I have questions!
I have questions!
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine itand then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!)
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!
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This was emailed to me by my brother.
Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
LOL
Good one!
Great article!
Why doesn't "Auto Correct" know what I mean ?
Why do people "Text" me to "Call" them ?
Too true.
Just ask my 24 year olds... they text you and won't pick up the phone. At least the other way, you get a person.
LOL.
I even find myself texting to say I need to call you.
BTW, I hate phones, b ut sometimes, you just got to do what you got to do.
And then not answer their phone when I do. That's what my wife does. Then, I find that, when she's at the store, her phone is sitting on her desk. If you're not going to take it with you, why have a cell phone?
Exactly !
Then they text you again with some 2 paragraph narrative on why they didn't answer.
Too funny.
Julia struggles with that letter. When and when not to use it. About 95% wrong and I have the most difficult time correcting her. I love her mistakes...but I am torn that she must learn to help her career once she is here permanently.
Ha...I do that all the time.
Me too!
Great fun, Buzz!
Thank you.
Why do light switches have ON and OFF? If the light is on, you know it. If the light is off, the room is too dark to read the switch anyway.
What is up with Grape Nuts cereal? It is not made from grapes or nuts.
LOL The light switch. LOL
The credit for that one goes to George Carlin.
why do I have the right to remain silent, but not the ability?
Why do feet smell and noses run?
LOL
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
LOL, because they look too cute with their mouth open.
Why is there no butthole flavored cat food?
Have you smelled certain wet food for cats. They already smell like ass.
I have three cats...yea, some of it is flat out nasty.
I have 3 also.
I'm wondering why there is no mouse flavored cat food. Ever notice that all the pet food companies say that they are Beef Flavor or Tuna Flavor. I'd like to meet their quality control guy. The company must pay him a bundle for a job like that. Not at all like being a beer taster.
I have actually had that job, no kidding. When I worked for Miller Brewing Co.
Trust me, it's not the wonderful job people think it is.
Considering where you live, I think you may have gotten lucky. After all, it could have been Olympia. Miller is nectar from the beer gods compared to that stuff. When I was stationed in Long Beach, we had two choices, Olympia or Coors. Coors wasn't too bad but Olympia should have been poured back into the horse they got it out of. After a couple of years, I decided that Jack Daniels was better than any of them and, if you watched your dosages, it didn't make you sick.
That's where I worked, actually.
I hope you unlimited potty breaks because you never buy beer, you only rent it.
Can you cry under water?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date next year?
What is the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Dear Brother Buzz: Off topic, but may be of interest to you.
Three generations of our family went to Highland Park for the annual Lilac Festival yesterday.
In addition to every kind of Lilac, they have trees, bushes, flowers and plants from all over the planet there.
Pride of the County.
One tree is from Western China. A Paperbark Tree.
Now on to your theme.
Last week I went over a friend's house. I self levitated.
Then I got on the phone. My body weight broke it.
P&AB.
Enoch.
You mean people still use land lines there?
Are cell phones for prisoners? Can you drive a mobile phone?
Well if a quiz can be quizzical, what does that make a test?
Giggity
Noticed one of those, "questions" today...
Had to swing by the bank to drop off a check at the ATM. Then I noticed it...
Why is there brail on the console of a DRIVE up ATM?