Biden Sells Alaska Back To Russia So We Can Start Drilling For Oil There Again | The Babylon Bee

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  4 months ago  •  33 comments

By:   The Babylon Bee

Biden Sells Alaska Back To Russia So We Can Start Drilling For Oil There Again | The Babylon Bee
ANCHORAGE, AK - The deliberate and premeditated invasion of Ukraine by brutal dictator Vladimir Putin has forced the US to reassess the importance of energy independence. With this new resolve, the Biden Administration has taken its first step toward increasing oil production for Americans by selling Alaska back to Russia so we can start drilling for oil t ...

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



ANCHORAGE, AK—The deliberate and premeditated invasion of Ukraine by brutal dictator Vladimir Putin has forced the US to reassess the importance of energy independence. With this new resolve, the Biden Administration has taken its first step toward increasing oil production for Americans by selling Alaska back to Russia so we can start drilling for oil there again.

"Folks, nobody wants to ruin America's beautiful Alaskan wilderness with oil trucks and drilling rigs, come on!" said President Biden in response to questions he thought were coming from a house plant in the West Wing. "But I've never had a problem getting oil from Russia, so there you go, go get him."

Jen Psaki praised Biden's brilliance in finding a solution that would prevent an energy crisis while also preventing new drilling on American land. She pointed out succinctly to journalists, "You see, it's not American land anymore; it's Russian land."

Politicians on both sides of the political aisle criticized Biden for selling Alaska without giving them enough time to sneak friends and family onto the boards of newly-relevant Russian oil companies. They also voiced concern that the negotiator handling both the Alaska sale as well as managing drilling permits was Hunter Biden and not their own children.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    4 months ago

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Ender
Professor Principal
2  Ender    4 months ago

Why you all think every pristine land has to be exploited I don't know.

And before you start, yes I know this is suppose to be satire...

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Ender @2    4 months ago

The resources are where the resources are….. crazy, I know,  but that’s how it works. Sorry 

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1.1  Ender  replied to  GregTx @2.1    4 months ago

No, your not.

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
2.1.2  JBB  replied to  Ender @2.1.1    4 months ago

Where I'm from being sorry isn't a good thing.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1.4  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Ender @2.1.1    4 months ago

jrSmiley_54_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1.5  Ender  replied to  GregTx @2.1.4    4 months ago
The poor cook, he caught the fits
And threw away all my grits
And then he took and he ate up all of my corn
Let me go home
Why don't they let me go home?
This is the worst trip I've ever been on
 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1.6  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Ender @2.1.5    4 months ago

Sloop John B?

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1.7  Ender  replied to  GregTx @2.1.6    4 months ago
So hoist up the John B's sail 
See how the mainsail sets 
Call for the captain ashore

Sorry. I heard that today and it stuck in my head.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1.8  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Ender @2.1.7    4 months ago

Gotcha

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.1.9  Split Personality  replied to  Ender @2.1.7    4 months ago

Earworm? jrSmiley_68_smiley_image.png

 
 
 
Ender
Professor Principal
2.1.10  Ender  replied to  Split Personality @2.1.9    4 months ago

The groove is in the heart...

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.2  Ronin2  replied to  Ender @2    4 months ago

Why you think it is better to beholden to every dictator on the planet for energy is beyond me. Most of those said dictators take US money and then turn around and use it against us.

Let's look at Biden's oil begging list.

  • Saudi Arabia- depending what day of the week it is they may or may not be our ally. Most of the terrorists on 9/11 were Saudis. The head of Al Qaeda Osama Bin Laden was Saudi. The Saudis never disowned the Bin Laden family. They never actively helped in the tracking down of Bin Laden. How much Al Qaeda money came from the Saudis.
  • Russia. Putin would like to thank Biden for helping him fill his war coffers before the Ukraine invasion. He couldn't have asked for a better patsy.
  • Iran. Screw not letting Iran get nukes. We need that damn oil! If Iran sells to the US what they use our money for is their own business. So what if they turn the Middle East into glass. 
  • Venezuela.   A group of senior U.S. officials flew to Venezuela on Saturday for a meeting with President Nicolás Maduro’s government to discuss the possibility of easing sanctions on Venezuelan oil exports as the Biden administration weighs a  ban on imports  of Russian oil and gas, according to two people familiar with the situation. The trip is the highest-level U.S. visit to the socialist state in years and comes as the United States is seeking to isolate Russia for its invasion of Ukraine. Venezuela, the Kremlin’s most important ally in South America, used to be a significant supplier of crude to the United States before exports were hobbled by domestic mismanagement and crippling sanctions from Washington.   You really can't make this shit up. So to bypass Russia we are going to buy oil from their #1 ally in South America. Biden is creating a whole new definition of stupid. 

But what could go wrong?/S

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2.1  Split Personality  replied to  Ronin2 @2.2    4 months ago

Saudi Arabia-

Who cares? They. like many others play politics and court the Russians or the Chinese to piss off the USA and then do the same to China and Putin.

  • Russia. Putin .
  • would like to thank Biden for helping him fill his war coffers before the Ukraine invasion. He couldn't have asked for a better patsy.

And where is that money that he built up over 4 Administrations? Fucking frozen by Biden and our allies.

Go fish.

Iran. Screw not letting Iran get nukes. We need that damn oil!

R U fucking kidding? You. like Trump, just want to "take it"?

Venezuela

So given the lesser of two evils that can provide 500,000 barrels ( 3%) of our needs would you rather deal with a

narcissist in South America who has no nukes and is holding 6 Citgo execs hostage since 2017

(that Trump did squat about )

or a narcissist with over 6,200 nukes (if they actually work) in Russia who wants to bully and blackmail the world.

Or just order all of the idle pumpjacks across the USA to be turned on?  ( that would be unconstitutional, )

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.2.2  Ronin2  replied to  Split Personality @2.2.1    4 months ago

Jesus another one that can't get the simple damn logic! If you depend on oil from dictators- you get what you deserve.

Saudi Arabia- Who cares? They. like many others play politics and court the Russians or the Chinese to piss off the USA and then do the same to China and Putin.

Ignoring 9/11 again I see. They don't like us. They don't like our way of life. If it wasn't for our weapons (which they want); our money (which they really want); and the fact we can end their existence (which they are scared shitless of); they wouldn't give a fuck about us.

And where is that money that he built up over 4 Administrations? Fucking frozen by Biden and our allies.

So it isn't in Russia? And Putin is just moving oil to the US and Europe out of the kindness of his heart. Try again. The US and Europe can only freeze assets outside of Russia; not in it. The second we stop paying for Russian oil; and the money doesn't reach Putin- those tankers will be turned around and sent home. 

R U fucking kidding? You. like Trump, just want to "take it"?

Where the fuck did you get that from? "God, let's fight a war over oil." what are you the French or British pissed off that Libya didn't give you oil development contracts? We keep Iran completely cut off. Sanctions in place so they can't fucking sell their oil anywhere. No money means their nuclear program is stuck in neutral. No aid to the damn enemy. Iran is state sponsor of terrorism. There fucking militias attacked and killed our troops in Iraq- that is going back to the Bush Jr years. Is Biden so damn desperate that he is willing to fund that?

So given the lesser of two evils that can provide 500,000 barrels ( 3%) of our needs would you rather deal with a

narcissist in South America who has no nukes and is holding 6 Citgo execs hostage since 2017

(that Trump did squat about )

or a narcissist with over 6,200 nukes (if they actually work) in Russia who wants to bully and blackmail the world.

Or just order all of the idle pumpjacks across the USA to be turned on?  ( that would be unconstitutional, )

Damn, when it comes to outlandish comments you take the damn cake. At least you got your "But Trruuummmmppppp!!!!!!" fix in. I don't want to deal with any dictators for oil or gas. We have more than enough resources in the US. But no one seems to want to answer the damn question "With the price of a barrel of oil at $125 and climbing; why aren't US companies restarting old wells, or tapping new ones? What regulations or costs are there involved that are keeping them waiting?". Or is that too damn painful of thing to find out because it might lead directly back to the human fuck up machine currently in the White House and the actions he has taken since he entered office?

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2.3  Split Personality  replied to  Ronin2 @2.2.2    4 months ago

I am absolutely thrilled that you think my comments are annoying.

That's probably exactly like I feel reading your comments of partisan BS.

One thing I can agree on. There are idle pumpjacks all over my part of TX and I haven't seen more than

three running in three years.

That needs to change, but in TX we take liberty seriously and if the owners don't want to pump

they ain't gonna pump.  No reason necessary.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.2.4  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Split Personality @2.2.3    4 months ago

That’s curious.

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.2.5  Ronin2  replied to  Split Personality @2.2.3    4 months ago
I am absolutely thrilled that you think my comments are annoying.

You must because you keep making them.

That's probably exactly like I feel reading your comments of partisan BS.

Pot meet kettle. You are way in the lead of partisan BS by claiming things I never stated. Like going to war with Iran. Damn what a fucking idiotic comment that was. There are only two options dropping sanctions on Iran so they can get nukes and we get to buy their oil; or going to war with them to get their oil. Keeping the status quo isn't an option? 

One thing I can agree on. There are idle pumpjacks all over my part of TX and I haven't seen more than

three running in three years.

That needs to change, but in TX we take liberty seriously and if the owners don't want to pump

they ain't gonna pump.  No reason necessary.

If we had a real leader; instead of a human fuck up machine; he might meet and talk with US oil producers to find out why they aren't increasing production- even with prices topping $125 a barrel. Of course he might not like the answers they give; as they would conflict with the promises he is keeping to the far left radicals in his party. Instead all Biden is doing is running to media and blaming US oil companies for price gouging. That is sure the get them to start pumping./S

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2.6  Split Personality  replied to  Ronin2 @2.2.5    4 months ago

You still talking?

I hate to think that this is your only "hobby".

 
 
 
Split Personality
Professor Principal
2.2.7  Split Personality  replied to  Ronin2 @2.2.5    4 months ago
Pot meet kettle. You are way in the lead of partisan BS by claiming things I never stated. Like going to war with Iran. Damn what a fucking idiotic comment that was.

Perhaps you can explain or point out where I ever said any such thing.

Then again,

don't bother,

shingles doesn't care.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
3  Jeremy Retired in NC    4 months ago

Wow.  It's satire people.  Lighten up.

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4  Tessylo    4 months ago

Satire is supposed to be funny.  

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Masters Principal
4.1  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  Tessylo @4    4 months ago

Not always...............

Satire is characterized by its use of irony, exaggeration, ridicule, or humor. So, while the end result may (and likely will, in the right context) merit at least a chuckle, that isn't necessarily the original intent, and it certainly isn't the point. (By "the point," I mean the reason literary scholars/your teachers want you to read it. i.e. you aren't being told to read Huckleberry Finn because you might find it funny; you're being told to read it because it's important for you to understand what Twain is saying about society and learn to appreciate how he's saying. The fact that it may also be funny is mostly tertiary.)

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4.2  Tessylo  replied to  Tessylo @4    4 months ago

Satire is supposed to be funny.  

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
4.2.1  Right Down the Center  replied to  Tessylo @4.2    4 months ago
 Not always.
 satire
  1. the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
4.2.2  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Tessylo @4.2    4 months ago
Satire is supposed to be funny.

And it is for those who understand it.  That may be your issue.

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4.2.3  Tessylo  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @4.2.2    4 months ago

How moronic.  What's to understand about such a moronic excuse for satire.  

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
4.2.5  Tessylo  replied to  Right Down the Center @4.2.1    4 months ago

jrSmiley_90_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Just Jim NC TttH
Masters Principal
4.2.6  Just Jim NC TttH  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @4.2.2    4 months ago

Ya think?

 
 
 
magicschoolbusdropout
Freshman Expert
4.2.8  magicschoolbusdropout  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @4.2.2    4 months ago
And it is for those who understand it.  That may be your issue.

For Sure !

"Satire" is ......... HARD to get...... afterall !

Do love it. Just as much as "Sarcasm" !

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Freshman Guide
4.2.9  Right Down the Center  replied to  Tessylo @4.2.5    4 months ago

jrSmiley_14_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
4.2.10  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Tessylo @4.2.3    4 months ago
What's to understand about such a moronic excuse for satire.

Call one of your friends and have them explain it.  Maybe they can help you.  

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
4.3  Texan1211  replied to  Tessylo @4    4 months ago

A sense of humor is required to truly get satire.

 
 

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