Poilievre vows to stay on as party leader for reasons of being otherwise unemployable
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
CARLETON, ON – Despite losing his own riding by several thousand votes, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to stay on as party leader due to having absolutely no employment track record outside of politics .
“To all our supporters across Canada , after tonight’s historic result I think we can all agree on one thing: I need this!” yelled Poilievre to an enthusiastic crowd just after officially losing his own seat to Liberal Bruce Fanjoy.
“I have spent the last 4 years tirelessly campaigning to be the leader of this great country, and Canadians responding with a resounding ‘No thanks!'” Poilievre added, while attempting to set up his new LinkedIn profile. “But if there’s one thing that my fellow Conservatives are known for, it’s giving their party leaders space to relax whenever they show a hint of weakness.”
“That is why I am staying on as Conservative Party Leader,” Poilievre noted, “because there are only so many jobs available for irritable petite men who speak exclusively in rhyming slogans, and I don’t think I can currently get an 0-1 visa to go down and work at Fox News .”
As pundits across the country discussed the incredible comeback of Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Liberals, they mused about what kind of non-government employment Poilievre could possibly be suited to.
“He’s pretty consistently off-putting, so maybe like a mean accountant,” mused CBC At Issue panelist Chantal Hébert. “I mean, as long as your company never needed its numbers to actually add up.”
“Is there such a job as a guy who gets paid to go to parties and talk people’s ears off about cryptocurrency,” asked former Alberta Premier Jason Kenney .
In closing, Poilievre assured his supporters that no matter what happened, he would definitely be starting an insufferable podcast.
At press time US President Donald Trump was relieved that he never took the time to actually learn Pierre Poilievre’s name.
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No Pierre, it wasn't all Trump's fault. You are just abysmally unattractive and definitely not one of 'we'. No Elysian blanket for you.
Do try to look less like Mike Johnson if you intend some 2.0 nonsense.
That's right. The big gift was when Trudeau resigned.
how can pp be a conservative with a name like that, or any derivative for that matter? no wonder he's always pissed off ...
I'm very happy for Canada.
Kudos to the senior citizens who overwhelmingly chose "opposing Trump" as the reason for their vote as opposed to, you know, "making Canada a better place to live." Feel sorry for the youth who actually prioritized improving the place they'll live until they emigrate to greener pastures.
Canada is already a great place to live in. But hey, Conservatives did win the incel vote ... so there's that.
Doing great!
I don't read anything on X.
Nor do I. Sean's sarcastic and hateful comments most likely come from X and Truth Social.
OECD data isn’t that scary.
Tsk tsk.
Canadians dont seem any more unhappy to me than Americans.
Check out their suicide rate.
The suicide rate in the USA exceeds that in Canada, although not by much, which still negates your insinuation.
Not true. Well over 5% of Canadians died by suicide in 2023. The comparable number is less than 2% for Americans. Suicide is now the 5th leading cause of death in Canada.
I see quite a lot of variations depending on the years for both Canada and the USA so we can start comparing years to years and rates to rates about a specific small percentage of people who are unhappy enough with their lives that they want to kill themselves. I guess what amazes me as a Canadian is that I didn't realize how unhappy I was.
FIVE PERCENT??? I may not be a math genius, but,...
Do you calculate that 9.5 per 100,000 is 5%?
I believe that if you do a search for the USA you will find that the suicide rate in the USA is considerably higher. So who's happier (since that is your measure of happiness).
That would be 2,000,000 per year and we would all be deaf-by-backhoe.
I think they're happier
Or we could toss the dead bodies at him and quote Monty Python: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" I'm sure Hegseth's response would be: "Runaway ... Runaway!"
Let's see... Canada has 41 million people. 5% of that is 2,050,000 suicides. Seems like a lot to me.
I think 5% is a wrong number. Did he provide a link to back up his claims?
update: This is for the US. I thought I should clarify that
Sorry, I'll make this as simple as I can.
5% of Canadians who died in 2023. Is that explicit enough for you?
Good thing he didn't get his mind ruined by some commie liberal arts college.
Ever wonder why my posting name is Hallux? No? Tough shit, I'm going to tell you anyway ... Hallux is one's big toe and it serves as a reminder to not stub it by posting too quickly.
No, he's still in a but-but-but phase.
not surprised
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It's odd. All these posts about me and no one could actually rebut what I posted. As I said, I really have to keep things simple and stop overestimating the abiltiy of some to keep up. So I'm going to provide an easily accessible link that anyone can find if they used the time to google the subject. Here you go:
This was remarkably easy to find
In the United States, the suicide rate is approximately 14.5 per 100,000 people , with over 49,000 deaths by suicide in 2023 . In Canada, the rate is slightly lower, at around 12 per 100,000 people , with approximately 4,500 deaths annually .
with over 49,000 deaths by suicide in 2023
That's less than 2% of American deaths in 2023. I've already shown suicide caused over 5% of Canadian deaths in 2023. I really don't know how to make this any more plain.
100,000 people is a constant across the stats of both countries.
When they figure out gun homicide rates for our cities and states it is not based on the proportion of those populations who died from guns as a percentage of all deaths for any reason.
It is number of homicides per 100,000 population, just as are these suicide rates. According to this information Canada has a little bit less of a suicide rate.
Total deaths from other causes does not enter into it.
IMO Canada's universal health care system prevents a lot of deaths from causes other than suicide, more than the American health care system does, which of course put the ratio of suicide as cause of death higher than in America. Canadians are happier no matter how hard anyone tries to put Canada down.
Check out where Canada is and where the USA is on this list - suicides are not the answer. Canada 15 USA 23
World Happiness Report 2024-25: Happiest Countries List
LINK -> World Happiness Report 2024-25: Top Happiest Countries Revealed
ummmm....
there's an echo in here
yes