Melania's Riveting Speech Set The Tone for the RNC CONVENTION
CAUTION: As with all "Classified Reports" from Eat the Press - Do Not Wipe Your Bun With It , this Masterpeice Special Presentation has not been RATED!
Proceed at your own risk! If you are offended by words, but, not deeds, you may want to slither over to one of those "GOD ELECTED TRUMP PRESIDENT" sites designed exclusively for easily led Marooons!
And, Now, "Live" from the basement of the Washington Monument Another Classless POS:
TAKE-AWAYS FROM THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION
Melania struck a "live chord" with her young, mostly female audience during her "riveting story of how she over came a flat chest, skinny legs and a crummy Communist background to claw her way to the top of the European PORN INDUSTRY.
What many people, especially "Westerners" do not understand, is that the PORN INDUSTRY in Europe is a ruthless business control by the Russian Mafia. It is highly competitive, and, not easy to ascend to the highest ranks without persistent, ambition, dedication, and a devious plan that often requires "ruthlessness," not "toothlessness!"
"Dat is a No-No," Melanoma explained to her audience of young girls eager to follow in her stilettoes.
"It is NOT who you know. It is who you BL**," she said revealing her trade mark secret!
I did not claw my way to the top on my back, I did it the smart way...on me knees. That is why I have good plosture to this day, and great white teeth.
"Plastic Surgery is our friend. Get it early and often. Sometimes, Nature needs an assist, as I learned on me all girls Volley Ball team. I wasn't born this beautiful. I had to work at it.
"Remember, no matter how Slavic, Big Nosed, Farm-Hand look you inherited from your dirt poor parent, somewhere in your village or town is a lonely, old semi-rich, nearly senile man who will find a way to pay for your plastic surgeries, even if it means, 'deep sixing his spouse'.
Even in Communist Block countries, your benifactor can qualify for a "Tax Right-Off."
Melania's speech was frequently interrupted by shouts from the audience of "SHOW US YOUR T*TS!
"Show us your t*ts, or we will have you LOCKED UP!"
It goes without saying that these voracious cheers EMERGED from the roughty, excited men's section of the Evangelicals for Jerry Falwell, Jr. delegation ,and, does not represent all Evangelical men in attendance.
Melania, then, surprised her audience when she brought out Jerry Falwell, Jr., the recently resigned tintular head of the now disgraced, "Jerry, Junior, Fall-Well, Fake Christian University & Stairway To Hell Institute of Shame," with this tintiliziling intro:
"AND, now ladies and bums, it is my ex-sweeze-it honor to introduce my next husband, JERRY FALWELL, JR.!
"Come on out, Jerry...you can VATCH me anytime. But, don't touch! Bring your vife . I am a Switch Hitter, too!"
It was an obvious, crass, cheap appeal to the LBGTQ community not in attendence.
This report, like many of our other slimy, smut covered, pieces of pure disgusting lies was written by our Washington, D.C. reporter, Steve Bunions, currently incarcerated in the NYC jail.
In strict accordance with our Journalistic Code: " The Public's Right To Know Every Damn Thing About Every Damn Person, Right This Damn Minute; Superseced our Right To Tell The Truth. So, we don't! We just make SHAT UP.
Send compliments, and, or, MONEY to Eat The Press-Don't Read It! Don't Read Anything, Ignorance Is Bliss % Mildew, Ohio, where there are no jobs, not even Blo* Jobs!
Complaints should be sent to CB, who can read. We can't.
Tags
Who is online
545 visitors
As "Urinalists," not straight-laced journalists, we DISTORT the NEWS in the tradition of Fake Fox News. You Decide - We Deride!
As priceless as it is tasteless! Kudos.....
Anything to say about her parents chain migration?
Unfortunately, Steve Bunions, our Washington D.C., "much clubbed" Reporter, is unable to respond to you post. He is taking a "hiatus" in the slammer for numerous crimes he committed with and without the Trump campaign.
Trump "ONLY HIRES the CRUMBEST!"
The slimy unwashed walking wrinkled suit made bail.
I see the potential for a new collector series of urinal cakes.......
You could make a FORTUNE with your urinal cakes idea. $$$$$$$$$S$
Quite the montage of slimy characters you've assembled
i thought they were a Trump assemblance...?
...of slimy characters!
I've seen better faces on iodine bottles......
If my dog had any of those faces, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.
Hey, that is my face. I used to be ame model for diseases.
Kelly Ann Con Job RESIGNS . Says, cryptocally, "there is only so much 'Alien Cream', I can swallow!"
The first time I saw the "con-job" she brought back memories from the series 1970s series "V" where the reptilian leader unhinged her jaws to swallow a Guinea pig whole.
Great visual! I remember that series!
She reminds me of something Steve Erwin would only touch with a stick in his other hand.
Her performance in Mars Attacks was realistic.
Now that was funny because that man had no fear of creepy-crawlies
Would that be the alien who tried to disguise herself as a human?
Excellent!
I loved that show. Thank you for the memory jog.
She reminds me of what is left of a gator's meal after it hawks up what is left.
You are a very, naughty lady. Are you from "SHADY LANE?"
714 Delaware Street, Lanford Illinois
Which Conner are you?
Yea! Paula! You got the reference!
I'm Roseanne of course.
I'm such a Darlene.
Oh ladies! I was all packed for a visit and a respite from all these fires and evaluation warnings and then—Pow!! I've been pranked!
The dead give away was....Lanford.
I'm Jackie only because she bumped uglies with Booker (George Clooney).
HINT: The real message is often in the comment section and not in the rant.
Who is Melania giving the two basketballs to?
I thought those were bullshit collectors......
Your answer is better
In any case, I find her udderly absurd.
She actually has three big boobs, but one is playing golf.
The only way to settle this is to "pinch" them.
Those would be Trumper seeds.
One to Jerry falls down Well, according to our sauce, the other to Pat Robinson. Pat thinks Melania's modeling photos are tasteful.
Pat was probably "two bathroom doors down" from Larry Craig looking for someone to service his pool.
OK, OK. STOP
You're going to hurt yourself posting comments so fast.
Take a break - there are others here at NT who can shoulder some of the burden.
You're not heavy - you're my brother.
Hmmmmm - let me think about that a bit...
Anyway - merely assign us our general objectives and we will move onward and upward and sideward to glorious mediocrity.
Mediocrity???
I'll have you know, Sir, that I don't do mediocre....I do half-assed, bare-assed, and lame- assed.
who assed u ?
HA!
How ass-in-mine!
You being a hard-ass?
Working hard to keep from being a lard-ass.
But you are doing your best at being a smart-ass
what's a smart ass...
An ass in the hand is worth two balls in the bush. (Don't anyone ask me what that means. I am taking pain meds for my recent accident.)
I could tell you to go look in the mirror...but that would be rude
What did you do????
Are you all right?
Bourbon chaser......?
Sounds like the old definition of "flirtation"
When the hand is in the thing-a-ma-jig, and the thing-a-ma-jig is in the the hand, but the thing-a-ma-jig isn't in the thing-a-ma-jig.
I popped a flexor tendon. Due to my weight loss, some of my tendons no longer have the protection of fat and are closer to the surface and easy to injure. I have been on the couch for so long now that I feel like it is growing out of my ass.
Sounds painful. Please be careful.
I must be high because that actually made sense.
It is but as I live alone, I have to do some things my PT would not approve of.
I'm sorry you are suffering, but that is just damn funny.
Get better soon Paula!
Let me guess...pulling over a chair to reach a high cabinet....
I was going to take a shower.
you need a bath chair
I have a walk in tub. I never even got to the bathroom when this happened. I felt sorry for the firemen as I smelled like a herd of goats.
Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass.
thanx
I claim any and all fart jokes.
Paula!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{
}}}}}}}}}}}
Please take care of yourself and don't over do. I live alone also, so I know that trying to so things when body parts are not willing is not fun.
Our amazing body parts—except when they are not! I would venture selling some of mine, but. . . you would probably ask for a refund!!
Keep keeping it classy people ....... i know you will .....
see my reply to Trout, post 7.1.1
pretty funny though, tellin anti Trumpers to keep something classy
Not really but as triggered as most anti Trumpers are i wouldn't expect any of you to get that.
The hypocrisy at play with the TDS ridden, as usual on NT, is very copious and grossly epic in nature.
But ..... SOSDD
Yeah, i don't give a shit about your sensibilities either so i guess we are about even.
Awww.....poor Sparty! Feeling a little grumpy this morning?
Amazing isn't it. Donald and a bunch of republicans call people names, put down people, general nastiness yet make fun of one of them and the pearl clutching comes out.
It's the same story over and over and over and over......
What I don't get is why come here and just dump all over Eat the Press's article? We're called nasty and told in a snarky way "to keep it classy" but what do we get in return? The same "class" we're told to exude.
If the goddamn article bothers so many why not just walk on by and go find a more pleasant place to play?
Nah, like usual i'm feeling factual this morning TG .... how about you?
It's amazing to me that you would equate "me," to articles like this but .... if doing so helps all y'all to sleep at night i'm all for it.
A good night sleep is important and God knows the TDS triggered in here could use a good nights sleep.
That much is very obvious.
Spry and sassy
Amazing that the only defence of donald seems to be calling people obsessed.
I think a new meme is in order as this one is falling flat.
Knock yourself out and in doing so do that which you say you abhor .....
No worries. I'll remind you of your concern on the next Mrs Obama is a man seed.
I agree. TDS = trump [deleted]
No problem, i can remind you EVERY time the same sort comes out about one of the Trumps.
Every time ........ wanna bet on who wins that one?
My thoughts exactly TG. Some folks are not worth even responding to. Some always have their panties in a bunch.
It's called The Whiny Little Bitch Syndrome.
Wow. Your adoration and concern for dear leader is touching...
I'm sure he would reciprocate...
Lol ............. you're words not mine. That is pretty funny though.
It's weird that this topic seems to always come down to emotion for some of you. I don't have a "need" to adore any politician but perhaps you do. In fact i can't recall ever "adoring" any politician. Far from it usually .....
Yet for some reason you seem to have this great urge to protect donald and attack people that say negative things about him.
There is that thing, ya know, about actions and words lining up...
Call it what you want, i call em like i see em here on NT and for the most part what i see is the TDS ridden and Trump triggered acting out. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year and actually i find that quite sad that folks hold so much hate in their hearts on such things but ces't la vie .....
So yeah, i get attacked here regularly for not goosestepping to the heavily biased, left leaning narratives a majority of members here on NT push daily.
I consider that a badge of honor and i wear it proudly.
Trump Richard Inhalers?
I call it the trump blinders, only see what you want to see.
Join in on the hate bashing from the right yet only somehow see people bashing dear leader.
The mere fact that you cannot or will not see that he is a morally corrupt individual, absolutely refuse to see his flaws and then jump on people that point them out, says all I need to know about certain people.
You all act like it is a game, only to be played just to troll people and see if you can piss them off.
So fly your flag high there Sparty.
Never anything I would be proud of. In fact, I would be ashamed. Individual thinking is not for some, I guess.
Wrong. I see what is there to see. Not some crackpot false reality created by partisans who are only pissed off and acting out because their chosen one got here ass beat.
Wrong again. like i've said over and over again. I rarely post hateful, garbage articles like this, rarely if ever.
The fact that you can't see that most ALL politicians (Dems and Reps) can be found to be corrupt in one way or another shows how obtuse your viewpoint is on this topic. So yeah, it's only Trump. Keep sticking to that story if it helps you sleep at night.
I agree. The "Resistance movement" coming from the left is a game for those playing it. A really, really fucked up game to say the least.
Don't bother, i do and always will regardless of what you say. Very proudly through all the shit that gets spewed here daily.
Well then, i guess it's lucky for me i could care less what you think about it.
Yup, many real goose-steppers throughout history have said exactly the same thing .... added some words back into your comment so you are quoting my comment properly
Talk about delusion. I have no chosen one.
I never said anything about you posting articles, I was talking about participation.
You can act like you are not a partisan all you want. Just too bad for you that your comment history is there for all to see.
You have zero high road and about as much credibility.
Neither do i. Those are yours and others words not mine
Oh, so you want to parse words now? Funny!
I not "acting" about anything.
Once again, lucky for me i don't give a shit what you think about it.
That said i'm out. We've derailed this thread too much already with this personal nonsense.
You're right, you don't post articles. Rarely if ever.
But you do join in the hate fest with your buddies when they to rollin'.*** You have to admit that.
And I'd say you're the one who posts with your emotions at your fingertips. The vitriol that comes through my monitor is palpable
****please see the comment below as an example
If Trump had gotten Ivana pregnant on a trip to China, would Ivanka be Made In China?
Attacked, pffffft.
The hive mind of tRumpturd supporters.
The truth is not an attack. It should however, be a wake up call.
Wrong, looking back i've published 28 articles this year. That's close to five a month. Granted, not the same as the five a day we get from our resident propagandists here but much more than "rarely" as you say.
If i had a nickel for every time i didn't post when my emotions told me to post. I'd be a much richer man with a shit ton more posts. Perhaps you should start using that tactic along with the rest of your mafia.
Lol .... opinions do vary i guess. You call "that" emotional? I find "that" hilarious!
Perhaps it would be best if you put me back on ignore. I think that works better for you. Or you can keep trying to bait/report me with this sophomoric shit. I really could care less either way.
Ah truth ..... such a truly elusive animal ......
“The truth is what I make it. I could set this world on fire and call it rain.”
― Red Queen
That surely does explain a lot.....
And I'm not going to put you back on ignore. You're way too much fun!
You are not quoting me, then. What you wrote there is a "monstrosity" and has no proper meaning.
A riddle! Hmm. An *astute possibility to reflect on at my leisure!
* An answer is available upon request.
lol .... not in these least but keep spinning.
Well then, I guess something has changed since you suggested the ignore option. I think that’s great. Take some heat off your old man as it were. I do aim to please ....
Of course you didn't read the disclaimer listed at the top of the article...
Proceed at your own risk! If you are offended by words, but, not deeds, you may want to slither over to one of those "GOD ELECTED TRUMP PRESIDENT" sites designed exclusively for easily led Marooons!
I see Eat-The-Press as providing and "unvarnished" public service. Besides.... you Trump supporters aren't into being politically correct anyway, so this sort of seed shouldn't bother you at all...
I read it and responded accordingly.
I have nothing to change or amend ....
Damn! I missed that!
But I'm staying. It feels like a party in here
Grrrrr, baby!
Once you pop out of the cake, it will be.
Hmmmmm...... the things I want to say a an ex-sailor....... vs. the good sense I have to not say them from my upbringing.
The Sister would most likely have me smokin a turd in purgatory.
an ex-sailor
Not me, I hope.
You lost him at "read".
Ah...go ahead! I'm ex-AF, Paula is ex-Army....Sister Mary is just playing dress up (you should see what's under her habit!).
Oops, I misread your post. Apologies.
Or what might not be there.......? Half the fun is the suspense.
You are a very, naughty lady. Are you from "SHADY LANE?"
You are really good at pushing nouns and verbs together in an effort to see what blows up. I'm guessing you had a chemistry set when you were a kid.
I'm guessing that he also used to have a basement ceiling.
...eyebrows....
See - I told you there were others here to help out.
Now just sit back and admire it as it scrolls along - sort of like the graffiti on the sides of train cars. There you are stuck in the car and really really needing to pee.
See, Little Johnnie Jump Up, that red top 'outfit' thing you done did to Melania means you ain't no good! You're a bad man, LJohnnieJU! Every time I look at that picture— "Pepper bellies!"