Well, first, I must say that I'm very very sorry to learn of your pain and suffering. Those who have not experienced it cannot imagine what it is like, to hurt, every day, all day, without relief.

Secondly, I must say that I hope you do not choose this option, because I would personally miss you very much! I have learned a lot from you, and know there is so much more to learn.

Lastly, I do understand how very depressing a long recovery can be. You feel as if you'll never get any better, and you'll always feel awful. I don't know what kind of surgery you've had, (and I'm not asking), but the day will come when you will feel a little better. You'll be able to look back and say, I feel better today than I did on this day, therefore, I must be making some kind of progress, slow and painful as it is...

Hypothetically speaking, if we lose the right to take our own lives, we've lost a fundamental right as a human being. Even whales beach themselves... I don't blame you for asking this question, as I've asked myself the same question. I hope that you don't exercise your option, just because losing you would be very hard to bear, and I know that you are here for a reason and a purpose. We don't always understand what it is, when we're suffering and at the end of our rope, but it's there. Somewhere!

Call me, anytime you need to talk. I mean it. If I can do anything to be of help to you, I'll gladly do it. I love you, dear friend. Always have. You are very important and special to me! If you can just get through the next few weeks, you'll start to feel better, and the world won't look so discouraging and depressing. Hang in there, and know that all of us love and care about you!

Take care of yourself!!!

I am so sorry to hear of your health issues.

I think that maybe you might be so wiped out from that cocktail of drugs. I takeGabapentin and that is good as a pain killer, but can make you spacey. I actually tripped onTramadol, and I can't takeMorphine, since I amallergicto it, but the one time it was given to me by accident, I couldn't get my head off the pillow. So based on my personal experience, I think that these meds might be the thing that is making you so blue.

But here is some food for thought. I had a friend who tried to commit suicide, didn't succeed and was glad that they didn't. At your low point, it might seem like a way out, but you can't be sure what you are thinking given all those meds.

I would seek atherapistwho deals withchronicallyill people. I did and it was the best thing that I did. I would also get a second opinion on your painmanagement. It seems to me, that if they raised yourGabapentin, you should be able to get off of one of those other drugs. That is what they did for me and my mom and it was the best thing that happened to both of us.

Be positive and surround yourself with the things and people you love. Seek outcompanionship, even here and know that there are people who care about you!

I hope you think of those you love, before considering this path. The drugs are strong, but not stronger than feelings for loved ones. You are stronger than you think. We are stronger than we think.

More than 10 years ago, when because of clinical depression, locked up in a mental ward after my unsuccessful attempt, my thoughts were that the lock wasn't there to keep me in, but to keep everyone else out. Following that, having been transferred to a top level private recovery hospital for cases like myself and alcoholics (If you can believe it, Elvis Presley had spent some time there, as had other celebrities.) my roommate, upon release, threw himself in front of a truck, successfully ending HIS pain. He had been mumbling about it, and I warned the doctors it was going to happen, but nobody tried to stop it. The point is that our group had a guided discussion about suicide after that, and many of the patients felt that suicide had been the right thing to do, to end the emotional suffering. But I thought differently, and my input at the time was that suicide was an incredibly selfish act. No thought is given to the close family and friends who would then suffer the pain and humiliation of that loss. So think about that. Suicide would just transfer the pain you are suffering onto others - a very selfish thing to do. Great medical discoveries are happening every day, and soon something may come up that will end your pain.

Now, many years after that experience, I am happy my attempt was unsuccessful, because my life has turned into a wonderful new adventure. I have not needed anti-depressant medication for many years.

If you've not been there, you don't know - it isn't a matter of "quitting" when you are in clinical depression. You are unable to even consider alternatives.

"No suicide is for quitters and there is too much to live for."

Too broad a statement Gunny, (my opinion only of course).

Back in the 80s my dad put a 30 cal carbine under his chin and pulled the trigger. Why?

He had lost his business to the 80s rescission, he had run up massive debt trying to recoup, he was almost 60 & in pore health so no one would hire him. That last night he was days away from losing everything he had ever worked to achieve for his family. To his mind he had one last option for saving his family, his life insurance policy.

He was a product of his age, so he never let on to his wife and kids how bad things had gotten. We wish he had let us know so we could have helped. His death settled his debts, saved the family home from foreclosure, is still supporting my mother now into her 90s & paid for my sisters college.

Quitter or self sacrificing for his family?

In the 90s when my wife was diagnosed with cancer and we were told she would not live another year she asked me if I would help ease her passing, if necessary. She didnt use suicide only because the end came so fast, (she was still driving our young daughter to school 3 days before her death).

In her case, because of the pain she was in and with no hope of recovery, suicide would have been a blessing and I would have kissed her one last time and helped her in any way I could.

You said it yourself Laffy, right here

to relieve myself from the hell I am living in today?

Today is not tomorrow. The doctors are right. As long as you're not terminal for other reasons, the bad effects will eventually go away. Even though eventually seems like it's forever, it's not. One of the hardest things for a person to learn is how to endure, but it may be the most important.

If it was terminal and painful (ie. incurable cancer etc.) my answer might be different.

The story of your father, of the form of logic he used, Ark, is all too familiar to me.

With all that has been said here you do not need to hear about the pains that I havesuffered throughout my life. The advice you're reading is good and well founded and I can not add more to that. After my last cancer operations, note the plural here, please,my doctor told me that I was a cancer magnet and that it was not a matter of if but just when or where it would strike me again. The pains I live with are forever and at times unbearable but suicide is not an option for me nor for you either. Listen closely to the messages from your good friends here for this sharing of your burden will in truth make it lighter.

Suicide would just transfer the pain you are suffering onto others- a very selfish thing to do

This strikes me very deeply, as I know it is true. The pain of guilt and loss from a loved ones suicide never truly leaves. To leave that burden on those who love you would be terrible. Maybe not a reason to keep living in pain and suffering, but maybe a reason to give one more day a chance.

Laffy, I dropped from 205 back to 140during my last adventure with cancer and I know, from experience, about the almost total lack of energy. I can no longer even do my own yard work anymore which was a great source of pride for me. My clothes hung off me like the proverbial scare crow but even with that I have recovered to a decent 196 as of yesterday and have all new clothes too! That by the way was two years ago next month in thinking about it. I will admit that I now need a cane but hell at 88 who wouldn't. Keep up the good fight and you will not be sorry.

Bob, your comment is quite logical, but when one has declined into clinical depression the logic becomes completely twisted - one becomes totally irrational and believes the final solution is the correct one. With heightened paranoia nobody, even those closest, are not told what is to happen due to the fear that they would be stopped.

Naw.....suicide is not an option, unless you're a Nihilist .

Listen to him Laffy. He's been around for a long time, been through a lot, and knows what he's talking about.

That's why it is essential for the person who is suffering to not be alone.

Or at least not to take any irrevocable actions without consulting someone else.

You're really something special, jwc, with an excellent sense of humor. Wow, what an ordeal you went through! Are they expecting your salivary glands to come back? Oh, and what did you mean by "seed implantation" ? ..Seeding healthy cells? If I may ask, did they offer any ideas for how cancer starts on the tonsils?

Laffy, There aren't any words that come to mind for me other than I think the 'will' to go on, and yes, I do think the spirit to live comes from within, is based on having a reason to live. Personally, I think what makes the difference is when the "reason" is something/someone more important to us than ourselves. ...My best regards to you.

Suicide is not an option. There are people who love you, people who care about you, perhaps children, parents and others. To inflict that amount of pain on another person by committing suicide is morally incorrect. We don't have the right to hurt others that much. The person who commits suicide is standing with his arms at his side, not reaching out to others with love, kindness and compassion. And, of course, without offering love, kindness and compassion, he gets little in return. Reach out to your loved ones, Laffy. They will love you back.

Unless, of course, your goal is to punish them. That's a different matter.

Very true Gunny.

I truly appreciate all the responses to my question. Though I am still quite undecided, it's still at the top of the list. After my last surgery, my "friends" have pretty much abandoned me due to the pain that I have been going through and they want no part of it. I don't blame them. I am not their family, nor should have I ever depended on people that claim to be friends.

Just reading some of the responses helped me rethink my position, but the pain is more than anyone should have to bare. The withdrawals from the pain meds I had been are so painful at times, the sweating, the tightness, bad headaches, the chills and the nausea. I've been to the hospital many times the doctors are treating me like crap. I've been accused of selling my drugs and they demanded a count of my pills (learned that they are all accounted for), I have been told that I am jerking them around, and I am just lying there in pain and agony. If you cannot rely on friends or your doctors, then what's the point. How embarrassing and humiliating for them to have the police called in to count my pills or arrest me while in pain.

I don't know. I just don't know what to do. Life seems useless at times and checking out seems to be the only option left at times.

Thank you all. Shayne aka Laffy Taffy

Thanks for your call! Much love to you!

Laffy, if I may ask, how does your experience as a burn patient compare to others' experiences that have been burned to a similar degree? I'm referring to what's happening with their healing/scars, their meds & reactions, their experiences with pain. You previously said that with time, the scarring is causing 'more' pain. Do the doctors agree that is what should be happening? I was hoping you belonged to a support group of other burn patients to share information.

Wow, so you're suggesting that you go back for treatment/more pills and they're thinking you're in pain because you're not taking the meds, and selling them instead??? Have you ever considered any alternative pain therapy?? I don't know what, not suggesting anything.

Cloe, moist people aren't aware of 4th, 5th and 6th degree burns. Most people only think there are 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns only. My burns are down to the bone in the hands, arms, and other areas, and in some parts, even the bone itself was burned.

I haven't tried alternative pain therapy, because there really isn't much one can do but take meds to try and relive the pain as much as possible. It's a very difficult situation to be in when you want to stretch your arm out only to have the scars attached to the bone to restrict it from happening, and then the circulation being cut off in your arms and sands.

As I have been told, not many people in my situation make it as far as I have.

I don't want to commit suicide, but I want to be euthanized so my organs within could help someone that can be helped and in need of a heart, lung or whatever, but suicide has been in my head for the past weeks and I cannot get it out of my head.

Thank you Dowser for the talk. I am heading to bed. My hands are hurting a lot from all the typing here. Take care all.

Thank you...

A very interesting perspective Randy. As long as you're not rushed into it by the chance of losing the option, it's not necessary to rush things. I'm very glad that it works for you. We'd hate to lose you.

Laffy, Thank you so much for trying to help me understand the severity and what you had in mind. We can't possibly know what you are going through, but what you say now has a different impact on me.

I'm going to think about you. It seems like the most important thing right now is to try to understand and listen.

Only you know what is best 'for now.' I'm wondering if another option for you is going to come along, because of your will to survive, indicated by, " As I have been told, not many people in my situation make it as far as I have. "

Thank you for your reply. I wish you had the voice set up so you wouldn't have to type.

I hope you'll talk to us and keep us posted when you can. ..my best

___

Laffy, I hope this is Ok with you to post this. I don't know if you are already aware of these impending advancements, and it is from Canada, but... ?

I find it interesting that their team includes neurobiologists and psychologists. I hope you are having a little less pain today.

Thank you Chloe. I have contacted Jeff about a grant funding to see if they could use this procedure on my arms, hands, neck, face and mouth area.

I guess there is hope after all.

Thank you, and a big thank you to all of you for your support.

The very best of luck with this Laffy and please keep us up to date, OK?

Laffy, I'm feeling very hopeful...

..I expect to read it one day.

I thought life insurance policies didn't pay when death was from suicide ?

Normally life insurance policies contain a term providing that they will not pay due to suicide during a certain set period after they are issued. It could be anywhere from one to five years. You can check that out. It is to prevent people who intend to commit suicide from gaining a benefit when, with that in mind, they obtain their policy.

In this information, the period is two years:

wiki.answers

Interesting... they just need to wait a while, then.

I'm sure there are statistics that would show that most persons who intend to take their own life don't run out and buy insurance, then wait years for the restriction to be lifted.

You aren't being sarcastic, are you!

That wasn't really my point... I just meant that they could eventually have coverage in the event of a suicide.

Thank you for answering that. I always assumed that there was no benefit paid when the death was suicide.

No sarcasm was intended. I just tried to respond to your comment that they only need to wait a while before they commit suicide to have their beneficiaries gain the benefit.

After the restriction time has expired virtually every person with a life insurance policy can trigger the benefit - but you don't see that happening very much. As it said in the link I referenced, usually people purchase life insurance when they are healthy in body and mind, but for some circumstances can change, and their beneficiaries should not be penalized for that.

and their beneficiaries should not be penalized for that.

I wouldn't think so, either.

Congratulations, what a great post !

He sure is a good content writer, isn't he? Well, every other aspect too. I first noticed jwc on the vine four and a half years ago because of his ability to write. Their loss.

To everyone, a big "THANK U" to all.

Laffy Taffy aka Shayne

Thanks for answering Pat & Chloes question Buzz. I would have pointed out the same thing, (about the time frame on clauses concerning death by suicide).

As for your earlier comment, ("The story of your father, of the form of logic he used, Ark, is all too familiar to me.").

My dads three sons were all also able to follow his logic, (without completely agreeing with him of course), but his wife and daughter never could. They, like many posting here, saw his death as him just quitting instead of him taking drastic action to try and help his family.

I often wondered if the different reactions was a male/female thing or just something unique to our family

That seems surprising to me, from a business perspective. Logically, I would think that suicides, regardless of how long they occur after the issuance of a policy, would be relegated to a maximum benefit equal to what was put into the policy via premiums, possibly plus interest. Although, that would probably just cause suicides to occur staged as much as possible like accidents, thus depriving family of a suicide note (ie evidence). Interesting conundrum.

Although nobody is saying you are not entitled to your opinion of what "should" be, the facts speak for themselves.

Good thing I didn't suggest that's how it "should" be then. I'm just pointing out that corporations (like insurance companies) are typically not interested in catering to policies that go against their bottom line. Therefore, it seems like they would naturally protect themselves against paying a $500,000 benefit to a beneficiary of a customer who only paid $50,000 into the policy before they made the conscious choice to end their ownlife. It seems way too humanitarian for corporate mentality.

Laffy..... I read every one of the comments on here and it appears you have lots of friends who want to help you and be here for you.

Yes Laffy, you have a good reason to be depressed from what you've written and it is justified depression brought on by the continuing situation you find yourself in and the drugs you are taking to help you along.

There is one thing I want you to remember..... No matter what, no matter how bad it hurts, no matter how depressed you become, no matter how many friends have let you down, no matter how alone you feel, just remember... THIS TOO WILL PASS.

You don't have to do anything. You don't have to let suicide be an option. You can take it off the table and throw it in the trash. You and you alone have all the power to continue to live and suffer as you may have to do, but you have the power to live and you have the power to let us be here with you if you allow us that option.

It appears you have chosen to allow us to exercise that option. Laffy, maybe you don't realize it, but that also gives us a certain joy we could have never experienced without your consent. It allows us to suffer a little with you, learn something we may never have learned without you and maybe help relieve you of some of the suffering. It makes us feel sorrow for your suffering, but it also gives us joy to know we may play a part in relieving some of it.

Laffy, there's nothing you can do more powerful than allow others the opportunity to feel joy at helping someone when they are in need. It warms our hearts. It opens our eyes to see the world from a prospective we may never see it otherwise.

You may not realize this, but you have touched so many by allowing us to come into your life and I know from the bottom of my heart you will have us to turn to even when you are in the darkest days and suffer the most, you bring light in allowing us to be there with you to hold your hand.

I know the old song "Nobody Knows The Troubles That I've Seen"

Well... Laffy I agree with that song, realizing only I know my troubles like no one else, but sometimes I may not realize my troubles may have helped someone else in ways I could never imagine.

Just want you to know you're not alone here and don't forget it.

The Life Insurance business is a form of gambling. The companies are "playing the odds". More people live longer lives and pay in premiums that the companies invest to make more money, and by the time those people die a profit will have been made. People die due to many causes, and some die young, not necessarily by suicide, so that the companies will not have covered their payout, but the odds are with the companies. As you know, when people obtain policies when they are older, or have some condition that could be fatal, their premiums are adjusted upwards accordingly. Actuaries are used to calculate the odds. However, I'm sure the companies would use a formula more akin to what you described if the government would let them get away with it, but the insurance industry is regulated.

Beautifully said Sixpick!

Laffy, if I may, an anecdote but true all the same; for all of the pains that I have suffered through my long life and suffer to today, the worst pain was not physical but psychological. When people first see my body scars they sort of gasp and there is an actual withdrawal by many of them and I'm sure that you have experienced the same! That is except my Bride who only said "Oh, my!" and accepted me for what I was then, as now! After we had moved here to Florida we used to spend time on the beach until one day a young woman approached me and demanded that I put my shirt back on because the sight of my scars was frightening her young daughter.I asked her to let me speak to her and she wanted to see them up close. Did they hurt she wanted to know and I told her that yes they did on occasion but that I was alright anyway. She traced them with her finger tips and giggled when I shuddered and told her that she was tickling me. When I asked her if she was still afraid of me she said no and after a hug and an apology from her mother we parted friends. I have never returned to the beach because the last thing in this world I want is to become isa source of fright to little kids. The lessons earned for me were that I would never be seen in public without a long sleeved full shirt on and not to get too complacent about the scars that are there and will always be there. My facial scars are gone, except for a distinguishable nick from one eyelid,thanks to plastic surgery, but my body scars remain as a testament to where I have gone and what I have done. Over the years, the pains have subsided somewhat but are there constantly as they will be and I accept that.

I so agree, Six, and thank you for reminding me, too. Laffy's allowing us into his life has touched me, and I truly would like to help, if it's possible.

When it comes to life insurance, it seems like suicide is more like playingagainsta stacked deck than playing the odds. I feel compassion for anyone who wishes to end their life over their financial circumstances, I've even been close to those depths myself, but I struggle to see legitimacy over having your beneficiaries profiting from the ordeal. It actually seemslike a damaging policy to allow for it.ArkansasHermit's father might have chosen to stay alive if he knew his family wouldn't be receiving the full benefit because of his actions. His family may have had more of an uphill financial future, but at least they would have him. It's a sticky issue.

Arkansas, that's an interesting thought - gender based perception... could be.

For some reason, this is bringing to mind those Fishermen in the Gulf that committed suicide after the devastation. Maybe they had similar circumstances and saw suicide as the only way to help their families?

What I think you're missing, Hal, is that clinical depression is a legitimate and serious illness. During such extreme depression one becomes totally irrational, so irrational that suicide can be a result thereof. Anticipating a large payout to one's family may only be one factor in a decision to kill oneself - there may be other reasons besides. Laffy has considered it because of her physical pain. Sufficient pain can also make one irrational. You must realize that the insurance companies are not permitted by legislation to choose which illnesses that cause death are qualified and which are not. The time limit is imposed to weed out those whose rational plan was to take advantage of the insurance companies.

"During such extreme depression one becomes totally irrational, so irrational that suicide can be a result thereof. Anticipating a large payout to one's family may only be one factor in a decision to kill oneself - there may be other reasons besides"

Well stated Buzz.

Hal A. Lujah the CDC recently came out with a report noting that noted that suicide rates have spiked during this current recession;

(" The greatest increases in suicide rates were among people aged 50 to 54 years (48 percent) and 55 to 59 years (49 percent)."

And they noted that, " historically , suicide rates tend to correlate with business cycles, with higher rates observed during times of economic hardship". This trend is true going back to the 1930's Depression.

What a crappy post!

My last edit must of timed out before I could clean it up. Sorry folks.

Don't worry about it Ark, repetition is sometimes necessary to make a point.

tsula.... Thank you but I don't think I would sacrifice my pleasure with my loved one at the beach because some mother couldn't do a little better job of helping her daughter understand there is a lot more to us than skin deep.

I think the little girl was fortunate to be afraid of you and the mother came over so it could all end so nicely. But you start back going to the beach. You may help someone else without even knowing it.

You see tsula, the way I see it as we grow older, we look back at some of the cold things we may have done in our childhood and some opinions we may have had at different times in our lives and then for one reason or another we grow into a more mature person and sometimes have regrets for the way we may have treated others for one reason or the other.

Better we learn when we are children or we may grow up to be like that mother who had to wait until she was fully grown with a child of her own before she learned there's a lot more inside than there ever was outside a person.

I guess Martin Luther King did say it the best when he said, " I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

Sometimes the character of a person is not realized unless the ones who have taught these children as well as adults never learned it themselves and had not passed it down. You gave this child something she will never ever forget and have changed her life forever. You probably know how much I love music so I want to leave this one for you. I hope you like it.

Beautiful story, tsula, and inspiring video, Six..

I would also like to apologize to Laffy, who might be a her, not a him, since I said "his" up there. No matter, I will continue to think about you, Laffy, with my heart.

I don't doubt any of that. There was a period of about three years in my life where my financial situation gradually deteriorated as a direct result of the recession, where I lived on next to nothing and paid no bills because I had nothing to pay them with. The house was foreclosed, my credit is still wrecked, my kids had to go live with other family members, and I was moments away from adopting a park bench as my new home.

I used the free computer and internet resourcesat the library and was finally able to land a good job in my profession several states away. Some other things that Ihad during that time period were a car and a garage, and a near constant thought of closing the garage door and letting the car run. I didn't -because I had kids to raise and I had hope, and that hope eventually paid off. However, I can't say for sure if I would be here today if I had a life insurance policy that wouldhave allowed me to see suicide as a way out that would alsoleave my kids without a financial burden.

I don't begin to compare my former situation to what Laffy is going through, but I'm certainly familiar with depression. I'm just pointing out that allowing full payouts for suicide could actually make suicide more of an attractiveoption than it should ever be considered to be.

"Don't worry about it Ark, repetition is sometimes necessary to make a point."

HA!, thanks Buzz that was funny.

Hal don't get me wrong I'm not agreeing with what my dad did just stating that I and my two brothers could understand his thinking and didn't chalk his death up to him "Just Quitting".

When dad lost his business he could have done many things that might not have lead to his death. He could have sold off everything and downsized his life to what his new circumstances could afford, instead he bet on his skills and years of experience to pull him through. He lost that bet.

He could have filed for bankruptcy protections but he was raised to believe that a man always keeps his word and pays his debts. That strict code made him particularly vulnerable. Same kind of thinking kept him from seeking help from his children. "A man takes care of his family, not the other way around".

Hal, like you and dad I too went through a sever financial set back but I was in my 30's when it happened. I and my family were younger than dad's. I was able to downsize, I was young enough & healthy enough to work 3 jobs for years and I had the 10 years it took me to work my way out. Dad was not in that place.

So please don't get me wrong. We wish he had done the things that wouldn't have put him in that dark place that night but he didn't and his son's could understand what he was thinking, once he found himself at that final hour.

ArkansasHermit , Well said. Honor above all else; was the hallmark by whichmost of us were brought up back thenbut, as with your Dad, applied to very different times and circumstances.

Thanks so much for your kind words Tsula.

"Honor above all else; was the hallmark by whichmost of us were brought up back then"

Very much agree with you on that.

I'm just pointing out that allowing full payouts for suicide could actually make suicide more of an attractiveoption than it should ever be considered to be.

That's a good point. If I hadn't had a million bucks in life insurance I might not have chosen the path that I did. It was a factor in my decision.

Suicide is always an option. It could be the worst one or the best one, but it's always there.

It's kind of the point of no return though. Is there anything you would really miss? Seeing people you know? Experiencing places and situations you havent yet?

Life is pain, but my pain is worth it for the experiences and people I have left in my life. The question you really have to answer is if your pain weighs more than the lovely parts of your life you would miss out on.

Maybe one day my pain will be more than the worth of my life. But thankfully, I can't imagine that time for me yet.

I feel for you Taffy; I'm definitely not in your shoes personally, but I can share some of your pain in a different way.

My 55 year old father was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which is a death note with a 6 month waiting list. I've lost people before in my life, but never this slow wait. For him, every day this is his question. He struggles with the medication and the pain of living on with only a short payout for all his suffering. I can't imagine his daily struggle out of bed... but I can share how painful it is for me to watch it. To visit him as often as I can to share his last months. To know that he probably wont see another birthday, but is trying so hard to stay cheerful while puking his guts out. To see that fake smile over a mask of pain and watch him waste away to nothing.

It's hard on a lot of people when someone is sick and in pain... and living on. But I know that he and I wouldnt change our last few months together, not to mention my other siblings' or my mother's experience. Because a goodbye is something few people are afforded.

Thank you all for the support. You to Sixpak and everyone else.

goodnite all...

I agree however when you consider suicide that is not the normal train of thought.

Just a thought my own strong reasoning for not commiting suicide is it implants that thought as a way out of the current mess in your children grand children and friends. Well Jo Jo's troubles are over that will teach them, suicide used as a way to get even. Very few reasons for suicide are logical nor rarely truly rational.

I thought your comment was excellent, Bob - lots of good points and insights, there. Just my impression, but I think I understand Laughy's intentions a lot better now, and I don't see them as suicidal anymore. However, as you articulated here:

One last thing: We lie to ourselves.We exaggerate. We "see the world through rose-colored glasses" sometimes... and then we are unfailingly pessimistic at other times. Our perception is all the more untrustworthy when our emotions run high -- when we are in crisis, when we really most need to be rational.

So we should never trust ourselves when our emotions are engaged. You should not trust yours.

That's a point that I often like to make - emotions override logic. We should always wait for rationale and logical thought to kick in before making harmful decisions - to ourselves or others.

LT ,

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems . I'm not sure about the timing or the state of development of this device but it sounds like it might be worthwhile to look into :

More info can be found at these links :

physicianassistantforum
wadingacross.wordpress

Good luck ...

Hi Petey and everyone. I've been going back and forth to the doctors due to withdrawal issues and pain. I watch that video before years back Petey and I did not qualify as a candidate for it. This is primarily used for topical burns of 1st, 2nd, an 3rd degree burns, but not effective when the muscle tissue and bone has been destroyed in a fire.

The only real option I have are arm transplants, but then again, my doctors advised me against that since I have trouble swallowing pills, and the anti-rejection meds will create further problems down the line for me.

I thank you for the video and everyone for your support, but I have been discussing with my doctors about assistant suicide and transplanting my organs into those that need them. I really don't want to go on the way that I am. It has not been a pleasant life growing up this way, and then having all the skin-grafting redone over and over to try and release the tightness and pain.

I really wish Dr. K was still here. I really could use his assistance.

Laffy, I really had hopes that stem cells could be an answer for you, and I still do. There are so many that have miraculous stories of recovery that would have otherwise been unattainable.

However, your heart of gold is unsurpassed. As a last resort, that treasure, and other gems you possess will likely mean you will live on, at least for a while, in another's body. I might sound crazy when I say this, but I do think that every piece of us, is a 'part' of us, who we are...our genetics are in every one of those cells, whether it's a brain cell or a liver cell. Peace be with you.

Shiver Me Timbers

Thanx Chloe and to everyone else. You all have been a great help.

Good Nite All

Laffy... I find myself here again. I've been here quite a few times and then I leave putting it off until later. I'll come back when I figure what I want to say is what I think and then I'm back again.

As I've said before, no one knows the troubles that I've seen, but I know you haven't shown any interest in the last half of that sentence and I am not one to say I know what is the right thing to do. I think to myself. Why not try it? What have you got to lose? In the end we all turn back into dust, right? Or is there more? Well, I don't know. No one has been lighting the skies for me. I haven't seen any burning bushes lately, have you?

Well, maybe our lives seem to be too awful to live with the pain and mental anguish we are suffering. I believe for every pain we suffer we may not be aware of it, but we touch someone and I'll tell you, I believe that pain is rewarded by those who suffer it, although it is not often realized by them.

That touch is deep inside and can effect someone more than you could ever know. Don't think I am trying to tell you to suffer your pain and it is not my place to do so. I believe we are each individuals and if given the power to determine our destiny it is only up to us and we really owe no one anything. If you have nothing to lose.... you may find you have something to gain.

Thank you Sixpick, believe it or not, I actually have a cd of that to listen to to try and help. It did for a while, but right now the pain is getting worse by the year. I'm going to give it another try and see it it works since I haven't played it in a couple of years.

Right now, I'm going thru some deep depression and pain issues/management. Now my right elbow is tearing open because I have to use my right arm for just about everything. I do not think I can go thru another 30 days of having my right arm attached to my side, but I can almost see it happening now rather than later when and if it gets worse and seriously infected. The scar band has come back with a real vengeance on the right side of my neck. It is larger than ever, very tight and painful and growing into the side of my face and down into the chest area. Then there is another smaller one developing right next to it. There has been so many times that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. The doctor has cut out these scar bands five times now and they keep coming back.

As my friends in my town witnessed the pain I was going thru, they all pretty much abandoned me because it was too much for them to see or handle.

Funny thing is, I never would have abandoned anyone in their time of need, and no matter how bad the situation was. That is how my mom taught all us kids to be toward others.

I'm not their responsibility, nor related to them, so I guess I shouldn't be hurt so much by them walking away.

I reflect back on the months before the fire/explosion. Starting piano lessons, and then learning that I lost most of my hands, and can no longer play a musical instrument. My mom saved for the lady at the church to give me lessons, and then my step dad had to take away all my opportunities of doing or becoming much anything in this world with the house fire/explosion.

This for me is no way to live I feel. I don't know, but this Friday I see my doctor and will see what will happen. For me, I just wish I could donate all my organs to those that need them and then sleep a peaceful sleep for life.

We put dogs and cats down that are in pain and suffering, so why not people?

Life just isn't fair it seems.

Thanks everyone for your input and thoughts.

As my friends in my town witnessed the pain I was going thru, they all pretty much abandoned me because it was too much for them to see or handle.

Laffy, if I may comment on that, only to point out that 'is a real issue' - not one that can be controlled or overcome easily, necessarily. I can only speak for myself and for some on my mother's side where it seems to have come from. I don't pass out from squeamish events - but they do.

I do, however, get a whole body feeling that I can't describe, that's scary, that I'm guessing is a precursor to passing out? - I don't know. It happened when they showed detailed videos of surgery or post-mortem forensics - so I didn't have to view those in science classes anymore, nor did I have to continue with dissecting frogs (which might sound silly--but I got the reaction with that). I could never be a doctor or nurse, or anything that involves blood, guts, tissues, tendons, etc. Your friends might have something similar; I don't know. Maybe it's something similar to phobias, e.g. heights or small spaces or people-crammed spaces. I just know that the physical reactions are real - not meant to hurt others or to be considered personal.

Funny thing is, I never would have abandoned anyone in their time of need, and no matter how bad the situation was. That is how my mom taught all us kids to be toward others.

I was raised to be good to others, too, regardless of how unkind they were. But my mother experiences this squeamish tendency, so she understands that empathy has to be emotional, sometimes, not physical. Your friends more than likely are still your friends, even though you don't see them.

You know Laffy..... You don't have to play an instrument to make music. It's in the creation of music that makes you happy. There are programs you can put on your computer and you never have to touch an instrument. You can write the music one part at a time until you have actually put together a song. It really doesn't take that long to come up with some simple stuff and the gratification of creating the music doesn't have to come with the actual playing the instrument but producing the music a note or combination of notes at a time to actually turn nothing into something beautiful. I know a lot of musicians, but they couldn't write one song, but they can play their instrument very well. It's the creation of music that really matters. I played this with a friend, but I could use one of these programs and never have touched an instrument and it would have probably sounded better, actually. The creation when you really have something to say. It's a way out, a way of expressing your feelings. It gives you satisfaction and it only takes desire.

Very nice Sixpick. I haven't gone into full detail on my situation. However, I enjoyed your music video. Absolutely beautiful.

I'm seeing my doctor today around 10:30 am. I have been fighting another infection in my right elbow now. It's sore, painful, swollen, and the last surgery took a lot out of me. A mth in the hospital, not being able to do much for the first two week but lay in a bed in pain and taking drugs. Then the third week they start getting me to sit up in the bed before the release of the flank-flap. Once the flank-flap has been released after three weeks with my elbow attached to my side, then it's another week and a half learning to walk and to start using my arm all over again.

It's just a lengthy procedure I'm afraid I cannot handle again. I'll just ask my doctor for some sleeping pills to help me sleep every nite, and some antibiotics to see if it will clear up the infection on my right elbow this time.

Not only is the right elbow a problem now, but the scar bands on the right side of my neck came back with a vengeance sending pain in the side of my face and restricting movement in me neck as well.

I'm pretty much tired of it all, and I know the doctor cannot fix me to look normal, nor can he fix the public that treats me the way I have been treated.

I dunno, but I just want it all to go away and the only time I am truly feeling free of it all is when they put me under in the operating room.

I just hate the part of wakening up and going thru the pain and the process all over again.

Shiver Me Timbers... I'm sailing a - waaaaaaaaaaaay...

Laffy, any news about your doctor's approach to your pain? Please let us know.

Laffy..... I hope all is going better for you today. Man, you've got us thinking in some in our own way are praying for the best for you. I know it has to be difficult to deal with, but even when you don't hear from each of us, it may be at 130pm in the afternoon and like I may be traveling down the road at 70 mpg and you come into my mind. Only problem Laffy is my mind doesn't have a bear trap in it and by the time I figure on getting home and writing something I've forgotten what the heck it was. But all the stars were right for me tonight, so I took advantage of it and here I am. Do you know a comet is coming our way within the next two months that is suppose to light the sky as bright as the moon. The name of it is ISON or is that ISOM? It's one or the other. Look it up with Google. It's quite interesting. I'm not telling you what to do and I'm not suffering your pain, but I guess I am telling you what to do. Hang in there. We have to see the comet Laffy. It will be here for a month or so and can even be seen during the day if it doesn't get too close to the sun. You got my name and message me if I can help in any way. Loved the songs. I especially have always loved the "I Shall Be Release". I remember it from "The Band".

Voices In The Sky - Justin Hayward

Doctors keep telling me that all is going to get better, but tonight, I just don't see a tomorrow like I use to.

Thanks for sharing Sixpick.

I hope you enjoyed the song Laffy. I also hope you're doing better as well. I've been pretty busy as usual so I haven't been around too much lately. Keep us informed how things are going. I don't know what music you like but here is another one of those oldies.

Thanx again. I'm getting a little better each day that I have been off the morphine. I'm currently going thru withdrawal and pain, but was told in about a week it will begin to pass and ease up.

I hope you and all others are doing good, and thank you for the videos.

Remember When (video/song)

Hi Flameaway, and thank you.

Trust is a big thing for me as I had been betrayed by people in my small town that just wanted to get involved with my personal life (surgery) and then toss me aside so they can just talk about with whomever about my scars, surgery, and all the pain I have been going through as well as going back and forth to the ER for help with pain.

Right now, I'm working on getting off the drugs (morphine/Oxy/tramadol). My balance is so off from taking so many of these opiates that I can't get my balance just right. The withdrawals are hard. I was told it would be two weeks, then someone told me don't count on it, and that it will probably be 3 weeks to a mth to completely get it out of my system.

With all the support from the Newstalkers, it really helps keep me going day to day, but there are still those times I just want to end it all. I tried mowing my lawn and tore the skin right off what I have left for hands.

A big 'Thank You' to everyone.

Laffy, Morphine addiction is not unlike nicotine addiction in many ways. You will find in a few weeks you will feel 100% better for eliminating morphine from your body. It will take longer to eliminate it from your mind, but in time it will seem like a dream from a long time ago and you'll only think of it when someone brings it up. Some can still taste the rails in Vietnam and Thailand after 40 years, but have no desire to go back there. You're on the right path for sure.

The good news is opiate withdrawals won't kill you.

-----------------------------------------------

Is sure feels like it at times, especially when the headaches and the muscle cramps start, and the vomiting can get so bad at times. I've been told that it could take up to 3 weeks to possible a mth of withdrawal symptoms since I have been on these drugs for months, and was given a prescription of Valium to help with the muscle spasms/cramps.

Thanks for your support Badfish. You have a good day.

Thank you Sixpick for your support and info.

I'm doing ok Thee Ox. I have been in and out of depression and having good and bad days. I'm seeing another doctor next week in regards to surgery once again.

How have you been doing, and are you staying warm from the cold snap.

I am available by private email for such Chaplaincy services as are needed and desired at no cost to any member of this site.

Peace and Abundant Blessings.

Enoch.

Thank you Enoch, and Pace and Blessing to you also.

Maya