Republicans To Spend Weekend Brainstorming How To Be Even More Of An Embarrassment
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After another week of taking petty squabbling and gross incompetency to new heights, Congressional Republicans are taking the weekend to brainstorm how to possibly embarrass themselves even further.
"Think people, think! How can we make even bigger fools of ourselves?" asked Patrick McHenry to the gathered Republicans. "I know we have it in us!"
As reports surfaced that Democrats might regain significant control through a deal with the Speaker pro tempore, Republicans worried they were running out of ways to beclown themselves. "I honestly don't know how we're going to top this," said Nancy Mace, still bearing a large scarlet letter on her shirt. "We coughed up increased border security, eight percent federal spending cuts, expelling Hamas apologists from positions of power, the Speaker being briefed on the hostage situation -- all before handing power back to the Democrats to send billions more to Ukraine. What could be worse? I mean, we just painted the Mona Lisa of embarrassing ourselves. We've got to dig deep."
According to sources at the Republican brainstorming session, the leading proposal to raise the bar next week was bringing in an old-timey revolver to literally shoot themselves in the foot repeatedly.
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Doesn't seem like satire to me.
Interesting..
Nah, they have already been shooting themselves in the dick, the foot is an improvement.
If They Only Had A Brain!
I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head, I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain
I'd unravel every riddle
For any individual
In trouble or in pain
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain
Oh, I could tell you why the ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more
I would not be just a nothin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain
Gosh, it would be awful [Incomprehensible]
To reason out the reason
For things I can't explain
Then perhaps I'll deserve your
And be even worthy of your
If I only had a brain
No doubt they will succeed.
They did, and they're still doing it, in spades.