╌>

Trump pledges that if re-elected he will NEVER rape another girl again.

  

Category:  Satire

By:  eat-the-press-do-not-read-it  •  3 months ago  •  43 comments

Trump pledges that if re-elected he will NEVER rape another girl again.
"What a gracious, beast"! - Mark Swain

Donnie has a new campaign slogan: 

"I pledge to you, fellow MAGA-LOONS from this day forward, that if I am re-elected, I will NEVER rape again!"


That is the most peculiar pledge in the history of this country, or so I am told, by one of my hallucinations.

When our reporter, "Little Johnnie Jump Up" ask Dirty Diaper Donnie: 

"What about the pooping, pissing your pants, raging, throwing catch-up bottles at the White House wall?  Will that STOP, too?"


All Hell broke out, as did his pooping, wetting, pissing his pants, raging, screaming, erupts symanatously, and T-Rump shouted to the crowd of 12 people, "I did nothing wrong. I don't know anyone named Stormy Daniels! I didn't rape the twenty-three women who said I did. They are liars. I am not a liar. I am a business man. A TV celebrity. They let you do it it if you are a celebrity!"

"I am many things, a Con Man, a Thief, a Bull Shat Artist, a Fartist, a failed businessman who went bankrupt to get out of paying my bills and many more disgusting things that I am proud of.

"But, I promise you,MAGA-LOONS, if you re-elect me I will never RAPE another woman, not even IVANKA, who I have always wanted to, and nearly did, until her mother caught me, and...and that is when I killed---er---nevermind, get the HELL OUT OF HERE!"

And, then the video went blank...! 

Only, the audio worked:

"I am going to be your KING, then we will see who gets raped and who doesn't. I always get even, that is what I enjoy the most...getting even." 

A door slammed, and we heard someone say, "Take that little pipsqueak, with us!" 

This transcript was left on my desk, but, no one has ever heard from "Little Johnnie Jump Up", since that interview. 

Have you heard anything from him?

Please contact us at the BIRD DROPPING INSTITUTE - A THINK TANK FOR MORON, NO IDIOTS, PLEASE, located in Mildew, Oh-HO-HOS, where there are No Jobs, Not Even Blow Jobs.

It's in the Bye-Bull, somewhere.

  - Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored"
(If you don't think I am doctored, just take a gander in me medicine cabinet. I take one, two, maybe three hundred pills a day. If I ain't "doctored", who the Hell is?


Tags

jrDiscussion - desc
[]
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

I can neither verify, nor deny the validity of the note, but I can try.

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
2  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

Who are you going to VOTE for in the upcoming election. Have you decided?

Inquiring Minds Want To Know, the Other Kind Do Not Give A SHAT!  Isn't that sad?

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
3  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

To get the full, hidden messages concealed in this tome, read the FRONT PAGE of EAT THE PRESS-DO NOT READ IT, the content is worthless. The Value is in the pulp in the paper when one eats it, so eat it Michael, don't beat it. That is so passe!

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
4  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

PS:  We are taking DONATIONS FOR BILLIONAIRES.
Billionaires are people, too. And, they sometime need financial assistance. Won't you help a billionaire keep his job?

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
5  Ronin2    3 months ago

Trump Pledges That If Re-Elected He Will NEVER Rape Another Girl Again.

If only Brandon would promise to do the same.

While he is at it. Can Brandon promise to stop using the FBI, IRS, and DOJ to attack those that oppose him? 

That Hunter Biden, whose investigation began long before Trump's started, will have a single damn trial before the election.

Weiss has gone back into the DA/Special Prosecutor witness protection program again. Expect Republicans to request his picture be put on a milk carton with the caption. "If seen, have him report immediately to the nearest federal court and file charges, before the rest of the statute of limitations run out."

Otherwise expect to see Weiss next in 2029 looking confused, befuddled, and in complete disarray. Stating "That the investigations that I have been stonewalling into Hunter and Brandon have reached a dead end. And that no biased, dishonest, and corrupt Special Prosecutor would dare file charges after do so little searching, and purposely finding absolutely nothing. It was hard to stretch out the investigation that along because they kept stumbling across real evidence that they had to cover up. We went through many FBI and IRS agents to find the right combination of those that don't give a shit and were just happy to take the money. And those that wanted to investigate Trump instead. We will release what have found against Trump in our report to the AG, whoever that is now, and the new Congress. Hopefully both will be Democrat controlled. Those Republicans were so mean to me last time!" 

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
5.1  Krishna  replied to  Ronin2 @5    2 months ago
If only Brandon

Usually the mere mention of "Brandon" is forbIdden by the greatly feared "Red Box Rules"!  jrSmiley_88_smiley_image.gif

But thank goodness that's not the case with this seed. jrSmiley_81_smiley_image.gif

Here we can say "Brandon" all we want:

BRANDON!  BRANDON!  BRANDON!

(How courageous of me!) 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6  Buzz of the Orient    3 months ago

My question is: Does he keep his promises?

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
6.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6    3 months ago

No, T-Rump has never kept his marital vows, or any promises that he has ever made. He is by genetics, I am told by one of my voices, that T-Rump has multiple personality, all of which are EVIL.
---Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
6.1.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @6.1    3 months ago

A VOTE for Trump is a Vote for Satan. Just say NO...HELL NO to the Rapist, Donald J. Trump.

23 women can forth and publicly stated at grave risk to themself, that they were raped, or sexually assaulted by Trump.

Our sources suggest that these 23 are a small percentage that had been violated by the ORANGE RAPIST.

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
6.1.2  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @6.1.1    3 months ago

A VOTE for T-Rump is a VOTE for RAPE!

Will the Supreme Court, under, Chief John Roberts, rule that T-Rump, or, any president, has immunity for his actions during his tenure in office, as well as, when he leaves office, until DEATH do us depart.

Therefore, "Dirty Diaper Donnie" may RAPE as many women, men, or, children as his gruesome, Devil driven sexual perversion desires.

To this observer, that conclusion seems a bit twisted, unless one is a Twisted Freak.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1.3  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @6.1    3 months ago

To be both fair and accurate, he did keep at least ONE promise, one made by many POTUSes before him and never kept by them, and that was to move the American Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. 

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
6.1.4  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6.1.3    3 months ago

Well, also, did eventually remove the toilet paper from his shoe.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1.5  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @6.1.4    3 months ago

Did he put toilet paper in his shoe to make himself taller, or was it just a secret place to store some in case he pooped while he was out and around?

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
6.1.6  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6.1.5    3 months ago

Enquiring Minds Want To Know!

Trump is so CHEAP, he attaches T-P to his shoes, so he doesn't have to buy any toilet paper. "Dirty Diaper Donnie", constantly is running out of T-P, so,T-Rump does what he does best:  STEAL.

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
6.1.7  Krishna  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @6.1.3    2 months ago
To be both fair and accurate, he did keep at least ONE promise,

Well, you know the olde sayin':

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
6.1.8  Krishna  replied to  Krishna @6.1.7    2 months ago

Well, you know the olde sayin'

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day!

Even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut! jrSmiley_24_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
6.1.9  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @6.1    2 months ago
No, T-Rump has never kept his marital vows, or any promises that he has ever made. He is by genetics, I am told by one of my voices, that T-Rump has multiple personality, all of which are EVIL

But...but...but...

Video description (for Buzz only):

Newly unearthed video from 1992 shows future President Donald Trump partying with financier and now accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. It comes to light as Epstein’s lawyers offer a strange explanation for an item found by police in his Manhattan home. NBC’s Stephanie Gosk reports for TODAY.

#Trump #accusedsextrafficker #Epstein #partying #girls #reel #video #youtube

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1.10  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Krishna @6.1.7    2 months ago

And that's true even for cuckoo clocks. 

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
6.1.11  Buzz of the Orient  replied to  Krishna @6.1.9    2 months ago

I've seen a photo of them together, buddy-buddy.

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
7  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

If that is accepted, it provides President Biden with an excellent to terminate his rival and stay in power.

Wouldn't that be "LOVERLY"!

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
8  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

One must remember that T-Rump married to women from Communist countries, raised by Communist parents, educated in Communist Schools, and loyal to the Communist Regime, under the control of Russian Communist leaders, including T-Rump best friend, Vladimir Putin.

Trump has a lot of Russian funds pouring into his businesses, according to his son Eric, who explained in a public interview, that they were not worried that no American Bank, and European Banks, save one, refused to lean, the so-called Billionaire developer, because he was notorious for not paying the banks back, then filing bankruptcy. (Cute, huh?)

What a great businessman/boy cheat?

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
8.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @8    3 months ago

Correct!

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
8.1.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Krishna @8.1    3 months ago

And MORONS are attracted to "Dirty Diaper Donnies", like "flies to HORSE SHAT"!

My Research team, Me, Myself, and I, concluded a decade ago that Trump is a POS, and so are his admirers, followers, and voters.

Al Capone, and every murdering, robbing, sadist, have had hordes of demented worshipers.

It's in the "BUY BULL", somewhere! Probably in the section that talks about Jesus being a WHITE, BLUE-EYED, BLOND CAUCASIAN, non-Jew who could "walk on water", bring the dead back, turn water into wine, and preached for MONEY, just like Hill-Billy, Evangelical, Right-Wing, Congenital Moron PREACHER MEN of today.

Ain't Religion GREAT!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
8.1.2  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @8.1.1    2 months ago
Ain't Religion GREAT!

All religions are great...but some religions are greater than others!

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
8.2  Ronin2  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @8    3 months ago

Nice hypocrisy since all of the Brandon family millions have come from Russia, China, Ukraine, and Middle East.

Trump deals in real estate and building/running hotels, casinos, golf courses, etc. 

What does the Brandon family produce again to gain these millions from foreign countries?

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
8.2.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Ronin2 @8.2    3 months ago

RONIN:

There is no evidence, and never is, to any of these FOX TV FAKE NEWS, TRUTH SOCIAL, RUSH LIMBAUGH, NEWS MAX rantings designed to diminish government, by enabling BILLIONAIRES to runamuck. 

Our nation is under attack by STUPID! Losers, loafers, haters, wife beaters, ding-dong Dumb, simple-minded "BUY BULL" THUMPERS who support a convicted rapists, tax fraud, bank braud, career criminal, spoiled rich boy who has screwed everything he has ever done in his life, including his wives, UP.


 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
8.2.2  Krishna  replied to  Ronin2 @8.2    2 months ago

all of the Brandon family million

What does the Brandon family 

There you go again: BRANDON BRANDON BRANDON!

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif     jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif     jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

BRANDON BRANDON BRANDON!

Nyah nyah nyah nyah!

Brandon Brandon Brandon!

jrSmiley_30_smiley_image.gif     jrSmiley_30_smiley_image.gif    jrSmiley_30_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
9  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

Trump stated on the Howard Stern Radio/TV show that he was more attracted to his daughter, Ivanka, than to his wife, her mother, Ivana.

What kind of FATHER says that about his daughter on national media, while his daughter sits nexts to him and laughs?

Is this the quality of a PRESIDENT?

A VOTE for "Dirty Diaper Donnie" is a VOTE for INCEST, PERVERSION and profound mental dysfunction.

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
9.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @9    2 months ago
A VOTE for "Dirty Diaper Donnie" is a VOTE for INCEST, PERVERSION and profound mental dysfunction.

Yes-- and that's on his better days!

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
10  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

Trump talks like this and now is selling crappy Bibles, or, are they more appropriately, referred as, "BUY BULLS"!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
10.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @10    2 months ago
more appropriately, referred as, "BUY BULLS"!

Well, a lot of voters aren't buying his bulls!

jrSmiley_10_smiley_image.gif

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
11  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

It is time, Brothers & Sisters of the Corn Hole DeGeneration, to face the MUSIC..."TRUMP IS NUTS"!

Donnie is an entertaining Circus Clown for low functioning, backwoods, Confederate Flag Waving Inbreds, but, he is NOT presidential material!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
11.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @11    2 months ago
low functioning, backwoods, Confederate Flag Waving Inbreds,

And who, I might add, don't look good nekked anymore!

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Senior Expert
11.1.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Krishna @11.1    2 months ago

When I look in the mirror now
I see that time can be unkind
But I know every wrinkle
And I earned every line
So wear it like a royal crown
When you get old and grey
It's the cost of living
And everyone pays

 
 
 
JohnRussell
Professor Principal
12  JohnRussell    3 months ago

looks like a cemetery

GMViC4jWQAEQHC5?format=jpg&name=small

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
13  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It    3 months ago

Is that where they want to bury him. It seems fitting.

 
 
 
George
Junior Expert
14  George    3 months ago

256

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
14.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  George @14    3 months ago

GEORGE:

Love your performance on "SINFELD",  a show about "NOTHING". You mastered that role of "Nothing", like no other actor could.

However, I believe, now this is just me and the facts speaking, BIDEN is not the RAPIST, T-Rump, "Poopy-Pants" is the one whom 23 women came forward and accused "Dirty Diaper Donnie" with RAPE/SEXAUL ASSAULT.

As you may recall from the Access Hollywood Tape, Trump admitted that as a "celebrity" women allow him "to grab them by the P U S SY"!
(TRUMP'S WORDS, not mine.)

Trump is the WORST POSTUS and, the worst POS that ever walked the EARTH.

A VOTE for "Dirty Diaper Donnie" is a VOTE for "STUPIDITY RULE". 
Marjorie Traitor Green, is the poster child for Demented, Unqualified, Bottom Scrapers!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
14.1.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @14.1    2 months ago
Love your performance on "SINFELD",  a show about "NOTHING". You mastered that role of "Nothing", like no other actor could.

No soup for him?* 

(*Asking for a friend)

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
14.2  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  George @14    3 months ago

Falsehoods a Checkmate, DO NOT MAKE!

One can love a WRESTLER like HOGAN, but, it doesn't make him REAL. 

(Wrestlers are FAKE. They are like clowns, not real.)

It's in the BUY BULL, somewhere, look it up!

 
 
 
Krishna
Professor Expert
14.2.1  Krishna  replied to  Eat The Press Do Not Read It @14.2    2 months ago
Wrestlers are FAKE. They are like clowns, not real.

Truer words were never spoken. 

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
15  Hal A. Lujah    2 months ago

Can he actually rape anymore?  I’m pretty sure that the only pecker that works for Trump is the one that catches and kills stories that could keep him from getting elected.

 
 
 
Eat The Press Do Not Read It
Professor Guide
15.1  author  Eat The Press Do Not Read It  replied to  Hal A. Lujah @15    2 months ago

Well, that is why he can keep his pledge. But he can sell you a "BUYBULL"!

 
 

Who is online



23 visitors