13 Funny Dad Quotes to Use This Father’s Day
13 Funny Dad Quotes to Use This Father’s Day
By Brandon Specktor
Jerry Seinfeld
"You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."
Dave Attell
"When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape."
Rita Rudner
"I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother."
Bob Odenkirk
"My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic."
Stewart Francis
"Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear."
Jimmy Fallon
"Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive."
Erma Bombeck
"We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'"
Clarence Darrow
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. "
James Breakwell
Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?
Mark Twain
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
John Kinnear
"Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets."
Jon Stewart
"Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch."
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For all the Dad's here on NT I just wanted to say "Happy Father's Day"! :o)
Just keepin it real.
Sorry I'm late but my daughter stopped by and we spent the day grilling & catching up.
My contribution for Fathers day is Wainwrights ditty, "Being a Dad".
It always makes me laugh. Enjoy.
Excellent!
"Desperation is the father of invention"
Great line !
Loved the way Wainwright's lyrics captured, in less than 4 minutes, so many of the high & lows of my own 30 + yeas of "being a dad".
(for those who can't open youtube)
Bein' a dad isn't so bad
Except that you gotta feed 'em
You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em
And try not to loathe 'em
Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em
Bein' a dad can sure make you mad
Man it even can drive you crazy
It's as hard as it looks
You gotta read them dumb books
And you end up despising Walt Disney
Bein' a dad starts to get radical
When they turn into teenagers
You gotta tighten the screws
Enforce the curfews
Confiscate weapons and pagers
But a daughter and son
Can be sort of fun
Just as long as they don't defy you
They'll treat you like a king
They'll believe anything
They're easy to frighten and lie to
Bein' a dad (bein' a dad)
Bein' a dad (bein' a dad)
Bein' a dad can make you feel glad
When you get paperweights and aftershave lotions
Yeah it feels pretty great when they graduate
That's when you're choked with emotions
But bein' a dad takes more than a tad of
Good luck and divine intervention
You need air-tight alibis
Fool proof disguises
Desperation's the father of invention
So sometimes you take off
For a few rounds of golf
And you stay away for half of their lifetimes
The result of it all is
You're captured and hauled up
Before a tribunal for dad crimes
Bein' a dad (bein' a dad)
Bein' a dad (bein' a dad)
Bein' a dad can make you feel sad
Like you're the insignificant other
Yeah right from the start
They break your heart
In the end every kid wants his mother
Bein' a dad (bein' a dad)
Ended up hating both Walt Disney AND Dr Suez in our house. lol
Sounds like Randy might still be in front of the tribunal for dad crimes. Spent a lot of time on trial my on dam self.
I have four sons. Non of them are talking to me. So no Father's day for me. Maybe they'll change by next year?
Are they fathers yet? That can make a change in attitude - makes them realize what it's like to be a father.