I have questions!

  
By:  buzz-of-the-orient  •  3 weeks ago  •  42 comments

I have questions!

I have questions!

 
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? 

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

 Why do croutons come in airtight packages?   Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine itand then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? 

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

And A FAVORITE:
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.   
If they're OK..? (then it's you!)

REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!

And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!

Tags

jrDiscussion - desc
Find text within the comments Find 
 
Buzz of the Orient
1  author  Buzz of the Orient    3 weeks ago

This was emailed to me by my brother.

 
 
 
Greg Jones
1.1  Greg Jones  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @1    3 weeks ago

Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?

 
 
 
dave-2693993
1.1.1  dave-2693993  replied to  Greg Jones @1.1    3 weeks ago

LOL

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
1.1.2  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Greg Jones @1.1    3 weeks ago

Good one!

 
 
 
Jasper2529
2  Jasper2529    3 weeks ago

Great article! 

 
 
 
It Is ME
3  It Is ME    3 weeks ago

Why doesn't "Auto Correct" know what I mean ? jrSmiley_89_smiley_image.gif

Why do people "Text" me to "Call" them ? jrSmiley_88_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
dave-2693993
3.1  dave-2693993  replied to  It Is ME @3    3 weeks ago

Too true.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
3.1.1  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  dave-2693993 @3.1    3 weeks ago

Just ask my 24 year olds... they text you and won't pick up the phone. At least the other way, you get a person.

 
 
 
dave-2693993
3.1.2  dave-2693993  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @3.1.1    3 weeks ago

LOL.

I even find myself texting to say I need to call you.

BTW, I hate phones, b ut sometimes, you just got to do what you got to do.

 
 
 
TTGA
3.2  TTGA  replied to  It Is ME @3    3 weeks ago
Why do people "Text" me to "Call" them ?

And then not answer their phone when I do.  That's what my wife does.  Then, I find that, when she's at the store, her phone is sitting on her desk.  If you're not going to take it with you, why have a cell phone?

 
 
 
It Is ME
3.2.1  It Is ME  replied to  TTGA @3.2    3 weeks ago
And then not answer their phone when I do. 

Exactly ! jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

Then they text you again with some 2 paragraph narrative on why they didn't answer. jrSmiley_98_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
dave-2693993
4  dave-2693993    3 weeks ago
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

Too funny.

Julia struggles with that letter. When and when not to use it. About 95% wrong and I have the most difficult time correcting her. I love her mistakes...but I am torn that she must learn to help her career once she is here permanently.

 
 
 
Sunshine
5  Sunshine    3 weeks ago
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Ha...I do that all the time.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
5.1  Perrie Halpern R.A.  replied to  Sunshine @5    3 weeks ago

Me too!

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
6  Bob Nelson    3 weeks ago

Great fun, Buzz!

Thank you.

 
 
 
Goodtime Charlie
7  Goodtime Charlie    3 weeks ago

The most popular pencil is the number two, why isn't it number one?.

How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's not healthy?

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
8  Paula Bartholomew    3 weeks ago

Why do light switches have ON and OFF?  If the light is on, you know it.  If the light is off, the room is too dark to read the switch anyway.

What is up with Grape Nuts cereal?  It is not made from grapes or nuts.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
8.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @8    3 weeks ago

LOL   The light switch. LOL

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
8.1.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @8.1    3 weeks ago

The credit for that one goes to George Carlin.

 
 
 
The Magic Eight Ball
9  The Magic Eight Ball    3 weeks ago

why do I have the right to remain silent, but not the ability?

jrSmiley_100_smiley_image.jpg

 
 
 
MrFrost
10  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Why do feet smell and noses run? 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
10.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  MrFrost @10    3 weeks ago

LOL

 
 
 
MrFrost
11  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 
 
 
dave-2693993
11.1  dave-2693993  replied to  MrFrost @11    3 weeks ago

LOL, because they look too cute with their mouth open.

 
 
 
MrFrost
12  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Why is there no butthole flavored cat food? 

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
12.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  MrFrost @12    3 weeks ago

Have you smelled certain wet food for cats.  They already smell like ass.

 
 
 
MrFrost
12.1.1  MrFrost  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @12.1    3 weeks ago
Have you smelled certain wet food for cats.  They already smell like ass.

I have three cats...yea, some of it is flat out nasty. 

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
12.1.2  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  MrFrost @12.1.1    3 weeks ago

I have 3 also.

 
 
 
TTGA
12.2  TTGA  replied to  MrFrost @12    3 weeks ago
Why is there no butthole flavored cat food? 

I'm wondering why there is no mouse flavored cat food.  Ever notice that all the pet food companies say that they are Beef Flavor or Tuna Flavor.  I'd like to meet their quality control guy.  The company must pay him a bundle for a job like that.  Not at all like being a beer taster.

 
 
 
MrFrost
12.2.1  MrFrost  replied to  TTGA @12.2    3 weeks ago
Not at all like being a beer taster.

I have actually had that job, no kidding. When I worked for Miller Brewing Co.

Trust me, it's not the wonderful job people think it is. 

 
 
 
TTGA
12.2.2  TTGA  replied to  MrFrost @12.2.1    3 weeks ago
it's not the wonderful job people think it is.

Considering where you live, I think you may have gotten lucky.  After all, it could have been Olympia.  Miller is nectar from the beer gods compared to that stuff.  When I was stationed in Long Beach, we had two choices, Olympia or Coors.  Coors wasn't too bad but Olympia should have been poured back into the horse they got it out of.  After a couple of years, I decided that Jack Daniels was better than any of them and, if you watched your dosages, it didn't make you sick.

 
 
 
MrFrost
12.2.3  MrFrost  replied to  TTGA @12.2.2    3 weeks ago
Considering where you live, I think you may have gotten lucky.  After all, it could have been Olympia.  Miller is nectar from the beer gods compared to that stuff. 

That's where I worked, actually. 

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
12.2.4  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  MrFrost @12.2.1    3 weeks ago

I hope you unlimited potty breaks because you never buy beer, you only rent it.

 
 
 
MrFrost
13  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Can you cry under water?

 
 
 
MrFrost
14  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

 
 
 
MrFrost
15  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Why does mineral water that has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date next year?

 
 
 
Sunshine
16  Sunshine    3 weeks ago

What is the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

 
 
 
Enoch
17  Enoch    3 weeks ago

Dear Brother Buzz: Off topic, but may be of interest to you.

Three generations of our family went to Highland Park for the annual Lilac Festival yesterday.

In addition to every kind of Lilac, they have trees, bushes, flowers and plants from all over the planet there.

Pride of the County.

One tree is from Western China. A Paperbark Tree. 

Now on to your theme.

Last week I went over a friend's house. I self levitated. 

Then I got on the phone. My body weight broke it.

P&AB.

Enoch.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
17.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Enoch @17    3 weeks ago

You mean people still use land lines there?

Are cell phones for prisoners?  Can you drive a mobile phone?

 
 
 
luther28
18  luther28    3 weeks ago

Well if a quiz can be quizzical, what does that make a test?

 
 
 
MrFrost
18.1  MrFrost  replied to  luther28 @18    3 weeks ago

Giggity

 
 
 
MrFrost
19  MrFrost    3 weeks ago

Noticed one of those, "questions" today...

Had to swing by the bank to drop off a check at the ATM. Then I noticed it...

Why is there brail on the console of a DRIVE up ATM? 

 
 
Loading...
Loading...

Who is online

Don Overton
epistte
XXJefferson#51
Dulay


51 visitors