be chanting "Genocide!"
I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about the criticism coming from people we know and love. Your kid in college. The colleague you used to trade recipes with. The people you marched and organized beside to protest the Muslim ban, or after the murder of George Floyd. The in-law who clicked "Like" on some anti-Israel Instagram post. As the war drags on, casualties mount, and the hostages remain captive, talking about Israel becomes even more difficult and freighted — and even more important.
But how can you talk to people who hate Israel, even when they're people you love? Is there any way Thanksgiving won't end in a screaming match?
My answer is … a question. When I realize I'm speaking with someone whose views on Israel are very different from my own, I always ask, "What do you want?"
Most arguments about Israel go backward in time at warp speed. Someone mentions the Gaza invasion of 2014 and someone else counters, "What about Oslo?" which then leads to 1948, then the Balfour Declaration, and then the Bible. An argument can go from the Abraham Accords to Abraham in a flash. And we will never agree on the past.
I'm not saying history has no verifiable facts. But even if your opponent finally succumbs to your mastery of the Sykes-Picot Agreement — and that won't happen — what have you really accomplished? It's not the past that haunts Israelis and Palestinians; it's the future.
Those two people, fated to share the same plot of land, are facing the abyss. No matter whose narrative is correct, no matter what happened in 1917, or 1948, or 1967, or 2023, if they can't come to an agreement about the future, they are doomed.
So, don't try to argue the past, or the present. Ask: "What do you want? What's your solution?"
When you ask someone who is anti-Israel what they want for the future, you get three basic responses.
Some will say the not-so-quiet part out loud: They want Israel and its Jews to disappear. It is what I hear when protesters chant, "By any means necessary!" They think terror will drive the Jews out, dead or alive. Mind you, these are the same people who call Israel a violent, fascist, genocidal state. So ask them how, exactly, they see a way to exterminate Israel that leaves the rest of the Middle East intact? Ask them if the Palestinians in northern Gaza think the Hamas way is working. If the person you're arguing with thinks more killing and violence will solve the problem, feel free to cut the conversation short — but at least you know where they stand.
The second response to "What do you want?" is a negotiated settlement, a two-state solution. For a brief moment in the 1990s, this was how most people answered the question when I asked it. You can ask whoever answers your question this way what each side needs to do to increase the chances of it happening. You can play junior diplomats. You can even feel some hope. But, don't get your hopes up that anyone will give you this answer — unless you happen to be arguing with Tom Friedman.
The third response is the most common these days: Equal rights for all people between the Mediterranean Sea and the Jordan River. This is the most benign meaning of the chant, "From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free."
This may be the most threatening of all responses, but don't be defensive. As a conversation starter, it's a useful one. Ask: How could you build a peaceful future after so much bloodshed? How would you handle the Jewish and Palestinian Right of Return? Would they still sing, "HaTikva?"
You can have long, constructive conversations with even the fiercest Israel critics by asking, "What do you want?" But the question also works when you meet staunch Israel supporters whose positions you oppose.
If they answer, as an IDF rabbi did last week, "It's all ours, Gaza and Lebanon," ask them how exactly Israel can rule over so many people and remain a stable, economically viable democracy? The urge to destroy everyone you perceive as the enemy is understandable after Oct. 7, but my follow-up question to these people is always the same: "Then what?"
Because the one immutable fact of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is that the day after every battle, every terror act, every act of retribution, the other side is still there. People who don't have a pragmatic argument for how two people can live together can argue all they want about the past and present. But they will have no future.
And a future is something everyone wants.
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Rob Eshman is a senior columnist for the Forward. Follow him on Instagram @foodaism and Twitter @foodaism or email [email protected].
The views and opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Forward. Discover more perspectives in Opinion.
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Israelis want to totally disconnect Oct 7 from larger issues, and focus only on Oct 7 and Hamas, and many Palestinians include the occupation in all discussions of Hamas.
There has to be a meeting of the minds or this cycle will repeat endlessly.
"Israelis want"?
C'mon John, you should know better than that-- its such a fucking over-generalization!
P.S: Interestingly, you didn't say "Palestinians want"-- you didn't attempt to stereotype tham as you did all Israelis? Why?
You said:
many Palestinians include
Stereotyping all Israelis-- but with the Palis you avoided stereotyping them by saying:
most Palestinians
Why?
How did WWII end? Was there a "meeting of the minds" between the U.S. and Imperial Japan?
Was there a "meeting of the minds" between the allies and Adolf Hitler?
Yep. The Emperor was allowed to stay on the throne.
The Allies were fighting against the country of Germany. What country is Israel fighting against?
But since you know it all, how do you foresee peace unfolding in Israel?
And it only took 2 A bombs and 100,000+ dead to have a meeting of the minds. Maybe Israel should just detonate a little one.
You got that wrong, JR. Israel isn't fighting against any country, Israel is defending itself, as it always has had to do.
Or a total victory
Get completely rid of the Hamas vermin. Then see if the Palestinian civilians want to live in peace with the Israelis.
The Israelis will have to occupy Gaza for a time after hostilities end, helping them to rebuild and to provide some kind of benevolent authority to the region
I don't see a way around it so I think you're right. One thing Israel should do afterward though. Any and all funding by any organization outside Gaza needs to funnel funds through Israel, with oversight by some outside organization. Not one penny should go to Gaza without going through Israel first.
With Hamas? Where is there mind at? With the PA and its 87 year old corrupt leader that no more believes in elections than Hamas does? Who is the legitimate representative of the forlorn Palestinians?
Not quite sure what you mean but I would say if Israel wants to "disconnect" anything, it would be Hamas from any issue whatsoever. Hamas has absolutely no future going forward, hopefully because they'll all be dead, and if the Palestinians try to include them then it's going to be a non-starter.
Agreed, but it has to be minds that are tired of all the death, doesn't demand the destruction of Israel, doesn't demand the right of return and so on. They have to be satisfied with having their own state rather than trying to have it all. Question is, are there enough Palestinians who want that?
How To Talk Constructively About The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
Easy. You must root out all evil and destroy it. Letting it to fester as the Israelis did for years hoping that someday the people that live for Israeli destruction will play nice has once again bitten them in the ass. Either the "innocent" Palestinians choose a side or they run the risk of being collateral damage.
IMO, Israel cannot destroy Hamas as we think of it and it will never exist again. Terrorists/terrorism is an ideology, not a physical thing or being. You cannot eliminate an ideology one only has to look at the Taliban or ISIS neither was destroyed and both are back with a vengeance.
What if Israel flattens Gaza and takes over, then what? Remember they occupied Gaza for decades and today we have the new and improved Gaza. Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad and dozens of other terrorist groups will always be with us and trying to destroy Israel.
At one point in time, the two-state solution was the solution, PLO turned it down and Israel/Netanyahu has fought against it for years, yet it seems to be the only thing out there that could possibly help.
What is this really about, religion or land or both? Does anyone know or care any longer? Hundreds of thousands of Palestinians have been displaced same with the Jews, so now they are fighting over "I'm going to displace you, no you're not we are going to displace you''....it will never end then of course the religious aspect comes into play.
The war (s) between Israel and terrorists and Muslim countries have been going on for centuries and at some point it will be dragging other non-Muslim, non-Jewish countries in and at that point in time I would venture to say that all will lost.
The actions taken place by both sides over the centuries have never settled hate. Do we expect that destroying Hamas will end it? I think not. Will it stop the attacks, probably for a short time then it ''Groundhog Day'' again
Do I have a solution? Until each party has their own land and their land alone there will be no peace. That should be the goal of all parties and they should have the foresight to make it work, if not it will be an endless war.
Neither one of them has anywhere else to go. They have to have a way to divide the land and move on.
Great. Now all you have to do is get the Palestinians to think like Westerners. Until they do, Palestinians aren't likely to give up on trying to take it all.
It is not about land, it is about real genocide of the Israeli people, not the fake genocide claims of the Hamas supporters.
" a way to divide the land "
Israel gets to keep and rule Gaza so they don't have to put up with problems there anymore. Those left will be much better off as a part of Israel
From the river to the sea. All Israel it will be.
.
Get used to bloodshed for the next 75 years then.
not from inside Gaza, if Israel controls it
I hear that there are a lot of abandoned places in neighboring Syria. Government there is similar to what they are used to.
The problem for that is that Israel isn't going to want the Gazans to be citizens of Israel.
No country seems to want them, but some people protest in favor of them.
I think the best hope going forward most likely rests on three things. First, we need to get Netanyahu and the rest of the nationalists out. Second, continue with the peace process with the other countries as they had been doing, like with Saudi Arabia. Dry up support for entities like Hamas in as many Muslim countries as possible. Third, figure out some way to isolate Iran to the point they can no longer project power through proxy terrorist organizations. I'd like to see Saudi Arabia take the lead in convincing other Arab nations to work against Iran.
I totally agree with that.
It's a slow process but it can succeed in some countries. I believe that part of the reason for Hamas attacking Israel was the talks going on between SA and Israel.
This is going to be a tough assignment. Especially with the new developments between Russia and Iran in weapon sales. Also, Iran being a major oil producer will always have a stream of income. SA and Iran held some talks and Iran showed up at the Arab conference last week and was spotted shaking hands with SA. In the ME nothing is as it appears since many of the countries are authoritarian leaders are also looking over their shoulders and making deals with both friends and enemies. Remember ''the enemy of my enemy is my friend''....
Agreed. I'm thinking the most likely thing that will take Iran down might be Iranians. It seems like there are a lot of them that don't like the regime. Oh, man, that would be great.
America made the Iran regime change once - maybe it's time to do it again. I think that all the more modern women in Iran would agree with it.
None of 'our' business when it comes to ousting Netanyahu, the US makes pretty crappy choices when it comes to the powers that be in other nations.
Iran is the support of Hamas.. Saudi Arabia just held a meeting of the something like 57 leaders of Muslim nations. In the future Saudi Arabia may come back to the table to normalize relations with Israel - but I doubt it will be any time soon.. the Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi met with the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman [in Saudi Arabia] in the first ever public meeting between the 2. I think they are sworn enemies - but do not quote me on that.
See above comment ..
The United States needs to stand with Israel .. I have always supported Israel, but trust me I have never been a ride or die for Israel before, but now, I am. After the hundreds of thousand Syrian civilians that were allowed [by the world] to be slaughtered at the hands of their own government and foreign fighters, what is the difference between Syrian civilians and Palestinian civilians .. Is it because it is Israel / Jews that are inflicting the damage. (?)
Someone needs to inform me of the difference between the Proud Boys and the antisemitic individuals 'marching' and having rallies 'we' are seeing in the streets and on campuses. Jews students are every bit as terrified of those on campus [perhaps more so] as they are of white supremacist groups.
Peace ..!
I never understood this kind of thinking, Why should America get to decide who runs any country other than our own? and lately we aren't even very good at that.
Agreed George, the US has so many problems at home .. trying to force our 'views' on the rest world is ridiculous at best..
'We' need to stand by US allies, but monetary support has to be within reason. The US is in a tough spot right now, the winds are blowing in many directions and congress is more divided than ever when it comes to support for Israel and Ukraine - thankfully the House did pass a bipartisan bill to keep the government open temporarily at least.
Peace...
YES!!! maybe there is hope.
Baby steps .. but I believe there is hope that Congress will once again begin doing their jobs for 'We the People' ..(D)s and (R)s have been so power hungry, they have forgotten about 'us'. There are comments on how the (D)s had to save Speaker Johnson .. it is (D)S job as well to keep the government open .. how did doing their job become saving the Speaker?
BREAKING NEWS: I just watched the news a few hours ago on TV to see that America has stabbed Israel in the back by abstaining from a UN Security Council resolution that passed demanding a cease-fire. A victory for Hamas.