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Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  3 weeks ago  •  64 comments

By:   Ian MacIntyre - The Beaverton

Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


OTTAWA   – With Americans voting today to determine the next   President   of the   United States , every single Canadian has announced plans to keep their lights shut off in hopes that they will not get drawn into any mess that inevitably ensues.

With polls showing an incredibly tight race between Vice President   Kamala Harris   and former President Donald   Trump , Canadians are hoping to stay unnoticed above the 49th parallel.

“We Canadians normally keep to ourselves on this continent,” explained Mary Kilmartin, of Burnaby. “But whenever one of their American   election   nights rolls around, we prefer to just draw the curtains, park the car in the garage, and hope that they keep any armed insurrections on their side of the border.”

Harvinder Sharma of Mirimachi adds, “When I go outside to clean up tomorrow morning I hope   it   was one of those ‘eggs and toilet paper’ kind of US election nights, as opposed to a ‘mobilize the national guard’ kind. You never know with neighbours like this.”

While the bitterly contested election is decided, a majority of Canadians have indicated plans to “stay inside and watch   Love Island   with the sound down low”, whereas others intend to “head out entirely and go get dinner someplace, like France.”

Brian MacMurray, who lives on the border at Windsor, ON, reported upon peeking through his venetian blinds: “Aw hell, I see a bunch of Americans roaming around the streets all dressed up in camouflage and flag costumes. I can’t tell if they’re looking to start trouble, or if that’s just how they normally dress.”

Should tonight’s election devolve into a full-blown civil war, Prime Minister   Trudeau   has announced further plans for Canadians to put a bowl of fun-sized Snickers out on the porch in hopes that Americans will just take them and go away.


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Hallux
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    3 weeks ago

And lest we forget Plan B:

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Hallux @1    3 weeks ago

We haven't forgotten The Battle at Stoney Creek the last time America tried to invade our native land.  Try it again and maybe The White House will be burned AGAIN. 

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
1.1.1  shona1  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @1.1    3 weeks ago

Almost sounds like you have got the neighbours from hell..🤣

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
1.1.2  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @1.1.1    3 weeks ago

Not now, and not when I was in Canada (but I'll not be there again).  

However, in my comment I mentioned the Battle of Stoney Creek, the name of a small village on the eastern border of the city in which I was born and grew up.  Many times I drove past that famous battleground to go to the Stoney Creek Dairy to enjoy the most delicious ice cream in the whole area. 

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2  Kavika     3 weeks ago

I’ll be headed to the Red River Settlement in Manitoba with script in hand. 

 
 
 
evilone
Professor Guide
2.1  evilone  replied to  Kavika @2    3 weeks ago

I have friends in Thunder Bay.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Kavika   replied to  evilone @2.1    3 weeks ago

Are they Oji-Cree?

 
 
 
evilone
Professor Guide
2.1.2  evilone  replied to  Kavika @2.1.1    3 weeks ago

Norwegians.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
2.1.3  devangelical  replied to  evilone @2.1.2    2 weeks ago

lost vikings ...

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
3  Trout Giggles    3 weeks ago

Knock! Knock! Riiinnngggg.... Rinnngggg!

Hey Canada! I know you're in there!

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3.1  devangelical  replied to  Trout Giggles @3    2 weeks ago

trump is going to build a second wall and have the canadians pay for it ...

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
3.1.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  devangelical @3.1    2 weeks ago

He doesn't want us escaping across the border

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3.1.2  devangelical  replied to  Trout Giggles @3.1.1    2 weeks ago

he may be inaccessible, but his supporters are all out in the open ...

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
3.1.3  Tessylo  replied to  devangelical @3.1.2    2 weeks ago

jrSmiley_91_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
3.1.4  devangelical  replied to  Tessylo @3.1.3    2 weeks ago

anxiously awaiting the traitor pardons ...

 
 
 
Bob Nelson
Professor Guide
3.1.5  Bob Nelson  replied to  devangelical @3.1.4    2 weeks ago

Why "anxiously"?

That's like anxiously awaiting the dawn. Certainties shouldn't cause anxiety.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4  Trout Giggles    3 weeks ago
Prime Minister   Trudeau   has announced further plans for Canadians to put a bowl of fun-sized Snickers out on the porch in hopes that Americans will just take them and go away.

Hey, Justin! Not every body likes snickers. I like kitkats

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4.1  Tessylo  replied to  Trout Giggles @4    3 weeks ago

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
5  devangelical    3 weeks ago

meh, I don't blame the canadians ...

my favorite memory of canada was a 2003 business trip gifted to our sales staff by our main vendor. apparently they thought we americans spent all of our time drinking like fish in strip clubs, as that was the entertainment provided nightly. it was a lot of fun having french canadian strippers attempt to convince us that the exchange rate between US and canadian dollars were totally equal at night, and denying that I voted for moronic bush jr during the day. the french food was fabulous and it was really fun fulfilling their american stereotypes at the airport on our way home ...

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
5.1  devangelical  replied to  devangelical @5    2 weeks ago

... the weed in quebec city was pretty good too.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
5.2  devangelical  replied to  devangelical @5    2 weeks ago

... with very bad maurice chevalier impressions.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6  Buzz of the Orient    3 weeks ago

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

Thankfully I don't have to hide this time, but Jan6 did make it obvious why and justified our (Canadian) concern.  Actually, what went through my mind for this election was because of the violence threatened and already experienced, that at least 4 armed National Guards should be placed at every polling place in America.  And as a result of the possibility of invasion of my homeland all border crossing places should be closed, except for Native Americans who are entitled as being descended from those for whom there was no such border.  So Kavika was free to travel to Manitoba.

THANKFULLY, Je suis Canadienne, and PROUD OF IT.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
6.1  shona1  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6    3 weeks ago

Vegemite rules..🦘🦘

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @6.1    3 weeks ago

In Canada it's poutine, butter tarts, Nanaimo bars and smarties, but I've never tried the beaver tails they serve in Ottawa. 

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
6.1.3  devangelical  replied to  shona1 @6.1    2 weeks ago
Vegemite rules..🦘🦘

... the dunny.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.2  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6    3 weeks ago

Thanks, Buzz.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
6.2.1  shona1  replied to  Kavika @6.2    3 weeks ago

Morning Kavika...so when are you migrating to the Great Southern Land?..or as Devangy says that rock or sand bar in the middle of the ocean ??

Our elections are far more civil, better run and concluded usually within 24 hours..no one bats an eyelid and if there is a change of government mmhh..

Plus we have Vegemite, maybe that's the problem over there lack of Vitamin B for brain power..

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.2.2  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @6.2    3 weeks ago

Don't thank me, thank your ancestry.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.2.3  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @6.2.1    3 weeks ago

Ain't it great to be civilized?

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
6.2.4  devangelical  replied to  shona1 @6.2.1    3 weeks ago

there's reasons why the crown put your lot of misfits on an island as far from the UK as possible ...

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
6.2.5  shona1  replied to  devangelical @6.2.4    3 weeks ago

Ahhh but you had 50,000 of them running around in the good old States before we did..

Gotta love your convict heritage..

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.2.6  Kavika   replied to  shona1 @6.2.1    3 weeks ago

I will be arriving in OZ on Feb. 17/18th for a two month stay, or maybe a lot longer, Shona.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.2.7  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6.2.2    3 weeks ago

Well some relatives of mine are on the original list of Metis in Red River Settlement in Manitoba which opens up Canada even more for me.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
6.2.8  Kavika   replied to  shona1 @6.2.5    3 weeks ago

They were not all convicts, where was a good percent that were released form mental institutions.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.2.9  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @6.2.5    3 weeks ago

AND the USA has the highest rate of incarcerated persons in the world.

USA    629 per 100,000 population.  

Australia    167 per....

China      119 per .....

Canada     104 per....

LINK ->   Incarceration Rates By Country 2024

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.2.10  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @6.2.7    3 weeks ago
"...which opens up Canada even more for me."

Having just seen the way the votes have gone in Florida, maybe you should move to Canada.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
6.2.11  shona1  replied to  Kavika @6.2.6    3 weeks ago

Ripper..at the peak of summer..you beauty...hope you have a great time in the land down under and look forward to seeing some happy snaps..(not the shark or croc kind)..

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
6.2.12  Trout Giggles  replied to  shona1 @6.2.1    3 weeks ago

Do you own stock in the Vegemite company or something? lol

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
6.2.13  Trout Giggles  replied to  shona1 @6.2.5    3 weeks ago

Yes we do. The State of Georgia started out as a convict colony

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
6.2.14  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @6.2.6    3 weeks ago

4 years?

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
6.2.15  shona1  replied to  Trout Giggles @6.2.12    3 weeks ago

Morning...well from what we have seen you mob need something over there..and it may as well be Vegemite.. peanut butter and jelly?? obviously isn't working..

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
6.2.16  Trout Giggles  replied to  shona1 @6.2.15    2 weeks ago
peanut butter and jelly?? obviously isn't working..

LOL! I don;t even eat that!

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
7  shona1    3 weeks ago

Morning...mhhh.. election, what election?

The whole nation just stopped here yesterday for a horse race the Melbourne cup.. everything grinds to a halt.

We have our priorities right...not some election where you don't even have to vote..and all the pollies have got their snouts in the trough..🤣

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1  Kavika   replied to  shona1 @7    3 weeks ago

OZ does have its priority right, the US is ass backwards and it’s getting worse.

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
7.1.1  Sparty On  replied to  Kavika @7.1    3 weeks ago
the US is ass backwards and it’s getting worse.

Agreed.    A big reason Trump won.    Trump did better with union membership than possibly any Republican presidential candidate in history.    There is a reason for that.

People need to just drop all the histrionics and give this a chance.    And if they can’t, perhaps they should follow the yellow brick road to Oz.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1.2  Kavika   replied to  Sparty On @7.1.1    3 weeks ago

Following the Yellow Brick Road to OZ is easy since I’m a permanent resident of OZ and now Canada as well.

You don’t see any historonics from me just my thoughts on Trump and I’m waiting to see the ass fall flat on his face with the NO TAX, and all his other promises including what he is going to do to save SS.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
7.1.3  JohnRussell  replied to  Kavika @7.1.2    3 weeks ago

Trump has already done all the winning over of people he intends to do.  Its all about himself from this point on. 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1.4  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @7.1.2    3 weeks ago

SS?

OIP-C.fiA0iCpoDAFUD0_OzHG1bQAAAA?rs=1&pid=ImgDetMain

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Senior Expert
7.1.5  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Kavika @7.1.2    3 weeks ago
You don’t see any historonics from me just my thoughts on Trump

Age provides a broader perspective and it has made me chill.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
7.1.6  Kavika   replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1.4    3 weeks ago

Social Security, Buzz.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
7.1.7  shona1  replied to  Kavika @7.1.2    3 weeks ago

Morning..so is it correct after 4 years of Trumpy he can't ever be President again?

See there is always light at the end of the tunnel..but it could be the train coming...

Trump is already yesterday's news here literally..

Just think if you move to the great rock/sandbar permanently you will always live in the future and the rest of the world brings up the rear..🤣

 
 
 
Snuffy
Professor Participates
7.1.8  Snuffy  replied to  shona1 @7.1.7    3 weeks ago
Morning..so is it correct after 4 years of Trumpy he can't ever be President again?

That is correct. The 22nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution prohibits a president from serving more than two terms.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1.9  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Kavika @7.1.6    3 weeks ago

I know, just joshin' with you.

 
 
 
shona1
Professor Quiet
7.1.10  shona1  replied to  Snuffy @7.1.8    3 weeks ago

Hallelujah...there is a God after all .

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.1.11  devangelical  replied to  shona1 @7.1.10    3 weeks ago

based upon his last 4 years, they'll probably have a drool cup strapped to him by this time next year ...

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
7.1.12  Sparty On  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1.4    3 weeks ago

Comments like that show a serious lack of knowledge on both sides

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
7.1.13  Sparty On  replied to  devangelical @7.1.11    3 weeks ago

Cool, he can rob Biden’s supply from the last four years

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1.14  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Sparty On @7.1.12    3 weeks ago

Kavika and I have been good friends for a lot of years, and at least WE both have a sense of humour. 

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
7.1.15  Sparty On  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @7.1.14    2 weeks ago

I respect Kav and I think he knows it.     We differ politically but that’s about it.  

We were both union tradesmen, both served our country and his son is my brother of a different mother.    All things I doubt you could understand. 

What I do find interesting is the cavalier attitude towards that symbol.    Interesting indeed.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.1.16  devangelical  replied to  Sparty On @7.1.15    2 weeks ago
What I do find interesting is the cavalier attitude towards that symbol.

it will take time for maga to embrace, but putting a criminal in the WH was a far fetched idea once too ...

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
7.1.17  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  shona1 @7.1.7    2 weeks ago
"Morning..so is it correct after 4 years of Trumpy he can't ever be President again?"

I wouldn't be so sure about that.  With a Republican Congress and the SCotUS on his side and his reputation for what he's announced and what he's already done I'm willing to bet he will try.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
7.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  shona1 @7    2 weeks ago

Our local race track will be running the ponies next month. I didn't go once last year and I want to make up for it this year

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
7.2.1  devangelical  replied to  Trout Giggles @7.2    2 weeks ago

I used to bet on the dogs and horses that relieved themselves just prior to the race ...

 
 
 
The Chad
Freshman Guide
8  The Chad    2 weeks ago

512

 
 

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