"Daddy May Refuse To Lead America Again Because People Are So Mean," Ivanka Says - The Lint Screen
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
The first daughter is upset with her fellow Americans
Ivanka Trump is one hundred percent positive her father won a decisive victory in the presidential election, but even so, she says he may not serve again.
"Daddy's pretty angry," the first daughter told The Lint Screen. "So many Americans have been mean to him and disrespectful-- even people like Fox and Friends, who he thought were his friends. Daddy said he might not serve his second term. And that would be catastrophic for the country."
Ivanka says she does not trust the election results she has seen in the media.
"As Daddy likes to say, it's fake news," she says, as she brushes back her luxurious blonde hair. "You know it's false because you saw all those incredible crowds who came to hear Daddy speak at airports all over the country. There had to be millions of people at every rally, easy."
Ms. Trump thinks Americans need to be much more appreciative.
"Look at what Daddy has done," she says, shampooing her long straw-colored mane. "It's an amazing track record. He built the world's greatest economy, ended the COVID-19 pandemic saving millions of lives, did more for the blacks than Abraham Lincoln, and kept many Hispanics out of cages. No president has done more. He's also a fantastic lover. Excellent kisser. Daddy's very passionate."
She begins her rinse, whipsawing her hair from side to side, spraying our offices. Ivanka begins applying conditioner packed with green tea and sunflower seed extracts, and jojoba oil. Husband Jared Kushner enters with warmed thick 'n thirsty Turkish towels. When she finishes a second rinse, her manchild hubby towel-dries her scalp. He begins brushing and drying her glorious hair as she shouts over the noise.
"And after all Daddy's done," she says, "it's insulting to have a hoodlum like Joe Biden and his crime family cheat him out of the election. An election everyone knows he won fair and square."
Jared gives an obedient nod.
"I think every American owes Daddy an apology," she says. "They don't know or appreciate how much he gave up to be their leader. We estimate Daddy could have made $300 billion had he not accepted the stupid presidency job. And since he took it, he's lucky if he made $10 billion. It's just not right."
As Jared begins brushing her thick, full, glorious hair, Ivanka smacks him sharply in his boyish face.
"Watch it, you clumsy asshole-- there was a tangle!" she rebukes him.
"Sorry, your majesty," he says, cowering. "I'll be more careful."
Ivanka regains her composure and cool demeanor.
"If people want to make it up to Daddy," she says, "our family has started a new fund to demonstrate the country's gratitude for the great job President Trump has done. And I suggest people donate heavily, or he'll really be upset."
Jared gives a twitchy smile.
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Cry Me A River...
The Trump family should begin respecting itself.
'Daddy said he might not serve his second term.'
We should be so fortunate ...
Trump whines, but Melania salami's and whines.
source
ouch. sliced kosher salami, poor jared ...
How do you make salami without pork?
Is that why Trump still refuses to lead on the Covid epidemic?
While satire, I'm sure this piece hits pretty close to home for Trump and his spawn....
Speaking of COVID....
....I thought we weren't going to hear anymore about it after Biden got elected? It was all over my local channel this morning. Something like over 2,000 cases confirmed yesterday, 800 hospitalized, and >2,000 dead Arkansas since March
Doing the math, if we compare the Covid deaths between the US and Germany adjusting for population, Germany would have 46,776 Covid deaths to our 241,809. That puts Trump related deaths at 195,032 this morning...
Of course this is all a hoax generated by mean democrats.......
Cool. Germany had the per capita equivalent of about 82,000 new cases yesterday, a milestone the US first surpassed on October 28.
So all those insults you applied to Trump prior to a couple weeks ago you should apply to Merkel's leadership, [deleted]
I mean talk about a leadership gap, check out the numbers of Alexander Lukashenko in Belarus, his advice to take saunas and drink vodka to fight the virus has apparently saved many Belarussian lives compared to the leadership of Angela Merkel.
Big Whoop! Trump as compared to a tin pot...
[deleted] Germany had 18,487 new cases yesterday. Adjusting for the 3.9 size difference in population between the two countries yields 53,612 new cases. We had 144,000 new cases yesterday.
BTW..... has your hero Trump said anything about Covid since the election Sean?
Germany had 20,386 new cases yesterday, which equals 81,260 new cases in the USA.
Remember all those things you said about Trump before the end of October, before the US ever hit 80,000 cases? If you actually believed those things you said, you'd have to apply them to Merkel.
What the hell is your point Sean? Yesterday the US had 163,000 cases. Twice as many as Germany when adjusted for population whom I consider our medical and economic equal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS TRUMP ON THIS TOPIC? I'll tell you.....M. I. A. !!! He could give a shit about the impact of the virus on the American people.
I thought it was pretty clear, but I'll make it simpler. Germany has the American equivalent of about 90,000 reported a cases a day right now. A number the US did not hit until the end of October. Follow so far? Well before the US approached 90,000 reported cases a day, you and your ilk were calling Trump a murderer and blaming him for reported infection numbers that were much lower than Germany's current situation. So , if you are not just being a partisan hypocrite, Merkel is just as guilty of everything you accused of Trump of prior to October. So be consistent and blame Merkel the way you attacked Trump over the summer. Or be a hypocrite. Whatever you want.
Your math is bad. Yesterday, Germany had the equivalent of over 90,00 cases.
Only a full in Trump boot-licker would use that flawed logic Sean.
Let's try a graphic approach to see if you can grasp the simplicity of Trump's murderous failure to lead.....
Hmmmm..... Germany managed to miss that mid summer infection spike that Trump said didn't exist.
Hmmmm..... Germany is now bending their curve where as ours shows no sign of flattening. What causes the flattening of curves Sean????
Let's try to get you to the simple point that it isn't that there are increases in the infection rates in the two countries, it's that one of these two leaders is trying to do something about it. Your savior Trump has been MISSING IN ACTION for MONTHS on the topic.
Nothing flawed about it, which is why you can't refute it. Why can't you just hold Merkel to the same standard you held Trump? Per your "logic" at 90,000 cases a day she's murdering her citizens, like you claimed Trump was with lower rates of infection . But again, that's if you were actually trying to make a logical, objective argument and you aren't. Your logic consists of "Orange man bad".
The fallacy of your argument, which should be plain to you at this this point, is you can't apply your "logic" to anyone but Trump to blame him. You can't compare Merkel to Lukashenko or Merkel looks like she's doing a worse job than that idiot. You can't use objective data because you constantly fail to actually make an objective argument and apply the same standards to both leaders. Merkle at 90,000 reported infections a day is a "real leader," Trump was supposedly murdering people at a fraction of that number of infections.
. Germany managed to miss that mid summer infection spike that Trump said didn't exist
If you think real hard, can you come up with a difference between Germany in Northern Europe and the southern states of America where the virus spiked over the summer? A smart man would notice that Americans, particularly in the south, tend to spend a lot of times indoors in air conditioned spaces. Of course, if your ability to process complicated situations hasn't progressed beyond the caveman stage it probably makes sense to believe the leaders magical words stopped the virus in the summer but the magic wore off when the weather turned. Maybe a goat should be sacrificed next?
On the other hand, perhaps the ruling class deliberately weaponizes the corona virus in an act of biological terror against the domestic population -- with the intent of culling the aged and the weak, so that monies allocated to pensions and medicines can be diverted to military hardware and wealthy CEOs. Worth considering?
I see reality TV stardom in Ivanka's future -
A FAMILY SCORNED chronicles her day to day life fighting off the stigma of a failed father and the global humiliation associated with the "Trump" name. She consoles herself by opening new slave labor clothing factories in SE Asia and with her upscale lifestyle influencer You Tube channel, but reality bursts in as her father, brothers and husband are all arrested for multiple financial crimes. How can this brave young woman survive !
She'd do better being the clown in a dunk tank...
That is Season Two.
Any ideas on who the advertisers would be for those programs...?
The My Pillow Guy and the 4 Seasons Land Scaping would be the toppers.
Goya and The Hobby Lobby.
This was grin inducing
I used to be so proud of saying that I once lived in AK. Now it is just another state I took up residence for a time being.
Having sired and raised four daughters myself, I'm somewhat reluctant to address this as your devotion to your father is ... well ... devotion to your father. It remains nonetheless that your daddy never did 'lead' the United States. What he did was run the United States into the ground. There's a difference. Apparently he neglected to tell you that.
He's also a fantastic lover. Excellent kisser. Daddy's very passionate.
Satire that makes you cringe. I’m not sure I’ll be able to shake that one off.
Cousin Vicki - " I'm going steady and I french kiss."
Audry - "So, everyone does that."
Cousin Vicki - "Yeah, but daddy says I'm the best at it."
National Lampoon's Vacation