BLONDE JOKES - MAYBE OLD BUT STILL FUNNY
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
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Emailed to me by my usual source - my brother.
Anyone who has a good blonde joke, post it as a comment.
I think the one about the sun is the funniest one, not the last one. What do you all think?
She was obviously unusually well informed. (She knew all about the upcoming eclipse!)
Good catch.
OK Haha
i used to be a dumb brunette...
3 pregnant women were in doctor's waiting room, redhead said I'm going to have a girl because I was on top, Brown haired girl said that means I'll have a boy because he was on top and blonde girl starts crying and said Oh No! That means I will have puppies.
A little risque but still funny.
A blonde boards a flight to Toronto and immediately sits down in first class despite holding a coach ticket, the flight attendant walks up to her and explains that she will have to take her seat in coach, the Blonde responds that she is blonde and beautiful and is In first class! A second flight attendant tries to reason with her but gets the same results, the blonde refuses to leave first class and boldly announcing she is blonde beautiful and going to Toronto in first class.
The captain comes out of the cockpit and asks the flight attendants what the hold-up is? They explain to her what the issue is with the Blonde in first class, the captain looks at them and says leave it to me, she walks down the aisle to where the blonde is firmly established her spot in first class, the captain bends down and whispers in the blonde’s ear, the blonde immediately grabs her stuff and hurries back to her coach seat.
One of the flight attendants turns to the captain and says, I have to know, what did you whisper to her to get her to move?
The captain smiles and replies, I told her first class wasn’t going to Toronto.
That made me burst out laughing out loud for the first time today, and it's already noon here.
A blonde calls an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to the UK?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute…" The blonde says, "Thanks!," and hangs up the phone.
Good one.