Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
OTTAWA – With Americans voting today to determine the next President of the United States , every single Canadian has announced plans to keep their lights shut off in hopes that they will not get drawn into any mess that inevitably ensues.
With polls showing an incredibly tight race between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump , Canadians are hoping to stay unnoticed above the 49th parallel.
“We Canadians normally keep to ourselves on this continent,” explained Mary Kilmartin, of Burnaby. “But whenever one of their American election nights rolls around, we prefer to just draw the curtains, park the car in the garage, and hope that they keep any armed insurrections on their side of the border.”
Harvinder Sharma of Mirimachi adds, “When I go outside to clean up tomorrow morning I hope it was one of those ‘eggs and toilet paper’ kind of US election nights, as opposed to a ‘mobilize the national guard’ kind. You never know with neighbours like this.”
While the bitterly contested election is decided, a majority of Canadians have indicated plans to “stay inside and watch Love Island with the sound down low”, whereas others intend to “head out entirely and go get dinner someplace, like France.”
Brian MacMurray, who lives on the border at Windsor, ON, reported upon peeking through his venetian blinds: “Aw hell, I see a bunch of Americans roaming around the streets all dressed up in camouflage and flag costumes. I can’t tell if they’re looking to start trouble, or if that’s just how they normally dress.”
Should tonight’s election devolve into a full-blown civil war, Prime Minister Trudeau has announced further plans for Canadians to put a bowl of fun-sized Snickers out on the porch in hopes that Americans will just take them and go away.
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And lest we forget Plan B:
We haven't forgotten The Battle at Stoney Creek the last time America tried to invade our native land. Try it again and maybe The White House will be burned AGAIN.
Almost sounds like you have got the neighbours from hell..🤣
Not now, and not when I was in Canada (but I'll not be there again).
However, in my comment I mentioned the Battle of Stoney Creek, the name of a small village on the eastern border of the city in which I was born and grew up. Many times I drove past that famous battleground to go to the Stoney Creek Dairy to enjoy the most delicious ice cream in the whole area.
I’ll be headed to the Red River Settlement in Manitoba with script in hand.
I have friends in Thunder Bay.
Are they Oji-Cree?
Norwegians.
Knock! Knock! Riiinnngggg.... Rinnngggg!
Hey Canada! I know you're in there!
Hey, Justin! Not every body likes snickers. I like kitkats
meh, I don't blame the canadians ...
my favorite memory of canada was a 2003 business trip gifted to our sales staff by our main vendor. apparently they thought we americans spent all of our time drinking like fish in strip clubs, as that was the entertainment provided nightly. it was a lot of fun having french canadian strippers attempt to convince us that the exchange rate between US and canadian dollars were totally equal at night, and denying that I voted for moronic bush jr during the day. the french food was fabulous and it was really fun fulfilling their american stereotypes at the airport on our way home ...
Thankfully I don't have to hide this time, but Jan6 did make it obvious why and justified our (Canadian) concern. Actually, what went through my mind for this election was because of the violence threatened and already experienced, that at least 4 armed National Guards should be placed at every polling place in America. And as a result of the possibility of invasion of my homeland all border crossing places should be closed, except for Native Americans who are entitled as being descended from those for whom there was no such border. So Kavika was free to travel to Manitoba.
THANKFULLY, Je suis Canadienne, and PROUD OF IT.
Vegemite rules..🦘🦘
In Canada it's poutine, butter tarts, Nanaimo bars and smarties, but I've never tried the beaver tails they serve in Ottawa.
Thanks, Buzz.
Morning Kavika...so when are you migrating to the Great Southern Land?..or as Devangy says that rock or sand bar in the middle of the ocean ??
Our elections are far more civil, better run and concluded usually within 24 hours..no one bats an eyelid and if there is a change of government mmhh..
Plus we have Vegemite, maybe that's the problem over there lack of Vitamin B for brain power..
Don't thank me, thank your ancestry.
Ain't it great to be civilized?
there's reasons why the crown put your lot of misfits on an island as far from the UK as possible ...
Ahhh but you had 50,000 of them running around in the good old States before we did..
Gotta love your convict heritage..
I will be arriving in OZ on Feb. 17/18th for a two month stay, or maybe a lot longer, Shona.
Well some relatives of mine are on the original list of Metis in Red River Settlement in Manitoba which opens up Canada even more for me.
They were not all convicts, where was a good percent that were released form mental institutions.
AND the USA has the highest rate of incarcerated persons in the world.
USA 629 per 100,000 population.
Australia 167 per....
China 119 per .....
Canada 104 per....
LINK -> Incarceration Rates By Country 2024
Having just seen the way the votes have gone in Florida, maybe you should move to Canada.
Ripper..at the peak of summer..you beauty...hope you have a great time in the land down under and look forward to seeing some happy snaps..(not the shark or croc kind)..
Do you own stock in the Vegemite company or something? lol
Yes we do. The State of Georgia started out as a convict colony
4 years?
Morning...well from what we have seen you mob need something over there..and it may as well be Vegemite.. peanut butter and jelly?? obviously isn't working..
Morning...mhhh.. election, what election?
The whole nation just stopped here yesterday for a horse race the Melbourne cup.. everything grinds to a halt.
We have our priorities right...not some election where you don't even have to vote..and all the pollies have got their snouts in the trough..🤣
OZ does have its priority right, the US is ass backwards and it’s getting worse.
Agreed. A big reason Trump won. Trump did better with union membership than possibly any Republican presidential candidate in history. There is a reason for that.
People need to just drop all the histrionics and give this a chance. And if they can’t, perhaps they should follow the yellow brick road to Oz.
Following the Yellow Brick Road to OZ is easy since I’m a permanent resident of OZ and now Canada as well.
You don’t see any historonics from me just my thoughts on Trump and I’m waiting to see the ass fall flat on his face with the NO TAX, and all his other promises including what he is going to do to save SS.
Trump has already done all the winning over of people he intends to do. Its all about himself from this point on.
SS?
Age provides a broader perspective and it has made me chill.
Social Security, Buzz.
Morning..so is it correct after 4 years of Trumpy he can't ever be President again?
See there is always light at the end of the tunnel..but it could be the train coming...
Trump is already yesterday's news here literally..
Just think if you move to the great rock/sandbar permanently you will always live in the future and the rest of the world brings up the rear..🤣
That is correct. The 22nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution prohibits a president from serving more than two terms.
I know, just joshin' with you.
Hallelujah...there is a God after all .
based upon his last 4 years, they'll probably have a drool cup strapped to him by this time next year ...