Vasectomy anyone?
Last week, I had a nice friendly conversation with a girl friend of mine. We have both been married a long time and have kids, so the natural flow of the conversation came to forms of birth control. She said to me that her husband and her had decided long before the birth of their first child, that they only wanted one child and that she would have her tubes tied after having the baby. The big day came and right after she gave birth, she told the doctor to go a head and tie her tubes. The doctor, being concerned that she might be a bit postpartum, asked her to come back in a week and see if she still wanted to go through with it. No sooner that the week past, she was back at the doctor's office ready to have her tube tied, and this time the doctor complied. Happily she went her to her singular crying baby, satisfied in the idea that the deed was behind her. Then came the next logical question, which was what did I do for birth control?
I knew this question was coming, and my response came with a bit of a story. I had twins. Now if ever there were a reason to have your tubes tied it would be twins, yet, I didn't. There was a two fold reason. The first was that my doctor was dead set against it. He said that I was too young at the time to make such a final decision. The other was that my pregnancy had complications. I suffered from preterm labor from the 26 week on and spent many weeks in and out of the hospital, being poked and prodded, and at the end, I didn't feel like another medical procedure.
Three years passed and my husband and I decided that out daughters were the only children that we wanted. Naturally, the topic of birth control was up for discussion. I was advised by my doctors not to go on the pill and my husband had been using condoms till that point. So over breakfast during the girls morning nap, the "talk" came up. I never foresaw the showdown...
Husband: So, Ummm... I think we should figure out what we are doing about birth control.
Perrie: Why? Things are going well.
Husband: Well..Ummm ahhh...I really don't like condoms...
Perrie: So what do you want to do? (Thinking.. lighten the moment), You know, since Elaine on "Seinfeld" bought ever last sponge on the market, I don't have an alternative, right?
Husband: Well, I was thinking that you might not mind having your tubes tied.
Perrie: So nice of you to think that Honey. But that's a surgery. After having the girls, I'm not having another surgery. How about you go for the snip-snip.
At this point, my husband in a singular reaction, recoils from the kitchen table jumps up, and holding on to his privates for dear life. He shrieks, "Are you out of your mind?" with the look of horror on his face that one only reserves for near death experiences.
Perrie: Let me get this straight, I can go in for laparoscopic surgery, and that is OK, but you won't go into a doctors office for a minor medical procedure? Why?
(The hubby has the look of agony on his face.)
Husband: Ummm... ahhh, (squirm squirm holding firmly on to the family jewels), because I, I, I don't like the idea of someone messing around down there and I want to know that I can.
Perrie: Can what?
Husband: You know....
Perrie: No?
Husband: Yeah, you do.
Perrie: No, No I don't!
Husband: I like the idea that I can...you know....(I lean in waiting for the answer) Ummm...I like the idea that I can still make babies.
Perrie: But we don't want any more babies, right?
Husband: Well...yeah...but....
Perrie: But what?
Silence.
At this point at the conversation, I have an epiphany. I have misjudged my husband on some level, and it could only be a few reasons for this response. He is either hedging his bets in case he decides to divorce me and have a second family. He is terrified of having surgery. But no, that can't be it, because he had sinus surgery...or... he is not quite the modern man that he has been doing such a good job of portraying, and a primal force has taken over. After a long interrogation about which tart at work he might be considered having a second family with, my husband who's a relative of Spock, gave me his very logical answer. The very last thing he wanted was to have any more children with anyone, and that I was a fine mate, so why would he look anywhere else? Such a romantic! Yet, that is the man I know and the answer is truthful. So I sat back in my chair, and looked at him in amazement. He is a fake. When push comes to shove, he's not a modern man, but a primitive. He has to feel like he could still pollinate any flower, even if it was just in his head. I ask the only other logical question. "You really don't want to do this just because it makes you feel virile?" After much twisting his face into as many possible contortion possible, he resigns himself to the ridiculous answer. "Yeah, I like the idea that my guys can get the job done."
I realized that I had now gone into the place where no woman dare tread, the male psyche. In order for men to feel good about their manhood, it is the combine knowledge that not only can they make you happy, they also have to know that they possess the possibility of making you pregnant for their full emotional satisfaction. Know that nothing trumps the male psyche, I drop the subject and it was never resurrected again. If the hubby can live with condoms, so can I. And so, it remains that way till this very day. Which leads me to ask the ladies "What's up with that?" and ask the men," Vasectomy anyone?"
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I was disconnected long ago. Haven't missed a thing.
"This is gonna sting a little bit."
my two cents....Not that I have an opinion one way or the other.....I have read about a method that has yet to be proven ineffective at birth controll.....all the female has to do is put the hands behind her head and squat down and walk like a duck for a few minutes after completeing the act of sexual gradifcation....Now I am not sure if infact it really works but I can say I have never heard of a female complaing that she got pregnant because she didn't walk like a duck....just sayin.....
BTW I think the quacking part is optional.....
Some men find vasectomies are good for extramarital affairs. Kind of like, "I'm not your baby's Daddy." Kind of like an insurance policy, you may never use it, but you know it's not there when you need it. I mean not being there is good. I was never there. Yea, there you go. "Honey, I never had sex with that woman."
Yea, like a double indemnity policy. Protects twice as much.
This one got me laughing this morning. Thanks for that. Actually, at my age it wouldn't make a difference, but because of my wayward youth (I didn't get married until I was 35) and because of my many adventures I always threw out a handful of pennies every time I passed by a schoolyard.
After my (first) wife and I had our second child, a son after having a daughter, both beautiful and healthy, (and necessarily both by means of C-section) we thought we had what was known as a "millionaire's family" (except for the money, of course), so my wife made the decision and did get her tubes tied. I think we both felt after that it had been a mistake.
Here's an alternative to vasectomy :
Miss USA Nia Sanchez Stands By 'Self Defense' And 'Martial Arts' As A Way To Prevent Sexual Assault
Ouch !
You must feel really lucky!!
Good for you Brolly! A man who has the cajones to have them disconnected!
Hey Soul,
Ya did it, right? Any regrets? And what you be doin' here? You're gonna scare the men folk.
Oh dear... a bit graphic for the squeamish. Not me, since I spent a year doing autopsies. And Grump you are very quiet on the topic... hummmmmmmm???????
I'm a little confused. Do you regret not having kids when you were younger jwc?
I can understand not wanting them now. If someone told me I was pregnant, I would pass out. My cousin married a much younger woman and had a child at 51 and a grandchild at 56. Holy "Modern Family"
LOL Bruce, lord knows how you managed to make this about foreign kids. Here is a better reason.. the wife might do a Lorretta Bobbitt on ya!
On the other hand, A+ on manning up!
LR,
Nah it doesn't work... but it does look very entertaining.
Hummm... Gene... please fill in the blanks now that you are shooting them.
LOL Six!
I feel testosterone in the air!!!
All????
Dang Gene, you better hope the misses don't read this. LMAO!
Flame,
Urologist do other things than neuter their neighbors...
Like circumcision.
But don't worry... they work for tips.
Souls...
That is always a turn on.... not.
There you go. Now if someone could have explained that to my neanderthal.
Well I am glad that I made you laugh, Buzz. I was going for something fun.
On the other hand, sorry that you felt a bit cheated about your third. I on the other hand, do not. But actually, that is why I didn't have my tubes tied. My dr said that a it was still easier to get swimmers from a man with a vasectomy, then to get eggs after a having your tubes tied.
Wow that is a radical method, Petey. Don't mess around with that gal!
Well ... in her case I expect getting her thoroughly liquored up would be the simplest strategy ...
LMAO Petey.. that is one way to handle it
I had mine done 46 years ago and have never regretted it for one second. The kindest cut of them all. I saw no threat to my manhood then and see none now, but I have made absolutely certain that I will father no more children. It was a choice that I made for me.
Good for you Larry! But I always knew you were "Da Man"
I cringed mightily watching that. Never had mine done.
Join the Matt club.
I've never had one. I would like to inject (hummm) my seed into every ethnic group on earth to become a father of the world before it's too late.
dang, your vasectomy has dropped all the way down below the belt line, but I brought it back up.
Cutting is strictly forbidden. I had all the cutting in that area that I want when I was 8 days old, but.............fondling is encouraged.
Yea, that is located in Heated Discussions!!!
Perrie, you're gonna have to pull your pants down or your vasectomy up.
Six,
I see you have a master plan, LOL!
Buzz,
Most guys would go with the fondling...
Six,
No I don't. I'm done for this year and all plumbing is where is should be.
jwc,
I am sorry for your loss ( I guess there is no other way to put it). I know that older dads do run into risks of defects.. but there are ways to check, and even younger dads have offspring with issues. I guess, life is just a gamble.
The Rabbi worked for tips, too. He saved them and made wallets out of them. If you would rub them, the wallet would turn into a suitcase. It's true.
So you tried it???!
I have the video.
You see, a man cannot get pregnant-can only experience that by watching you, so deep down, the man realizes he is only a contributor and what you were asking him was to give the ability to have to maintain that 'contribnution'-really the only thing a man has to be part of the baby making process. Besides, it's scary to contemplate some dude (or dudette) shaving your package, then taking a really sharp knife to the area we protect more than anywhere else.....
A friend of mine always says...they took out the factory and put in a playground!
Had a vasectomy before the age of 35. I offered to have the surgery its far simpler and safer for a man. Married for life plus 2 days so hopefully a long way to go.
Having a vasectomy is like having a bow with no arrows in the quiver.
I think it is more like using rubber tipped arrows ... (;~ P
Hahahaha, that's true Petey. I could make another comment but that would be dragging the article into the gutter.
Good for you RM! That's a real man!
Oh and happy anniversary!
Some guys would rather shoot cupids arrows, Kavika.
OY!