Take a break and have a laugh

  

Category:  The Lighter Side/ Humor

By:  buzz-of-the-orient  •  one week ago  •  35 comments

Take a break and have a laugh

Take a break and have a laugh

A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so much trouble!

                
I love this as the ticket agent actually names names!

                
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 

 
                
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to CapeTown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.'' 

                
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa .''  

 
His response -- click.. 

 
                
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. 

                
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. 

                
He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!'' (OMG ) 

                
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?'' 

                
I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!) 

               
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. 

                
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh) 

 
                
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m, and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. 

                
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that. 
 

                
7. A NewYork lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' 

                
I said, 'No, why do you ask?' 

                
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

             
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.. 

 

                
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . 

                
After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?'' 

                
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' 
                
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.'' 

                
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to 
Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' 

                
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter 
plane.

               
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!'' 

 
               
11. Mary Landrieu, La Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. 

                
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 

                
"Oh, no I don't. I've been to China manytimes and never had to have one of those'' 

                
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. 

                
When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four 
times and every time they have accepted my American Express!'' 

 
                
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, NewYork.'' 

                
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' 

                
"Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man. 

                
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere." 

                 
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''
             
   
So I scoured a map of the state of NewYork and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo, do you?''
   
             
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

 

               
Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!
            
    
Could ANYONE be this DUMB?
         
      
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.


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Buzz of the Orient
1  author  Buzz of the Orient    one week ago

Don't blame me.  This was emailed to me by my brother so I have no idea if any of it is true or not, but it did give me my first big laugh out loud of the day. 

By the way, I've been to the Dallas - Fort Worth Airport a half-dozen times and it IS pretty spread out, but if I remember they have a tram that goes between the buildings. 

 
 
 
Texan1211
1.1  Texan1211  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @1    one week ago

Even funnier because I don't doubt they are true!

 
 
 
Kavika
2  Kavika     one week ago

OMG, I was rolling on the floor reading those. 

A great laugh for the day.

 
 
 
Raven Wing
2.1  Raven Wing  replied to  Kavika @2    one week ago
OMG, I was rolling on the floor reading those. 

Same here. Now I know why they do and say the stupid things they do. jrSmiley_78_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Sunshine
3  Sunshine    one week ago

Hilarious

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
4  Bob Nelson    one week ago

Thank you, Buzz!

 
 
 
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
5  Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom    one week ago

Too funny!

 
 
 
shona1
6  shona1    one week ago

Anoon..hmm it appears it is not just the human species that does not know their geography...a US racing pigeon has just rolled up in Melbourne... landed in a guys backyard on Boxing Day. Was emaciated and exhausted so he fed it etc..then he noticed a tag on its leg. Managed to write the number down and checked it. Was not registered in Australia, so googled it.

Turns out it has come from Montgomery in Alabama. 15,000 kilometres away. So certainly took a wrong turn somewhere and lost its bearings. They think it may have hitched a ride on a ship etc but who knows. Either way not a bad effort..

Thanks for the laughs Buzz.. made my day..

 
 
 
Krishna
6.1  Krishna  replied to  shona1 @6    one week ago

I was curious so googled it. 

The true messenger pigeon is a variety of  domestic pigeons  ( Columba livia domestica ) derived from the wild  rock dove selectively bred  for its ability to find its way home over extremely long distances. The rock dove has an innate homing ability, [1]  meaning that it will generally return to its nest (it is believed) using  magnetoreception . [2]  Flights as long as 1,800 km (1,100 miles) have been recorded by birds in competitive  pigeon racing . [3]  Their average flying speed over moderate 965 km (600 miles) distances is around 97 km/h (60 miles per hour) [4]  and speeds of up to 160 km/h (100 miles per hour) have been observed in top racers for short [ clarification needed ]  distances.

So they can fly really long distances. Maybe as you said, this one did have a ride on a boat. 

 
 
 
Krishna
7  Krishna    one week ago

Actually isn't Cape Cod only about a 20 minute drive from Pretoria?

(Johannesburg is over an hour I believe???)

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
7.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Krishna @7    one week ago

I've spent vacations in Cape Cod 4 times in my life.  How many times have you been there, or is it too far for you?

 
 
 
Krishna
8  Krishna    one week ago

I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada?'' 

                I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!)

She's right. it is close.

Very close!

In fact, England is only about 3 inches away from Canada!

 
 
 
Krishna
8.1  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @8    one week ago
n fact, England is only about 3 inches away from Canada!

If you are in British Columbia, you can see England from your Front Porch!

(That's why its called British Columbia-- because its so close to Pretoria!)

 
 
 
shona1
8.1.1  shona1  replied to  Krishna @8.1    one week ago

Evening Krishna..we can't see anything from here because we are "the land down under"...so we are totally upside down to the rest of the world...

 
 
 
Krishna
8.1.2  Krishna  replied to  shona1 @8.1.1    one week ago
so we are totally upside down to the rest of the world...

G'day Shona!

I often wonder, since y'all are living upside down on the bottom of the globe-- how come you don't fall off?

 
 
 
SteevieGee
8.1.3  SteevieGee  replied to  shona1 @8.1.1    one week ago

Hey, if we teamed up we could make a killing at the horse track.

 
 
 
shona1
8.1.4  shona1  replied to  SteevieGee @8.1.3    one week ago

Anoon... forget the nags (horses). Lotto numbers would be better... that would be worth millions. Oh and I charge commissions...

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
8.2  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Krishna @8    one week ago

London is only a two hour drive from Toronto.  REALLY.  Look at a map, you'll see.  I also know that Ontario is in California.

 
 
 
Krishna
8.2.1  Krishna  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @8.2    6 days ago
London is only a two hour drive from Toronto.  REALLY.  Look at a map, you'll see.  I also know that Ontario is in California.

And Moscow is actually in Texas. 

Here's proof!

 
 
 
Krishna
9  Krishna    one week ago

you can see England from your Front Porch!

Which reminds me of this old video from Saturday Night Live.

(If you don't remember the 2008 election [Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin] you might not recognize the meaning of all the jokes)

VP Debate: Sarah Palin and Joe Biden (SNL):

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
9.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Krishna @9    one week ago

I found quite a few SNL clips, but not that debate.  

.

 
 
 
Krishna
9.1.1  Krishna  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @9.1    6 days ago

Probably because its so far back (the actual debate was 2008 ). However I just checked on YouTube-- this video was posted there in 2013. 

Another thing that might make it more difficult to find is that there are so many clips. I believe there are 2/week. "Cold Open" which has several actors, is longer, and "Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che)

 
 
 
Kathleen
10  Kathleen    one week ago

jrSmiley_4_smiley_image.png  Really good..

 
 
 
MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)
11  MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka)    one week ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif Common sense isn't so common anymore.

Thanks for the laughs this morning!

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
11.1  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  MsAubrey (aka Ahyoka) @11    one week ago

It's good to start the day off with a good laugh out loud, especielly these days.

 
 
 
Texan1211
12  Texan1211    one week ago

Had a lady call my restaurant and she wanted to order flan. 

I told her we didn't have it on our menu.

she insisted she got some the week before 

I told her we didn't have the ingredients, a recipe. or anyone who even knew how to make it.

she still insisted she got it the week before.

finally, I just told her we were out.

her response?

"why didn't you just say that to start with?"

Lol

 
 
 
Ender
13  Ender    one week ago

Can only slap my forehead.

I can only think, this is the best we can do?

 
 
 
Texan1211
14  Texan1211    one week ago

About 18 years ago, I had a young college girl working as a server.

She spent about 15 minutes looking for ice cream in a walk-in refrigerator.

I swear, you can't make it funnier by making shit up when the reality is so hilarious!

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
15  Paula Bartholomew    one week ago

I can relate to the time zone thing.  When I left Korea, I got home and the date was the day before I left.  It kind of messes with your head.

 
 
 
shona1
15.1  shona1  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @15    one week ago

And we are already in your tomorrow....just to really mess things up...😀😀

 
 
 
Ender
15.1.1  Ender  replied to  shona1 @15.1    one week ago

As much as we try, we can never catch you.   : )

 
 
 
shona1
15.1.2  shona1  replied to  Ender @15.1.1    one week ago

Anoon ender... afraid not. You will always be behind us...🐨🐨

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
15.1.3  author  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @15.1    one week ago

I'm included in your "we" in this time zone reference.  But unfortunately it doesn't mean we know what's going to happen in America before they do.

 
 
 
Ender
15.1.4  Ender  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @15.1.3    one week ago

Too bad. I was going to ask what the winning powerball numbers were. The lotto is up to like 700 mil.

I would have given you a cut.

 
 
 
shona1
16  shona1    one week ago

Nah...you are to far behind us as well...yep I know Buzz I am stringing them along..🐨🐨

 
 
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