Ladies, Stop Trying to Have Sex Like Men
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
In her book “Unprotected,” former campus psychiatrist Dr. Miriam Grossman introduces readers to Olivia, a college student at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) who had been valedictorian of her high school class and was planning to go to medical school. After she arrived on campus, Olivia had a short-term relationship with a young man. When it ended, she had bouts of bingeing and vomiting and ended up at the campus health center, where she met Dr. Grossman.
It turns out Olivia had had her first sexual experience with the young man, and she told Grossman she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She especially couldn’t handle seeing him in class. “Why,” Olivia asked her, “do they tell you how to protect your body from herpes and pregnancy, but they don’t tell you what it does to your heart?”
Kerry Cohen, author of the memoir “Loose Girl,” can relate. In her book, Cohen examines her promiscuous past, which included sleeping with almost 40 boys and men. “Loose Girl” analyzes in great detail all of the emotions that accompanied Cohen’s sexual experiences. She reviewed the reasons why she had sex, why she chose the boys and men she did, how she felt leading up to each encounter, how she felt afterward, and what she expected to happen compared to what actually did happen. At the end of the day, what Cohen wanted was for guys to like her. “I let these men inside me, wanting to make me matter to them.”
It’s difficult to imagine the young man Olivia slept with having bouts of bingeing and vomiting and winding up at the campus health center as a result of his time with Olivia, just as it’s difficult to imagine a young man authoring a book like Cohen’s. The average guy who engages in commitment-free sex doesn’t ruminate over who he had sex with or why he did it—he knows why he did it.
Nor will he typically have sex with a woman because he wants her to like him. Many men have sex for no other reason than it’s available. “For a man, this might be a peasant trip down memory lane, counting up one’s conquests,” wrote Cohen. “But for a girl, it’s a whole other story.” A whole other story indeed.
Where did the idea that women could and should have indiscriminate sex with men originate? And when? The perfect storm for this still relatively new behavior was the sexual revolution, which proudly promoted commitment-free sex, and the Food and Drug Administration’s approval of the pill—both of which occurred in the 1960s.
Prior to that time, there was both a spoken and an unspoken narrative about sex: that it is meant for marriage—or, at the very least, for a committed adult relationship. It’s true people didn’t always agree on the marriage point, but they agreed that commitment was crucial. The idea that a person would go to bed with someone she just met or didn’t know well was absurd (and taboo as well).
No more. With a magic pill that would change literally everything, and the “free sex” mentality that swept the nation, a new idea was born: women can be just like men. With pregnancy off the table, women could be free to sow their wild oats, too. Problem is, most women don’t want to. And those who do quickly learn that their bodies won’t cooperate.
Indeed, contraception may prevent pregnancy, but it can’t do a thing about female nature. It can’t make a woman a man’s sexual “equal.” Yet we operate under the delusion that it does. From college campuses to our nation’s boardrooms, women try to pursue sex the way men often do: no commitment necessary. And they’re getting burned.
I wrote an article to this effect recently entitled “ Why one-night stands don’t work for women .” It was not an argument for why one-night stands are “fine” for men but not for women. I don’t believe anyone should engage in casual sex. I agree 100 percent with Jordan Peterson’s assessment, whom I quoted at the end of my article:
People treat sex like it’s casual. It’s not. Sex is unbelievably complicated. It’s dangerous. It involves emotions. It involves pregnancy. It involves illness. It involves betrayal. It reaches right down into the roots of someone. You don’t play with something like that casually. Well, you can, but you’ll pay for it.
Peterson made this observation during one of his countless interviews, and it was unfortunately quickly forgotten. I believe it to be a truism that should be repeated over and over again, for it has never before been acknowledged by anyone in power. Instead, the assumption is that when it comes to sex, the birth control pill—in effect—turned women into men.
It didn’t. In a qualitative exploration of college hookups, the authors of the journal article “The Casualties of Casual Sex,” concluded (among other things) that women’s response to casual sex is very different from men’s:
The dominant notion of regret for females to center around shame and self-blame for engaging in sexual behaviors in the context of a hookup. Not knowing their partner and the lack of further contact with the partner seemed to compound their regrets and anger at themselves. The dominant notion of regret for males [emphasis mine] centered on disappointment over a bad choice of hookup partner. One female participant expressed this view: ‘During a hookup, females feel special, desirable, pretty; men feel hot and in control. Afterwards, females wonder if he’s going to call, what it means, did she do the right thing. Males feel nothing. Males don’t care, just as long as they get laid.
So many women today learn the hard way what their mothers or grandmothers have always known: sex for women is not the same as sex for men. Most men can have sex with a woman to whom they are not emotionally attached and not lose sleep over it. That is not the case for most women. Even the most sexually liberal woman is surprised to learn she cannot detach the way men can. She might appear indifferent toward casual sex, but her own reaction will often surprise her.
Take Alissa, 20, who has had six one-night stands and, within the past year, two different sex partners. When asked whether she thought she should be emotionally involved with someone before having sex with a guy, her contradictory views speak volumes:
No, sex is not that big of a deal. When you first have sex, it is a big deal, but once you’ve lost your virginity, it gradually becomes less important to be in love with the guy. The more you have sex, the less of a big deal it becomes … I get attached to guys I have sex with very easily because I’m very emotional; I think this is natural for all girls. If the guy is really a jerk, though, and I have nothing in common with him, then it’s a lot easier not to get emotionally involved than if I like the guy. Once I sleep with a guy, I feel that there is a bond between the two of us because we’ve shared our bodies and left ourselves vulnerable to each other. I think of the guy as being mine in a way, even though I know we don’t have a relationship.
Jessica, 21, has had six different sex partners within the past year and characterizes herself as strong feminist who “doesn’t need men in any way.” In speaking with Jessica, she gave the impression she found casual sex acceptable. But elsewhere in the interview, she admits she doesn’t engage in casual sex often because she doesn’t want to get hurt.
When I first go to bed with a guy, I wonder whether sex was all he was after and how he’ll treat me in the morning. If I like the guy, I worry about whether he cares about me; otherwise, I don’t care what he thinks. I’m not especially bothered by a one-night stand. I think of it as opening up; if it’s only for one night, that’s okay … I have to have control of myself. I can’t get so wrapped up in [my boyfriend] that I forget about myself.
That women tend to become attached after sex isn’t just limited to college women. In one of the sexual assault claims against disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, lawyers unearthed emails between Weinstein and his accuser that confirmed the relationship was consensual. The most significant exchange was this one: “I love you, always do,” the woman wrote after the alleged attack. “But I hate feeling like a booty call.” Her message was followed up with a smiling-face emoji.
With uncommitted sex, women are playing a game they can’t win. Feeling “used,” or like a “booty call,” is the most common experience of women who engage in casual sex, or “hookups,” whether they’re teenagers or grown women. That just isn’t the case for most men.
It is true more women than ever are engaging in commitment-free sex—Lord knows they’re trying!—but this behavior does not in any way alter the unique sexual psychologies of women and men. In other words, women can try to act like men all they want. But the results will be drastically different for most of them.
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Suzanne, You mean the "Pill" has helped create this mess? You mean men don't feel accountable any more because it's all for free? And poor women are getting burned?
Ya, we were better off when women acted like Women and men were Men.
To be filed under the collapse of a once Great Society.
Because women enjoying sex is so frightening to insecure men.
Are we now supposed to go back to the prudish Victorian ideal of only having sex in the dark in the missionary position when we have agreed to procreate?
Since when are we not supposed to enjoy sex? Will religious conservatives now argue that the existence of birth control is a violation of their religious beliefs and as such is banned?
I thought that this was satire when I read the title and the first paragraph. It's Friday so I assumed that this was the work of Andy Borowitz or the Onion.
Alas, no. There are people who actually feel this way. Even among the men of NT.
Sex is both physical and emotionally healthy and is a great way to relax. I'm not giving that up because some people want to turn their social and intellectual sundial back 2500 years.
There are some men who could not get laid in a women's prison, even if the had a stack of pardons.
Thanks, but only those who perpetuate misogyny need apologize. Certainly not you.
'Couldn't get laid in a women's prison even with a stack of pardons.'
Really, Vic it's 2019 not 1919. What's wrong with women deciding their own lives?
Phylis Schlafly?
What else really needs to be said?
Nothing.
She has Stockholm Syndrome, and she's trying to infect the rest of us.
LOL.
Oh, god, the old bitch's sister spawned someone like her.
Fucking A, Vic! You expect any women with an ounce of self respect to agree with this trumpery (deception; trickery; showy nonsense)? The turd didn't fall far from that (Schlafly) ass. No wonder women can't stand the gop.
Did anyone else get the suspicion that she was an angry closeted lesbian?
I'm not sure, really. There are plenty of straight women who support patriarchy. She could just be one of them.
I have often wondered if they just like the thought of being taken care of & treated as a queen..... maybe they believed all those fairy tales Disney edited.
I think that's some of it. Patriarchy does give some women some measure of power - those who toe the line. Not as much power as men, of course. But many oppressive regimes have granted special privileges to collaborators.
I thought this was a good article. Thanks for posting it.
Having read a lot of the comments made, I think most here missed the point of what it was talking about. They seem to have taken it as some sort of oppression against women or something rather than what it was. A generally true statement that, emotionally, women to not process sex emotionally the way men do and that no woman should try to. Generally. Of course there are exceptions but overall, I think the article was pretty accurate. If women processed sex the way men do, there wouldn't be anything getting done because nobody would make it out of the bedroom.
This quote needs to be understood for what it is. A generality. Of course this won't be true of everyone, but overall, I think it is true in general. I think what the article is saying is that while men generally can have casual sex without emotional attachment or complications, women generally don't react that way and there's no reason why they should try to change that. Why should they dismiss part of what would be fulfilling sex for them simply to have and regard sex the way men do? It isn't as if male ability to simply have casual sex without attachment is somehow superior to a woman desiring more than simply that. If a woman experiences emotional distress over a one night stand the answer isn't for her to change her feelings about sex, the answer is for her to have sex that is not only physically pleasing but emotionally as well. Why should she have to accept less that what she desires just because of how men view sex?
Again, we're speaking in generalities here. Nor is this article speaking to women who actually treat and enjoy sex as men do. It is speaking to women (most, in my opinion) who do not actually enjoy perusing sex the way men do.
So that's why men invented football.....
How can you pretend to know what women feel about sex? Most of the women I know do NOT need commitment in order to enjoy sex. Of course women who need emotional attachment to enjoy sex shouldn't have sex without it - but for the majority of us, who think sex for its own sake can be fun, this article is insulting. And the whole idea where it claims we will pay for it if we engage in casual sex!
Utter bullshit article.
Would you say the same thing to a man who gets emotionally distressed over a one night stand?
Not only would I say the same thing to a man, I actually apply it to myself. I do not enjoy one night stands. They make me feel awful. I need something more than just sex, therefor I don't have casual sex. In fact, I do not have sex at all as I do not believe I could enjoy it outside marriage. I need commitment.
Then why not just apply it to yourself and let others do as they will as long as they don't harm anyone else?
I wasn't aware that either I or the article were preventing anyone from doing as they will. Both I and the article present a point of view. We get to have one. No one is forced to accept the premise or the conclusions of the article or my opinion. I do not understand why everyone in here is so offended by the article except it seems endemic to the left to be offended by any view not their own. As if it is somehow an attack on them personally.
Frankly, it's not just the article that's offensive. This statement by the seeder is pretty offensive, too:
To blame the collapse of society on women wanting the freedom to engage in casual sex the way men always have (apparently without causing a societal collapse) is misogynistic.
Spout misogyny, get called offensive. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
And I wasn't aware that I said your viewpoint is offensive. All I merely said was don't offer advice unless asked for it.
I can understand your point of view. It is sometimes hard not to get offended when people start throwing around terms like "toxic masculinity" and "male white privilege". However, I have some affinity for what Vic said. Within reason, I have no problem with women going for and attaining what men have always enjoyed. I would prefer that they not become men to do it, however. Women are not men and men are not women. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. Because a man is not a woman doesn't make him less and vice versa.
I would not attempt to state what Vic intended by his comment, however, I feel free to comment on what his comment suggested to me. I do not think he intended to blame women for the collapse of society. Further, I doubt he felt that this issue alone was to blame. I think what Vic was referring to was the idea that sex can be/ should be enjoyed without consequence is a false narrative. To put it another way, it wasn't women he was referring to, but a meme. Specifically, that sex can sometimes be treated as just some casual thing, sometimes. I don't think that's right. I think the quote from Jordan Peterson was spot on.
I don't think Vic's comment was misogynistic because I don't believe he was referring to women in his comment. I think he was referring to an idea about the nature of sex. If he meant anything else, then he would then have to also be charged with misandry, since males would be just as culpable as females.
Nor am I. That is, I'm not aware that you found my viewpoint offensive. I was simply answering your question in 1.3.5 as to why I was commenting.
I'm not sure what you intend by this. To my mind, the author of the article seems compelled to talk about a problem he or she sees in society. Are you saying people should not do that? That would eliminate quite a bit of communication, don't you think?
I'm taking Vic's comment in the context of others he's made, which leads me to disagree regarding misogyny.
Ah, well then...
My pleasure. Thanks for stopping by, we don't hear enough from you.
Sandra! That's an opinion - one that I regard as personal & derogatory!
Betsy DeVos
Kelly Anne Conway
Ayn Rand
Sarah Huckabee Sanders come to mind.
You find it personal and derogatory?
Tough.
I find this article to be derogatory toward women, not to mention your commentary.
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Hardly. I was once married to a man who thought that he was a real man because he liked to solve all opinions I dared to opine with his fists. And treated me as his property, not his wife. That was his idea of being a real man. And it would seem he is not alone.
[deleted]
No...I didn't. Just how big of a fool do you think I, and other battered women, are to marry someone man who they know are abusers before hand? You must have a very low opinion of women.
What a totally stupid and typically male Chauvinist question.
I think we all know where to file this load of misogynistic drivel from Suzanne...
A self hating woman?
Let's turn it around for a minute. Might it be that the real hate is coming from the other direction? Think about what groups one can smear and discriminate against - Whites, Christians and men, correct? That's kind of a fresh perspective, don't you think?
This has been addressed. Yes, there are women who willingly oppress other women. It gains the approval of misogynistic men, who often can reward or punish compliance, or lack thereof.
A devotee of Phyllis Schafly who wanted women to go back to some imaginary day
of, what was your term, "a once Great Society"?
Do you limit that to the USA or just English speaking countries?
Unequal rights, if any, and back alley abortions should be a thing of the past.
So men can have casual indiscriminate sex and women can't?
Sure, we just climb back into the way back machine travel back to those euphoric 1950's when men were men and women knew their place.
Dripping with my usual dose of sarcasm.
Ladies, Stop Trying to Have Sex Like Men
As an aside, though not a female I do believe this act is physiologically impossible.
That's exactly what the article is saying.
Oh...where is my fainting couch?????
So who are those men having casually indiscriminate sex with?????
Lily Palm and her five sisters no doubt.
With attitudes such as that I believe she would be the only date one might muster.
With girls like me, Tessy!
And I'm happy to accommodate them!
Like me back in the day!
The day is nowhere over
You naughty boy!
Time for your spanking!
If I were you I'd be careful because he might enjoy that.
Exactly
Valid question Tess. Here is the answer - When women have indiscriminate sex there are consequences.
The same is true of men, in my opinion. If there is a difference, it is that women tend to be more intelligent when it comes to sex. They tend to think more.
Some men (SOME - not all) don't want to provide for them anymore...That's the consequence
To be fair, a man's blood drains from his brain and goes to his penis when it comes to sex. That's why men tend to think less. They let their penises do the thinking for them. Giggity
Men are now immune to STIs? Can't father children inadvertently?
There are consequences for men.
Consequences?
Do you mean satisfaction?
With the Pill & protection? The day of the accident is over, thus the promiscuity
Who said that when we want to have a hot sweaty sexy bangathon that we want them to support us?
For the educated, well paid woman it's satisfaction. For the poor uneducated waitress it's consequences.
Why is that men are never considered promiscuous in your world?
I had a fiance who said if he could he would suck his own dick.
He also said that if he was a woman he would be a whore.
Some women need a man to support them. The highly paid career woman is making that difficult.
Many are
I had a fiance who said if he could he would suck his own dick.
Did you marry him?
Yes, Vic. Both the Pill and condoms can fail, and there are STIs whose infectious lesions appear in places other than the genitals.
Darn those highly paid career women, putting food on their own tables.
Are you going to post the chances of failure, Sandra?
Why shouldn't women be doctors, scientists, engineers, lawyers, legislators, CEOs, and every other occupation that they want?
Why shouldn't women be "highly paid"?
Some men need woman to support, feed, clothe and shelter them from womb to grave. Some men stay with momma all of their lives and other men are so helpless they have to marry a momma substitute. Ewww.
Did your sex ed class cover anything? I'm on my phone, so can't post links, but the last I read, condoms fail about 15% of the time, and the Pill (which doesn't prevent STIs) about 2-3% of the time. And that doesn't address the spread of STIs, which can be spread via oral sex. Ask Michael Douglas.
Tell it to Planned Parenthood.......
Judge not, lest ye be judged.
It's nice to see it!
Why shouldn't women be "highly paid"?
They should be.
But youv'e totally avoided my point though. What of the women who are not well educated and need a man to support them, while all these independent divas are living the life of a professional man of the 1950's?
Strange philosophy from one who called the author Misogynist and the other day called Mexicans "racist"
Lol, we didn't have it in those days.
I'm on my phone
Fair enough
Doing the Posturepedic Polka for 12 hours sounds far more mature.
I don't want any guy to support me. It's a relationship of equals that we bring separate skills but are both equal in the relationship.
One of the best lessons my mother ever taught me was to never depend on a man to support me. I never have and never will.
It's quite unfortunate for the women who dont have the means to do so.
1.)Why would a waitress not avail herself to Planned Parenthood?
2.) Is sex ed only taught in 4-year colleges?
3.) Being a waitress is a common job for college girls.
Noooooo. It didn't work out
Most of the "not well educated" women are working 2 or 3 manual labor jobs trying to support their offspring. I don't know of any well-educated men who are marrying high school dropouts
Which men are marrying "not well educated" women and supporting them as an act of charity / generosity?
Are you intentionally being sexist, inflammatory and rude? I only ask because some men are just too steeped in self-importance to have any respect for the accomplishments of other men and believe that women have to screw the boss to get a promotion.
As you said.....
Damned if we do. Damned if we don't.
Which, in my opinion, is connected to what the article is talking about. It seems to me that, historically and presently, it is taken as given, and almost as accepted, that it is simply natural that males will put their member in anything remotely receptive. And because this is so, then there should be nothing wrong with females doing the same thing. I strongly object to such a notion and I think that is what the article was speaking of. The article claims...
I agree. In fact, I think that this is the default position of nearly all men. It isn't a passive inclination but, rather, a driving imperative. That doesn't make it right.
I can completely relate. Such is the sex drive of the average male. Take a look at the sex doll industry. There are those who are trying to perfect the perfect robotic female for sexual use. A robot that exists for the purpose of male sexual desire. This is part and parcel of what you are alluding to.
What I think the article is talking about is that sex is much more than that. It is deeper that mere physical satisfaction and any attempt to treat it otherwise is harmful, in my opinion.
Independent professional women are divas?
Wow.
Vic,
Women like men make decisions. Some chose to get married and raise a family and that's OK. Some chose to have a career (which is hardly a diva, since divas are women high maintenance) and that's OK. And some do both. Each has an upside and a downside. But these choices should be allowed as it has been allowed for men.
Indeed. And women who have a career, plus a Husband and children to care for, which there are a large number of today, hardly fit into a "Diva" category.
But but but but women are chattel./s
You're addressing someone who lives in the 20th (maybe19th) century.
Waste of energy.
Double standards regarding sexual behavior. Nice, and not based in misogyny at all.
What a bullshit article. I've never felt used in my life. Have I felt like a "booty call?" Sure. So have the guys I've used for booty calls. What's wrong with that? Sometimes sex is just sex.
I remember one guy ... not only did I use him for a booty call, I may have instructed him to be handcuffed naked to my deck when I got home from work ....
If he complied, then I'm sure he was happy. I hope, for his sake, that you don't have a mosquito problem.
He did, and he was, and luckily mosquitoes weren't an issue!
I'm waiting and wearing nothing but DEET:)
Haha ... I hope you left the key where you can get it. It's going to rain all day and I won't be home until 9 or 10 at night ....
After what you wrote, I am sure it would be worth the wait, that is as long as my heart holds out
Just leave a night light on.
Will do
But that will draw in mosquitos!
Bit of a masochist I suppose:)
Well, then. Carry on.
I would have made him mow and weed eat the lawn.
That gets me so hot!
Heh. I live in a rural area so I don't bother to weedwhack.
I'm still friends with that guy, and every now and then he fondly reminisces about that evening. And the time he installed a new closet door for me ... wearing just his tool belt. And the closet door was mirrored.
You. Are. Awesome.
Heh!
I just came in from cutting the grass.
Excuse me while I fan myself....
Vic, aren't you the one who thinks women shouldn't wear pants?
He once said he made a girlfriend get a tattoo removed.
With a tattoo she would fall into his ''not decent'' realm.
I would have dumped his ass.
I guess I'm not one of the "decent" ones because I have 2 tattoos
Same.
I admire those of you who can sit still long enough to get those kinds of tattoos. My SIL has 2 sleeves
Perhaps culottes may be deemed more appropriate as a form of compromise. Half skirt, half pants, they could share wardrobes.
I played baseball with a girl who wasn't allowed to wear pants to practice. She was out there on the field in culottes. Looked a bit silly. At least her parents loosened up their rules and let her wear her uniform pants for games.
Something tells me that the author of this article probably doesn't think girls should play baseball, either. At least not in competition with boys.
I would not think you will hear from Vic anytime soon.
After seeing the comments from this seed he may have gone into hiding for fear of being neutered.
I called my cat Stubby after I had him neutered
Yeah...I can see how Vic might feel that way.
I'm willing to bet that this conversation took several turns Vic did not anticipate.
Ouch!
And not for the better
I dunno. It was good for me.
I had to have a smoke
You ladies and gents are on fire today!
You guys had me dying. Now I'm going out for a smoke.
Ah the 50's were so so, whats the word, or yeah...Puritanical.
That being my time period I have often wondered what was found so grand about the era. As with most nostalgia the downsides seem to get forgotten.
Without a doubt and the downsides were far greater than the so called up sides.
Aside from women being submissive there was polio, nuclear war scare and McCarthyism, ahhh the good old days
Oh come on Kavika, not a fan of segregation, Jim Crow, misogyny, nuclear threat and the like. Where is your sense of adventure?
Yes...women please return to your kitchens...women please wear your high heels and pearls to do the house cleaning... women please refill your Valium scripts....
Yes....women please assume the missionary position since that is the least possible way for you to obtain orgasm...
Yes...women please assume child rearing duties with no input (except of "wait til your father gets home") from hubby...and if you cannot produce a child PLEASE feel appropriately GUILTY about it...
Yes....women please stop using your brains except to try to determine how much 2 lbs of chuck steak cost....
Yes....women please accept your husbands' infidelities with a smile on your face....women please accept the beatings as is your due
Yes.... women please stop being individuals & just be shadows of your husbands.
I like the thought of high heels for housecleaning, otherwise LOL.
Cleaning in high heels is very tricky - especially if you have to climb a step stool. I am very clumsy & most likely would break my neck.
LMAO as a man if my wife was cleaning in high heels I really wouldn't care if the house actually got cleaned at all, so no step stool worries. Heck some light dusting of the coffee table in front of the recliner would be enough
Now that is a shiner....
I have a pair of 6" platforms that were bought for (a-hem.. playtime) that I discovered were actually comfortable and if I wear them they allow me to dust the top of door casings and high furniture that I could not reach without them. Who says that sexy can't also be useful?
Lol awesome
As I said, they seem to have purged these things from memory.
And thank you for broadening my horizons, there was one thing in your list I was unaware of. I will now know what not to do, should the situation ever arise again that is.
I do not know why some women actually think that going back is a good idea.
I am glad to be of service.
I still remember the Folgers commercials. Sadly, this really was a mirror into the Bible Belt society that I was raised in. Back in the mid-70s, I was (19) visiting my father's house and he wanted a pot of coffee. My stepmother always waited on him hand and foot, but had gone to town. He told me to make coffee. I told him I didn't know how because I did not drink coffee. I drank Dr. Pepper. Since he was the person who drank coffee, it seemed to me that he should have learned how to make it himself.
The man NEVER did any "woman's" work - NONE. My stepmother done ALL the housework, fed the livestock and eventually supported him by growing and selling flowers and produce.
Personally, I always liked Juan Valdez....
Thankfully, I don't remember any of the following. From 1947, there is an ad that asks about the legality of killing a woman and from the 1950s is an ad showing a man spanking a woman for not making coffee properly.
Watching these ads explains a lot about the mentality of the men who wrote them and the men who embrace the messages.
Not for me, my Mother and Father fairly much shared the workload. To the best of my knowledge my Mother never washed a floor while my Father was alive, it was his notion that a woman should not have to get down on her hands and knees to scrub a floor.
They pretty much are how my thoughts came together.
Sorta similar here my mom passed when I was young so I grew up without really knowing the chores we were doing (laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc) were traditionally gender specific
When I was young my father had left and my mother had to work. Once a week my sister and I would clean the house together. We all each did our own laundry.
Growing up my best friend was a girl. Her mother would teach us how to cook and bake.
We never did anything really gender specific. If it was we didn't notice or care.
Awesome. I love it....
A large number of men have no idea how to have mutually satisfying sex with women. It is usually all about them and a wham-bam thank ya mam experience for the woman. Very few women I have talked to on this subject have said they have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with their Husbands/BF.
I think a good number of men are the ones who need to be better educated about how to please their partner more than women.
JMOO
I agree completely.
In fairness to us dolts, it would be better for all parties if you just tell us
Remember we are essentially idiots when it come to the feminine mystique, and I actually attempt to make an effort yet I continue to be blind.
Yes, you must be trained.
I told my daughter when she was bitching about her husband and comparing him to her dad. I told her he didn't come out of the box that way.
ps we were not talking about sex
That goes both ways. Women are not born knowing how to please a man sexually.
Oh we are fairly one or two dimensional for the most part
My daughter laughs at my husband and myself because we have been together so long that we know how the other is going to react to things. She calls us Morty and Lee from the Swiffer commercials.
Naw, you don't give your gender enough credit. Real men need more than a hole - oops did I just type that?
You're going to require a bigger stick
Yes
I've found most men to be surprisingly easy to train. I may lose my feminist card here, but one way I found was thru their stomachs. Amazing what a good home cooked meal can get you
Not at all. Actually, a balanced diet is essential to combatting male mood swings and aggression.
Currently, I am committed to buying as much organic as I can afford and growing & preserving the produce that I can in order to avoid the poisons that are allowed in today's US food supply.
Below is probably too much information, but I recently watched a video that mentioned that one solution proposed in the 70s to promote lasting peace in the Middle East was adding more zinc to their diet.
Ah, I see Suzanne's work is endorsed by Dr. Laura. The same Dr. Laura who dispenses morality she doesn't follow.
Charming.
I see the Hypocrisy is stunning in all its glory this morning
For the Future leaders of this country...……….Ladies..... should NOT Stop Trying to Have Sex Like Men !
If they only existed out in the open when I was growing up....the fun we could have had.
Well, maybe they mean ladies should not emulate some of the ways men have sex...
" 90 percent of perpetrators of sexual violence against women are men"
Over 90 percent of rapes committed are perpetrated by men, so ladies, do not try to have sex like those men, it's illegal. Also, do not try and have sex like this man...
I find it rather hilarious that this kind of article is likely written by a Trump supporter but they still act as if they have some moral high ground.
Well.... That's not what it really says....But ….. Okay. What the hell. It's just a Blog.
I wonder why the seeder isn't here to defend this turd of an article.
Don't say turd! He'll write you a ticket and say it's dishonest. Oh, no, wait, that's just when I say it about the 'president'.
All views should be shown. Makes life fun.
It's pretty "Boring" reading one sided articles and seeds ...… all the time.
Too embarrassed, lol.
Actually, it's articles like that this that legitimizes the new type of misogyny out there, which are incels. These young men feel that they are entitled to have sex and force themselves on girls, because girls chose who they want to have sex with, and apparently it's not them often enough. What nerve!
Agreed, but I'm not sure that "incels" are as new as they're portrayed. I think they've been around for quite a while, and are just now coming out from under their rocks. I knew some guys back in college who expressed attitudes worryingly similar to those of today's incels.
I agree Sandy, but I think that the internet has taken those young men with those tendencies and has intensified them. It makes for a good breeding ground.
"breeding ground"
interesting choice of words....
Likely true. Before the internet, they were underground, and challenged when they popped their heads up. Now, they band together on their MRA pages and bully anyone who speaks against them.
They also incite violence and commit murder.
I did a little research after reading y'all's comments about incels. These men need to taken very seriously by law enforcement when they out themselves on social media for all of our sakes. Men, who have any rationality/sanity, know they are not entitled to have sex with any woman and certainly not one of their choosing.
Was this guy an incel?
Probably.
And then there was Elliott Rodgers of the Isla Vista massacre.
'In a letter he wrote from jail to a local television station earlier this month, Patterson said he planned to plead guilty to the charges and that he felt “huge amounts” of remorse.'
Scum. I imagine the remorse is that he got caught. Freaks like that - I don't have the words. They sicken me.
More on what incels have done and are doing.
Unfortunately, this mindset is not confined to incels. There are men who believe that they should be praised and worshipped just for existing because they are men. Are these guys born with narcissus personality disorder? If so, there is no cure to date. Are they psychopaths? Are they sociopaths? Regardless, they are definitely not relationship friendly and should be recognized as such by women because it is vital to her mental and physical health.
I just googled. He has a video on youtube describing his frustrations with "you girls".
How does anyone explain to the mentally ill that they are mentally ill .... or just plain creepy? Isn't the wisest thing to do (in today's society) is to avoid them when possible and try not to be on their "radar" and hope that they won't rape or kill you? Isn't it time that the mental health issues of these boys/men are taken seriously and meaningfully addressed instead of blaming women for catering to them?
Hell, we had one running for Congress from my state:
I have the words - mentally ill.
They sicken me, also, but more than that they frighten me because of the tendency of too many people who are trying to legally force girls/women to cater to these mentally ill men via our court systems that have a history of putting the victim on trial.
I remember a few comments online about how if some girl had just "taken one for the team", Rodger wouldn't have killed anyone.
So, we're either not supposed to have casual sex, or we're supposed to have sex we don't want with murdering misogynists.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
We have had men like this thoroughly entrenched throughout our legislative and judicial systems for forever and a day and still do.
That is why I have been so proud of the women who came forward via the #METOO Movement in order to object to this society's habit of putting the victim on trial if they can't silence them to begin with!!!!
Oh, and if you get pregnant taking one for the team then you KNEW that pregnancy was a possibility so you should have been celibate.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't. I don't do twitter, but that really should be a hashtag!
Why? He asks WHY? Because you were creepy as all fuck.
#METOO
Wow. I had to look him up after I watched that. He was one creepy, sick fuck.
One can get a date if one is not seriously creepy like that. Makes me wonder where he had been posting his videos as there were warning signs all over the place.
Yeah. I mean, it's not like the kid was physically repulsive. He was fairly good-looking, IMO. But he was a creep, and girls knew.
Instinct. It doesn't always work, but in some cases, the person is so mentally damaged that being in their presence is frightening - sometimes from a very young age. This is why I am reviewing the very real danger that we place ourselves and our children in by trying to be inclusive of the "shy" or "misunderstood" children and adults.
If our children's instinct is that they are uncomfortable around certain children, then we really need to be having conversations about why in order to help them avoid being harmed.
As adults, we need to learn to trust our own instincts and quit worrying about being judgmental about the people who make us feel uneasy or downright threatened. As women, being "nice" can easily lead to being abused or murdered.
There's a joke in there somewhere about strap-ons.....
Heehee - I was thinking of asking the seeder if he thinks too many women are using strap ons....
I was going to say something really nasty...but thought better of it.
But my fingers are getting itchy.....
Scratch away.....
You guys are naughty
Great - now I have a commercial running through my head:
Strap-on
Strap-off
Strap-on
Strap-off
THE STRAPPER
Well, shit.
Now I have that running through my head, too.
My parents are coming to visit for the weekend, and I really don't want to explain why I keep giggling.
Thanks a lot, Veronica!
That's the ticket! Blame Veronica!
(because she was trying to blame me)
People are walking by my office wondering why I have tears streaming down my face
Well Hell's Bells - I cannot control when my thoughts go awry....
Besides it's Trout's fault.
Nope - this is on you. You said strap-on...
Hey!
Well, I am just a "lady" - I wouldn't have thought of it without your strap-on comment. My mind dwells in dusting, washing, cooking and baby burping - none of those dirty thoughts.
But why did your thoughts have to go and take my thoughts along for the ride?
Dammit, Trout! I'm laughing so hard that the dog is barking at me.
We are soooooooo baddddddd
The devil made me do it....
Yea, my office mate thinks I have lost it. He did not find my jingle amusing at all.
I've the got the Church Giggles....I can't stop giggling even tho I need to.
Your office mate needs to lighten up...
Speaking of the Devil and Geraldine.
Usually he is better, not sure what twisted his manties.
EXACTLY... another thing that popped into my head...
Geraldine was my all time favorite. I really miss Flip and his Geraldine. Thank you for the reminder.
O--M--G! I will have a silly grin on my face all weekend because of you. I just hope someone doesn't ask me why because I will doubt that they will understand the humor.
Well gentlemen, if you would like to know why many women think we are oafs just scroll through these comments.
Pretty tough to argue with in my opinion.
Some people want to act like sex is no big deal, but then look at how much more seriously we take sex related crimes. Our more intense anger over those crimes is not limited to the most serious rape cases but goes all the way down to simply offensive language or a causal touch. We don't react like that to the full spectrum of any other type of crime.
There's also the way sex with a friend can ruin a friendship. Or sex with a coworker can ruin a professional situation.
I'm not suggesting - as some would have it - that women should be locked up in the home or something, maybe tied up sacks or whatever. I'm just suggesting that it is not realistic to just dismiss out of hand a concern for the psychological impact of casual sexual activity.
"Sex" crimes aren't even about sex....that's the difference. Someone putting their hands on another person without that person's permission is also not about sex
What do you mean by that? What is it about then?
Power.
Rape is about asserting power over someone else. That is why, on occasion, men are assaulted by other men who are not homosexual. It's not about sexual pleasure for the aggressor.
And we don't take sex crimes all that seriously. Oh, we say we do, but as a society, we don't. We blame the victim. We slap the perp's wrist.
Sure, but it's also about sex. Also, I did say I was talking about the full spectrum of sex crimes. There are many ways to exercise power over someone. There are many ways to commit violence against someone. But what we are talking about are acts with an obvious sexual component and that component is what makes it worse. So, it's therefore not consistent to claim that even voluntary sex might not have a substantial emotional impact on a person.
It's also about control
We don't? Other than murder, it's hard to think of a set of crimes with harsher punishments than those related to sex crimes, especially rape. Any crimes that can be shown to be committed with an attempt to rape, e.g.: burglary with intent to commit rape, kidnapping with intent to commit rape, etc., carry harsher penalties. Even for the whole spectrum, which includes relatively minor crimes, we have lifetime registration of sex offenders. Where is the lifetime registration for burglary, robbery, fraud, battery, etc.?
On the other hand, if our attitude is that it's silly to be concerned over the emotional impact of casual sex, then logically we shouldn't take sex crimes seriously.
You're conflating rape and consensual sex again. Defense attorneys use the same tactic when they victim-blame. "If she chooses to have sex with other men, what's the big deal if my client chooses to have sex with her?"
Do we take physical assault seriously? We should. Any time one is violent toward another, violates another's bodily autonomy, that should be taken seriously.
And quite a few headlines point to us NOT taking rape seriously.
They may seem to carry harsher penalties but there's been quite a few cases lately where the perp nearly got off scott-free
It's about control
No, I'm not. I'm saying both have a significant emotional impact in our lives. Do you really dispute that?
An individual headline can be isolated. The legal penalties for rape are severe. I know of a person serving 37 years to life for attempted rape. He didn't even get to the sex part.
You're talking about individual cases that make headlines. When a burglar or drug dealer "gets off" does it make headlines? No. Why? Because sex crimes matter more to people. The sex component creates a unique emotional impact.
One HUGE difference. Close to 100 percent of murders are reported and investigated. Only 25 percent of rapes are reported. Of the 25 percent, very few are prosecuted. Of the prosecuted, very few are convicted and serve even one day in prison.
Want more facts, then research it and educate yourself about rape.
Learning the difference between consensual sex and rape would definitely be beneficial for everyone who is confused about this issue.
Consensual sex may, or may not. It has been stated that men are not emotionally impacted by sex. Should we therefore have lesser penalties for raping a man or boy?
You know of a person serving 37 years. Judges in my area are notorious for leaving child molesters out in public until they've been convicted several times. And whether he got to the sex part, he violated his victim's person.
I will cite some known emotional impacts of rape.
I don't know how consensual sex would cause these types of emotional distress unless it was with a narcissistic and only then if a person got emotionally involved with them. As long as the relationship never progresses past casual, the narcissist will often jump through hoops to please their intended victim.
I heard about a man raping a 14 year old girl and the judge essentially let him off because he only raped one girl. What the fuck???????
There's also the way sex with a friend can ruin a friendship. Or sex with a coworker can ruin a professional situation.
I'm not suggesting - as some would have it - that women should be locked up in the home or something, maybe tied up sacks or whatever. I'm just suggesting that it is not realistic to just dismiss out of hand a concern for the psychological impact of casual sexual activity.
Do men suffer from these psychological impacts of casual sexual activity?
I hear they do but that it's to a lesser extent than it effects women. I'm not an expert, though, and I am not making a scientific claim. My mind however, is open to the idea. For some, it seems that political ideology closes their mind to the possibility that casual sex might not be healthy for some people and they think that their own personal experience defines what everyone else should feel.
Then maybe people should learn that we are not all the same. One size does not fit all
Some people have allergic reactions to peanuts: should ALL people stop eating peanuts?
I think that's very true.
I worked for a short time at a school for students with peanut allergies. Even staff eating nowhere near students couldn't have peanut butter in their lunches. You literally couldn't bring a peanut product onto campus. So, to answer your question: Maybe?
Anyway, did I say all people should stop having casual sex?
Not at all. I just support the idea that the possible emotional impact is something we should be talking about and educating young people about. Is that so scary?
But if you read the article it is saying "women", not some women.
This blurb about the author is stating that women cannot be happy until they find "lasting love" with men. Do you believe that? Maybe we shroud start teaching our young people that OTHER people cannot MAKE you happy. If you are not happy another person is not going to make you happy. You need to be happy to begin with and other people add to your happiness.
I am a feminist - found my husband many moons ago & we have built a "happy" life together. However, if I had not been happy to begin with nothing he could do would make me "happy".
I actually think that's a good idea. Young people really should wait to have sex and we should talk to them about it.
That is what sex ed in schools may leave out....relationships. For many there is more to sex than just the mechanics!
The men, who just want a mom replacement, domestic slave, sex object and/or incubator for their sperm, do not care about women period. That is why they don't have relationships or relationships that last.
Those men are looking for a subservient, not an equal, not a partner. This is why women, who are seeking equal partnerships, are repulsed by them.
I guess since I talked to my kids at young ages about sex, condoms, STDs, emotions, and relationships I believe others do as well. Where will these conversations happen? And who will be doing the talking? This is a major problem in this country. Do you really want someone like Sarah Palin teaching your children about sex and relationships? This is just my opinion.
I'm the anti-Sarah Palin. I did talk to my kids about sex and at 57 years old, I'm still not a grandmother. Both kids are married, have great careers and great spouses.
Nobody brought home a pregnant girlfriend or a bun in the oven. I think I did my job well
I get that. Gotta teach our young women from falling into those traps & get them to stop believing in fairy tales the way Disney shows them. Read them the real fairy tales. There is no Prince Charming to save you. No white horse to ride away on. No happily ever after. Relationships are hard work and you have to work on them every day.
That you did.
Both of mine are unmarried and planning on staying that way. Neither have children - neither of them like children. I talked & talked & talked about it to them. I told them relationships were hard work & to be in one as long as me & hubby - you work at it daily.
Pretty sure I didn't say anything like that and it has really nothing to do with what I posted. I'm not arguing against the rest of your comment. It's just not what I was talking about.
I think for a long time, the mechanics of reproduction and the prevention of disease were the primary goals of sex education. However, in more recent times, I think that has expanded to include educating students about the different types of relationships people can have (e.g. homosexual) and the various transgender issues they can face.
I think it would be smart to expand into the emotional impact of sexual relationships, especially considering some of the more extreme reactions we see. I think maybe it's a thing that we have avoided in the schools because people see it as a cultural or religious issue, but I think it's a psychological issue.
What do you think working as a prostitute would do to a woman as far as emotional impact?
If it harms a woman to have consensual sex with a man that she desire sexually, then how much worse would it be for a woman to have sex just for money?
I wish I had waited a little longer.
In the Ojibwe nations there are what is called ''mides''....The are members of the Midewiwin Society also know as the ''Grand Medicine Society''....This society is well over 1,000 years old. To become a mide it takes around 20 years to reach the highest level. One must know all of the natural healing herbs and they work on the premise that one much heal the soul and mind as well as the body. They are healers, teachers, keepers of the Sacred Scrolls of the Ojibwe (our history for over a thousand years)....The reason I'm bringing this up on this article is the the mide are not all men. For hundreds of years women as well as men have become midewiwin. It's a way of life that they never leave. Many of us have our own mide that we consult with from time to time. My mide is a woman and has been my mide for well over 30 years.
I believe that if you look at different cultures you'll see many are vastly different than what this article represents.
Indeed. The Cherokee are a Matriarchal Tribe. Women are treated as equals, and own all property of the family. If a married woman decides to divorce her Husband she simply sets his personal belongings outside of the home and that is it. They are no longer married. There is no contest to the divorce allowed by the Husband.
However, in spite of the women being treated equal to men, even being allowed to sit on the Council, the majority of women do not normally do so leaving that to the men. Becoming a War Woman who also fights alongside the men in battle is also allowed, and War Women are entitled to the same merits as men.
Yet, women are also expected to be good Wives to their mates and good Mothers to their children. While divorce is allowed and easily done, it is rare. Most couples are devoted to each other and their family.
So as Kavika says, different cultures can be very different from the kind of life-style the article tries to represent.
I forgot to add that the mide is considered a very special person among the Ojibwe. They are revered and looked up to as role models. They have more power than a chief within the tribe as do grandmothers...No one in their right mind argues or crosses a grandmother...and that is probably true in many different cultures..
Indeed! One would have better luck crossing the Devil himself! (big grin)
This article is worthless but the comment thread...priceless !
Agree! Haven't enjoyed a comment thread like this one here in a long time. (grin)