Melania Trump’s new NFT is the perfect holiday g(r)ift

  

Category:  Op/Ed

Via:  hallux  •  one month ago  •  37 comments

By:   Alexandra Petri

Melania Trump’s new NFT is the perfect holiday g(r)ift

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



It can be so hard to find the perfect gift! But great news!

From the family that bought you An Organization That Will Give Some Undetermined Amount of Money to Children’s Cancer, But Mostly Won’t, and the malign, sentient random-word generator that produces all headlines now, comes:Melania Trump’s New NFT Platform!

Do you want to give to a charity, but nottoomuch? Do you understand NFTs, but nottoomuch? Well, rest easy: “Melania Trump ispleased to announcethe Melania Trump non-fungible token (NFT) platform, which will release NFTs in regular intervals exclusively onMelaniaTrump.com.”

The first NFT will be called “Melania’s Vision,” apparently “a breathtaking watercolor art” (that is the correct unit, I think, for describing when someone paints something, just as the Mona Lisa is “a breathtaking oil art”) that “embodies Mrs. Trump’s cobalt blue eyes, providing the collector with an amulet to inspire.”

You know, initially I was a little worried there might be something not entirely aboveboard about Melania Trump’s new NFT venture, which also claims it will somehow provide children from foster care with computer science skills. (Are the NFT platform programmers children? I assume they aren’t, but also this is not not how you would word it if you were trying to discreetly inform the public that your programmers are children.) But now that I know they are selling amulets, I am utterly reassured!

Nothing says “this is not a scam” like “we sell amulets.” Anyway, this art will also include an audio recording from Mrs. Trump with a “message of hope,” which almost certainly will not turn out to be her reading a snippet of “Becoming.”

Melania Trump is going to release more of these, including in “a one-of-a-kind auction of historical importance scheduled in January 2022” that will include “digital artwork, physical artwork, and a physical one-of-a-kind accessory,” which had better be another amulet or I’m going to riot.

“A portion of the proceeds” (definitely doesn’t need to be more specific!) “will assist children aging out of the foster care system by way of economic empowerment and with expanded access to resources needed to excel in the fields of computer science and technology.” Once again, I do not think, from the way this is worded, that you can rule out that Melania Trump has hired a specific child as her computer programmer and this is how she is describing paying their salary and letting them use a computer to set up her website.

If I were hiring a child to make one-of-a-kind Christmas knitwear to benefit mostly myself, I would say something that sounded exactly like that: “A portion of the proceeds will assist young people making their first strides into the field of knitwear by way of economic empowerment and giving them access to yarn arts resources.” I just think this wording should be looked at.

My point is: This is great. My biggest worry at this time of year is that if I give money to charity, too much of it will go to charity. I don’t want that. I want mystery to surround all my donations. I want to have no clear idea how my money is being spent, or whom it is benefiting, besides the vague sense that it is passing through the hands of Trumps.

Because if there were one family in the world I would trust to take my money, claim they were using “a portion” of it for possibly charitable activity, and transform it into brass fixtures and grift, it would be this one. I’m just glad it’s in time for Christmas.


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Hallux
Sophomore Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    one month ago

The grift that keeps on grifting. The Trumps have turned it into an art form.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
2  Trout Giggles    one month ago

How does anyone know what color her eyes are? She's always squinting

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1  Ender  replied to  Trout Giggles @2    one month ago

Her face was pulled way to tight.

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
2.1.1  devangelical  replied to  Ender @2.1    one month ago

that happened when she had to have her knees replaced.... twice...

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
2.1.2  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Ender @2.1    one month ago

With the raccoon eye makeup, she looks like one of the Stepford Wives from the ending of the original movie with Katherine Ross.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
3  Paula Bartholomew    one month ago

The deplorables will spend their last dollar to purchase them.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4  Kavika     one month ago

Cobalt blue eyes. LMAO, hell I have cobalt blue eyes that are much rarer than hers since I'm in that .5% of Indians that have blue eyes. 

I'll be selling photos of my eyes online. 

Contact

Animikii zaagijiwan 

1 Ozhaawashkwaa

Miskwaagamiiwi-zaaga'igan

Cash, credit card accepted. No personal checks.

 
 
 
Hallux
Sophomore Principal
4.1  seeder  Hallux  replied to  Kavika @4    one month ago

I have grey eyes ... wanna trade one?

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.1.1  Kavika   replied to  Hallux @4.1    one month ago

Nope, I've had these for a very long time and I'll be sticking with them...LOL

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.1.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @4.1.1    one month ago

My dad and grampap had beautiful blue eyes. I got green eyes

 
 
 
Split Personality
PhD Principal
4.1.3  Split Personality  replied to  Trout Giggles @4.1.2    one month ago

Mine change from brown to green, like a mood ring...

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.1.4  Kavika   replied to  Trout Giggles @4.1.2    one month ago

Green eyes are very rare, congratulations

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.1.5  Kavika   replied to  Split Personality @4.1.3    one month ago

together or one at a time?

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.1.6  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @4.1.4    one month ago

Really? Most of my family has green eyes. My kids should have gotten Mr G's brown eyes, but apparently my DNA is more dominant than his so they look like me and got my green eyes

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
4.1.7  Kavika   replied to  Trout Giggles @4.1.6    one month ago

Only 2% of the world population have green eyes. Most from northern Europe.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.1.8  Trout Giggles  replied to  Kavika @4.1.7    one month ago

Interesting. My ancestors come from Northern Europe, too

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
4.1.9  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Kavika @4.1.4    one month ago

I am the only one in my family (both sides) that has green eyes.  It is unusual considering the number of red heads we have.

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4.1.10  Ender  replied to  Trout Giggles @4.1.8    one month ago

You are a secret Brit. Sent here to infiltrate.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
4.1.11  sandy-2021492  replied to  Hallux @4.1    one month ago

I have heterochromia.  One blue eye, one part blue and part brown.  I'm a genetic mystery.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
4.1.12  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  sandy-2021492 @4.1.11    one month ago

I don't know if you watch Dhar Mann vids, but there is an actress in them that has heterochromia.  I would love to have two diff colored eyes.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
4.1.13  sandy-2021492  replied to  Paula Bartholomew @4.1.12    one month ago
Dhar Mann

A girl a few years younger than me back home had it - one eye was bright blue and the other dark brown.  She had platinum blonde hair, so they really stood out.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
4.1.14  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  sandy-2021492 @4.1.13    one month ago

I read about a model who had heterochromia and she managed to find a Persian cat with the same eyes as her.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
4.1.15  cjcold  replied to  Trout Giggles @4.1.2    one month ago

I have a border collie with one blue eye.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
4.1.16  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  cjcold @4.1.15    one month ago

Many years ago (in fact around 70 years ago) a distant relative had a collie with one blue eye and one brown eye.  I thought at the time that it was quite unusual. 

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
Professor Principal
4.1.17  Trout Giggles  replied to  cjcold @4.1.15    one month ago

I bet that is a beautiful dog. I've always adored border collies

 
 
 
Veronica
Senior Expert
4.2  Veronica  replied to  Kavika @4    one month ago

Just plain brown here.

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4.2.1  Ender  replied to  Veronica @4.2    one month ago

Sort of a light, pale blue.

 
 
 
Veronica
Senior Expert
4.2.2  Veronica  replied to  Ender @4.2.1    one month ago

My father had pale blue eyes, my mother has hazel eyes - most of the kids got brown eyes - one brother has hazel.

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
4.2.3  Ender  replied to  Veronica @4.2.2    one month ago

There is a mailman joke in there somewhere...

Haha

 
 
 
Veronica
Senior Expert
4.2.4  Veronica  replied to  Ender @4.2.3    one month ago

I wouldn't put it past either of them (mom or dad).

 
 
 
Veronica
Senior Expert
5  Veronica    one month ago

halloween-concept-close-evil-female-260nw-313054376.jpg

That is what the pic of Melania reminds me of... the black eyed kids that appear on dark deserted roads.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
6  Buzz of the Orient    one month ago

You should all be kinder to her.  Don't you realize what her life must be like, having to sleep with the Donald every night?  Sane people would have chosen the Inquisition. 

 
 
 
Dragon
Freshman Silent
6.1  Dragon  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6    one month ago

She hasn't slept with Trump in years, they have separate bedrooms. I have zero sympathy for her, she was a gold digger, found a sucker, married him, had the child she wanted and now wants nothing to do with Trump, except his money. She is as bad, if not worse, than he is. 

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
6.1.1  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Dragon @6.1    one month ago

You reap what you sow.

 
 
 
sandy-2021492
Professor Principal
6.2  sandy-2021492  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6    one month ago

She went into it with her eyes...well...not wide open.  I don't know if they can open wide anymore.  But she knew what she was getting into.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Principal
6.2.1  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  sandy-2021492 @6.2    one month ago

Actually, he probably knew what he was getting into as well.

 
 
 
Paula Bartholomew
Professor Guide
6.2.2  Paula Bartholomew  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6.2.1    one month ago

If she is decently grabable, he will always be down for it.

 
 

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