Veronica

Social Media - Replacement for Decency & Good Manners?

  
By:  Veronica  •  Generic  •  last year  •  31 comments

Social Media - Replacement for Decency & Good Manners?
“The digital innovation that set out to connect people, has slowly started to tear those people apart both from within and without.” ― Abhijit Naskar, The Gospel of Technology

For several years now I have watched as social media ate away at the foundation of decency and good manners.  A few years ago I attended the wedding of my cousin's daughter and of course brought a gift.  Two weeks earlier I attended the wedding of my godson and of course brought a gift.  A week after my godson's wedding i received in the mail a nicely written thank you note from him and his bride.   After the second wedding no thank you note arrived.  I later learned that my cousin's daughter did a mass thank you on Facebook.  I do not have a Facebook account so I didn't see it.  I was a trifle annoyed since I took the time to select a special gift and I do not even know if she liked it.  Is that how we do things now?  A mass thank you on social media that many people will never see?  

I am the type that still mails Christmas cards (or Yule cards).  I handwrite a note in each one and send them out. I send out sympathy cards and birthday cards.  Am I a dying breed?

The reason for my rant today is my husband called me from work yesterday and said his sister had called him.  He said her husband called her and told her to come home.  When she got there he told her that he found out via Facebook that her father (and my husband's) had died.  Their brother simply plopped it on Facebook without calling the siblings.  I am horrified for my husband.  We do not currently have a Facebook account so if his brother-in-law had not run across it when would they have learned of their father's passing?  I just think this way of delivering news is indecent.  Have a little decency people!!!!!  I just do not understand.  Whatever happened to decency, common courtesy? 

This is appalling to me, others may find it as not a big deal.  I know that my husband is hurting and to find out that way that his father died is atrocious in my opinion.

Sorry - but I had to get it out of my system before I go home to see my husband.  What I would really like to do is find my brother-in-law and shake some sense into him.  Yes, he is grieving also, BUT Facebook is a horrible way to find out someone close to you has died.  Is that what we are coming to?  Doctors posting bad news on our social media for expediency? 

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Veronica
Junior Guide
1  author  Veronica    last year

Just a rant.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
1.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Veronica @1    last year

Rant away! When my parents died I made phone calls and didn't slap it on Face Book.

People don't have manners any more. They won't say thank-you or please for the simplest of things. My biggest pet peeve is how people order in restaurants. It's "gimme this" or "I want". Nobody ever says "may I have...?" My mother would be appalled at how people act these days

p.s. Sorry for your loss

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
1.1.1  author  Veronica  replied to  Trout Giggles @1.1    last year

Thanks TG.... It has been a very difficult holiday season for us.

 
 
 
Kathleen
Professor Principal
2  Kathleen    last year

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your father in law Veronica.  Wishing peace and comfort to you and your husband and the rest of the family.

People rely too much on social media and to get the news like this is so hurtful. He was wrong for doing this. Your feelings are completely understandable. 

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
2.1  author  Veronica  replied to  Kathleen @2    last year

Thank you for your thoughts.

I agree with you about the reliance upon social media today.  My family and I sat down to watch a holiday movie and I had to tell everyone in the room that if I was going to give up relaxing with a good book then they had to give up their phones & computers for family time.  

 
 
 
MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)
Sophomore Principal
2.1.1  MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)  replied to  Veronica @2.1    last year
I agree with you about the reliance upon social media today.  My family and I sat down to watch a holiday movie and I had to tell everyone in the room that if I was going to give up relaxing with a good book then they had to give up their phones & computers for family time.  

We often play board games in our house and no one has their phones with them. We unplug for dinner too.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
3  Paula Bartholomew    last year

That was a shitty thing for your brother to do.  I do hope you make him realize that.  My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your husband.jrSmiley_15_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
3.1  author  Veronica  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @3    last year

I thought it was too.  When I see him I will let him have it.  And thank you for your thoughts.

 
 
 
JaneDoe
Sophomore Silent
5  JaneDoe    last year

Nobody should find out about a family tragedy on social media. I’m sorry for you, your husband and your family over your loss. I can’t imagine finding out about a close family members death that way. Peace and strength to you all.

I remember seeing someone post a picture of a horrific, deadly car accident on FB. They were complaining about being stuck in traffic. Didn’t seem to care that someone lost their life or that a family member may have seen that picture. Think first and have some respect people!!

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
5.1  author  Veronica  replied to  JaneDoe @5    last year

Thank you.  I have to wonder about people nowadays.

 
 
 
JaneDoe
Sophomore Silent
5.1.1  JaneDoe  replied to  Veronica @5.1    last year

Me too!

 
 
 
MalamuteMan
Freshman Participates
6  MalamuteMan    last year

I am sorry for your family's loss, Veronica. I am also sorry you had to find out in such an impersonal way.

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
6.1  author  Veronica  replied to  MalamuteMan @6    last year

Thank you, MM.  

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Principal
7  Perrie Halpern R.A.    last year

Hi Veronica,

So sorry for your family's loss. People put things on Facebook to be the center of attention. It was a very selfish act. The first order of things should have been to call the family. 

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
7.1  author  Veronica  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @7    last year

That is what we did when my father passed and then again a week later when my MIL passsed.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
8  Kavika     last year

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Veronica. It seems that FB and other social media are the ''go to'' communications today. 

To post that on FB is really disturbing, to say the least

 

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
8.1  author  Veronica  replied to  Kavika @8    last year

Thank you, Kavika.  I am just livid for my husband and his sister. I find it distressing that no phone calls were made.  

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Quiet
9  charger 383    last year

The family should be personally told before the general public, I am sorry for your loss and the way it was handled 

 
 
 
Veronica
Junior Guide
9.1  author  Veronica  replied to  charger 383 @9    last year
Thank you.
 
 
 
Tacos!
Professor Expert
10  Tacos!    last year

It's how some people are now, I guess. I just went through this myself. My Father in Law died a few weeks ago, and I picked up the phone to inform relatives - some of whom I haven't spoked to in years and don't get along with much. It's the right thing to do.

As a society, we need to push back and say that some things are important. This kind of personal news should be delivered personally, with compassion for the person who has a right to the information.

 
 
 
MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)
Sophomore Principal
11  MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)    last year

Before I even look at the other replies...

The reason for my rant today is my husband called me from work yesterday and said his sister had called him.  He said her husband called her and told her to come home.  When she got there he told her that he found out via Facebook that her father (and my husband's) had died.  Their brother simply plopped it on Facebook without calling the siblings.  I am horrified for my husband.  We do not currently have a Facebook account so if his brother-in-law had not run across it when would they have learned of their father's passing?  I just think this way of delivering news is indecent.  Have a little decency people!!!!!  I just do not understand.  Whatever happened to decency, common courtesy? 

I had something similar happen. My best friend called me and started talking to me about my grandma and when I asked her what she was talking about she told me that she saw on Facebook that my grandmother coded. I was LIVID! I called my mother immediately and found out that it was true. I asked why no one friggen called me and why I had to find out from my best friend about my grandmother because she saw it on FACEBOOK! I haven't been on Facebook in a week or two... I don't even miss it really. I only go on to go through my notifications and then log back off again. I really only use it to keep in touch with some old friends and family.

You and your husband have every right to be hurt, frustrated, sad, angry, etc.

Condolences to you and yours.

 
 
 
Freefaller
PhD Participates
12  Freefaller    last year

Veronica sorry for your loss and ref the Facebook notification as is said It's a brave new world (whether we like it or not)

 
 
 
shona1
Sophomore Participates
13  shona1    last year

Morning Veronica. Pure disrespect and laziness. Facebook is like a mega God to some people and yes it has its uses. But there is a time and place for everything and this news certainly was not it.

The callousness displayed is staggering and the hurt it has caused totally unnecessary. 

Sorry to hear of the passing of a loved one.

 
 
 
Transyferous Rex
Freshman Participates
14  Transyferous Rex    last year
Is that how we do things now?

Apparently. I know I have friends that are slightly irritated that I don't wish them a facebook happy birthday, and that I don't issue my own mass thanks, for the greetings I receive. I'd really like to issue a statement that I don't give a damn about your greeting, prompted by the facebook reminder. 

I think your observation is on point. My oldest is graduating in the spring, and has been applying to several universities. He's a smart kid, well beyond his years in maturity, and knows what he wants to pursue. Likely that he will also play football somewhere. The recruiting process, as well as the school application process, has opened my eyes quite a bit. Letters? Not any more. Snaps, DMs, Tweets, from coaches, not letters. A few actual calls. When I was being recruited, I fielded calls all day, read letters, wrote letters in response, etc. Two weeks ago, one of my son's friends showed me a tweet about my son, published or posted (hell I'm not sure what you even call it) by a coach. I think the coach did DM him (I think that's how you use that) before the game. My son was wondering how to respond to one the other day. Are you kidding me? These things are 5 words. Take a snap of the McChicken you are eating, and say thanks.

Communication is broken. Writing is a skill that died several years ago, and is foreign to most kids. Personal correspondence? Forget it. 

 
 
 
Dulay
Professor Principal
15  Dulay    last year

Sorry to hear about your loss. 

FB is a 2 edged sword though. 

Right now, one of our good friends is in the hospital in Chicago with Covid and too many co-morbidities to count. His sister contacts one friend here in Indiana and he sends out a mass FB notice to all of us to keep us up to date. It lets her keep all of us 'in the loop' without going through having to contact 30 people. She's got her hands full as it is. 

My group of friends here have gone through the same thing far too many times in the last 10 months. Group FB 'bulletins' help a lot. 

Yet I can't imagine ANYONE in my family doing what your BIL did. The lack of empathy is sad to see especially now when relying on family is so necessary. 

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
16  sandy-2021492    last year

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.  What your BIL did was thoughtless in the extreme.  You each should have received a phone call.

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Expert
17  Hal A. Lujah    last year

I’ve never had a Facebook, Twitter, instagram, etc. account.  Watch the movie “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix and you’ll wish you had never signed up for one too.  Aside from that, it is the epitome of intellectual laziness to type an impersonal thank you mass Facebook message instead of addressing recipients personally.  The same people who would do that would also spend ten times as much time on the perfect selfie, and post pics of their lunch - because they think think they are way more important people than they really are.  It’s all part of the ongoing dumbing down of self absorbed America.

Sorry that you’ve had such a terrible experience with this.  I can’t imagine finding out my parent died in such an impersonal way.  Nothing surprises me anymore.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
18  Buzz of the Orient    last year

My condolences to your family, Veronica.  I've said many times that I wish the internet had never been invented, and that I wish I could be beamed back to the early 50s when everything was nicer.