California Republicans Flee to Florida and Texas in Search of Dumber Governors | The New Yorker
Category: The Lighter Side/ Humor
Via: kavika • 3 years ago • 60 commentsBy: Conde Nast (The New Yorker)
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
By Andy Borowitz
September 15, 2021 Photograph by Joe Raedle / Getty
CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—Despondent after yesterday's recall election, millions of California Republicans are fleeing the state for Florida and Texas in search of dumber governors.
The Republicans are choosing to leave their lives in California behind rather than put up with another year and a half of a governor who oppressively follows science.
Harland Dorrinson, a real-estate agent in Orange County, said that he was leaving for a new life in Florida with little more than the Rolex on his arm.
"I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, Can I really live under the tyranny of a governor who blindly adheres to verifiable reality?" he said. "I decided I'd be better off with Ron DeSantis."
Although he is excited about starting over in the Sunshine State, Dorrinson said that choosing between Florida and Texas was "one of the toughest decisions" of his life.
"With Governor Abbott and Governor DeSantis, you really can't go wrong," he said. "Both of them oppose mask mandates. Both of them oppose vaccine mandates. But DeSantis has actually had his videos banned from YouTube for spreading COVID misinformation. That was the tiebreaker for me."
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
- Republicans protest lack of rioters on the January 6th commission.
- Biden considers a new plan to convince people to get the vaccine.
- A G.O.P. punishment for Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger.
- Trump received a medical note to avoid serving in his own coup.
- Putin misses a former employee.
- Get the Borowitz Report in your in-box. Sign up for the newsletter.
Article is LOCKED by author/seeder
Who is online
263 visitors
Florida leads in death per million with Texas close behind. California is a distant third. You can see why they are fleeing California.
Yeah butt, butt, lies, damned lies and statistics, lol.
[deleted]
Which one?
The one about the ND quarterback single handedly breaking up a KKK rally with a few potatoes?
No, no remember. You claimed the guy the attacked a KKK rally was a racist. Good times.
Oh was THAT your point?
Aside from the fact that he broke nothing but windows and light bulbs with 2 or 3 potatoes and not once faced a real
KKK member didn't make him a racist,
but the fact that all 4 players in your avatar became college coaches and never accepted black football players ever is a
pretty good indication that they were all racists.
Another false claim. [Deleted]
Then disprove it. It's that simple.
Why do you constantly insult people on this forum?
No, it's on you to prove your claim.
Why do you?
Let's see this source for your claim.
Pfttt You know it, I know it and most black people and NA know exactly where they were allowed to play football and why.
I'll post the facts but if you want resources to establish the obvious do it yourself.
Layden coached ND for 7 years 1934 -1940. The first black player at ND was in 1952
Crowley 1929-1932 Michigan State Don Coleman signed in 1949 then none until true integration in the 60's
Crowley 1933-1941 Fordham University. Odd story, lily white teams.
After playing the Sugar Bowl and winning 2-0 the team disbanded and went their separate ways to fight WWII.
Fordham stopped playing football for 34 years before returning in 1970, integrated.
Stuhldreher 1925-1936 Villanova University Stopped playing in 1980, when football resumed in 1984 they were integrated - see Bo-Dean Sanders book.
1936 -1947 Wisconsin Badgers 2 black players in 1948 after Ivy Williamson is named head coach
Don Miller backfield coach, 4 years at Georgia Tech, 4 years at Ohio U, GT integrated in 1961, Ohio in 1942
Miller became head coach of Saint Xavior HS in 1934, for one season before devoting himself to practicing law, eventually becoming a US District Attorney Cleveland. Xavior integrated in 1951.
Meanwhile black college football thrived from 1892 through the 1960's.
Black College Football began play in 1892 with segregation well-established and heavily managed with Jim Crow laws. Following World War I the sport of college football ignited the passions of patriotism, pride and school spirit as America had found a new past time.
No they don't.
The top 5 states in death per capita from Covid are Mississippi , New Jersey, Louisiana, New York and Massachusetts
[deleted]
[deleted]
yeah..., they do in trumpster deaths per million.
The article is about Texas, Florida and California. Nothing was mentioned about any of the states you're babbling about....
They always try to deflect and derail to try to promote their own agenda. The same ones time after time. Isn't that some kin of Trolling?
See my comment to Sean. You might actually read the article and see that it's humor, so your facts are about a valid as Sean's.
If Mississippi is leading in COVID deaths over New York...then a quarter of the population must be dead! Do these folks realize how many more people there are in New York than Mississippi?
There was no false claim. Sean has difficulty reading the written word.
One more time......
The satire was about three states only...
and the order is correct when only considering the three states named in the "seed".
True, but what he said just after that wasn't accurate.
The actual top 5 States in deaths per capita from Covid are Florida, Mississippi, South Carolina, Idaho and Louisiana and pointed out in 1.2.10.
[deleted]
DID YOU NOT SEE THE satire TAG???????
It was satire and only CA. TX. and FL are part of the article.
And FL leads both TX and CA in per capita deaths.
Pit bulls are pit bulls.
The lead in this macabre race keeps changing hands it seems
Tennessee is now in the lead, depending on the statistics one uses.
Surge makes Tennessee U.S. leader in new COVID cases per capita (yahoo.com)
Guess it depends.
• U.S. COVID-19 death rate by state | Statista
Subtle clues for those who see them.
Statista is all data to date.
The NYT info is for the last week.
The CBS info about Tennessee is claiming that both the CDC and NYT acknowledge
that Tennessee has averaged over 8300 new cases per day for over 7 days.
People need to be concerned about where the highest threat is THIS week as opposed to last year.
Another new argument.
what I said was accurate, SP just cherry picked different data to make a different claim.
e actual top 5 States in deaths per capita from Covid are Florida, Mississippi, South Carolina, Idaho and Louisiana and pointed out in 1.2.10.
That's not accurate.
Lol...That counts as taunting..
[deleted]
I doubt if you forgot, more accurate is that you have no idea what you're talking about as evidenced by your ignorant comment.
Translation: Of course I didn't see it. I'm just trying to save face.
exactly.
we should've fenced off part of afghanistan or iraq for them during the last 20 years... ... moronastan
good name
Between tackling covid and it's absurd abortion law, Texas has become a black hole of stupid. Covid case trends in Texas have steadily increased while those in Florida have decreased.
[deleted]
I'm guessing the crush of immigrants into california must have to show proof of immunization...
As they are most likely unvaccinated aholes, FL deserves to have them.
I just adore Andy Borowitz!
Hey! I wonder if our not so favorite Northern Californian has rented his U-Haul yet?
if he leaves the state, his ankle monitor goes off...
LOL, probably is.
He can't afford the rent, but his ecstatic, and very hopeful, neighbors set up a GoFundMe page.
For an article that is obvious satire and posted under "the lighter side - humour" it sure as hell used up a lot of purple ink.
and personal ire,
Yeah, seems that some are either trolls or simply can't read, but it is what it is.
Locking article.