A Heartwarming Thanksgiving Story
A Heartwarming Thanksgiving Story .
Tuesday night I won a turkey from a local radio station. My wife was thrilled until I brought the huge turkey home. She said, “You’re crazy if you even think about bringing that thing in the house!”
You may have guessed that it was a live turkey in a cage. She said there wouldn’t be room n the oven for the turkey because she was doing side dishes and pies. So I told her I’d cook it at a friend’s house. I called my buddy, “Trank” Morgan. Trank is a pill head and he said if he’s invited to Thanksgiving I can cook the turkey at his place and he will help.
So I took the big ass bird to Trank’s and we smoked some Litreacola bud while the oven preheated. Trank said, “We’ve gotta kill the poor bastard now.” He handed me a meat cleaver to chop off its head.
I said, “I can’t kill it, you’re gonna hafta do it.”
Trank said, “I’ve got a better idea that’s less messy.” He put a bowl on the floor and filled it with a handful of barbiturates. The he put the bowl of pills in the cage with the turkey. The turkey “gobbled” up all of the pills. Trank said, “Don’t worry. No pain bird brain.”
We watched a YouTube video of how to pluck the bird and used his biggest pot to boil the water we would need to release the feathers. We saved tons of cooking time because the turkey didn't need to thaw and we didn’t have to stuff it because it was already full.
The turkey was too long for the roasting pan until we cut off its head and its feet. Then it bleed into the roasting pan. I said, “Perfect! That will make the gravy.” We basted it with butter every 20 minutes.
When the meat thermometer said it was done, we tented it with foil and took it to my place. My wife said, “Good timing, everyone is here and they’re all hungry. And don’t worry. If the turkey sucks, I have a backup ham.”
The turkey was a beautiful golden brown and there was lots of gravy. Even my MAGA father-in-law complemented me. He said “This turkey has lots of flavor and the stuffing is delicious with that gravy. It must be full of tryptophan because I’m already a little drowsy.”
Everyone seemed a little woozy and they all giggled when my father-in-law face planted in his mashed potatoes. Soon, Trank and I were the only ones conscious because we had a much higher tolerance. We went around the table and cleaned everyone up. We replaced the plates with pillows and we put away the uneaten food and even ran the dishwasher.
We took the turkey back to Trank’s house so we could get fully loaded too.
It was the first Thanksgiving since 2016 that didn’t involve shouting.
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I hope the Mods permit the fucking trolls to attack me.
Morning Al... happy thanksgiving to all you mob across the Pacific...
What an absolute classic of a story..I was laughing so much I nearly choked on my Vegemite toast for brekkie..
Enjoy the day...🦃🦃🦃🦃
Thanx, shona.
How is roast Emu?
That was the funniest Thanksgiving story I ever heard or read, I still can't stop laughing. You said the bird was already stuffed. You mean the guests didn't know they were eating the bird's innards?
Yes.
When my wife noticed the turkey neck floating in the gravy she asked, "Is that his neck?"
I said, "No, that's his penis. Let's give it to your dad."
I used to enjoy eating the meat off a chicken's neck, now I don't think I'll be able to.
Lick the gravy off first. Not there's anything wrong with that...
I thought it was funny
Thanx!
That's a nice story.
Thanx.
I hope everyone had a sedate Thanksgiving.