Profile in Awfulness: Tom Cotton - by Andy Borowitz
By: Andy Borowitz
Something from Borowitz that's not satire
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Andy BorowitzDec 09, 202575816791Share
On Sunday's edition of "Meet the Press," Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas was such a relentless firehose of lies that at times he appeared to be auditioning to replace Karoline Leavitt.
His biggest whopper? That he cares about "American kids."
That's the risible rationale he gave for applauding the illegal attack on a Venezuelan boat ordered by Whiskey Pete Hegseth—who, one can only hope, will eventually become the first Fox News host to stand trial at The Hague.
Since, as the Trump administration claims, the minuscule craft Pete blew to smithereens was brimming with narco-terrorists jonesing to poison America's youth—an unlikely mission for a vessel bound for Suriname—Cotton argued that his deep concern for "American kids" compelled him to cheer its obliteration.
The host, Kristin Welker, and another guest, Sen. Adam Schiff of California, both identified Cotton's gargantuan hypocrisy: if he cares so deeply about the drug scourge that's killing our children, why doesn't he howl in protest at Donald Trump's outrageous pardon of former Honduran President Juan Orlando Hernandez, convicted of flooding the US with hundreds of tons of cocaine?
And speaking of cocaine: why did Cotton enthusiastically vote to confirm Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. as HHS Secretary?
As a drug dealer in college and a drug consumer afterward, Bobby K has the distinction of participating on both ends of the narco-cartel supply chain. He has poisoned his brain to such a degree that it's remarkable a worm found it habitable.
But that's not my point. If Cotton spends sleepless nights fretting about "American kids," why did he promote the nomination of an HHS secretary who, via his reprehensible anti-vaccination crusade, could wind up killing thousands of them?
Tom Cotton is an embarrassment to Arkansas—and given that the state's governor is Sarah Huckabee Sanders, that's saying something.
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Yeah well, Arkansans fucked around and are about to find out
poor tom, he's having an identity crisis and can't decide whether to put on sheet and hood or an SS uniform ...
or a dress
one of those vintage antebellum frocks with a little parasol. no wait, that would cause a pandemic of genital blistering and tennis elbow among maga trump supporters ...
Like this?
I think pink makes it extra special
it'll be those army issue boxers he's wearing under it that will really get some maga morons revved up ...
I'd name them, but they make it too obvious ...
They should take their Cotton picken hands down, like Trump, heavy pants, and grab their inner 'selves' and squeeze,
cause jeeze, jeeze n crackers pick Cotton, and Cotton is Rotten, yet the Fire still spreads, cause Rotten Cotton is over peep holes heads, and hands down, too many peoples have become insulated from reality, and/or on meds, cause over Feds, and state laws, too much state in n of denial, all in conjunction with acts to protect the pedophile, in chief, and his Department of War WHore who be FCKN Admirals and leaving pearl necks to Harbor watt iz laced with velcro so asz it won't stick to his, asz the non Bondi stick of Pam, has slipped Trumps rotten hand, down her own that she won't, cause somethin fishy whence it comes to shootin little phishies in petri dishes to see how fast lies and the story grows, when murdering defensless foes, cause fee (paid) fye phoe phumb, how can so many Arkansauce and Maga be so fckn dumb.....it's like skullz are knumb, ore, perhaps, i should not have used so many a pun, so, i'm done
just look at that guy and then look at that state's governor. there are some problematic caucasian DNA chains in that state ...
I had to come to Arkansas to refresh the Caucasian DNA
you and your 2 kids probably raised the average IQ in your county by 10 points ...
I dont know about Arkansas but to the rest of the country Cotton has always come off as an anal, humorless, sour, christian nationalist asshole.
He's definitely a stick in the mud. He never comes to Arkansas unless it's for a fundraiser
more like a dick in the mud ...
more likely, like Bubba's inn Don's mouth, asz he does his little dance with two more dix via double tug, till double tapped out, cause out of his fat mug, he certainly does swallow and spit like a white water spout, dues the hokey pokey, and tells US All, that's what it's all about, the pedophile shuffle on random pick, while accommodatin another Bubba, and another Dick , tater tot n hot, hittin Trumps' G (uilty) SPOT
Tom Cotton is a complete waste of space. I would never believe ANYTHING he says.
"the 2 survivors were trying to turn the boat over to get back in the fight"
stupidest thing I ever heard
He was a JAG for chrissakes!
... and now he's a maga jag-off, so not much of a stretch for him.
he kind of looks like his dad met his mom at a family reunion though. why can't those goobers at least travel out of the county when maga mating season starts ...