Am I too sensitive?

  
By:  kathleen  •  3 weeks ago  •  70 comments

Am I too sensitive?

I have a question to ask and please be honest. If I am Wrong say so..

I just moved into my house a week ago.  I have boxes all over and things all over the place.  My sister in law wanted to come over with her boyfriend and 2 other people to see the house inside and out.  I was really not ready to have anyone over yet. Her by herself would have been okay, I just did not want anyone over yet.  My husband called and said they want to see it.  So they came over, I was not happy, but I put a welcome smile on my face.  I think my sister in law knew that I would not be too happy, but she forced her way over anyway. 

I am a little mad.

Was I wrong for feeling this way?

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Kathleen
1  author  Kathleen    3 weeks ago

Let me know if I am wrong.

Thanks...

 
 
 
WallyW
1.1  WallyW  replied to  Kathleen @1    3 weeks ago

No,  you're not wrong. Some people can be pushy, especially in-laws.

Next time set limits and boundaries. And that includes your husband.

 
 
 
pat wilson
1.1.1  pat wilson  replied to  WallyW @1.1    3 weeks ago

I agree with Wally.

Just don't hold onto any negativity, not worth it.

 
 
 
Kathleen
1.1.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  WallyW @1.1    3 weeks ago

They are.. my family was not like that.

 
 
 
Kathleen
1.1.3  author  Kathleen  replied to  pat wilson @1.1.1    3 weeks ago

I will try not to..

 
 
 
Freedom Warrior
1.2  Freedom Warrior  replied to  Kathleen @1    3 weeks ago

Not wrong - They're in-laws they are supposed to be jackasses.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."
 
 
 
Kathleen
1.2.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Freedom Warrior @1.2    3 weeks ago

jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png  I like that.

 
 
 
XXJefferson#51
1.3  XXJefferson#51  replied to  Kathleen @1    3 weeks ago

No you are not wrong in any way.  I remember moving into my house in 1996 and wouldn’t have felt comfortable with any guests besides those assisting in the move until the house was readyfor guests according to my standards....  

 
 
 
Kathleen
1.3.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  XXJefferson#51 @1.3    3 weeks ago

Thank you for responding XX

 
 
 
lib50
1.4  lib50  replied to  Kathleen @1    3 weeks ago

No you are not wrong, and that was disrespectful of them. 

So how are you settling in?  We close escrow at the end of the month and are moving to something completely different in a state I've never lived in.  Difference is I won't know anybody to come barging in.  It takes me a while to unpack and settle (some people do it in a day, don't know how!) and I would not want visitors in the middle of it. 

 
 
 
Kathleen
1.4.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  lib50 @1.4    3 weeks ago

You are getting near the end, that is really good. I hope everything goes smooth for you!

Doing okay, it’s just a big adjustment and I downsized. So it makes it harder to decide what to do with some things. : )

 
 
 
lib50
1.4.2  lib50  replied to  Kathleen @1.4.1    3 weeks ago

This move is turning out to be different than we originally thought, but I'm taking the leap.  Its more remote but has beautiful views.  If the weather permits!   I may be so relaxed nobody recognizes me here.  I hope your settling in goes smoothly and you get peace during the unpacking stage. 

 
 
 
Kathleen
1.4.3  author  Kathleen  replied to  lib50 @1.4.2    3 weeks ago

That’s okay.. you will have a new beginning. Sometimes you need a change of scenery. : )

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
1.5  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Kathleen @1    3 weeks ago

No, but, you should have called you Sister-In-Law and explained why you needed the extra time to get settled. As well as explained it in detail to your husband. A marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

45 years and counting!

 
 
 
MUVA
1.5.1  MUVA  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @1.5    3 weeks ago

Would you please tell my wife that 32 year of oppression and counting.jrSmiley_91_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
dave-2693993
2  dave-2693993    3 weeks ago

JMO, sometimes folks are on your side, sometimes not and sometimes indifferent with a lot of grey area in between.

Again, jmo, put the important things in higher priority, put the less important things lower down.

BTW, good to see you back.

 
 
 
Kathleen
2.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  dave-2693993 @2    3 weeks ago

Thank you... I know... : )

 
 
 
JBB
3  JBB    3 weeks ago

I am, kind of, with you on this but it is his home too. If it was just his sister...

Moving is an exhausting emotional experience. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

 
 
 
Kathleen
3.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  JBB @3    3 weeks ago

It is, it’s been 6 months since the beginning of all this. I think I am drained.

 
 
 
lib50
3.1.1  lib50  replied to  Kathleen @3.1    3 weeks ago

I hear ya, sister.  Been in a state of chaos since the beginning of the year,  I know you have to be drained, it takes a toll.  Make sure you take time to relax and breathe and try to start life in the new place relaxed (as possible).   Moving is a major life event.

 
 
 
Kathleen
3.1.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  lib50 @3.1.1    3 weeks ago

Thank you lib... : )

 
 
 
JBB
3.1.3  JBB  replied to  Kathleen @3.1    3 weeks ago

Hang in there. It gets better. I moved across country from Oklahoma to NY starting two and a half years ago downsizing all the way. It took a year and a half to finally get everything done. There were so many details to keep organized. Everything from changes of address to new doctors etc was trying. It has taken a year to feel rested again. What I have no regrets about is shedding 60-70% of my stuff. I don't miss any of it. There are still ten crates of nice things like silver, china, crystal, table cloths, knick knacks, art etc that I moved but will probably never use that I need to get rid of but cannot, yet. I cannot imagine using all that stuff again but we all sometimes  imagine ourselves doing things we probably never will...

 
 
 
Kathleen
3.1.4  author  Kathleen  replied to  JBB @3.1.3    3 weeks ago

Thank you, you sound just like me. I have so much china, crystal and so many other decorations.  I had to give away some furniture, just did not have the room.  It's so hard to part with it. When my mom and sister passed, I had their things too.

It was a relief to get rid of the stuff you don't want and use though.

 
 
 
charger 383
4  charger 383    3 weeks ago

They were probably being nosey

Asking them to help move things might have made you feel better about the early visit

 
 
 
Raven Wing
4.1  Raven Wing  replied to  charger 383 @4    3 weeks ago
Asking them to help move things might have made you feel better about the early visit

Agree. Either they would have happily pitched in to help or cut their visit short. Either way, it would have worked out best for Kathleen. 

As for continuing to be angry......by the time Kathleen finishes unloading all the boxes and re-arranging everything she will have no time or energy to spend on being angry over such insensitive people. 

Kathleen, just be happy and enjoy your new home.  Your life is what you make it. (smile)

 
 
 
Kathleen
4.1.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Raven Wing @4.1    3 weeks ago

Thanks Raven,  don’t think I want to do this again.

 
 
 
Dulay
4.1.2  Dulay  replied to  Raven Wing @4.1    3 weeks ago
Either they would have happily pitched in to help or cut their visit short.

Yep. Hand them a roll of shelf paper and scissors and get them started with the kitchen cabinets. 

Kathleen, it sounds like you need a spa day on your sister in laws dime...

 
 
 
lib50
4.2  lib50  replied to  charger 383 @4    3 weeks ago

Great idea actually, put them to work! 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
4.2.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  lib50 @4.2    3 weeks ago

Absolutely put them to work.  In fact warn them when they call and tell them "I'm so happy you called to help. There are a lot of heavy boxes and furniture to move around, floor and window cleaning, silver to polish, grass to cut, and I really appreciate your wanting to come over and help me with all those things. Make sure you're wearing clothes you don't mind getting dirty, and can you come soon because it's pretty messy now - all of this is just too much for me. "  If they say, well we just wanted to come for a minute to see, then you need to get up the nerve to say "I would rather you waited until the place was not such a mess, and without your help it will take me a while to get the place cleaned up and organized."  i.e. make them feel guilty!!!

 
 
 
Kathleen
4.3  author  Kathleen  replied to  charger 383 @4    3 weeks ago

Nosy, yes. 

 
 
 
Sparty On
4.4  Sparty On  replied to  charger 383 @4    3 weeks ago
Asking them to help move things might have made you feel better about the early visit

Great idea and a good way to get them to beg off and not come over.    If they are willing to help, their intentions are likely sincere on wanting to come over.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
5  Perrie Halpern R.A.    3 weeks ago

No, you were not wrong and they were being rude. 

You should have said, "Hey now that you are over, wanna help move a few things and unpack?

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
5.1  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @5    3 weeks ago
wanna help move a few things and unpack?

You beat me to it!

 
 
 
MUVA
5.1.1  MUVA  replied to  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom @5.1    3 weeks ago

Turn it into a unpacking party.

 
 
 
Kathleen
5.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @5    3 weeks ago

I should have done that!

I could have used some help.

 
 
 
Sunshine
6  Sunshine    3 weeks ago

I wouldn't care, but I would want my husband to understand if I did. Moving is exhausting and if you are not ready for guest they should respect that and come when invited.

Maybe just your sister-in-law like you said but others should wait.

 
 
 
Kathleen
6.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  Sunshine @6    3 weeks ago

That’s what I thought, I did not like the 3 others over.

One of the bedrooms I shut the door and said it’s a little messy ( my daughters room, we are getting her a bedroom set) I said she did not want anyone in it yet. They opened it anyway.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
6.1.1  sandy-2021492  replied to  Kathleen @6.1    3 weeks ago

Now that is just extremely rude.  Bedrooms and bathrooms are private, IMO.  I don't like people nosing around in mine, even if it's in order.  I have a powder room for guests, so they don't need to use my bathroom, and there is no reason for anyone to be in my bedroom unless invited.

 
 
 
Kathleen
6.1.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  sandy-2021492 @6.1.1    3 weeks ago

Yeah, my daughter was not happy either.  

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
6.1.3  sandy-2021492  replied to  Kathleen @6.1.2    3 weeks ago

I don't blame her.  They were expressly asked to stay out of her private space, and they disobeyed.

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
7  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh    3 weeks ago

I wept uncontrollably when i read this story. It reminded me of mean old Aunt Hagness who yelled at me for ringing her doorbell. She answered and said, "I'm unpacking you jerk off, come back later!"

Then i ran home and got hit by a car. That's why one of my legs is gimped now permanently. She did it, i just wanted to see her new house, plus she had huge boobs and a glass eye.

 
 
 
CB
7.1  CB   replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @7    3 weeks ago

You're a mess! HA!

 
 
 
JBB
7.2  JBB  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @7    3 weeks ago

[Deleted]

 
 
 
Kathleen
7.3  author  Kathleen  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @7    3 weeks ago

jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png.....

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
7.3.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Kathleen @7.3    3 weeks ago

I knew you'd appreciate that...lol

 
 
 
Kathleen
7.3.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @7.3.1    3 weeks ago

I did..  : )

 
 
 
Sparty On
7.4  Sparty On  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @7    3 weeks ago

Fish have legs?

Did you just crawl out of some primordial ooze?

 
 
 
CB
8  CB     3 weeks ago
I put a welcome smile on my face.

Consider it this way: 'hubby' had his reasons for wanting it to happen. Maybe it is a timing issue with this 'party'?

You did good with your 'welcome smile.' Leave 'em guessing if you were cross inside!

Now that it is over and done with >> back to business!  Those boxes better not be down and around another month from now! (Smile.)

One more thing: never trust strangers and family friends with your 'intimate' or personal possessions, because if something is damaged or taken. Resentment builds.

 
 
 
Kathleen
8.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  CB @8    3 weeks ago

Okay.... I will try.. : )

 
 
 
Freefaller
9  Freefaller    3 weeks ago

Yes you are too sensitive

Ya shoulda happily welcomed all of them over, greeted them at the door with a box to be unpacked for each and set them to work either till they left or all boxes were unpacked, either way it's a win-win

BTW holding on to anger is both useless and stupid (and a bunch of other negative adjectives)

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
9.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Freefaller @9    3 weeks ago

They should have got gift bags too.

 
 
 
Freefaller
9.1.1  Freefaller  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @9.1    3 weeks ago
They should have got gift bags too.

Hmmmm nah.  It's enough of a gift for them to be able to unpack my toilet brushes or dirty old socks 

 
 
 
Kathleen
9.1.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Freefaller @9.1.1    3 weeks ago

jrSmiley_2_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Kathleen
9.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Freefaller @9    3 weeks ago

I should have put them to work!

 
 
 
GregTx
10  GregTx    3 weeks ago

Don't second guess yourself Kathleen, just be you.

 
 
 
Kathleen
10.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  GregTx @10    3 weeks ago

Thank you Greg, you are so right...

 
 
 
Ender
11  Ender    3 weeks ago

I always end up having to help people move so I end up seeing the place anyway.

Not kidding either. Every frickin time.

As far as my own house, I wouldn't care. Bring me a bottle of wine and/or a twelve pack of Corona and I would be good.

 
 
 
Sunshine
11.1  Sunshine  replied to  Ender @11    3 weeks ago

And pizza!

 
 
 
Kathleen
11.2  author  Kathleen  replied to  Ender @11    3 weeks ago

That’s nice that you help..

 
 
 
Kathleen
12  author  Kathleen    3 weeks ago

Thank you everyone, I appreciate the input and some made me laugh.

I guess I have always been sort of a private person and I would always tell people to let me know when you are ready for me to come by.  I guess some are not that way.

 
 
 
lib50
12.1  lib50  replied to  Kathleen @12    3 weeks ago

Subtlety doesn't work with some people, and you have to be direct.  Even then there are those that don't get it.  

 
 
 
Kathleen
12.1.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  lib50 @12.1    3 weeks ago

I have learned my lesson on this one.  I have to have a talk with some people.

 
 
 
CB
12.1.2  CB   replied to  Kathleen @12.1.1    3 weeks ago

And Kathleen, never ever let them see you sweat ('em), gurl.

'Check' hubby if you feel you must ahead of "the next time" comes (like housewarming; tell him that's your domain, thank you very much!)

Now you have all the good coping skills we can muster. Okay! Now, where are you establishing your private buboir?

 
 
 
Kathleen
12.1.3  author  Kathleen  replied to  CB @12.1.2    2 weeks ago

: )

 
 
 
livefreeordie
13  livefreeordie    3 weeks ago

No, you aren’t wrong.  By definition guests are invited. They should have been understanding and patient until such time as you were ready to invite them over.

 
 
 
CB
13.1  CB   replied to  livefreeordie @13    3 weeks ago
My husband called and said they want to see it. So they came over. . . .

'Mister' used one of his favors. . . .

 
 
 
TᵢG
14  TᵢG    3 weeks ago
Was I wrong for feeling this way?

Not sure this is a question of right vs. wrong.   You have your standards and they were compromised.

That said, I suspect anyone seeing a house after a couple just moved expect to see things in a mess and would not take that as a reflection of your standards.  

 
 
 
luther28
15  luther28    3 weeks ago

Am I too sensitive?

No not at all.

Everyone is different and some of us require a bit of settling in time going into a new home prior to having visitors of any sort. It was a simple request and should have been honored, the fault is theirs not yours.

What time should I be there for supper:)

 
 
 
GaJenn78
16  GaJenn78    2 weeks ago

Glad to see you back Kath!!!! :-)

NO, you are not wrong in your feelings! I would have felt the same way. My family wanted to come see our new house when we bought it 14 yrs ago. My momma loves it, my step father picked it apart telling me things that needed to be repaired and what isn't/wasn't up to code (it passed inspection), my step sister asked what the mortgage payment was (rude) and when I ballparked it, she said "Oh, my husband would kill me!". For what????? I knew at the closing table what our payment was. They proceeded to go through room by room telling me everything that was wrong...."oh, these rooms are too small", "closet shouldn't be placed there", "what are your plans for the extra living space downstairs? Carpet down there is a bad decision." My momma though was happy as can be for us, even came over a few weeks later to help me paint and decorate the girls rooms.

Seriously, WTH is wrong with people???  Nosey? Jealousy? IDK

 
 
 
Kathleen
16.1  author  Kathleen  replied to  GaJenn78 @16    2 weeks ago

Hey there! Nice to see you too!

I would be at my boiling point if they did that.  The important thing is that you like it and that is all that matters.

Yep! All the above. : )

 
 
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