Trump Gives Alaska To Russia As Thank You Gift
President Elect Donald Trump’s inauguration is not until Friday, Modern Philosophers, but he is already sending thank you gifts to those who helped him win the election.And the billionaire, who really knows how to spend, is not skimping on the presents.
Today, Trump surprised one of his most ardent supporters, Russian President Vladimir Putin, with the gift of Alaska.
“Putin gets a bad rap because the Democrats wanted us to see him as the enemy,” Trump explained as he signed away the forty-ninth state in yet another horrible real estate deal. “I know better. The man is a friend, an ally, and a lover of all things American.”
Is that why you thought you should give him his own chunk of America?
“Alaska used to be part of Russia, so we’re merely giving a very cold, very far away place back to its rightful owner,” Trump continued. “I’m hoping that this very generous gesture of good will is going to kick off eight years of great relations between our nations.”
Oh, so you’re already counting on getting re-elected? Guess it makes sense to give the hackers a fun place to hang out until the next election…
Forty-nine if Trump hasn’t given away any others by then…
According to Trump, residents of Alaska will be referred to as “Russicans”, and will be expected to pay taxes to both governments.
Sounds harsh, but they will get all the Russian holidays, too…
“Of course, I didn’t just give Russia to President Putin to thank him for his help and support,” Trump bragged to the stunned press corps. “I also did it to create jobs.”
Do you mean for moving companies, realtors, and immigration lawyers?
“Since we will only have forty-nine states, we will need millions of new American flags,” he further explained. “Where do you think the factories will be that will make all those flags? In America, of course. I arranged the deal. I made sure the company set up shop in America. I can personally guarantee that every worker in those factories will be American because Trump Flags will not hire anyone who is not an American citizen!”
“Don’t worry,” Trump reassured everyone. “There’s no conflict of interest. My sons will run Trump Flags. I’ll be too busy b e ing President, exacting revenge on my enemies, and tweeting to be involved in the business.”
Why does that sound like one of the least reassuring statements I’ve ever heard?
The people of Alaska were unavailable for comment. Apparently, due to a problem with the state’s electrical grid, there is a massive blackout, no access to the internet, and no way to communicate with anyone in Alaska.
“The Russians are closer, so they’re going to deal with the problem,” Trump added. “Putin himself assured me that he is sending in his best electricians, who all happen to be members of the Russian military, to restore the power and bring order to that giant icy black hole that is no longer America’s problem.”
When asked via Skype to comment about President Elect Trump’s thank you gift of Alaska, President Putin replied, “It’s a start”.Then he laughed maniacally, which became really creepy when he ripped off his shirt and began circling states on a giant map of America pinned to his office wall.
The people of Alaska, now known as Russicans, will be in my prayers tonight. If you folks are looking for a place just as cold and beautiful as Alaska, Maine has plenty of room!
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Sorry about the script under the photos, but I can't get rid of it.
Next on the agenda is Trump handing over Hawaii to Putin. The Russians need a base in the Pacific.
With the help of our resident wizard the script was cleaned up...
Kudos
Link?
It satire XX...You know like humor.
Kavika, you may be reaching for something that is not there. lol.
Now Sarah Palin can say she can see America from her front porch.
Justin Trudeau has thanked Trump for making it less of a trip to import good Vodka, now that Russia borders Canada. Putin also apprciates that Seagram's Crown Royal is within easy reach, along with delicious butter tarts and Nanaimo Bars. Those who operate the DEW Line (Distant Early Warning) can go home, Russia no longer needs to cross the North Pole.
As well, Trudeau would like to trade Newfoundland for Hawaii. Canadians need a warm place to go in the winter. Actually, I believe that at one time Canada was considering adding the Turks and Caicos as a Province - I wish they had done that. Then the Snowbirds could remain in Canada instead of flocking to Florida.
Caribou Barbie is now an Russican. Hawaii is already taken Buzz...The Hawaiians took it back.
You may have to settle for Noofyville.
LOL
But I would have trouble speaking with their grammer and accent.
LOL, I think that the whole world does Buzz.
With Global Warming, in a few short years vacationing Russians will be able to drive on the new Bridge to the land of the Great Bear. Sarah Palin is expected to open a bed and breakfast to accommodate as many as 1000 or more travelers serving hot syrniki for breakfast making them feel right at home.
The world famous Alaska ''bridge to nowhere''
What about a discount card at Jay's Dinerski?
Their Ice Cream is made from real Mos-cows.
Enoch Putting with Putin.
The Trans Siberian RR will be delivering your discount card niijii.
Kavika checking his caboose.
Dear Comrade Kavika:
A Dictators Caboose wrapped in a Babushkah.
Wow!
What will Ivan the Terrible think?
Enoch, Taking the Siberian Express to My Evening Commute Home.
The Siberian Express is a lot safer than taking Aeroflot my friend.
Kavika headed east on a wing and a prayer.
I once took an Aeroflot from Moscow, Idaho to St. Petersburg, FL.
It only stopped seven times for directions.
I charged it to my Dascha Card.
Enoch, Wearing a trench coat and a parachute.
My Aeroflot pilot was using a ''Thomaz guide''. We ran into the Fagawe tribe.
Kavika bailing out over Hell Michigan