Here we go again. Another spectacularly dubious Trump golf triumph.
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
You people make me sick. Just because President Donald Trump is 80 years old with a pancake-flat golf swing and the chipping skills of Edward Scissorhands, you refuse to believe he could shoot a 70 and hog two trophies a couple of weeks ago at his Bedminster course in New Jersey.
He says he “won” both the senior (over 50) and super senior (over 60) titles by shooting 10 strokes below his age — which is like kicking a 120-yard field goal in snowshoes.
Shame on you. You’re thinking about this all cattywampus. I’ve been tracking Trump’s golf game for 26 years. It isn’t about his golf skills. It’s about his calculator-melting math skills.
Watch the master at work …
12
This is how many club championships Trump said he had back in 2000.
He and I were playing at Trump National outside New York City. Somewhere between his sixth and seventh mulligan, he declared, “You know I’ve won 12 club championships, right?”
I blinked at him. I was looking at a guy who couldn’t get out of a bunker if he had a ladder. I figured him for a 7 handicap, which was pretty good for a 56-year-old, but wins you a fistful of nothing in club championships. Besides, whenever he’d played on TV — like the Pebble Beach tournament and the Lake Tahoe celebrity thing — he never finished in the top half.
“No chance, Donald,” I countered.
Then he explained it: Every time he buys or builds a new golf course, he plays the first round by himself and declares that the club championship.
I thought, Well, that’s just … pure … genius.
18
This was the number he was trotting out by 2013. “I’ve won 18 Club Championships including this weekend,” he posted online, then trashing billionaire-and-no-Trump-fan Mark Cuban (“swings like a little girl with no power or talent”).
Eighteen? I looked into it and could find no evidence he’d won any of the six new titles. One time, he’d played a different course and called in the winning score. Another time, he walked in the clubhouse, saw the winner’s name on the wall, and apparently decided, “I always beat that guy,” and declared himself the champ.
Hey, he owns the courses. It’s not like he needs to write a letter to management.
Fast forward to 2024, and by my unofficial Trump Brag count, he had 26. That’s eight championships in 11 years. Which is Tiger Woods-like, except no objective witness would call me back to vouch that any of them were legit. Not the head pro, not the guys he played with, not any of his hardworking caddies, who drop balls for him the way the Easter Bunny drops eggs for toddlers.
He “won” one title — a two-day event — in Florida even though he spent the first day at a funeral in North Carolina. He “won” another that apparently was held while he was in Singapore with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. That’s a trick even Un’s father — Kim Jong Il — never dreamed up, and he once shot a 38 .
Here is where Trump set himself apart from any baloney blowhard braggart you’ve ever met. On Aug. 6, 2025, he suddenly posted on Truth Social about having “36 Club Championships!”
Creeping covfefe ! Trump had jumped up 10 championships in a single year! Maybe he’d built a putt-putt course in the White House basement and was holding secret tourneys? I’m telling you, this man could find a trophy in the 50 percent off box at Circle K.On Thanksgiving Day last year, in a video call to soldiers, Trump let slip , “I’ve won 38 club championships, and I don’t get to practice much.” Two remarkable things about this
1. Somehow, he’d won two more “championships” at his clubs despite the clubs’ not posting anything about them. Trump himself hadn’t even mentioned them (but you know how humble he is)
2. Extra points must be awarded for not only bragging about the 38 imaginary victories — all at courses he owns — but also moaning he could’ve won even more. My God, how many trophies can a man hoist? Don’t his arms get tired
Or 43 or whatever. Which brings us to the recent outing when the World’s Most Self-Decorated Golfer turned in another spectacular performance: the 2-under 70 at Bedminster, which I couldn’t get anybody to vouch for, since it’s a score that would satisfy any scratch golfer of any age. “It’s called TALENT, and I have it,” he posted afterward, “and they don’t!
Well, actually, what Trump has is caddies waiting out ahead on the course, fluffing up his lies, throwing his balls out of bunkers and picking up eight-foot putts they’ve decided he doesn’t need to make. I talked to an ex-caddy of his, who said, “Everybody knows the deal. He has to win the tournament and shoot the lowest score. It’s your job to make sure.
So now I have the Championship Cheat Chart at 40 wins, though an onlooker at Bedminster taking a video of the awards said that by his count, Trump is up to 43
The guy might be right. Heck, by Christmas, it could be 50. By April, he might have won the Masters. After all, at 80 years old, Trump is playing not only the best golf of his life, but the best amateur golf in the history of the sport
Metamucil for everybody!
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Hey dont call this man a delusional, despicable , buffoon. Someone is doing "woke" somewhere and thats all that matters.
I think that even Bagger Vance would not be able to establish him as a champion. Maybe his VP should adopt Bagger's full name.
Has he ever won any golf championship NOT at a Trump golf course?
like he's going to give any trophies away, even if they're gold plated ...
I won a silver plated golf ball in a golf tournament once for longest putt. 84 feet. my secret? 4 pre-rolled joints in the golfcart ...
I will tell Mr G that secret. We're going to Colorado in September and he will play golf with his brother who also partakes
I once missed a hole-in-one by two inches... Same technique....but added a couple shots of Cuervo gold... How I even hit the damn ball is beyond me. Best part was that the club pro was standing 6 feet from me..
cuervo gold is a major reason why I don't drink anymore. zero filters and empathy dump. when I stick to weed, nobody is in danger of being killed. I've only played golf sober twice in my life, and I lettered in it as a team alternate in high school. being relaxed while you play is the key to optimum performance. it's a mental game, so impossible lies invite impossible shots, fuck it.
I swear I could play every round with just a driver, 7W, 7 iron, SW, LW, and a putter, and probably still not take one of those clubs out of the bag during the round. playing strange new courses is very inspiring, and playing with strangers that want to bet money or play mental games triggers me and sets my putter on fire, especially in AZ or FL. I always got a big kick when the starter put me with somebody that had earlier insisted on playing for money, then accused me of being a hustler after it was way too late for them to back out.
much to my golfing friends chagrin, I don't have a PGA card, and I can count the number of times I kept my score on one hand. that's not what I'm there for. my focus is to get outdoors with friends and get fucked up, all while chasing a little white ball over 4 miles of lush landscaping, driving the shit out of a golf cart, and hoping that the cart girl is dressed for maximum tips.
Rick Reilly, a golf writer, judged Trump (25 years ago) to be someone who shoots about 80. For a non competitive amateur that is actually pretty decent. It is virtually impossible that someone could shoot 70 at the age of 80 when they basically couldnt do it when they were 55.
Why does America tolerate this man? Doesnt anyone besides "the left" care?
Nope.
Cheat to win and win to cheat. And if that doesn't work, blatantly lie with a smile on your face.
Trump has subpar intelligence.
So, again, I wonder what kind of a mind supports this lunatic as PotUS.
a defective unamerican mind ...
Satan is not sending us his best.