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We will stop at nothing to protect the children

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  last year  •  8 comments

By:   Alexandra Petri

We will stop at nothing to protect the children

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



I can think of nothing worse than children — in school, sitting at their desks, reading  banned books . A horrible thought, all those children solemnly holding books in their hands and reading them and putting the thoughts in those books into their minds. Learning the wrong lessons and growing up — the wrong way. Growing all the way up. Getting to grow up and think thoughts about those improper things they read in unsanctioned books, their whole lives, maybe. Horrible. I can think of nothing worse. Children who get to be 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 and beyond — children who get to grow and have children of their own, and call their mothers or forget to call them, children who get to see the places they always wanted to see and children who get to be the best aunts in the world, but one afternoon in 2023 they read a book I didn’t approve of. I can’t imagine anything more horrible. Something must be done. To protect the children, we must stop at nothing.

I can think of nothing worse than children seeing  art that is improper . Statues, paintings, vile, vile, horrible. Children passing pictures from hand to hand, looking at them, getting ideas about art. All those living children looking at those inappropriate statues! Horrible. Imagine them all leaving the classroom safely and growing up and maybe becoming artists themselves, and not thinking that what they saw was unspeakably obscene. Growing up and having barbecues and throwing surprise birthdays and cooking the best steak you ever ate and burning simple pasta in an inexplicable way and getting into fights on the internet and living to be 90 years old and — all the while, having seen that improper art. I can’t imagine a worse fate. We must act now!

I can’t think of anything worse than children  reading history and feeling bad . Imagine, children, going home alive to their parents and complaining that they were made to feel bad by reading about the horrible events of the past. Can you think of a worse thing? Imagine that happening to a child. Imagine being a parent, and seeing the door open, and your child come through it, unharmed, with a complaint about a textbook. Unthinkable. Awful. Frightening. We must pass legislation.


I can’t think of anything worse than children going to a library to hear a   drag queen   read a story. Children sitting there alive in a library, hearing a story, surrounded by books and glitter, laughing. Children having a pleasant time, feeling as though there was nothing to be afraid of and going home happy. Can you think of anything worse? No, no. We must stop this at once. There must be laws. We must take action. We must protect the children from this awful fate.



Can you think of something worse? Are you thinking of something worse? Don’t worry: I will not think of it. I will not legislate about it. I will not give it a moment’s concern. To protect the children, I will stop at nothing. At absolutely nothing.



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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    last year

Not all satire is funny ...

 
 
 
Ed-NavDoc
Professor Quiet
1.1  Ed-NavDoc  replied to  Hallux @1    last year

Or appropriate.

 
 
 
Gsquared
Professor Principal
2  Gsquared    last year

Protect children from getting shot at school?  Republicans say "NEVER!"

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Junior Expert
2.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Gsquared @2    last year

How many Dems support a Assault Weapons Ban?

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Junior Quiet
2.1.1  afrayedknot  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @2.1    last year

Who cannot? 

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Junior Expert
2.1.2  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  afrayedknot @2.1.1    last year

That last Assault Weapons Ban barely passed the Senate.  I haven’t seen a new on in the Senate since.

 
 
 
Gsquared
Professor Principal
2.1.3  Gsquared  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @2.1.2    last year
That last Assault Weapons Ban barely passed the Senate.

The Senate vote on the original Assault Weapons Ban in 1994 was 56 for (46 Democrats and 10 Republicans) and 43 against (8 Democrats and 35 Republicans) with 1 Democrat not present.

 I haven’t seen a new on in the Senate since.

There was a bill that passed the House in the last Congress, which all Senate Democrats supported, however, there were not 10 Republicans to help break the filibuster.

The Assault Weapons Ban of 2023 (S.25) was introduced by Sen. Feinstein on 1/23/2023.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3  Buzz of the Orient    last year

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