Take a few minutes to enjoy and laugh…
• So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
• Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
• Threw out my back sleeping, and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
• Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what’s your plan?
• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
• Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
• You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.
• How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years, and…the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives over 200 years.
So, rest, chill, eat, drink, and enjoy life!
• I too was once a male trapped in a female body…but then my mother gave birth.
• If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
• When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.
• I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
• Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
• We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended
• The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot
• When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
• It’s weird being the same age as old people
•Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH
• Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
• If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
• We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …Metamucil and Ensure.
• You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
• Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
• After watching how some people wore their masks, I understand why contraception fails.
• Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
• For those of you that don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.
• I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad’, and I know darn well Dad has no idea what’s inside.
• Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
• The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails.
• There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
• Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.
• I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
• My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
• Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.
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Another one emailed to me by my brother, who's even older than I am.
Your brother's jokes are always amazing-- some of the best I've seen in the Internet!
Well, they aren't actually HIS jokes. There are a lot of people who pick up the jokes from somewhere or they're sent to one of them and then they distribute them to their friends and my brother then gets them and sends them on to me and his friends when he gets them. I don't know what that's called but I know it isn't a ponzi scheme.
For starters, there's no money involved so it can't be a Ponzi scam.
Anyway, people online range from those who just read stuff and never forward anything to anyone to people who constantly forward stuff.
Sometimes its one specific topic: jokes, recipes, science, politics, sports, etc-- other people forward miscellaneous-- any thing that think people will be interested in.
Well, they aren't actually HIS jokes. There are a lot of people who pick up the jokes from somewhere or they're sent to one of them and then they distribute them to their friends and my brother then gets them and sends them on to me and his friends when he gets them.
But he still deserves credit. There are a lot of sites that are jokes only. (Like everything else on the 'net there's almost "TMI" {too much information}.)
So your brother deserves credit for his skill in selecting really good ones.
My cousin is a militant, ecumenical Atheist. But occasionally she goes to events by the UUSC ("Unitarian Universalist Service Committee). I've known Unitarians who debate with each other as to whether they are actually a religion or not.
Anyway my experience is that their meetings often attract rather intelligent and interesting people.
She introduced me to this humor site: the Unitarian Universalist Hysterical Society
I just checked it out-- and found this (text on mug is clearer at the linked site-- at that site click on photo to enlarge):
I'm not a robot mug
I'll tell him you said so.
So do you think, if I were to join that society, that I could......
Is that mug for a left-handed or right-handed person?
So do you think, if I were to join that society, that I could...
People don't have to join it to copy and paste jokes they post on their site, There is no cost to access their site.
(However if you can't access Facebook you can't see it or forward articles-- which means people with access could copy and paste things from their site here).
I don't know but my guess is its for people who identify as heterosexual-- or maybe its just for people who identify as "he,she.it")?
Or even people who identify as "He,She,them,They,Pervert"???
Or perhaps those who identify as: He, She, Heterosexual, Ambidexterous, Cisgender?
No Facebook, X (Twitter), Instagram etc here for me.
I, my wife and our kids, are all normal he and she people and I really don't care if others want to be something else.
This should give some of us a break from all the bad news. Of course my movie quizzes do that as well.
If you did get a laugh out of it, please vote it up to keep it up front for more NT members to see it.
Arvo...well they certainly made my day..😁
It gave me my second and more laughs this morning as well. My first laugh was something posted on the Creative Arts group about flushing the toilet.
Funny.
I thought so too.
Can't dispute that and I read the other day that a Galopogous Turtle was still having sex at 160. He's known around Turtlehood as ''Luckey''.
I'm starting to think about wearing a shell.
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot
Probably the next big thing will be humans asking robots to prove they aren't human.
I think that with the way AI is advancing that could be soon.
I think that with the way AI is advancing that could be soon.
There will be so many uses for AI. Imagine the potential uses in "Chat"-- two people can set up their AI bots in a chat-- and the two robots will talk to each other for hours-- which frees humans up to do other stuff off line. A real time saver!
Yep, it can be pretty useful that way.
I saw a funny expression the other day that would fit right in with these. Beer - because you can’t drink bacon.
Well, at least they both start with "b".
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH
In much the same vein.
INCOMING E-MAIL: "I'm a hacker and I know all your passwords,"
RESPONSE: "Could you tell me what they are please?"
Lots of laughs here to temporarily cool out everyone's mind of the shit that's going on.
LOL
Lol, thanks Buzz.
I don't think they're screaming, just cursing...
Maybe so, but really loudly. I can hear them in my apartment from the farmer's market way around the corner.
One way to fix that...the roasting dish..🍗🍗
My wife has cooked a few but there always seem to be more there.
LOL As a kid I assisted my dad beheading the raucous so and so's in preparation for the roasting oven, their major crime they weren't laying any eggs !!!!
I've eaten chicken eggs, goose eggs, duck eggs, little bird eggs but I've never eaten turkey eggs - I guess they're not that much different.